CHAPTER 13

It's time to stand up for my rights

In the middle of my life

I fear is out of time

Cause I've been dreaming, kicking, screaming

Hopeless and alone

Am I breathing, no more sleeping

Weightless as a stone

My dearest Calliope,

I've always been a dreamer. I like to let my thoughts float away from time to time and just bury myself in them. I might not always speak loud of what I dreaming about though. But you know, I feel like if you're walking around and thinking hard about something you really, really want, and then it's so much scarier so say it out loud. Because once you said it out loud it becomes more real. To me it's like I'm holding my heart in my hand while I reveal my inner thoughts. And when I'm done talking it would feel like the person I've been talking to have a power over me that I don't like them to have. I know it sounds pretty screwed but just think about it for a minute. I'm not really the best person in the world when it comes to being vulnerable (I guess you know that by now) but it scares the hell out of me because I've always managed to get by own my own. I've always managed to make my dreams come true on my own. I'm not the person who needs somebody by my side every step of the way.

In my family we have never cried in public. My brother and me were raised to not show weakness. I'm guessing this is why I tend to chat a lot from time to time. Perky and chatty makes me a happy person in other people's eyes and that so much better than being a wuss who cries all the time. Now you're thinking: "But I've seen you cry," And yes, you have. But that's a very private part of me. VERY private. My tears have been something for the people I love and cherish the most. Do you remember my birthday last year and the whole Wallace-thing? I didn't cry once at the hospital or in front of Wallace's parents. But when I got home to you and that surprise party…then I cried. (I still believe I haven't told that I really appreciated that although I cried my eyes out when you all shouted: "SURPRISE! Straight at my face.)

And I bet you're thinking about my crying in front of authorities also, aren't you? What the hell is that all about? I'm not sure myself. I'm a strong woman for God's sake. But I don't consider them as real tears anyway and I'm working hard on that. I knew you didn't believe me when I told you but I really did NOT cry when I did my presentation to Chief Webber regarding that one million dollar-thing a couple of months ago.

Anyway, the conclusion of all this is that I have been more vulnerable with you during this last year than I've ever been with someone before. Not even with my family. And the more I think about it the more I cannot wait to share my dreams and inner thoughts out loud with you. But remember – that means that you have my heart in your hands and I'm giving you the power to do what ever you want with it….

All my Love,

A

"Hey! Why do you look like that?" Mark almost shouted in her ear making her jump in her seat.

Callie hurried to fold the letter and put it back in her lab coat pocket.

"What? You don't have to shout straight in my ear. I was busy and you are disturbing me."

"Busy reading something really nasty", Mark teased. "You have that look in you eyes like Robbins just have been talking dirty to you or something."

"Mark! Don't! It's not funny anymore."

"You're not funny anymore", Mark pouted. "I think you better get back with Robbins so you can go back being your old self again."

"I don't ever be my old self again", Callie said. "Don't you get it? Being my old self would ruin everything again. Especially with Arizona. We are trying to solve this and you're not helping by teasing either her or me. You haven't done that, have you? Teased her?"

"No, I haven't", Mark said. "I promise. I'll have to admit I'm a little scared of her at the moment. Considering what you and I did…have you told her about that?"

Callie nodded carefully.

"I did. When we were fighting out in the hall the first night she was back. And I only did that to make her hurt the way I did. We haven't really spoken since then. At least not face to face. I'm not ready for that. I think. I mean I might be ready now but…"

"Shut up! You're rambling. Just like her. God, you two are more alike than you realize. But I'm sorry for everything Callie. I really am."

Callie saw the truth in Mark's eyes. And the smile he fired off was warm and genuine.

"I know you are. Can we just make a deal here and now? That we do not have sex ever again, no matter what?"

"Well, that's a bit harsh, don't you think?"

Callie laughed and Mark squeezed her hand.

"It's a deal", he said. "But remember, you are my work wife. Robbins can't take away everything from me."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Did you have nice time at lunch?" Arizona asked softly.

"Oh yes", Callie murmured where they stood shoulder to shoulder while scrubbing in to the OR. "The best actually. I really enjoyed it."

The blonde laughed softly.

"I'm glad."

There were short conversations between them at the moment but at least they talked and could be civil to one another. Arizona felt a rush of happiness ran through her body when she felt Callie's shoulder touch hers. Callie stiffened and felt embarrassed about coming that close to the blonde again. It was silly though, since they just had been sharing inner thoughts with each other although it was with the assistance by a letter. But Callie knew they had a long way to go and she knew that there were some shouting and screaming needing to be done before they even could consider the possibility to become a couple again. But she also knew that the shouting and screaming-thing was in the nearest future because she longed to be alone with Arizona and talk to her again – for real. Callie could also feel that the blonde was starting to become inpatient although she knew that Arizona did her best by giving Callie the space she had asked for. Callie had discovered that Arizona was on-call tonight just like she was and though it made her a little uncomfortable it also made her a bit giddy, in a good way.

"So are you ready for some fixing and repairing?" she said sheepishly and smiled playfully at the blonde PED surgeon next to her.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Nathans surgery went as planned and two hours later they scrubbed out. Callie swallowed hard and gathered her courage.

"D-Do you want to grab a coffee or something after evening rounds tonight? I have some research to do now until tonight but if it's slow on the ER tonight I thought we could have a…talk."

"As in talk you mean no screaming, shouting, fighting or throwing things at me, right?"

Callie couldn't help but giggle.

"That's exactly what I mean. As in talking I mean. Don't get me wrong cause I know we have to do that someday soon. Screaming, shouting, fighting, throwing things at each other and probably hate each other a little bit also and say things we're going to regret when the morning comes but for tonight I just want to drink coffee with you and have a simple conversation."

Arizona nodded.

"I'd like that very much."

"Great. Then I'll see you later. I'm trusting you enough to talk with Nathan's mom and tell her that this went according to our plans."

"I'm grateful for the honor", Arizona said with a simple smile. "But yeah, you go and do important ortho stuffs and I will go do my tiny humans stuff and then I'll see you later."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

The rest of Arizona's afternoon worked like a charm and before she knew it the talk with Nathan's mom were over and done with, charts had been dictated and evening rounds were done. And it wasn't even that late. She even had the time for a quick talk with Teddy before the cardio surgeon had left the hospital to go home. They had decided to meet for breakfast the upcoming morning before morning rounds.

Arizona took the way through the ER and asked the residents on call if everything was under control for now and told them to page her if something came up. It seemed to be a slow night on the ER but she knew better than to not take anything like that out in advance. She then hurried up to the lab on the forth floor and smiled to herself when she found Callie who seemed to concentrate very hard at some liquid in a test tube.

"Are you busy?" she asked standing in the doorway leaning against the wall.

Callie looked up.

"No, I'm done. I've been doing this for hours with a quick break for rounds and I was just trying something here but now I'm ready to give this up for the rest of the night. Shall we?"

"Yes. How about we go to the cafeteria?"

"Sounds like a plan" the brunette replied. Let's get out of here before one of our stupid pagers go off or something!"

A few minutes later they sat at a table in the almost empty cafeteria, facing each other as some many times before.

"How come this feels so awkward?" Arizona teased. "I mean we have seen each other naked."

Callie's facial expression relaxed a bit at the blonde's attempt to make the atmosphere slightly lighter.

"You know my brain have never worked so hard to not pick a subject to talk about that's not going to ruining anything between us", the blonde continued. "I mean, at least not ruining anything more."

"Tell me about Africa."

Arizona frowned and looked surprisingly at Callie.

"Are you…I-I mean, are you sure?"

Callie just nodded.

"It was…great", Arizona said weakly. "Everything I thought it would be. The people was wonderful, the nature was beautiful and I've never felt so appreciated by people I've never met before."

"Tell me more about it."

Arizona's gaze met Callie's and she saw that there was no anger or irony coming from the brunette's eyes. The only thing Arizona could see was a genuine interest and curiosity shining out of Callie's beautiful, big, brown eyes. So she took a deep breath and started talking. For almost an hour they sat in the cafeteria and Callie did nothing but listen to Arizona. Arizona couldn't even remind her self about any time when they had done this ever before. One of them talking and the other one just listening. It had always been about two strong wills and jumping quickly in to the wrong conclusions, which often lead to a fight and then to make up sex.

They were interrupted when both of their pagers suddenly went off. The ER needed them. But neither of them did mind. They shared a unanimous look and smiled softly at each other before they got up from the table and rushed to the ER.