Drinking
DISCLAIMER: I do not own Victorious nor do I have any affiliation with it or any other fan fics!
The next week was absolute torture. Tori had been let out of the hospital but since she could not use one of her arms nor could she stand on a broken leg, she had to be pushed to class on a wheelchair. Tori claimed that she forgave me; however, she had let each of us push her in the wheelchair except for me. I even offered and she would say that she would rather have Andre or Cat push her. Every time I saw Tori, I felt the twang of guilt over what I had done to her when she was only trying to help me. And then there was Jade, who was still unsure about whether or not she was a pregnancy scandal. She had told me that the tests she purchased were faulty, varying between positive and negative results. She was arranging to see a doctor to get an official test. I was so stressed about the possibility of Jade being pregnant, even though there was no way I could be the father. Jade and I had talked about what had happened in the hospital and we had both apologized: Jade for suddenly pushing the news on me and myself for my poor reaction. Even though we had made up, I still felt guilty for how I had treated her. Here was a girl I claimed to be my best friend. Here was a girl that I claimed to be in love with. And yet when she really needed my support, I bailed. What a great friend am I.
I was alone in my RV that night. I was in a really sour mood and didn't really want anything to do with anyone. I just felt really bad about myself. I needed a way to get my mind off of my troubles. Something to take the edge off. I wasn't thinking clearly because my emotions clouded my judgment. I just wanted to make myself feel better again. So I got out of my RV and let myself into my parents' house. I went down to the basement where I knew that my dad kept a large stash of beer. I took a couple of six-packs with me. Dad bought so much beer that he wouldn't miss a couple of six-packs. I lugged them all the way up into the house and then back into my RV. I sat down on the floor with a can and opened it. I took a swigful and swallowed. Then another, then another after that until the can was empty.
I wondered what Jade was thinking or doing at the moment as I reached for a second can of beer. Did she know about her pregnancy yet? Who was I kidding? Of course she was pregnant. Unless Andre was infertile or something, odds are that they would have pregnancy if they didn't use protection. Even though I had known this for a while, the thought still made me nauseous. It also appeared that I was the only one that Jade told so far. I didn't know whether to be honored or to consider it a slap in the face from God. I took another drink as my thoughts also turned to Tori. It was painful to see her in the wheelchair after what I did to her. Everyone kept telling me it wasn't my fault...right? *hic*...But I still feel like it was. I had lost *hic* control of myself and now all I can do is *hic* feel bad about it.
I was on my fourth can now. Ugh...I missed Jade...*hic* I missed being able to spend time with her and being able to talk to her about anything. I missed the times when I could be around her without *hic* having to worry so much. But now everything was so *hic* complicated. My feelings kept getting in the way *hic*, hey that's why I'm drinking right now, right? *hic* It actually felt kind of good. But I knew I wouldn't feel better when this was all said and done. The problem would still be here the next day. *hic* I was getting sleepy. *hic* I wondered what Robbie and Rex do when they're alone. Maybe they talked about Jade too? Even though they weren't on the best of terms. *hic* Where did that come from? *hic* Ugh...
I don't even remember what I was thinking after that or even what number can I was on. It was at this point that I blacked out.
I've never had much alcohol so I don't have a full understanding of the effects or how much you have to drink for the effects to kick in. My apologies if I'm wrong.
I didn't do replies this time, sorry. I'm just tired...