AUTHOR'S NOTE
Hi everyone, or more specifically, people who read this story!
I don't usually do Author's notes. Actually I never have, but I need your help, or your piece of advice, or call it whatever you like. Anyway, I really need YOU...
And to explain what it is about, I'm gonna have to reveal a (small) part of what I've planned ahead for this story, so if you DON'T WANT to know, you should stop reading right now…
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For those of you who stayed… Here's the thing:
I am facing a big problem. Not that it's a catastrophe in itself, but in my book, it qualifies as something really bothering.
As you all know, Cuddy's been sick in this story. She had a lump in her breast and it caused her to reevaluate her relationship with House and leave for a while until he chased her down and got her back. Together they saw a doctor and everything looked fine…
The reality is actually different… The truth is, when the idea first occurred to me to start writing this story, I had a sort of epiphany and, strangely the storyline came to my mind in reverse since the first thing I wrote down was the last chapter, or most precisely the last scene… if you do the math, since I started posting this story in the old Fox forum in Feb 2009 it's been 2 years now… yes, I've have planned everything until the very end of this story, (and its sequel even) a very long time ago.
The problem is, in the beginning, I had more time to write and my updates were more regular, but then life, constraints, and other writing cravings held me hostage elsewhere and prevented me from focusing exclusively on this story. However, I still have some sort of outbursts and I generally let them "gush" out, writing them down whenever they occur, even though they're not connected directly with what I am writing at the moment.
That's why, in December 2009, I had written a long part of the synopsis which the storyline deals with NOW; which means I had written the current "Board meeting arc" with Cuddy and House having a big fight over the case of a patient; and every medical aspect was planned, the Board meeting was planned, its dialogue, Cuddy offering her virtual resignation to support House as a doctor and he, screwing it up by doing it 'House way'...
Why am I telling you this?
Well, actually, because this arc was not really supposed to be centered around that… I mean it was not the purpose of it… All of that was just a pretext, to carry my story further, and further was the moment when House and Cuddy would reconcile (d'oh, did you really doubt they wouldn't find a way to get past their anger?)
And…. Even more precisely, (here I'm talking about the chapter that's supposed to be coming NEXT) my goal was to build the tension and push House to realize what a moron he was then, feel like crap and Cuddy symmetrically realize the same thing and then she would go see him, and they would make up passionately and…
BAM! In the heat of action, House would realize that in fact, Cuddy who everyone thought was safe and out of danger was NOT, because the 'thing' in her breast was still there…
So, my intention with this arc was to serve the point of writing a sick Cuddy arc… I'm not gonna tell you how far I had planned to make this go, but trust me it was… a big part of the story…. Hell, the WHOLE point of this story anyway is about Cuddy being sick. Cuddy's lump IS my initial synopsis. Without her being sick, Chapters 39-40 would not exist, nor would chapter 53… there would have been no Boston getaway, no House living in misery at his place, popping Vicodin like candies, no supportive Wilson, no nothing! :-P
And most of all, there would have been none of what is about to come, which I won't reveal, but was planned to explore sick Cuddy further… I had all of that written down, in raw outlines, but it was there.
So now what?
Well, nothing major…. Just that, I realize my timing is the worst ever… and I hate myself, for being so irregular in my updates, so slow in my writing, so unavailable to make this happen… The truth is, this story should have been over months ago. And then, I would have dealt with what I had in mind, peacefully and it would have been simple - certainly not unforgettable - but at least, I'd have had it my way… I don't know how many of you – who didn't see next week's 7x15 episode 'Bombshells' promo or heard about it – are still unaware of that but, as a matter of fact,…
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(SPOILER alert)
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...Cuddy is going to be sick. I know nothing about the rest, I mean: what ailment it is exactly, how it's gonna impact House and Cuddy and it doesn't matter actually, but the simple fact that I now know that Cuddy's going to be sick killed my mojo. That's why, even though I have it all there, I don't write, and I don't update...
And that, is the reason of this author's note.
I know. I am being very stupid and probably very irrational too because what I'm saying doesn't even make sense, but the thing is, I can't… I just can't keep going where I'd planned on going when I have the feeling that it's gonna be, even remotely, similar to what the show is exploring at the same time…
Don't get me wrong, I am SO not having the nerve to pretend that what I have in mind is going to compete with the show's amazing storylines. It is NOT! That's really not about that. It's just, and people who know me know that I'm like that: I can't deal with the feeling of going in the same direction as in the show a posteriori, even more so when it's only a question of timing. Finding out afterward that the show used a similar idea than one you used, even from afar, or just for little details... is a real great sensation, but not the other way around... The other way around SUCKS.
The art of fanfiction is tricky. You borrow a pattern, you borrow characters, their personalities, a way of talking, a language… So in the end, there's not a lot you can claim as 'yours.' Of course, writing House, and Cuddy and Wilson and the team and medical cases (or my humble attempts at doing it anyway) is great fun. I LOVE that. Really I do. But what I love, what I also allow myself to be proud of - or want to at least, as much as I can - is that, while I'm borrowing a whole structure, with a solid basis already thought out, I need the direction in which the storyline goes to be mine… I need to have the feeling that what happens to the characters I didn't create in the first place is still at least my choice. This is fanFICTION, and I want it to remain my fiction.
I'm probably an idiot; well that's what people I'm saying this to tell me anyway, but what can I do? My idiocy makes me deal very, very badly with the idea that, while reading me, people could think: Ok, nice, but what about it now? She just copied the entire concept, even to the point of following the same storylines as in the show...
I try to fight it, because I know it's me being an idiot. I said fanfiction is tricky and it is, because the line between an author creation and writing inceptions coming from the original sources is very thin… and I know I'm not supposed to write something that is entirely mine. I have my personal fictions for that… so I can reason, and persuade myself it's no big deal… but I'm not always succeeding, obviously…
Which is why I NEED YOU… to tell me what to do…
But please, believe me when I say I am NOT doing this to receive compliments! Seriously DON'T do that! I just really ONLY need your honest opinion:
My story, from now on, was supposed to deal with a sick Cuddy. With consequences. But you, me, us, we are now going to have that. Next week. In the show. Maybe it'll last more than one episode, I really don't know. So, I'm asking myself: why would anyone want to read about the same concept again?
Where's the point in that?
And my concern is not about risking to tell the same story twice because I'm sure the show will do so much better than I will and to be honest, if I were starting to go there, I would just quit writing plain and simple! I'm not a masochist! So it's really more about realizing I've chosen a similar context, a long time ago, even if the outcome is different...
So… here's the deal I'm putting on the table:
do you think I should continue writing this story? Or would you prefer me to tell you what I had planned until the end of the story – like a sort of general summary of my overall synopsis - and then we would all move on and this story would be over?
Please, I really need you to tell me. I'm stuck. And I don't know what to do. All my chapters, until the end are there, planned, partially written even for some of them, but I don't know what to do with them…
I'm waiting for your opinions, your sincere opinions. then I will go with the majority. So please, tell me…
And whatever you decide, I also want to use this opportunity to say THANK YOU to all of you who have been reading this story from the very beginning, or those of you who joined in the process and caught up and even sometimes in a few days, eagerly reading. People who left me comments at the Fox Forum, in my Live Journal, sent me Private Messages because they were too shy to comment openly here, or Emails, DMs, Tweets, and all the reviews here… the wonderful reviews... you have NO IDEA how happy you have made me with your support, your comments, your enthusiasm, your friendly nagging (yeah you…), your kindness, and the wisdom of your advice….
So please, voice your wishes once more and I'll follow your lead.
THANK YOU IN ADVANCE ~ maya