Chapter II: What Has Been Written
My eyes scan the book in which I held. Today was my twelveth birthday and my foster parents have already left. A frown tugs at the end of my lips, "Maybe next year," I mutter and turn the page. My step brother Nathan had already given me my present, which I'm actually rather confused about. It's a plain white mask with a black poker face on it. I guess it's the thought that counts, really.
I'm wearing it now, by the way. It's actually fits right, which makes me happy. Honestly, I'm not really happy often. Well, as often as I should be. I have a home and books to read, it's much better than a few years ago.
I should be grateful, shouldn't I? I don't deserve this. It's fault anyways. I should have saved her, maybe then I wouldn't have to deal with these punishments. I let out a soft sigh and lean against the wall, closing my eyes and drifting asleep. A very much needed sleep.
This peacefull sleep didn't last long. I heard a door open and slam, a few screams, silence.. foot steps.. He's home.
So long ago, I thought to myself and furrowed my brows, yet I remember everything. The blood, the pain, his laughter.. I look out my window and shut my eyes, trying to rid myself of the thoughts. I was rather glad I didn't show up at school today, it would have resulted in another break down. I can't stand when that happens. It's like when your favorite character dies in a really good book and it's like "What the hell?Really? What's the fuck's this bull shit?"
On the other hand, I missed seeing Felix. I could text him, but he probably hates me now. I wouldn't blame him, I hate me,too. I hate everything about me, my hair, my eyes, my face, my scars, my body, and most of all my voice. I hate it. It makes me want to rip my vocal chords out and blend them in a blinder. Fuck. He always said I had a pretty voice, that he would kill to have it; and I was sure he would. The thought of him brought me back to the memories, sobs shaking me to the core.
Grow up, Cry, Jesus.
Just grow up.
You're nothing.
You're worthless, a piece of garbage. Hey look, there goes the garbage truck. Run, Cry, tell them they forgot a piece of trash.
I frown and shovel myself into my pillows. Make it stop, I repeat to myself. I know that it wouldn't work. I was the one saying this bullshit. I need to stop. I need to stop everything.
Like stop breathing.
"Remember Semptember," I repeated over and over to myself. I still had no clue what it meant, but it calmed me. It distanced my scattered pieces from this world into a state of numbness. It was pleasureful. It was the only other feeling I felt other than sorrow.
The next morning , I was quiet, not even thinking. The walk to school was worst, it was just silence, not a thought at all. Well, until I saw Felix walking alone. I had to gather up all my strength to yell out.
"Felix?!" I called. He turned, smiled, and waved. He slowed down and waited for me to catch up, in which I did. " Hey, look I-"
"Don't worry about it ,Cry," He smiled and waved a hand nochalantly. He paused for a moment ,"So where were you yesterday,bro?" The Swede questioned me. I shrugged and contined to walk, looking about the ground. Left foot. One. Right foot. And. Two. And. - *
"Cry, what are you doing?" Felix laughed. "Counting?" I muttered.
"Maybe you should be in the band, nerd," He joked and pushed me slightly. I smiled and pushed him back, begining our playful walk to school together on September 21st.
..
* I do this when I get nervous, like I'm not kidding. [I march in time to calm down. What a band nerd.] So I thought it would be cool to have Cry do it. I should probably not, though.
Anyways, short chapter. I'm probably going to write the next one a bit longer tomorrow after my sectional practice. Yay ._.
Well, hope you liked this, it's probably worst than the first, but hey, I tried.