Dear little crack-fic plot bunny has decided it was high time he rejoined the party. Except the usual madness...

"So, let's see who else thinks that Kensi thinks Deeks is hot?" Callen looked around expectantly.

"Me."

"At the risk of sounding immodest, me too."

"Any advance on that?" Callen asked facetiously, not really expecting any response and was taken aback when a resounding chorus of "Hell yes!" greeted this remark.

Kensi looked slightly stunned as the entire populace of The Mission spoke as one. "Since when did they get lines?" she wondered. "That's going to put the budget up considerably if the extras bill Shane for speaking roles. And he's not going to be happy." She glared at the extras, who were completely overcome by the excitement of it all, for mainly their roles consisted of the not particularly onerous tasks of sitting at a desk or walking while holding a bit of paper.

"That would be unanimous then," Deeks said, trying very hard not to smirk and failing completely. In Kensi's column he added 'thinks she's hot' and 'thinks Deeks is hot'.

"I do not!" Kensi protested as she watched him type, but nobody was listening. The extras had all been hustled off-set, just in case they got any more smart ideas into their heads about speaking again. "And that was a complete exaggeration. Not everyone thinks I think you're hot."

"Name one person who doesn't?" Sam challenged.

"Some people think I think Callen's hot."

Deeks looked astounded. "Really? Who? And why?"

"Why is that so hard to understand? I'm the star of the show, after all. It stands to reason."

Sam ignored this. He knew they had equal billing. And besides, he was taller and nothing callen could say would even change that. Even if he did have a normal shaped head. "Beats me. Wishful thinking, I guess. I mean, Kensi would never be able to wear high heels if she was with Callen. Unless he got lifts. Or stood on a stool."

"They'd look a bit like Princess Diana and Prince Charles."

"Exactly. And look what happened there."

Callen felt it was time to speak up on behalf of short men. Not that he was admitting he was short, of course. "Katie Holmes is taller that Tom Cruise."

"If they're 'TomKat', does that make you and Kensi 'CalKen'?" Deeks wondered. He added 'wishes Kensi thinks he is hot' to Callen's details.

"There is no me and Callen!" Kensi sometimes wondered if he even bothered to listen.

"That's because you've got the hots for Deeks." Sam thought this was one of the best lines he'd ever been given and was determined to keep using it as often as possible.

"There could be a you and me." Callen felt it was important to make that clear. There was just the vaguest chance Shane might be listening.

"No, there couldn't," Kensi informed him. "I don't know where you got that idea from, but there couldn't."

"I've read stories where we're together," he protested. "Fanfic stories."

"And I've read stories where bears talk and rabbits wear pale blue jackets. It's called 'fiction' for a reason, you know – because it's not real." She didn't bother to add that many, many more stories were written about herself and Deeks. "You and me involved romantically, Callen? No. It's not going to happen. " Kensi turned round and poked Sam in the chest. "And don't even bother saying it's because I've got the hots for Deeks, alright?"

Sam wondered why Kensi felt she had to keep on denying this. Apart from the fact that all the viewers were just waiting for the inevitable, she was wasting her breath, as it wasn't even as if the scriptwriters were around, far less Shane – or 'he who must obeyed', as lesser mortals were commanded to address him. Only those and such as those got to call Shane 'The Creator'. The team wasn't included in that illustrious brethren, but Hetty was. Even Shane was frightened of Hetty, and he'd created her in the first place. "Callen's more like a father figure to you, or an uncle – right?"

"A good uncle, or one of those creepy ones, who makes you sit on his knee? Okay – I probably said too much there, didn't I?" Deeks returned to his spread-sheet and tried to ignore the aghast looks his team were sending behind his back. "Just ignore me. Make like I'm not even here." He typed another couple of remarks in about Kensi.

"I try to. But you just keep out with more inanities." Kensi looked over his shoulder, read what he'd just input and smacked his biceps. Hard enough to make a sound. After all, those sound techs weren't exactly been given a whole lot to do in this scene. "And that is so not true. And neither is that. Delete them – now."

"Or what? You gonna hit me again?"

"No, because you clearly enjoyed that."

"So I like strong, domineering women. I like you, don't I? There's nothing wrong with that. I'm confident with my sexuality."

"Cocky bastard."

"Nicely summarised, Callen. I like that. I'll just make a note of that." It was about time someone came up with something memorable about himself, Deeks thought. There was a definitely paucity of distinguishing features in his own column. Was that good, or was that bad?

Sam moved over and looked at the PC screen and sniggered when he read the latest entries about Kensi: 'tight jeans' and 'sticky out ears'. "Right on both counts. Kensi - have you ever considered getting a pair of jeans that fit properly, instead of one size too small? You don't want to cut off your circulation. Not there."

"I think your jeans fit perfectly," Deeks volunteered, with complete sincerity.

"Translation: he ogles your butt. Actually, we all do."

Kensi made a vow to have a word with Wardrobe. A very stern word. She'd bet even money they didn't present Hetty with a miniscule pair of pants and a shoe horn. But there were more important battles to be fought. "My ears do not stick out."

"So why do you always make sure they're covered by your hair?" After that crack about him being more like a father or uncle, Callen felt it was time to get his own back.

"She does have nice hair though." Deeks added 'shiny hair' to Kensi's list of attributes, along with 'awesome rack'.