Not What I Meant

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Victorious nor do I have any affiliation with it or any other fan fics!

Andre and I ran down the hallway looking for Jade. We had no idea where she went; Jade was a surprisingly fast runner. We searched for several minutes but had no luck. After a while, we had to stop and catch our breath.

"What the hell did you mean when you said that? What were you thinking?" Andre asked me through gasps of air.

"I don't know...I wasn't thinking." I told him.

Truth was, I knew exactly what I was thinking but there was no way I could tell Andre. For one thing, he still didn't know that his girlfriend might be pregnant. For another, he was clueless to the fact that I was still in love with her. I couldn't tell him the truth; he'd beat the crud out of me. So I lied.

"I guess I said that because when I ran over Tori, I felt like I ran over all of you. You were all affected by the accident. I would've said regret if he had said any of you. At least that's my theory on my reflex."

"OK...I guess. Well, we need to talk to Jade."

"Wait..shh..I think I hear something."

Sure enough, once we got quiet, we could hear whimpering and quiet crying. After a bit of looking around, we determined its source.

"It's coming from the janitor's closet. She's probably hiding in there," I said.

"OK, let's talk to her then."

"Actually, I think I should talk to her alone. It's my problem and Ill handle it. Besides if you joined, it might be like we were ganging up on her. Just go back to class before Sikowitz slams you with a paper too."

"All right...I'll see you guys later then. Just don't hurt her anymore..."

Don't hurt her anymore...those words echoed through my mind and Andre walked off back to class. Man...it seemed like all I was doing was hurt people, whether they be myself or those I care about. The word 'regret' actually would've been good for anything Sikowitz had said because it seemed like everything I was doing led to some regret. All I could do was screw up. Now I was worried about talking to Jade. I genuinely cared about her and I didn't want to hurt her anymore. Instead of rushing in to aggressively defend myself, I stood outside of the door for a few minutes to calm myself down and tried to think this through rationally. At the very least, I listed out some of the things that would definitely make things worse such as "I regret that we were ever friends" or "I regret that I stood up for you that day and introduced you into our group" or "While we're alone in this closet, I'm going to rape you." Yep, definitely shouldn't say that last one.

After calming down, I finally opened the closet door. Jade was curled up in the corner, slightly hidden by some mops. She looked up with watery eyes, saw that it was me and then looked back down at the floor.

"What do you want?" she asked me.

"I want to say I'm sorry. That came out completely wrong."

"Well, it's clearly right since it was the first thing that came to your mind when you thought of me."

"I have a hangover 'cause I was drinking last night. I'm not thinking straight right now."

"Seriously? Why were you drinking?"

"I felt bad about the accident with Tori. I felt regret because I knew I had hurt all of you so badly..."

"We've been best friends for months. Do you honestly think I can't tell when you're lying?"

Dang...so much for my lie. I would have to try and approach this differently.

"Do you really regret me? Do you regret our friendship? Do you regret that out of all of us, you were the one I trusted most with the secret that I might be pregnant?"

"Jade, you know I don't really regret you. When I said that...it's not what you think. That's not what I meant."

"Then what did you mean?"

My voice caught in my throat. I couldn't tell Jade the truth about how I felt. She was with Andre now. That was what I regretted. But I couldn't say that. It would only get more confusing for Jade and myself. Not to mention that Andre would kill me. Instead of speaking, I was left silent.

"Uh...I..."

"That's what I thought."

"Jade, I swear, that wasn't what I meant!"

"Well, if you regret me so much, then maybe we shouldn't even be friends anymore, I'll see you around."

"Jade, please!"

Jade got up and pushed past me and walked down the hall back to class. I didn't even bother going after her. Not only had I hurt the girl I was in love with, but I had promptly destroyed our friendship. The friendship which had mattered most to me. I simply stood there and stared blankly down the hall as Jade turned the corner. My hangover was really getting to me so I fell down on my butt on the verge of tears. My heart was broken and the worst part about it was that I was the one who broke it.

Awww D=

Just Say'n -Well, I'm glad things worked out for you in the end. (?) Glad you're still enjoying.

Badelover (anonymous) -Wow, I've never seen someone root against pregnancy in a story. Then again, Andre would be the father, not Beck.

chocolatecheesecake23164 - You've done it too? It's funny how easy they make it to mess with them. I almost just wrote "It's fun to screw with the stoned/drunk" but then I realized that people would probably get the wrong idea.

WhiteChocolateAngel - O_O

GemmaLeigh - Not yet, if at all. Sorry Beck.

NothingPersonnel - Yay =D