Reviewers: Shaker10, XxMyHedleyRomancexX, UnbreakablePoison, lpwriter4life
-Shaker10 got the song U2 ft. Green Day- The saints are coming
Alien
Chapter 6: Sleepwalker say what?
My dad let out a shaky breath, and I didn't wait to see the others expressions, I hid my face in my hands. Somehow I felt ashamed, of what exactly? I myself didn't know. Maybe of being happy? Shouldn't laughing feel amazing? Why do I feel such a sense of guilt? Was it because my mom or brother weren't here to smile and laugh along with me. I couldn't laugh. Guilt. Bottled. Up. My. Fault. They. Are. Dead.
"Honey breathe!" My dads voice was in a panic at my ears, his hands were gently patting my shoulders. I was crying, and I think I was having a panic attack! It usually happens when I thought of my past, which is why you all aren't hearing much about it. Time, I need more time before I can open up.
My head was hurting, it felt like it was going to burst with all the strain on my temples. My breath was ragged and my tears were falling in a heavy stream down my cheeks. I couldn't process anything. Where was I? I was Abby right? My last name… I couldn't recall, but should it matter? Spinning, things were getting out of control, I saw different shades of hues. Why am I so dizzy?
My dads frantic voice pulled me out of my episode. What just happened? Simone had both her hands up to her mouth, she looked like she was holding back tears. Tom looked utterly shocked, like he didn't know how to handle me. From now on I knew I'd be look at as breakable through his eyes. I couldn't find Bill! Should I be freaking out this much? I needed to know where he… No! Abby stop thinking like that.
Dad placed a steady firm hand on my shoulder. "Are you okay?" He asked me sweetly, concerned filled eyes. And that's all it took to make me crumble, I latched my arms around his neck and cried. It hurt so much. My breath caught in my throat as I saw Bill propped against the doorjamb, arms crossed. He was observing me with a caring expression on his worried looking face. He cared, and that made my heart swell. I was surrounded by people who cared.
I sat back abruptly and wiped my tears away with the backs of my hands. It was okay to cry, I knew that. I just didn't want people to know the reason behind my crying, even though I had a huge hunch that my dad was up to something. "It's okay to laugh Abby."
I shook my head furiously. It. Was. Not. Ok.
He grabbed my chin and roughly made me look into his pale brown eyes, he brought my ear to his mouth. "You've been through hell," He said in a whisper. The Kaulitz family wouldn't be able to hear, only if they were deeply listening, and I hoped they were giving us privacy. "And I as well as you know I miss Becca and Andy as much as you do ok? And you should count yourself lucky to be here." I nodded. I knew he was right. "So don't give up, laugh, smile, don't feel guilty about it. They want you to be happy." He gave me a small smile after he was done with his mini pep talk.
I sighed deeply turned and slouched down in my chair, I was scared to meet anyone's eyes. I folded my hands neatly in my lap and crossed my feet at the ankle. Oh how I missed Andy. He was my best friend and he was also my twin. Andy was 10 minutes older than me and he loved to take pride in it. He was my over protective brother, I just wish I could have protected him from that vile man in the end. Andy was great, even though we were complete opposites from each other.
I had the blondest hair and Andy was stuck with jet black hair, something I always wished I had. He'd protest every time I'd ask to color it, saying that it would ruin my natural color, and I was lucky to have it. Andy was a surfer boy at heart, even though we lived no where near the ocean whatsoever. He kept his hair long and shaggy, always wearing cargo shorts, unbuttoned plaid flannel with normal tee's underneath. He is my hero still to this day.
My mom on the other hand was a chubby redhead. Sometimes I wondered where our genes came from, with dad having brown hair and all. She hated being called mom, so me and my twin resulted to calling her Becca. She loved taking us shopping, and being an overall teenager. Either way our family is past broken, but they will live on in my heart. No need digging up the past.
I was pulled out of my thoughts with Bill's arms wrapping themselves around my stomach from behind. I knew it was him because I could just sense it, having Bill touch me felt right. Do I sound dumb to you? I felt him sit down next to me, with his arms still around me, he kept his head on my shoulder. I sighed into his embrace and laid my head on his.
My dad and Simone looked happy at the thought that I had a friend comforting me, they looked amazingly happy. Tom just gave me a faint smile and wouldn't make eye contact with me. Ah, so I made him uneasy, he seemed like he'd be the type to freak out if something like that happened. But I knew he was still my friend, he just needed to collect his bearings.
"Oh Abby." Bill sighed into my shoulder. "Please open up to me, I'm here to help you no matter what lovely." His brown lined orbs felt like they pierced my soul.
Not now, and I know you're here for me. Thank you. I mouthed.
My dad's eyes lit up. "At least your making some progress honey, remember when you used to refuse to mouth things, you'd only write with your board?" He sniffled. "One step at a time I guess." Hope dripped off his voice. And I felt comfortable here, and they were talking about me like this.
"Do you still want to eat, or do you want to go rest for a while?" Bill asked with concern in his gentle voice.
My tummy growled, as if saying go to bed now and I'll make sure you're sick in the morning from not eating. I placed a hand on my stomach and blushed.
Bill laughed. "Great timing huh?"
I nodded happily.
"Smiling lights up your face, do it more why don't you?" Bill whispered in my ear, and I couldn't help but to blush twelve billion different shades of red.
Simone snorted at us. "No flirting at the table you guys!"
This made Tom laugh, so any awkwardness that he held onto simply melted away in the atmosphere. Good, I hated things being awkward, and I didn't want it to be between us. I may sound dumb, but these people have hugely impacted my life, even though I've only been here a very short time. They amazed me.
Bill blushed and scooted away from my form quickly. I missed his warmth already, but I know what its like to be embarrassed by family. Don't even get my started on Jaimie. My first love, my first everything really. He never ditched me in the end, we kind of just drifted apart. If your asking, I have no feelings for him now whatsoever. I lost feeling for everything around me since the incident, until now. Bill makes me feel happy, and if I go out on a limb, I'm sure he feels the same way about me.
He's always seeming to flirt with me, always touching some part of my body. Like now for instance, Bill's leg was brushing mine. While he was chatting excitedly with his mom about changing up hairstyles, and that he was sick of his current do. I personally loved his hair long, a bit past his shoulders and sometimes he'd spike it out. But it was his hair, and I wasn't going to stop him.
"How about it dear?" Simone pointed towards me. I clearly wasn't listening, so I gave her a repeat that please? look. She smiled sympathetically. "I was just saying that I wonder who could sit up straight the longest, you or Tom. How about a contest?" What was she a teenager herself?
I turned to Bill. A bit of truth came out. Tell her I really cant. It might damage my spine too much.
"Why would sitting up straight do that?" Bill asked confused.
I was in a car accident, and it really messed up my spine. Causing me not to be able to sit or stand straight for too long. I silently sighed while Bill relayed what I said to Simone. She played it off, and apologized nicely.
"When's the food going to be done? I'm starving over here!" Tom asked exasperated.
"Max is putting everything out on plates my dear." Simone chided Tom. Well he was only expressing what me and Bill both felt. That's what we get for procrastinating I guess.
I leaned back in my chair, putting my legs straight out and leaning my head on Bill's shoulder. I noticed the smile Simone gave us, she tried to keep it discreet, but failed. And she smiled even wider as her son leaned into my touch. I couldn't help it that I wanted to be close to him. As I said before, and as I'm sure I'll repeat again, I felt drawn to him.
Dad laid the food down on the table. I sniffed the air wildly, what Simone cooked didn't smell bad, it actually had my mouth watering. It looked like mashed potatoes and salad for my and the twins, and was that cheesy macaroni? I think it was. Macaroni was my favorite food! My dad must have told her, because she smiled as I took a very generous helping onto my plate.
We all ate in comfortable silence, with the occasional scraping of our forks hitting our plates. And Tom was making moaning noises. He must have been starving because the food wasn't moan worthy. Simone was the first to strike up a conversation and Bill plopped a note book in my lap with a sharpie. Just in case. He mouthed to me. Well that was very sweet of him.
"So how did you like your first day of school? Did people treat you ok?" She asked me giggly. I put down my fork and began writing.
It was pretty fun, I have Bill in all my classes so I don't have to feel alone. Arts and Humanities was awful.
"Bill complains about that class too, Falcin gives out too much work, too strict, I've heard it all." She smiled. I loved how the smile lit up her features.
Dad looked at me then. "Are you adjusting fine honey? You know I worry about you." I nodded to let him know everything is alright. "Ok so about tonight, I wont be able to be home, and I don't want to leave you home alone just yet. Me and Simone have discussed it, and It's alright if you stay here for the night, is that alright with you?"
I nodded with a smile. That means more Bill and Tom time.
"Where is she going to stay? She can always share my bed?" Bill said a bit too happily. I wanted to slap him across his flawless face just then, and Tom seemed to have choked on a noodle or seven. "No I don't mean it like that, but, well, you see.." He stammered.
"Slow your roll lover boy." My dad said. "She'll be sleeping in a guest bedroom or on the couch, whichever she would like."
I really had to think about it, I hated being alone, but I didn't want to be out in the open. Couch. I mouthed. It would be a whole lot easier than sleeping in an unknown room. I was done with that. Never again will that happen to me…
"Nonsense!" Bill exclaimed. "You can sleep on the bed if you wish."
I don't want to though. I stuck my tongue out at him, playfully.
"Just be careful, Bill likes to sleepwalk randomly in the middle of the night." Tom laughed my way.
I quirked an eyebrow at Bill. Really?
He flushed. "No! I do not sleepwalk thank you Tom."
"Oh? What about the time when you tried to climb in the big industrial freezer downstairs? If I wasn't awake with Shilo you might not even be here. Frostbite!" Tom exclaimed quickly.
And this time when I laughed, I felt no guilt. Everyone had their eyes on me with approving stares. I loves being appreciated, but I hated being looked at. Ugly face and all. Lack of confidence. You know.
"And that's why there is a giant ass lock on the basement door sweetie." Simone said in a cute tone.
Bill huffed in his seat and I turned my head to give him a smile. I don't care if you sleepwalk. My brother used to.
He gave me a faint smile but didn't press the matter, he knew that obviously I didn't have a brother in the current present, so I've lost him somehow. "Have you ever slept walked Abby?" Bill asked me.
I shook my head.
My dad busted out laughing and my cheeks tinged pink. Oh god here comes a story.
"My ass you haven't sleep walked!" He got into killer story mode. I huffed alongside a now lively Bill, he was really going to get into this one. "One day or rather night, Abbs got up from sleeping and I'm thinking ok, this is a very weird hour for her to be up. But anyways, she was carrying her dirty clothes to the kitchen and throwing them in the trash!" He paused for effect. "That's when I realized she was asleep."
"Aw!" Bill gushed, pinching my cheeks. Making me blush. "How old was she?" He asked my dad.
"About 10 or so I believe." Another round of 'Awhs.' "Oh and then there was this one time where she walked right past me through the kitchen and started unhooking the lock chain on the back door! Who knew what was getting into her. Weird dreams this one had!" He thought for a few more beats. "And once she tried to climb in the fridge." Now that one I remembered. Sadly.
Tom was rolling in his seat laughing. "I think you may beat Bill! And he can get pretty bad sometimes."
"Oh look at the time!" My dad vaguely said. I rolled my eyes at him and crossed my arms. He gave me a kiss on my forehead. "I love you alright? Be safe."
I love you too, and good luck with your restaurant. I hope he understood me, because I was in one of those agitating moods. He gladly did understand me though. He left in a haste. He was definitely up to something, and he'd better tell me when he got back from whatever he was going. He was not going to start lying to me.
Simone was acting strangely quiet too, and then it all clicked. What if they were going to be sneaking around to be seeing each other? That would be so awkward for me and Bill. I mean, well awkward for me, since I liked him. Wait did I just think that? Man I've had a long day. And guess what it don't stop here, I have poetry homework to do.
XxX
Bill had comfortable tucked me in on the large couch, it felt so nice to be a little pampered. And don't even get me started on their giant bathroom, it was fifty billion times the size as mine. You know I'm tired when I start to exaggerate. But the thing was, I felt normal here. Like I belonged.
I washed all the makeup from my face, leaving my scar there for all to see. Hopefully no one would notice, but I couldn't really wish that, because Bill somehow knew all. He leaned on his knees above my form on the couch. He traced my scar from its base all the way to my hairline, and he then kissed my cheek gently.
He sighed contently. "You're such a mystery to me Abby."
Are you willing to figure out the pieces? I had hope in my chest when I said that statement.
"Of course." He smiled at me, and I couldn't help but to smile back. "Now get to that homework! I bet you write pretty poems, since you were in a band."
I might.
"Well I'm going to go to bed now, don't stay up too late." He pretended to chide me, tapping his index finger against the tip of my nose.
Okay dad, jeez. I laughed.
"Its nice to hear your laugh, its so melodic. I wish to one day hear your voice too." He said hopefully, but yawing into the crease of his elbow.
Oh go to sleep. I smiled up at him from my warm spot. And try not to sleepwalk. I teased.
"Oh you think its just so funny don't you?" He asked sarcastically.
Why I believe I do.
"Well I hope you don't sleepwalk either, because you do it too apparently." He said in a haha tone.
Not since I was little.
He sighed. "Well, I'm beat. Goodnight lovely." He gave my hair a ruffle and a light kiss on the cheek before he retreated off to his room. I made sure everyone was asleep before I started writing. Privacy issues I guess, I just hated nosey people beyond everything.
The TV was left on for me, it was on mute, and the table lamp was on too. I hated sleeping in new places in the dark. I cleared my thoughts, picked up my pen, opened the binder and wrote where my heart took me.
Silence is all one knows
Expressing herself through words
Since her voice is useless
It will do much more harm than good.
No need to elaborate, I know what happened
Can't open up
Can't trust
No one will understand me
I dress in twists of black
Shaggy clean fabric
To blend in, to disappear
For that I'm ok
It's less to explain
No one to talk to is;
Comforting.
Meeting new people stress me
The fuck out
They seem like they expect too much
From me.
Don't they see?
I'm a broken, crippled
Soul.
One day with a lot of help
I'll change,
Make Dad proud
Redeem my name
Do it for Mom and Andy
My beloved twin
I miss you so
I cannot dwell on the
Past.
For I am trying to make a new start
So maybe one day
I can advance forward in the
Future.
Only time will tell
Lessons to be learned
Man needs to be found
Put away.
Then I'll be happy.
Silence Destroys
Have I gone to far?
Have I hurt too many?
I don't want to lose them.
They are my new and improving
Life.
I sigh
Happily.
Keep moving forward
Abby.
:3Well what did you guys think? And yes I did write that poem : ) just now, off the top of my head. Hopefully it'll help you all grasp her character. She's got so many jumbled emotions in her.
LYRICS :D
-So hot, out the box, can we pick up the pace? Turn it up, heat it up, I need to be entertained. Push the limit, are you with it? Baby don't be afraid, Imma hurt you real good baby. :]
REWIEV :3