Chapter Seven is up! This is more of rules this time. Iceflower, hugzies for reviewing. Updated just for you! And is that a good thing? Gustave becoming a slight stalker? Or is it bad, because it was kind of vague... But thanks a bunch for the new idea!

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the musicals in this title, and if I did, Raoul's scalp would be hanging from my wall...BBBBWWWAAAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Enjoy!

Chapter Seven: In which I give Gustave instructions to ignore.

(Three business days after paternity test)

Erik: That stupid test hasn't come in yet!

Me: (Weaving, because I can) Calm down, Erik. It's no big deal

Hyde: (Sitting on the armchair, reading 1001 Way To Kill Someone, and Not Get Caught) Yeah man, just chill and enjoy life.

Me:...What are you reading, Edward?

Hyde: 1001 Ways To Kill Someone, and Not Get Caught, by K.I.L.L Morbidus. Hey did you know there's 30 ways to kill someone with a crochet pin?

Me and Gustave:...(throws crochet pins into the fire)

(Phantom of the Opera Overture blasts from my phone.)

Me: (Picking up my phone, and whispers) It's Christine!

Erik: (Spazzes, and runs into his room)

Little Cosette: (Reading Diary of a Wimpy Kid, cause those books are da bomb) Is he always this melodramatic?

Meg: He dropped a chandelier on a crowd of people, when Christi dumped Buttface over there, so yes, he's a drama queen.

Erik: Hey!

Lucy: Don't you mean king?

Meg: Nope.

Me: (Answers phone) Yes, this is she...yup...yes...okay...I'm good, how are you? Thank you! I'll totally help you out with that! Sure, girlfriend! Wait what? You've got to be kidding me? Erik is gonna freak! Sure I'll ask him.

Gustave: Did you just call my Mom, girlfriend?

Me: (Shouts,) ERIK!

Erik: WHAT?

Me: Christine wants to talk with you!

Erik: (preens himself and grabs phone) Hello...What? I can't do that! I don't care, I'm not qualified! There's nothing you can say to make me change my mind. (Pauses, and nearly drops phone) Fine.

(Hangs up)

Me: So how did it go?

Erik: (Flatly) Gustave, you're staying with us now. (walks away into his room, with a big bottle of wine)

Gustave: Seriously?

Me: Yup.

Gustave: How am I suppose to live with that psychopath?

Erik: (Muffled by the door) Just because I'm in my room, doesn't mean I can't hear you. And it's a sociopath, not a psychopath. Get your facctttss straaaiiighhhthtt, mannnn.

(Silence)

Emma: I think he passed out.

Me: (Waits)

Erik: (Snore)

Me: Yup. He'll be conked out for the next few hours, at the least. But seriously, if you're living here, there's some basic rules you need to follow.

Gustave: Like what?

Me: Well, there are lots of movies we can't watch.

Emma: Like what?

Me: The Dictator, The Hangover trilogy, anything with explosions in it-

Hyde: Awww...

Me: Thor-

Little Cosette: BUT THOR AND LOKI ARE HAWT!

Everyone:...

Fantine: What did Valjean do to my baby?

Me: After I watched Thor, I realized that the pipe organ pipes looked a bit like an upside down Asgard, so I took them apart and built a mini Asgard on the floor. Erik got really mad...and cried...and got high, sooo...

Hyde: And just because I'm slightly smaller than Jekyll, in the book, doesn't mean that I'm smaller in the musical. So you better not call me fun-sized again, Rafiya.

Me: It was a joke! And I still have the scar...

Lucy: Join the club.

Me: Don't nail Erik's coffin shut while he's sleeping and float down the river on it...

Mini Cosette: You did that?

Me: He would've drowned me afterwards, if Emma hadn't pulled him off me. (Hands her a One Direction CD)

Emma: SQUEE! Thank you! You don't owe me anything, anymore!

Me: Anytime.

Meg: Don't play that CD around him. He hates pop music almost as much as he hates the fop.

Jekyll:... What else can't you do here?

Me: If you want to stay alive for more than three seconds, you won't play or sing Devil Take the Hindmost, or All I Ask Of You in his presence.

Gustave: That's understandable.

Me: You must never, ever show him fanfiction. He broke my computer when I was reading a slash pairing of Gerik and some random OC.

Jekyll: I would have, too.

Me: Don't take Enjolras' vest or he will put you in a wheelchair.

Gustave: I was at the barricade remember? I saw what happened to Granatire on the way.

Me: I can't hug Joly anymore, and tell him I caught fopitis from Raoul.

Fantine: (scratches her short hair) Why not?

Me: He put me under quarantine for three days.

Gustave: (Dies laughing)

Me: No organ jokes either, Hyde.

Hyde: (Whispers inconspicuously)

Me: You cannot call compare him to Freddy Krueggur, Frankenstein, Frollo, Zorro, Quasimodo, especially not Quasimodo. He's deformed, but not that deformed.

Emma: What does Erik have in common with Zorro? Zorro is se-

Me: Finish that, and I will hang you from the ceiling.

Lucy: Frollo?

Me: Both got the black swishy cape going on.

Meg: That makes a lot of sense...

Me: And lastly, You must never, ever, ever, speak of the fop.

Gustave: You mean, Rao-

Me: (Shushes him) Don't say that! He will literally kill you!

Gustave: Seriously?

Me: He left 17 maimed 'me' dolls with broken parts, cracked necks, split heads and sliced throats when I went to Raoul's for tea. He may be a fop, but he's an excellent conversationalist, when he wants to be. (My voice quiets down drastically.)

Meg: So that's it?

Me: Yup. Don't mess with Erik, and he'll be civil to you.

Gustave: Wanna watch On Stranger Tides?

Fantine: Is the sky blue?

Emma: Is that appropriate for a child of Cosette's age?

Mini Cosette: Hey! I'm eight, thank you very much!

Hyde: And you're a midget.

Fantine: My daughter is not a midget! And she was raised by a convict! This movie will hardly do anything.

Meg: What about the explosions?

Me: Just because the rules are there doesn't mean we have to follow them!

Everyone: TO RAOUL'S CINEMA ROOM! (we storm out in a massive wave, swimming across the lake, since it was incredibly deep.)