Author's Note: This fic was inspired by one of Hondo's biggest fans and among the most talented young ladies I have met in SWAT Twitter fandom, Ari. I hope you have a great time with this one, written with you in mind. Thanks to you and your crazy ideas, everyone here can enjoy another masterpiece, another Bit! Enjoy!
"Hey guys!" greeted Street
After a long awaited break, the guys returned to HQ well rested and ready for work. The day promised beautiful weather, happy crowds everywhere and for the squad, the usual chores and paperwork. The five SWAT officers headed for early workouts as they awaited any incoming call.
Since Hondo was yet to arrive back from his short vacation trip, Deacon had been in charge of writing down everyone's routines and drills. Tan was paired with Street, while Luca worked with Deacon and Cabrera began her shift in the shooting training room, completing two full sessions with 60 squad.
"So..what did everybody do this weekend?" Luca asked, as Street and Tan began putting on weightlifting half-fingered gloves with wrist pads and Deacon removed his training jacket.
"Nothing...and I'm proud of that!" said Tan
"I second that!" Street said sharing a fist pump with the first
"Quiet weekend for me too. Saturday was a game with the boys and yesterday to the in-laws. Pretty quiet." Deacon said
"Not for me! After work on Friday, I went off to Las Vegas, baby! Spent a fortune, but made a fortune too! Ha" Luca said excited
"As long as you don't end up in a Most Wanted list!" Street said followed by smirks
"Nah...everything's legal!"
"Did you get secretly married in one of those chapels, Luca?" Tan asked jokingly
"Who do you think I am? Britney Spears? Nah! I went to shows, hit casinos, ate like a pig...it was awesome!"
"How come you didn't go, Street?" Deacon asked curious
"I was just tired. Wanted to sleep in." Street answered, as the others frowned skeptically
"Chris didn't let 'im!" Tan said with a smirk as the others giggled
"Hey!" Street snapped as he jokingly punched him in the arm
Tan answered back, while the older officers just giggled and shook their heads.
"Guys, c'mon. Let's get this over with. Hondo's coming soon, so let's finish-" Deacon began
"Oh, wait! Boss is coming today?" Street asked interrupting Deacon, who seemed disappointed
"Yeah. Hope his trip went good, man. Heard he was thinking about popping the question to Nichelle." Luca said turning to Deacon
"I dont' know" Deacon said shrugging
"Wasn't it a family vacation?" Tan asked
"Yeah, I think they were heading to some aunt's house in Mississippi or Alabama, right D?" Luca asked turning to Deacon
"Alabama. He showed me a picture. About 2 acres of farm and land. Place looked huge."
"You really think he asked her, Luca?" Street asked curious
"Why not?" Luca asked
"Maybe." Deacon added
"Hey! I got an idea. Why don't we do something nice for Hondo?" Street said with a devilish smile
"What are you talking about?" Tan asked
"Like what?" Luca asked curious
"A prank. Something light. Say..." he paused to think for a moment, "what if...he doesn't make the weigh in? and...then... stuff happen?"
"Huh?" Luca asked confused
"Yeah, and...uh...something something happens?" he said shrugging and grinning
"How do we pull that? The machine is automatic, Street." Tan asked
"Yeah, but it's also remotely accessed, with Deacon here having the access code." he answered pointing to Deacon, who shook his head
"But Hondo knows his body!" Deacon insisted
"Uh huh, but you really think he went down south to eat salads and low fat?" Street answered
"Nope, he probably had his share of cobblers, pies and fried chicken for sure." Luca added
"Exactly." Street said emphatically
"I don't think this is gonna work." Deacon said skeptically, shaking his head
"C'mon, guys. It's just a simple prank!" Street pushed
"I feel like high school all over again." Deacon said annoyed
"Yeah, peer pressure to cheat on the midterms." Tan added
"Right? To get the answer sheet from the teacher's desk or hack the system to change our grades!" Luca added
"See, now? I'm a good church boy and I'm not messing with the boss." Deacon said shaking his head
"C'mon, Deacon! Live a little!" Street pleaded
"Yeah, D, it's harmless really." Tan said shrugging
"I think it'll be cool to see him freak out a bit." Luca said also shrugging lightly
"Hondo? Man, he's gonna probably want two hours on the treadmill alone!" Street said
"I don't want any part of this!" Deacon said putting a hand out
The rest just continued to complain and sell their idea, until he had no other choice. What could go wrong?
After an hour, the guys were already drenched in sweat. Street's shirts had turned from gray to almost black, as the sweat came down in heavy droplets down his chin through his neck muscles, down his back and chest. His pectorals were squared up as the shirt had shrank just enough to reveal the heavy built around his neck and clavicle area. He had rolled in the sleeves, revealing heavy sweat from the arms as the veins formed across his damp triceps and stretched biceps.
Tan on the other hand had stuck with the breathable long shirt, which clearly showed heavy breathing under intense perspiration. His pectorals and obliques were marked heavily, as the intense heat from his body denote a clear pattern from underarms to his torso. Obliques moved as his biceps tensed and stretched with the lateral movements he made.
Deacon began his workout on the treadmill, taking on 5 miles on a light running speed mode. His sweatpants showed a pattern of movement as all thigh muscles stretched and released in complete rhythm with the calves and the buttocks. His short sleeve shirt was drenched after the first round of running, as his heavy breathing marked fully developed muscles in the lower neck and shoulder areas. His biceps and triceps burst from the sleeves as even those were soaked with sweat.
Just as the guys were approaching mid workout, they heard the door to the gymnasium open.
"Psssst!" Tan called, as the others stopped to look, "Boss is here!"
They observed as Hondo came in and signed in the front desk. With a wide smile he greeted the lady officer coming in and the two officers exiting the room. He sported a tight long sleeve breathable shirt under a baggy no sleeve shirt over short pants disguised by tight leggings.
As soon as he noticed the guys in his team he became even more excited, as he waved from the entrance.
"Yo!" he called out, swinging his gym bag to a corner, approaching them.
The guys began rethinking their plan because the protuberance of their leader's muscles hadn't changed at all. His sculpture had remained exactly the same... as the shirt showed massive biceps accompanied by strong triceps and heavily formed shoulders. Hondo was known for his muscular back muscles and tight abdomen muscle formation, and today was no exception. They looked disappointed as they observed the strength shown through his shirt as he went one by one greeting each men.
"Hey Hondo! How was your trip?" Deacon asked
"Aw man! Aint nothing better than some good ol' southern love to bring a dude back. Man! I really missed my Aunt Claritha and my uncle Jacob and all my people. It was so nice to watch my momma laughed it out, with all them ladies."
"Especially in the kitchen, right?" Street asked grinning and shooting a look at the others
"Oh boy! You know it! Ain't no southern family meeting complete without home made buffet. Damn! Everything I could ever imagine was served!"
"Fried chicken?" Street asked curiously
"Boy, it aint soul if it don't got some good ol' fried chicken... with them sauces! Hot, crunchy and crispy! HA!" he finished with a laugh, as the others joined in
Tan, Luca and Deacon exchanged looks, as Street nodded.
"Yo, but enough of this! I'm back, ready to work. So...Deac? Do the honors! I'll catch you young bucs later. Luca, set up the bench, aight?"
"Yes, sir!" Luca said nodding, as Deacon shot a look at Street, who in turn looked at Luca. The coordination between the officers needed to be spot on if their plan was to work.
"C'mon up!" invited Deacon, as they went to a corner of the gym, where the weighing machine stood. It consisted of a chamber in which the person steps in and it analyzes body weight, body mass, heart rate, body temperature and many other vitals. It was mandatory before any and all reinstatement to the work area for every officer to go through the machine and report the results. These were stored in the system and became part of the officers continuing development.
In many occasions officers who have come in from long breaks, vacations or abroad have failed to meet the department standards. In those cases they are sent to the pertinent authorities for checkups and consultations. Once they finish the evaluations and possible treatment, they go through the machine again to be clear for duty.
"Alright, man. Ready!" he said as he flapped his hands and arms to loosen up, and stretched both legs out.
Street sneaked in as Hondo was going inside. Deacon shot a look at him and clicked the start button.
"Forget it, Street! Guy's buffed!" Deacon whispered annoyed
"C'mon, D! It all starts with you, man!" Street pleaded half giggling
Deacon kept his eyes on the monitor as the machine recorded perfect body measurements and vitals. The numbers and symbols clearly showed the older gentlemen was in perfect fit for SWAT action, as not even his body fat count had been altered in over three months!
"Perfect!" Deacon reported with a deep breath
"Not really!" Street said with a grin.
He gestured to Deacon's neck, where he held the administrator's key. With it he was able to unlock the machine's codification unit and manually insert the measurements.
"Street, no!"
"C'mon, D!" Street pleaded
Deacon took a deep breath, shook his head and took the key off the lanyard. "I'm too old for this peer pressure thing!" he complained as Street
"This is gonna be hilarious!"
"I hope you know what you're doing!" Deacon said shaking his head
"Relax, it'll be great!" he said with a smirk
Deacon inserted the key...
"Man! You sure, Deac? I could've sworn I would make weight, for sho!" Hondo complained as his attitude was now completely different
"Yeah, I mean, after a long trip, it happens, Hondo. Just do some reps and we'll try again later. Ok?" Deacon said as serious as he could be
"You sure the machine wasn't doing updates or somethin' like that?" he said shaking his head in disbelief
Deacon tried avoiding his eyes, as it was getting tougher and tougher to go along with this.
"I mean, I know my body, D. I know I aint 3 points over body mass and my fat count ain't even close to that. I don't...like...damn!" Hondo said frustrated. "If I don't make weight, I can't go back to work and you know how I hate 'em paperwork! Damn!" he said shaking his head. He waved good bye to Deacon as he continued on to the locker area to leave his bag.
"Hey Hondo!" greeted Luca, as he entered the area at the side
"Luca, man, this is messed up!" Hondo answered frustrated, still shaking his head.
"What happened?" Luca asked puzzled
"I don't know...that machine messed me up, for real!" Hondo said angrily looking back
"You didn't make weight?"
"Man!" he replied frustrated, hanging his head
"Hey, boss, don't worry bout it. I gotchu." Luca said, looking everywhere, making sure nobody could hear them, "Here!"
Luca dug into his locker and removed what looked like a protein bar.
"This will help?"
"Yeah, helped a buddy of mine lose weight in no time. It's made with the stuff nutritionist use for full detox."
"I've never heard of this, Luca." Hondo said skeptically
"Ok, but if Hicks calls us, you'll be stuck here, boss."
"Aight, aight. Stop rubbin it in,man!" he said as he took a bite out of the green bar. As soon as his lips made contact with it, they turned green! The taste of pure sea salt and grime attacked his tongue as he threw out the piece immediately, making gargles with his own saliva.
"What the hell is this!?" he asked loudly
He turned but Luca was nowhere to be seen!
He was still groaning and complaining when he stepped into the weight room, shaking his head in disgust.
"Hey boss, you ok?" asked Tan stepping in front of him
"Where the hell is Luca?" he asked angrily
"I don't know, why? You ok?" Tan asked with a confused frown
"Man, nevermind. I need a mill right now. Gotta sweat some."
"Why? Everything ok in the weigh in?"
"Nah...don't wanna talk about it, Tan." Hondo answered angrily, stepping into the an empty treadmill. He clicked the power button and grabbed on the handrails to begin trotting. "Man, I'm telling you, Tan, I-"
Hondo was interrupted as he noticed his hands were covered on a slimy substance. "What the hell?" he asked as the smell of menthol rub and heavy peppermint invaded the gym and made a mark on his hands. He suddenly noticed the machine was increasing the velocity at an alarming rate. Soon he found himself moving at sprinting speed with slimy hands and terrible breath smell.
"Ahhhh" he groaned as he tried to follow the rhythm of the machine. Suddenly he found his back muscles strained, his torso going sideways, his thigh muscles becoming 10 times heavier and his lungs running out of air. He had no choice but to jump out. He flew in the air, landing hard on his buttocks as everyone in the gym just stared and laughed.
"Ah, hell nah!" he complained as left the room and headed toward the men's bathroom.
He needed a complete shower before murdering his squad. He knew they had played him, and he was about to get their asses for it!
"Boss, you ok?" Street asked drying his hair.
He had just come out of the shower, as he had a towel wrapped around his waist. His abdominal muscles and pectorals still wet, small droplets coming down his neck and back. His body glowed as the light came straight down on his bare upper body.
"I ain't got time for you, kid!" Hondo said angrily, as he dumped his bag and went straight to the shower.
He still tasted the awful bar and his hands still smelled like a retirement home, but he figured he'd calm down with a hot shower.
He found a stall, hung his towel on the side and turned on the water. He opened his mouth and allowed the liquid to wash away the nasty taste he had in his mouth as the rest of the stream followed gravity unto his the rest of his body. He began to feel calmer as the water began hitting his tired shoulder blades, down his spine...soothing his anger. His lower body cooled as his legs took in the warmth. It was the perfect therapy after the stress of keeping up with the machine. His muscles, tendons, organs...everything needed the calm and tranquility of the warm, running water!
He turned the faucet closed and felt chills all over his body. It was as if suddenly the room had gotten slightly colder...or was it the water? He couldn't tell! However, when he turned to leave he realized his worst nightmare.
"Oh hell nah! I'ma kill em!" he yelled after realizing his towel was gone.
The guys had gotten a call from Hicks' office to gear up. No one had seen Hondo in over 15 minutes since they left the gym. Many of the officers had already left the locker room, with only 20 squad finishing their set up. As they shared a laugh over the events in the morning, the door suddenly opened and Hondo stepped in.
GASP
The balloon burst! The laughter suddenly turned to the worst silence and fear any horror film could ever portray! The officers froze, as Deacon dug his head into his locker, Luca covered his head with a hand towel, Tan turned to Street who lowered his gaze.
"Y'all think this is funny, huh?" he asked as the others giggled quietly
They couldn't help it as their boss came in wearing an old uniform, with torn edges and too tight for his body. He had walked all the way from the gym wearing that ridiculous uniform, which he stole from the only opened locker he found.
"Y'all really think I aint gonna get back at y'all after having to drag my black ass outta the damn showers wrapped in toilet paper?" he asked angrily as the others erupted in laughter
HAHAHAHA
"I mean, you gotta admit it was pretty funny!" Street said over the noise, as even Deacon giggled.
"Boy!" he said shaking his head, "If you don't get outta here with that...Shut the hell up!"
HAHAHA
"But, it's aight..it's aight! Coz you don't mess with the boss!" he said as the laughter died down. "Now it's my turn to laugh and I'm get each one you." he said nodding his head slowly. "Yea, that's right!"
He moved to the middle of the pack and pointed at Luca's locker. "Get your damn rainy boots and shirt, coz ya ass is washing Black Betty top to bottom. And when you're done with that" he paused as he dug into he dug into his pants pockets and threw the keys to his work car at him, "you better leave that one shinnier than my bald head, Luca!" he said menacing "That's what you get for giving me that nasty stuff...protein bar, my ass!"
HAHAHA
Luca moved quickly, as he giggled. "I'm sorry, boss-"
"No you're not. Get ya ass out!" he snapped as the older officer pinched his lips and bowed his head, trying to hold off the laughter.
He turned to Tan, "You think messing with me is funny, huh? Ya ass is gonna be on mop duty for the rest of the day. Get outta my face!"
"Yes, boss!" Tan said moving rather slow as he held his laughter
"You better get before I ship ya ass back to Hollywood division!" he urged
"Yes, sir!" he immediately answered and moved fast, exiting the room giggling to himself
"Sergeant David Deacon Kay." he said taking some steps towards him, "Now, I gotta say I'm terribly disappointed." he began as he placed both hands on his hips and shook his head, while the other officer just nodded, "I'ma have a talk with ya God, man!"
"I'll start on the...um...chores in the training room."
"Every paper, Deac! Coz I aint filling up nothing!"
"Yes, sir." he said as he bowed his head and exited the room
Suddenly there was a deep awkward silence, as Hondo stared at the Street with he deadliest frown ever in history.
"Uh...should we have left those two alone in there?" Deacon asked worried, as the three exiting officers stood just outside the door of the locker room.
"You don't think he would risk his freedom and pension by killing Street... would he?" Tan asked
"Oh, man! I better call Chris!" Luca panicked