III
After that night, we became friends, Finnick and I.
When he came over to our house, it seemed like he came to see me, too. I remember the three of us sharing good times together: fishing with spears, building sand forts, swimming. Once, Shad and Finnick brought their friends to the beach and we played a volleyball tournament. We had bonfires and shrimp roasts, and some of the girls started to invite me into their circle, because if I was good enough for Finnick, I must be good for something. The wider world might be bleak, but the warmth of friendship kept the dark at bay. At least, for a little while longer.
When Shad turned 11, he began going to the town hall daily to begin training for the Games. Some started going even earlier than that, but Mother couldn't bear to send him. She didn't know that he, and Finnick, had both been going for two years already. It was the secret I kept for them. I don't think anyone ever thinks it's going to be them that gets Reaped. But responsibility had always come easily to my brother, and he wanted to be prepared.
Going to that first Reaping of my brother's was a terror I had been sheltered from. The waiting was the worst part. My mother could barely stand; I remember her arm about my shoulders and how heavy it was. Finnick had already been through his first Reaping the previous year, and somehow I don't recall feeling nearly as much fear. Perhaps because my fear wasn't doubled then. But the Reaping passed over both boys and life went on as usual.
I wasn't allowed to watch the Games yet. Not that I objected. I was beginning to realize I had a certain fragility of mind; one day, I found a baby seal beached on the shore. It was wounded in the side but still alive, barely. I tried to move it back to the water. I tried to patch the wound. I tried to feed it. I tried to pray. I tried to give it comfort as its life spilled out onto the sand.
Finnick, who was with me that day, indulged my whims. But, of course, he knew no matter what miracle I willed to happen, the baby wouldn't survive without its mother.
I think that was the first time my heart broke.
And the first time I realized how much I loved Finnick Odair.