Chapter 6 -1949
A/N Journey's end and Susan's final letter. Does Peter receive or read this before the train crash? In my head he does not, but you might feel otherwise. Thanks for the reviews and feedback, which are always welcome, especially when writing for a different arm of Fan Fiction. But most of all thank you to everyone who has taken the time and trouble to click through.
Notting Hill 19 April 1949
Dear Peter
I'm sorry. There I have said it. The very last thing I want to do is lose you, or Ed and Lu from my life. Please can we meet up when you are next on leave in London, so I can try and explain better. Pretty please with sugar on it, as we used to say. That you did not come and see me over Easter really hurts. Would it have been that hard for you to jump on a tube and spend half an hour with one of only three people in this entire world who really understands what happened to us in 1940? Can't you see that if I had travelled to Finchley and sat with you in church, as we all used to, everybody would have just stared at me? Cripes, I started by apologising and now I have drifted from it, come on Su, pull yourself together and get yourself back on track.
All of you have obviously not forgiven me yet for saying how we played funny games of Narnia as children, especially Eustace (did he ever play a game in his life I wonder?) Well, it came out all wrong and I was too stupid and proud to back down. But I am apologising now, and will even say sorry to Jill Pole, to her face, if she will ever give me the time of day. So let me try again for you Peter, and if I write it down for you then you can read and re-read, until it makes some kind of sense. Then you can tell me I am wrong, with that laugh in your voice I miss so much.
Think about it logically Brother, pretend you are Edmond! We travelled through a wardrobe into another world and spent years there. How many I am not even sure now, a dozen, maybe more? Then we tumbled back out and were kids again. So what I am trying to say is that while we were Kings and Queens of Narnia, we never really stopped being children. We did not 'grow up' in Narnia, well not properly anyway, we acted out those years there, without the help of anyone from Earth, so we did it as children, playing a game. Well that is how I see it. In a way Narnia was just a longer version of those games of Pirates and Cowboys and Indians we played around the house and garden. By the way I still have not forgotten that you never let me be on the Cowboy side Peter! And then when Aslan told us we could not go back, everything seemed pointless and stupid. Narnia has become more and more odd to me since we were pushed out, and it hurts too much to want to think about something that we cannot touch any more. If you all still want to be Friends of Narnia, fine, but it won't do any of you any good and I wish you could live with your memories. Maybe it's because you are still chummy with Eustice and he seems to think he will go back. I've often wondered about that. Eustace and Jill are almost out of school now, I think it's very possible that Aslan told them they could not return after the adventure with Rilian and he's too pig headed to tell us. I mean he was never made a King of Narnia, not even a Prince, what right has he got to return, when we cannot?
I've been living in Notting Hill a while now and it does feel like home. The place is changing, slowly, new people are arriving, bringing fun, vibrant colour, new food, and new music. There is sometimes a lively spirit in the air, despite the poverty. Lucy would really like it here, but our people would I am sure not approve. Still, I've got a better job now, working as a Nanny. Not one of those posh ones we used to see in Regents Park in their smart uniforms, pushing huge perambulators, but really just keeping an eye on the kids from the nearby bigger houses, making sure they don't get into mischief, well not too much. Ed always called me far too grown up, maybe he is right.
Believe it or not Peter, I even went to one of the new Churches here a couple of times! They spring up you know, not in buildings with towers or spires, but just wherever they can be, often next to bomb sites. I was walking back to my bedsit one evening when I heard music coming out of a window, I looked in and so many people were dancing, swaying and clapping. In some strange way it was the closest thing to Narnia I had ever experienced on Earth. The music and the rhythms got me and the way they combined in my head with the smells of food from the nearby cafes was wonderful. So I went in, just to see what was going on. A few heads turned to smile at me, though I think they were mainly surprised someone like me, high heels, stockings and all, had actually ventured into their building, their world, and was kind of joining in. But it took me back to the time when we four were with Caspian; long, long ago now, whatever way you want to cut it. Then I found myself passing by again, the same time the next week and went back inside. Except this time a lady came over to me and started asking question, and I fled.
Please write soon Peter, I cannot bear it if you do not
Susan