Bottled Feelings : Changing Feelings?

After that incident I quickly obtained the CUT TM from the captain, won my next gym badge, receive a piece of Amber from the museum, "bought" a bicycle, evolved my Charmeleon, hiked through Rock Tunnel and arrived safely in Lavender Town. I think it's probably been around 2 weeks since I last saw Green…but I hope I won't have to see him for another few years. Well since I'm in Lavender Town I might as well go to the Pokemon Tower and pay my respects, this town known as the grave site for Pokemon after all. As I walked into the Tower I felt an eerie presence surround me…maybe it's just my imagination. I advanced onto the 2nf floor…oh shit. To my dismay I spot Green in the distance…luckily he has his back to me. Maybe I can sneak past him without him noticing. Carefully I began to creep behind him slowly…trying not to make any noise.

*BANG! THUD!*

I accidentally hit my leg onto a grave stone…or whatever that gray block is. Green jolts and quickly turns around to see me half crouching with my hands over my shin and my face cringing in agony. Great….that's just great.

"Hey, Leaf! What brings you here?" Green asks enthusiastically. "Is your Pokemon dead?"

"…..U-um." I start blushing…for some reason I have no idea why. I'm just…blushing.

"Hey! It's alive." He smiles obliviously. "I can at least make them faint! Let's go!"

'At least' he said…was he planning on killing it before? I sigh and then threw out my Charizard obediently. If it's a fight he wants then it's a fight he'll get.

[WHACK! KA-POW! BUMP! CRASH! BAM! CRACK! THWACK!] - Pokemon battle taking place.

[…...] - Pokemon battle over

"What? You stinker!" Green complains loudly. "I took it easy on you too!"

"….'Stinker'? Really, Green? Really?" I cringe at his childish insult.

"How's your Pokedex coming? I just caught a Cubone!" Green dismisses my derisive commented casually. "I can't find a bigger Marowak. Where could they be? Bet there aren't any left!"

"Um….Green." I mumble in a soft voice. What's with me? Why am I feeling so nervous all of a sudden?

"Well, I better get going. I've got a lot to accomplish, unlike you." Green smirks and then flicks his hair back. "Smell ya later!"

"Green! Wait…" I grab his arm before he could leave. I could feel my cheeks flushing. They feel so hot.

"….What?" He jerks his arm away slowly.

I need to do something otherwise nothing will get resolved. I have to tell him something…I can't just make witty, sarcastic comments all the time, especially not when Green's drifting away from me. It doesn't even look like he cares about that incident…

"Can you come with me for a little while?…There's something I want to say." I look down towards the ground and shuffle uncomfortably on the spot.

"S-sure." Green replies.

I walk out of the tower with Green trailing behind me. As I lead him to a quiet spot on Route 12 I start to think…what do I want to tell him exactly? That I love him? That we should be more than friends? That I've never seen his as a childhood friend? That I dislike the Green that's in front of me now? That I want things to return to how they were before? That I want us to go back to Pallet Town together? That maybe we should travel together instead? What do I want to say? I stop suddenly and turn around to face Green….God, this would be so much easier if I hated you.

"What did you want to tell me?" He asks while scratching his head nervously.

"..." I stood there in silence for a while.

"Hey, Leaf? Aren't you going to say anything?" He questions.

"Aren't you going to say anything to me?" I answer his question with another as I look up at him. "Don't you have anything you'd like to reveal to me?"

"What are you talking about?" He gives me a weird yet flustered look. "Where did this come from all of a sudden?"

"What do you feel towards me?" I ask directly. I need to confirm his feelings…I don't care how nervous or embarrass he gets, I need to ask him. "What am I to you?"

"W-what? You're acting weird." His voice starts to turn shaky. "A-actually you've been weird ever since we've started this journey."

"Me? Are you sure about that?" I ask nonchalantly. "What part of me has changed?"

"H-huh?" He looks at me confusingly.

"Haven't I always been like this? Very direct but never truly honest with my feelings?" I ask sadly. "You don't even know…"

"You're saying that I've changed? How?" He raises one eyebrow at my accusation.

"Since when have we not been together? Since when have you been away from my side? Since when did you reject my presence? Since when did you become so unlikable? Since when have you become so hungry for power? Haha since when did you begin to use such lame phrases like 'Smell ya later'? Since when, huh?" I answer strictly.

"….." Green couldn't answer me. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Hm? You still don't get it?" I ask coldly.

"You're jealous, aren't you? It's because you're always falling behind. It's because you can't become as serious as me about Pokemon." Green answered callously. "Can you really call yourself my rival? You can't even catch Pokemon or fill a Pokedex."

"Is that all you think about now?" I yell. "Pokemon this! Battle that! 'How's your Pokedex going'? 'Have you caught enough Pokemon'? Is that all you're made up of now?"

"Why you…don't you dare say anything about me dream." Green glares at me angrily.

"Dream? Since when did that become your dream? Since the day you got the Pokedex?" I could feel my eyes tearing up. Why was I crying? Isn't this my fault? I'm the one who started this…I should apologize, right?

"You little! This isn't just a game to me you know!" He shouts back at me.

"I can't take it anymore…." I start crying. "W-why…why can't you just…"

"Ugh! Don't you start crying! That isn't going to work on me." He turns his back towards me.

"You think I'm faking it?" I ask between sniffles but he doesn't reply.

Ahh…I was supposed to confess my feelings to him but instead I just got him angry. I didn't intend for it to turn out like this. I wonder what I should do now? Will saying 'Sorry, I was at fault" be any good now? I just don't know anymore. I just want him to look at me…maybe he's right. I am jealous…jealous that he cares about Pokemon and battling more than me. I've always been jealous…jealous that I wasn't his special person, jealous that he liked competing with me more than he likes being with me. I was jealous of him…jealous of his obliviousness. Why couldn't he be in my position? Trying so hard to hold back his emotions every day? Putting on the tough girl attitude so that he won't find me weak…teasing him so that he would notice me…being his rival so that he would remember me. To be honest…I'm just really insecure. If only he told me that he loved me…

"I'm sorry." I mumble as I wipe my tears away. "It's my fault. I went too far."

I know being like this will only trouble Green and seeing as he's trying so hard right now, I'll give my feelings a rest. Until he achieves his dreams of being the League Champion I won't do anything.

"Hmph. Well as long as you understand. I've got to go now. See you later." Green waves idly and walks off.