AN: The rest of these chapters take you through time at a quick pace. I just wanted to move this along - not rushing toward the end, but getting to it.

Also, I think the way I dealt with the boys and their anger is plausible. If you think it's trite or something, let me know.

Thanks,

Sali.

CHAPTER 20

PART 3 – SEPTEMBER and OCTOBER

Over the next two months, Chuck visited Sam and Dean before, during, and after hunts - actually any down time at all. He would take one or the other of them somewhere so they could talk. He knew they had to get rid of their anger, but they were being stubborn about it. Finally, he started to give them something to vent their anger on.

One time he had Sam alone and the Yellow Eyed Demon appeared. Sam reacted quickly; he shot him. Of course, it didn't work. Y.E.D. started to beat on him and Sam fought back. They proceeded to beat the living crap out of each other, but neither could win. Chuck finally stopped it by making Azazel disappear.

Dean was given Zachariah to fight, but even though he was an angel, Dean didn't loose the fight. It was a draw. Chuck continued to give the boys people to fight; the fights went on and on, one enemy after another. They were bloody, bone breaking brawls, but they neither won nor lost any of them; including the ones where Sam fought a fake Dean or Dean fought a fake Sam. Afterward, Chuck would heal them.

It was Sam who put it together; they weren't fighting their enemies, they were fighting themselves. At that point, Chuck made it so, occasionally, that's who they saw.

During one fight, where a fake Dean was taunting real Dean, he started to laugh. He put down his fists and just stood there and laughed. The fake Dean didn't move.

Chuck was smiling because he knew what Dean was laughing about. So he fed him the line: "What the hell are you doing?"

In his best Jim Carrey voice, Dean replied, "I'm kickin' my ass!"

At that, Chuck healed Dean's cuts and bruises and sat him down. "It's time you learned some truths. Can you hear them now and really believe them?"

Dean nodded. After realizing that the one person he was most angry with was himself, he felt ready to let it go.

"When he made the deal with Azazel to save your life, John knew what was in store for him. He knew about the seals. You have to understand that! He knew he had to withstand all of the tortures of hell; he knew that it would be bad for him."

Dean was looking at Chuck, with anguish in his eyes. "He didn't put anything in his journal. Why didn't he write it down? I have read that thing backwards and forwards a million times!"

"I don't know why he didn't write it down. But my point is that he knew what would happen if he got off the rack and started torturing others. Alastair told you John was supposed to be the one and I can guess that he was ready to give up when he escaped.

"You didn't know about the seals, but you withstood everything Alastair threw at you for 30 years! He was pulling out all the stops, too. He had really stepped up his game with you. You see, he had been unsuccessful with John, and he couldn't take another failure. Do you know how long others have withstood Alastair?" Dean shook his head, looking at the ground. Chuck waited for Dean to look at him. "One year, tops."

"One year is the most anyone else has ever withstood him before they got off the rack and started in on others. Of course, none of his other victims were decent human beings. Otherwise they wouldn't have been there to begin with." Chuck smiled at him. "I told you in September that you were supposed to be rescued right away. Here's why you needed to know that:" He paused for a moment, and got in Dean's face. He really wanted Dean's full attention on him. "Raphael was sweating that wait. He expected you to break long before you did. Finally he couldn't wait any longer. He sent Castiel to get you after you had been there three months; just days before you broke. He gave up; he gave up before you did."

"Now," Chuck gave him a hand up, "Do you think you can give yourself a break?"

Dean just stood there; he was frozen from fatigue and guilt and shame. "I tortured people and I was beginning to like it."

"Well now, that's called vengeance and it is an actual human emotion. You are allowed to have them. Although, God would prefer you leave that one to Him." answered Chuck.

"My first… victim," Dean's voice was broken and not above a whisper, "was a young woman, who made a deal to save her brother."

Chuck put his hand on Dean's shoulder, but Dean shrugged it off, "I know who you're talking about."

Dean continued, "Part of the… process is telling them what's in store for them. So, uh… so they can anticipate it better. I told her she should take notes, she'd be doing this herself soon. She was crying… and, uh… told me she would never be like me. I broke her in a month. Alistair told me it was my best work." Dean scoffed; tears were running freely down his face. "Praise from the boss."

"Sounds like Alastair wasn't done torturing you." Chuck tried to catch Dean's eyes, "I know the girl. Do you know what she'd been doing in the ten years she had?"

Dean shook his head.

"Well, let's see… drugs; sex – without protection; she had two abortions; she broke her brother's heart constantly; she broke her parents' heart until they finally gave up on her and tossed her out; and finally she committed suicide one day before her time was up so she wouldn't have to face the hellhounds. Dean, by making that deal, she messed with the Will of God. She earned hell. You didn't."

"I drink too much; I've had lots of sex; I've broken Sam's heart; I've messed with the Will of God!"

"No, you didn't! Do you think it was God's Will that Sam and the others were in that old ghost town? Do you think it was God's Will that Sam die that way?" Chuck grabbed Dean's shoulders, looking at him intently, "You're working on the drinking thing, right?"

Dean nodded.

"You've never had unprotected sex; I told you there were no surprise babies. And you and Sam have forgiven each other, right?"

Dean nodded.

Chuck shook him, "Do you really think you're anything like her? Really? Do you really think you earned Hell?"

Dean didn't answer right away, but finally, he shook his head. He wiped off his face; there would be more times when he would feel the horror afresh, but he was going to try to start letting it go. He was going to try to forgive himself. That night, after Chuck returned him to Sam, he had a really good night's sleep.

ONE NIGHT IN NOVEMBER

Sam and Dean arrived at Bobby's house late on a Wednesday night. It was damn cold outside, so they grabbed their gear and rushed to the door. As they approached it, Bobby opened it and stepped outside to greet them.

"Hey, Bobby" Sam moved through the door first and then stopped. "Well, Lily's here."

"Move your ass, Sammy" Dean was trying to move into the house, but Sam was in his way.

The boys went into the study and noticed that it was neat. The piles of stuff were cleared off and as they looked around, they were astounded by how neat and, well… dusted everything was. The piles of books were still there, but they seemed more organized than before. They weren't stupid though; they just looked at each other and didn't say anything.

"How's Lily?" Sam was looking around for her and the boys, "And the boys?"

"They're good. Sam and Dean are upstairs working on a homework assignment due Monday." Bobby smiled at the older boys. "Lily's asleep."

"She okay?"

"Well, she's 7 months pregnant and she gets sleepy easy. Otherwise, she's healthy as a horse."

The boys nodded. It had been too long ago for Dean to remember much about Mary's pregnancy with Sam and Sam had never actually been around a pregnant woman before.

"Hey, you guys want a beer? You hungry?"

Sam and Dean nodded and were astounded that Bobby did not go through the pocket doors between the study and the kitchen, but instead went through the door and down the hall.

He came back the same way and held three bottles of beer and two plates with sandwiches on them. He handed them to the boys and they sat down and ate.

"Okay, why are we here?" Dean was eating his sandwich with obvious enjoyment.

"I told ya. Lily wants you here, so you're here. You'll get your answers tomorrow. She wanted to stay up and wait for you, but I wouldn't let her."

Sam looked at Bobby. "Can you give us a hint?"

"Nope" Bobby smiled.

Dean was busy scarfing down his sandwich, but glanced up at Bobby, "It smells good in here. What's going on?"

"Well, Lily made a pie earlier. You must be smellin' that."

Dean's head shot up. "A pie?"

"Yup"

"Can I have some?"

"Nope" Bobby smiled at them again, taking the sting out of the refusal. He finished his beer and noticed that both plates were empty. He took them into the kitchen. "Ready for another beer, boys?"

Sam and Dean declined. They were both trying to keep their drinking down to a minimum. It had led to some sleepless nights, but they thought it was worth it.

Bobby came back into the room. "You guys tired? I'll take you upstairs."

They grabbed their gear and followed him up the stairs. "Sam and Dean are doubling up in Dean's room and you guys will be in Sam's. Lily got twin beds in both rooms for just this and they're the long ones. You should be comfortable."

Bobby knocked on one of the doors and called quietly. "Lights out in 10, boys." Then he moved to the door across the hall and gestured them in.

As they moved into the room, the other door opened and the younger Sam and Dean came out to greet them. The Winchester brothers were surprised when the boys hugged them, but they hugged back easily. They exchanged greetings and comments and then the younger boys left to get to bed.

Sam and Dean sat on the beds in their room and Bobby went to the door. "As I said, you should be comfortable here. It's your home." He closed the door and left them alone.

Sam and Dean just looked at each other. Neither one had any idea what the feeling growing inside them was; maybe, 'welcome'?

The next morning, Sam and Dean awoke to some interesting smells coming from downstairs. Smells of coffee, bacon, cinnamon and other interesting aromas were wafting up. They got up and dressed to explore that and to finally see Lily.

Lily came to the bottom of the stairs as she heard them descend. She looked amazing. A glow came from her eyes and she smiled at them with satisfaction and happiness. Her belly preceded her, but she hadn't reached the waddling stage, so she moved gracefully.

She hugged Sam hard and he felt the baby bump that sat between them. He was careful and didn't know how to hug her without hurting her. "I'm not fragile; Sam and you won't hurt the baby." He gave her a more firm hug at that.

She turned and gave Dean just as much hug as she had Sam, but Dean was just as careful as Sam had been, "Dean, really."

She pulled back to look at them and decided they looked pretty good. "Did you sleep okay?"

They nodded.

She took their hands and led them back into Bobby's study. "Bobby and the boys set up a table in here for breakfast. Go on in and get some coffee. Breakfast will be ready as soon as I get the eggs cooked."

They noticed a table in the middle of the room with six chairs around it. It would be crowded, but there was room for everyone. They got cups of coffee and just looked at the table.

"What is this? It almost looks formal" said Sam. "Is it someone's birthday?

"I know. I have no idea." Dean looked at the pocket doors. In his memory, those doors had only been closed a couple of times. Once by a witness shortly after he returned from hell. It was Bobby's house, but he was getting nervous. Something was up.

A minute or so later, the pocket doors opened and Bobby was standing there with Lily and the boys. Lily led the way in with a platter of eggs, bacon, and sausage. Bobby held a plate of cinnamon rolls and Lily's boys had pitchers of juice.

"Happy Thanksgiving."

Lily was looking at them with love and affection and Sam and Dean didn't know what to say. They just stood there. Bobby moved forward and set the rolls on the table and looked at the Winchester brothers. "Well, are ya hungry?"

That broke them out of their surprise and Sam and Dean moved slowly over to the table. Lily took pity on them. "When we were growing up, my mom always had Thanksgiving dinner at about 4 o'clock in the afternoon. So she always had a huge breakfast and would leave food out until about 12:30. Meanwhile, she stayed in the kitchen cooking and everyone would be in and out visiting and helping as needed. But this was her meal and she loved cooking it.

"Now, I've missed a couple of Thanksgivings for reasons out of control, but this is for you. If I understand your history, Sam, this will be your first family Thanksgiving. I'll try to make it perfect for you."

Sam and Dean didn't know what to say. Sam was looking at the floor and Dean was nodding. He'd had Thanksgiving with Lisa's family once and it had been really nice, but he knew that Sam had only been invited to friend's houses. He'd never had one of his own.

Sam felt blindsided. Feelings were welling up inside him and he stepped back from the table and left the room.

"Give him a minute." said Dean. "He'll be alright. This is really nice, Lily."

A few minutes later, Sam came back in and everyone sat down. Lily reached her hand to the boys on either side of her. Sam and Dean looked at the family and realized they were to join hands.

"We thank You for this meal and for this company. We thank You for getting us through the bad time and for trying to make things right. We invite You to join us anytime you wish; in Your Name and for Your Sake, Amen."

Sam and Dean looked at each other and then at Bobby. Lily laughed at their expressions. "I modified the one my father always said." They nodded at her. She passed platters of food to them and they started eating.

Lily was in the kitchen later. Her sons and Sam and Dean had done the dishes and the two Sams had set the table again for dinner. She kept food on the kitchen table for people to snack on for awhile and then she pulled it so they would be hungry for their dinner. She knew football games would start soon after dinner, so she wanted them to be properly fed before setting out snacks for the games. All of her men made certain she wasn't doing too much, but she knew she could rest tomorrow. This day had to be as perfect as she could make it. Not just for Sam, but for her boys, too. They had missed a few holidays and she needed to make it up to them.

ONE MONTH LATER

There was a Christmas tree in the corner of the room and Sam and Dean were once again sitting at a table laden with food and drink. Under the tree were presents and both boys saw their names on some of them: Sam W and Dean W. For the first time since he was 3 years old, Dean was having a proper Christmas and for Sam it was the first one he had ever really felt like celebrating since Jessica's death.

SPNSPNSPN

Chuck had Sam beating on himself and then a fake Ruby. It was taking longer for Sam to let go of his anger. There was just so much more of it! Occasionally, he included Dean, Azazel, Brady, and adult Lilith so that Sam could continue to vent. One time he put John in front of Sam, but Sam wouldn't fight him; he had already forgiven him. Another time it was Mary. At that, Sam just looked thrown. He knew the full history now, but was unwilling to blame Mary for her role in it. She just stood there, not saying a word. Sam couldn't make himself fight her. Chuck walked up to him.

"You aren't mad?"

Sam couldn't look away from the image of his mother. He just shook his head.

"Why not?"

Never taking his eyes off the woman standing there, Sam whispered, "She's my mother, I owe her my life."

"She made a deal with a demon and gave him permission to enter her home. She didn't put up any protection sigils in your room or Dean's. She could have put them in places John wouldn't have seen. She didn't recognize the signs when she saw and heard them."

"She made the deal with the demon because the bastard had just killed everyone she ever loved. Dad, Dean and I have all done the same. We… I, can't blame her. As for protection, she was trying to live a normal life. Besides, those sigils and symbols would have been a breach of the terms of the deal."

Chuck nodded, "I wanted to make sure." Mary disappeared.

Sam looked at him. "When do I fight God?" He had a smile on his face.

Chuck smiled at him. "You think you can take Him?"

TWO MONTHS AFTER CHRISTMAS

Sam and Dean were deep asleep in their hotel room. They had just finished up with a particularly virulent spirit that didn't want to be salted and burned that evening and they were bruised and sore, but they were in one piece otherwise. There were no bottles of booze or cans of beer littering the room. They were aware that the worst of the hunts was over. They were back to the "normal" hunts they had started with. They hadn't even seen a hint of a demon for several weeks.

When the phone started ringing, Sam picked it up.

"Lo?" Sam muttered.

"Sam? It's Bobby."

Instantly awake, Sam sat up and threw a pillow at Dean, "Hey Bobby, everything okay?"

"Lily's in labour and she wants you here."

AN: A while ago, I read a one-shot where Dean describes one of his victims in hell (I think he's talking to Sam, but I can't remember.). For the life of me, I cannot recall the name of the story or the author. But obviously, it resonated… I used the author's idea here. If anyone recognizes it, please let me know who and what, so I can give full credit.

Thanks,

Sali.