Chapter 18

"When I met Lisa's family, they were really great. Lisa told them you had died and that I had just lost the last member of my family. They didn't ask too many questions; they were careful with me. I was treated… so kindly." Dean smiled a little at the memory.

"Lisa had this great-aunt. She was 100 years old. They called her 'Miss Matty'. I have never known anyone who had such a peaceful way about them, but even so, she was feisty. She lived in an assisted care facility and I started to visit her once a week." He was remembering her fondly. He laughed a little and looked away, "She would make certain the nurses put out milk and cookies for me."

"I don't have any idea how she did it, but she got the full story out of me. I told her everything; Mom, Azazel, the demons, the apocalypse, how you died, everything. She's the one who really helped me through the loss of the baby. She helped me, so I could help Lisa."

Dean's eyes clouded up. "She got pneumonia a week before her 101st birthday and before we knew it, she was gone. But on the night she died, the entire family was in her room; even me. I remember she was giving the nurses fits because she didn't want an oxygen mask over her face. It would cloud her view of her family. So they put one of those oxygen cannula things on her. She was looking at me and then suddenly she shooed everyone out of the room. She said Lisa, Ben and I could stay. She, uh, gestured me forward and took my hand…

"You weren't blowing smoke up my ass, were you?" Her voice was faint and frail sounding, but her grip was still surprisingly strong.

Dean looked at her funny; shocked because an old lady was talking like that.

Mattie tightened her grip on Dean's hand, "You said you and Sammy went to Heaven, you weren't lying were you?"

"No ma'am, I wasn't lying."

"There's a God?"

Dean nodded, unwilling to tell her any more about that.

"Do you think I'm going there?"

Earnestly Dean answered, "Miss Mattie, no one deserves Heaven as much as you do."

She nodded, "Okay," and then turned to Lisa, "Will you get the family back?"

Lisa nodded and, with tears in her eyes, went to the door to get the rest back into the room.

Out of the memory, Dean continued, "Within the hour, she was gone." Dean wiped his eyes. "My point is, I would have missed knowing that lady if I had refused to meet Lisa's family."

Sam was looking at him. "Dean… I have never known how to be in situations like that. Our entire lives, we were in and out of towns so fast that friends and dinner parties were not things I was ever a part of.

"I never got to go to a kid's birthday party, I wasn't in town long enough to have to meet a girl's parents. The longest we stayed anywhere was the year of my soccer tournament. We didn't even stay around long enough to go to the victory party; we picked up the trophy and left. Meeting people became - difficult."

He moved over to the bed and sat down, "When I went off to college, I was there for months before I actually started a conversation. I met people, but they would have to start a conversation, I – couldn't. My first friend was Brady; he was my roommate in the dorm that year. He helped me out. Maybe he knew I didn't have any social skills, or something.

"He invited me to Thanksgiving that first year. I went, but before I did, I had to look up table manners so I wouldn't embarrass myself; 'cause I hadn't been taught them. I was a nervous wreck, worrying I would look like a fool.

"The next year, Brady was gone. I didn't know it then, but a demon was wearing Brady. The demon introduced me to Jess. And you know the rest about that. I couldn't meet Jess' parents because she was so important to me and I didn't want them to hate me. I knew Jess didn't understand and every fight we ever had was about that, but I just didn't want to wreck the most important thing in my world. I was actually gearing up to meet them when you came to get me."

Dean was looking at him in surprise, "Sam, you talk to strangers all the time!"

"I'm fine doing the job because it's important, but not to my life. I can talk to strangers without a qualm, but I don't know how it would be if the strangers were the parents of someone I loved. You've seen how I am with girls!" He scoffed with contempt at himself, "I guess it doesn't matter, though, I doubt I'll ever find out.

"What do you mean?"

Sam gave a half smile. "I mean, I'm not exactly a catch. I'm not a very nice person, I'm a demon blood junkie in recovery, I'm also a borderline alcoholic and I have anger issues."

Dean looked at him earnestly, "Sam, you heard Chuck, there's someone out there for us; like he found for Bobby. He wants us to get ready for them. I don't know about you, but I think this is our chance. If you think you drink too much, then stop. And if you need help with that, we'll get it for you."

Sam got up and moved away from Dean, he looked down at the floor, "Dean, I can't have children."

"Have you had an accident I don't know about?"

"No, Dean, I have demon blood in me. That fact hasn't changed. I can't risk passing that on to a child. That's probably another reason why God stopped Jess' pregnancy."

A voice spoke up behind them. "No, Sam that was never a reason for stopping Jess' pregnancy. Yes, you have demon blood in you, but it's not a part of your DNA. The only things you'll pass on to your children are your intelligence, your good looks and your height." Chuck moved to put his hand on Sam's shoulder, but Sam moved away from him before he could. Chuck just smiled at that. "Hopefully, your children will inherit your mate's sense of humour; because you don't have one."

"Sam, you aren't ready to go to her, yet. You will be soon, though. You just have to forgive yourself. And yes, slow down on the drinking." He looked at Dean, "Both of you." He turned back to Sam. "You aren't an alcoholic and your demon blood addiction is over. As for your anger, I think once you give yourself some peace, your anger will let up. Sam, you have every right to be angry, but I'll be here to help you let it go.

Chuck looked at Sam, "Are you ready to hear the rest?"

Sam nodded.

"Sam, we know how much you loved Jess, but we knew something else about her. She wasn't meant for you. You thought of her as your soul mate, but she wasn't. Actually if there had been no interference from the demons, she would have been Brady's."

Sam's eyes were brimming with tears.

"I know you ran into a cupid during the end times. He talked about how Heaven sends cupids to some people. They make sure that certain people, certain bloodlines, meet, fall in love, and have children. Your own parents were put together that way. Brady and Jess were supposed to be mated, but a demon got to Brady before we could connect them. Then demon Brady introduced you to her. No cupid was a part of your relationship. You two weren't meant to be and neither was the baby."

Dean looked at Sam then turned to Chuck, "Did a cupid have anything to do with Bobby and Lily?"

Chuck nodded, "By the time the cupid got there, though, Bobby was already captivated. Lily needed a push, but it was just a nudge, she probably would have come to Bobby without any help."

Sam had composed himself during the break Dean had provided him.

"Is there anything else I need to know?"

Chuck turned and smiled. "You've already met your soul mate, but you weren't ready for her. Soon though, you can go to her. She's waiting."

"I met her already?"

Chuck nodded.

"Who?"

Dean was looking at Sam. Suddenly he knew. "Sarah Blake." He stood up from the bed. "Dammit, Sammy! When are you ever going to listen to me? I told you to marry that girl!" He was smiling at Sam, sincerely happy for him; he genuinely liked Sarah.

Sam turned to Chuck. "Is he right?" Chuck nodded. "I haven't seen or heard from her for, what, seven years! There's been no contact. Why would she wait for me all that time?"

"Well she didn't. She got married about five years back, but he wasn't meant for her. They got divorced about four months ago. She still runs her father's auction house and her ex moved to New York City."

"Why her?"

"Do you remember how she took it when she found out what you really do?"

"She cried."

"No, well yes, but she stood. She handled it and she helped you."

"I nearly got her killed!"

"But you didn't and it changed her. She's ready for you, Sam. You just have to forgive yourself and let go of your anger. She's your perfect mate.

"Ever since you left, she's been looking for you. When you didn't come, she started looking for information on-line. Sam, she found the Carver Edlund books. She was quite surprised to find herself in one of them.

Chuck turned to Dean. "She's not the only one who has been looking, either. Do you remember Demian and Barnes or Detective Diana Ballard?"

Dean answered him, he was smiling. "I do. They were all right."

"They found you, too."

"What do you mean?"

"You told Demian and Barnes you were Dean.

"They laughed; they didn't believe me."

"Well, they started comparing notes; started looking at information on line. You had just shown them that ghosts were real. They googled your mother and found a newspaper report, reporting her death just like the books said. Then they looked up Jessica and found her – just like the book said. Then they found other things; information that had been in the books, but were real."

"What did they do with that information?" Dean growled.

"What any decent person would. They started hunting." Dean stood up, surprise and alarm on his face. Chuck held up a hand. "They keep it to simple hauntings, but they have been getting a lot of work done. They're good men. Diana has been keeping an eye on you as well. I think if you had gotten into any more serious trouble, she would have tried to help you. She's obviously more open to the supernatural now and she has met and helped other hunters from time to time.

"I guess my point, Sam and Dean, is you have touched lives and those lives are better, more fulfilling now than they were. You have saved so many people; I think if you were to go back and revisit some of those folks, you would find they remember you with kindness and a hope that you are happy and safe."

"One more thing, prayers have been coming to heaven for years; prayers about you. From people you have helped. You'd be amazed how many people have asked us to help keep you safe. You are important to them. And why shouldn't they do that? Why shouldn't they pray for you? You're the good guys." He took a deep breath, "Guys, it's easy to believe the bad stuff about yourself. For some reason, it's infinitely harder to believe the good stuff. You have to believe me. I have never lied to you.