Reviewers: Shaker10, XxMyHedleyRomancexX, UnbreakablePoison, lpwriter4life, SaVed By MuSiC, Dramaholic74, SpoiledAngel1721

The song was Breaking Inside: Shinedown

Alien

Chapter 13: Psychically and Mentally Sick

I was silently breathing in and out, trying to prevent another panic attack which was surely about to creep up on me. What the hell was wrong with me? I've never acted this way before and I'm actually scaring myself. No one has ever gotten the truth out of me. Not my dad, therapist, friends, ex boy friend, or as many counselors you could attempt to send a teen to. This was going to be unbelievable. And my dad was going to be ecstatic. Mind as well tell him.

I wasn't going to tell Bill everything. I just couldn't bring myself to do it, it would kill me inside. I didn't want to be a shell of a girl I once was again, looking back on it, I really hate myself for it. I'm thinking that if I tell Bill everything that I'll have too many flashbacks and I wouldn't be able to handle myself properly. And god help me if I give these people something else to worry about.

I wasn't going to share every blood curdling detail tonight, only why I freaked out so bad over the damn movie. Oh hell, I can barely think about it without my breaths coming more shallow. I tried counting in my head, and it was working for a while. Bill motioned for me to take a seat on the edge of him bed, but I couldn't. I don't think I'd be able to breath if I had to sit down. Standing sounds great right now, I could breath a bit better that way.

Bill drew me into a giant hug, and it made my tears spill over. I cant believe he was being so sweet and rational about this, he wasn't going to hate me hopefully. He leaned back and held me at arms length. Tears were glistening in his chocolate eyes. He cared. "I wont judge you Abbs, I'm here to help you, you're my best friend even though we've only just met. I care so much about you, and it hurts me to see you like this."

I took my hands and gently wiped away the tears threatening to fall from Bill's perfect eyes. I hated when people cried. Please don't cry Billa. I'm not worth your tears. I sniffled.

I felt him stiffen under my touch, his whole body went rigid, his eyes turned into slits as he made contact with mine. "You need to stop thinking of yourself so lowly. In my eyes I see you as way much more than that. Please understand? And everyone here, except Jake maybe cares deeply for you too. Ok?" His tone softened up a bit.

I nodded, because I really did understand where he was coming from. It was like when I was little and Andy saved my turtle from the neighbors cat. I was so pissed off, but in the same way I loved Andy even more for helping me out. Maybe this will be the same way? I'll tell Bill what's going on in my messed up head and it'll bring us closer and we'll like each other a whole lot more, because he sort of understands me? I don't know what turtles have to do with anything though.

"Please let me in your head?" He said weakly. I think he thought I really wasn't going to tell him anything. Boy was he wrong, I was about to drop a bomb on his sorry ass. "I mean you don't have to tell me everything, but I feel like I honestly need to know. I want to protect you. Does that sound silly?"

I blushed a deep red and looked away, he pulled my face back to his. Far enough to where he can see what I'm mouthing to him. It isn't silly, you just care a lot I guess. And I'm going to tell you, don't worry. I looked up to him, his face was hopeful. I just don't know how I'm going to start off. I'm terrified.

"Are you scared I'll look at you differently? Or that it'll scare you again?" He looked like he was going to dread my answer.

Both. I mouthed slowly. And as I called it, a shudder ran through his tall lean body. I knew he wouldn't leave me, but I knew he might look at me really differently. Could I handle it? I really don't know. All I wanted to do was to relieve some of this dumb stress off my body.

"I will never look at you differently lovely, I promise you." He thought for a second, and I couldn't help to believe him. "I'll help you try and talk about it if you'd like?" I nodded. He hesitated before asking. "Did it have something to do with that movie?" I gave a stiff nod.

I felt my legs start to wobble, and I almost collapsed on the floor if it wasn't for Bill who held onto my elbows. He gracefully sat me on his bed, and he was next to me. We were sitting to where my legs were splayed over his lap, and his arm was around my back. I was far past my panic attack, I knew I wasn't going to have one tonight. Just a ton of crying was in store for me, and maybe Bill.

"What about the movie startled you lovely?" He said gently, smoothing away my dampened hair, it was wet from my tears. He was mulling options over in his head when I wouldn't answer him. "Did it bring back memories? Uh, um, bad memories." I nodded on his chest. He sucked in a breath, I think he was getting tired of him asking me questions.

I lifted my face and turned it towards him, I wiped my eyes with the back of my hands. I guess this is judgment day. That girl in the movie? She reminded me of myself.

Bill gasped. "How so?" He asked almost silently. His eyes intently searching my face for any little detail he could gather.

Well, I had a teacher… Tears stuck in my throat, my vision was getting blurry at the edges. I didn't need to blackout now. I at least owed this to Bill, he was my best friend, and I could trust him. I knew I could. I sucked in a gulp full of air. He was pretty horrible to me actually… I don't know what was going on, I was pretty confident with telling him earlier, what's gotten into me. I stole a glance at Bill, he was looking a little pale.

"Just take a calming breath, its okay Abby." He shushed me. "What did he… do to you?"

At first it was little things like making me stay after class… since art was my 5th period, he knew I walked home..

Bill interrupted me. "Did you say art?" I nodded slowly. "Is that why your so skittish and careful whenever we go to that class?"

I nodded. Of course it was. Bad memories is all. I collected myself as much as I could. Anyways. I noticed a possessive behavior come over him, I never thought about it because he was a teacher. Teacher's are supposed to be someone you could go to, to trust. Then months down the road he became abusive…

"He hit you?" Bill exclaimed.

I sighed in exasperation. Quit interrupting and I'll tell you eh? I didn't want to get all pissy, but I couldn't help it. He seemed to understand and waited for the rest to spill out of my mouth. He kept pushing my hair out of my face and smoothing it away so he could see me properly, since my hair kept falling in my face.

I was just starting middle school when all the shit with him happened. He was my favorite teacher until he made me stay often. Months later, he would take me to his storage closet and to crap to me. It was honestly horrible. Bryan. I gave a shudder, holding onto Bill harder. His name was Bryan, he let us call him by his first name. Too bad the kids didn't realize what a pedophile he was…

"Did you tell anybody?" Bill questioned like a little kid.

I'm about ready to bitch slap you Bill. I felt bad after it was out of my mouth, but honestly. I was stressed and I didn't need questions, even though he was only trying to help me out here. Sorry. I repeated, cupping his cheek gently. I really am.

He gave a shaky sigh. "It's ok. I'll try not to interrupt anymore." He leaned into my touch, sighing.

He threatened me Billa, I didn't know what to do! I sobbed. I had to keep quiet. But no. This isn't the reason why I'm silent, that my dear is a whole other story for a different time. I got back on topic of my horrifying past. I don't want to talk about what he did to me in the closet, but you could imagine right? Anything possible, he did to me. It was horrible!

He gave my hands a squeeze as I kept going on my rant, and it wasn't like I was here anymore, it was as if that day was here and now. Beatings after beatings. Rape. Torture. Bruises. Dad thought I was being bullied during school, and when I wouldn't elaborate with him on it he thought he was right. Boy was he dead wrong. The last day of 8th grade year was when shit went down.

"I know you said not to ask you questions, but does Max know about this?" Bill's voice sounded so innocent and caring. I gave him a curt nod.

*FLASHBACK*

Why must everything hurt? I wish I could tell mom and dad about what's going on with me, it hurts so much. My body had been covered in bruises for the past three years. Don't they realize I'm not the same Abby anymore? You'd think Andy would know, since he's my twin and all, but he hasn't peeped a word to me. Am I that invisible to the ones I love?

Actually I know I wasn't invisible. Bryan knew. I was sitting in my art chair with the happy buzz of the end of the school year talk going happily around the room. Doesn't anyone notice how unhappy I am? Jaimie definitely don't. Some boyfriend huh? I swear he's using me for sex. If I wasn't do dependent of other people I would have dropped him as a friend a long time ago. I'm so weak.

I was fearing the end of the day, because I knew Bryan was going to keep me after. If only Andy would find me like I asked him, I would love that. But lately he's been putting sports first. Yeah he was pretty sporty, even though when you looked at him you would never think. Actually you'd never even think we were related in the least. I had blonde hair and Andy had Black. He was way taller too.

I sat hiding my arms from everyone. I have taken up a nasty habit in return of Bryan's gifts he's given me. I wont deny it. I cut the fuck out of my arms, I've bled until I passed out once. Man was that a wonderful feeling, wanting to get away, maybe dying was really the only way for me to be happy? I scolded myself. I knew suicide wasn't the answer, but my mind always liked to drift.

"Abby!" Christina shrieked from across the classroom. She was sort of my friend, dressed in the regulated uniform. She was wearing a white button-up and khaki pants. She moved closer with the yearbook in her hands. "Sign it please? We have to hang out this summer!" She gushed. I don't see why people had this weird fascination with me, just because I had a band didn't make me cool.

I put on a fake smile, Bryan always said he could tell when I was faking it, so I put my all in acting today. "Sure thing Christy, this summer's going to be good, don't you think?" I laughed, taking her yearbook and signing my name. "Keep that, one day it could be worth something." I joked.

She laughed, and it sent her golden curls bouncing around her gorgeous face. She could have been an angel. "Oh I'm going to miss you Abby-kadabby. Can you believe we'll be Freshman next year?" She talked quietly to other people for a while. I rolled my eyes, she could be too social sometimes. I knew we weren't going to be friends next year. High school changes people. That's the truth.

I felt an arm sling around my shoulder and I tensed up. Then sighed in relief, it couldn't have been Bryan, its still in school hours. "How's everything Babe?" Jaimie smiled down at me from his seat. Did I mention I was short in middle school? Only being 14 and all.

"Ah, everything's good." I didn't really want to talk about crap with him.

He gave me a worried look. "I'm your boyfriend for gods sake, you could at least trust me a bit to let me into your life. I love you alright?" He was sad. Maybe he really didn't just use me, I was always doubting everything.

"Not now." I whispered to him, I didn't want Bryan to hear us talking about the situation.

He rolled his eyes. "Ok babe. I just want to let you know I'm here for you alright? Even though it may not seem like it. I just have a lot going on at home at the moment." He looked at our entwined hands nervously.

"I understand completely." I said to him, leaning my head on his boney shoulder, it was oddly comforting. I knew the only things his parents did was drugs, and his sister was a total whore. The poor boy had nothing going for him.

"I love you." He said sweetly down to me.

"I love you too." I said back. Why couldn't things be simple like this all the time? I sighed sweetly.

The bell rang.

Jaimie left, and I just sat at the table sulking, I knew I wouldn't be able to get away, so why bother? There were a few lingering students gathering up their ceramics and sculptures. Why don't they help me? Don't they see the desperation on my face? Please help? Nothing as they walked past me, giggling and planning a trip to the beach.

As the door clicked its final click shut Bryan laughed. "Oh Abby, how I'm going to miss you." He said sweetly, running his nose on the length of my cheek. "It's not that simple though. We'll see each other again, you'll never be free of me. I'll guarantee you that my dear."

I wasn't going to answer, it just made him worse. "Oh by the way, who the hell was that boy? Jaimie something-or-other am I correct?" I shook my head, he wasn't going to hurt my boyfriend. "Don't get your thong into a twist my dear, I'm not going to hurt him." His tone of voice changed quick. "What the fuck did I tell you about other boys?" He yelled in my face, yanking my hair as hard as he could back. I exhaled in pain.

"I don't have a boyfriend so why does it matter?" I bit back, I had to lie. My life is seeming to be one giant lie lately. It made me physically and mentally sick.

"Bitch did I tell you to talk?" He slapped me. "You need to learn the difference between a rhetorical question and a real one!" Actually he didn't know the difference. "You are fucking ugly got that?" He barked in my face and I just nodded. "No one will ever want you, and anyone that says they want you is only lying to get in your pants. You whore." That's all I was. A useless whore. Tears filled my eyes.

He kept right on too. "What? Is the whore going to cry?" Silent traitor tears rushed down my cheeks. "Come with me Abby." He said in the tone that mean there was no playing around. He led me to the closet, it was super hot in there today. I yelped in surprise as he help my hands tightly behind my back. "You know what I'm going to do you bitch?" He yanked my arms tighter behind me.

"You are mine, and always will be. Once they see what I'm about to do to you, they'll never, ever want to touch or look at you again. I'm going to mark you… Mine. Oh so fucking precious…" He trailed off. I tried to make myself blackout but it wasn't possible. I was being thrust forward to the burning Kiln. I screamed the loudest and deadliest scream I've ever heard.

Before I thought I died, I heard You accidentally fell onto the Kiln got it?

*END FLASHBACK*

I stared up into Bill's sparkling eyes. "He was obsessed with you wasn't he?" He asked me sadly.

That's not even the full story, I don't think I can tell the rest. Or if I ever can. I was crying insanely now. I'm barely holding on from putting this out in the open.

"Don't you feel better getting this load off your chest?"

I honestly don't know. I think I'm going to have to sleep on it. I really didn't know what I was feeling, I felt suffocated. And on the other hand I was relieved, Bill was still holding me, he hasn't fled from me yet.

"Did Andy ever come to rescue? How was you found?" I rolled my eyes, Bill was way too curious.

I shrugged. From my knowledge Bryan called the cops, and fled the scene. There was no way he was going to be sought as innocent. I cant remember much, except that my whole summer and part of first trimester was spent in the hospital recovering.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to talk about the other crap that happened?" He was bouncing up and down. Hyper over my depressing past? That's a new one I wasn't expecting.

Not soon. I don't know if ever. The other part ruined my life completely, and that is why I don't talk. So far its working. I shrugged.

"Do you still have your scar? From the kiln?" Bill asked, tears spilling over in his eyes.

Please don't cry Billa. I smiled faintly, sniffling and wiping the tears from his sad face.

"I cant help but to cry lovely. You are such a strong girl, I personally don't think I could have lived through something like that." He pulled me closer. And I just pushed into him with al my force, making us fall backwards onto the bed. He gave a sad smile while propping on his elbow to get a good look at me. I was on my back.

Want to see? I mouthed to him.

"I'll look only if you honestly want me to see." His voice was wavering. Once I showed him my scars I knew he would automatically start crying. I gave a nod.

I slowly pulled the tight black shirt up to the bottom of my bra line, I watched as his tears fell over. Tickling my stomach as they fell. "Oh gott Abby. I cant believe that sick bastard did that to you." I chanced a look at my belly also, it was so nasty looking. You could see where I had my belly ring, when I was held onto the Kiln, it had melted into my skin. Surgically removed was the way to get it out apparently. I'm glad I don't remember.

He was scrutinizing my body, but not in an 'ew' way, but in a curious way. I knew he wouldn't be mean and leave me, I knew he was here to stay for a while. I felt a smile tug on my lips as I thought about it. Bill made eye contact with me. Please don't be sad. I feel a whole lot better, so it calls for smiles alright? Anything to put a smile on my best friends face again.

"Oh Abby, I could kiss you right now." And I don't think he meant to say that out loud with the blush that spread across his face. He looked like a deer caught in a pair of high beamed headlights. Too scared to move, and too frightened to blink.

I gave a shy smile back. No ones stopping you Billa.

He inched closer, closer, and closer. Our noses were touching and he was halfway on top of my, on one elbow with the other hand clutching my cheek sweetly. It was only a soft peck on the lips, but it meant a lot to me. It meant he cared and he wasn't going anywhere. It was a tiny kiss.

But why was I finding myself wanting more?

:3

Choppy? I hope you liked it you guys. No Abby and Bill aren't going to get together this soon :] I'm planning on trying to make this a long story, how many chapters should be good? Plus there shall be a sequel for sure :3

LYRICS :D

- Maybe I should cry for help, Maybe I should kill myself, Blame it on my ADD baby, Maybe I'm a different breed, Maybe I'm not listening, lalalalalal. XD idek

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