This chapter is dedicated to AzureOtter! Sorry about your hectic week! Iceflower, I sent a truckfull of Edy's ice cream to your house. And we are having a movie marathon, so lots of sarcastic comments, are coming your way! Gustave is big in the next chapter. So I have to watch LND now... and Sweeney Todd... I really don't want to watch LND. P.S. I wasn't trying to insult Gerald Butler...I think he's the best screen Phantom. But Ramin is the bomb!
Disclaimers: If I owned POTO, LM, LND, or J+H, the endings would have been different. In LND's case, Meg would have shot Raoul, instead of Christine. BWBWAHAHAHAHAHAH!
Enjoy!
Chapter Eleven: In which we watch Phantom of the Opera...again...And everyone cries.
(One week later...In the Phantom's lair)
Me: (still in super comfy bloomers) Two queens. (lays down two cards)
Gavroche: Five nines (lays down nine cards)
Johanna: Three Aces. (lays down three cards)
Gustave: BS.
Johanna: Aww, c'mon! (Takes back all the cards)
Erik: (Walks in) What are you guys doing?
Gavroche: Playing BS.
Erik: Why?
Johanna: Because we don't know how to play poker.
Erik: What does that stand for?
Gustave: *makes random sounds*
Erik: I will not have that kind of language in my house, Mister!
Gustave: I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING!
Erik: Is that money in the corner?
Johanna: Prize for whoever wins. I think Gav and Rafiya are tied.
Erik: You're gambling?
Me: Yes. Man, you catch on slow.
Erik: Don't you people have school work to do, or something?
Me: It's summer. Since when do you care about our education?
Erik: I don't. But when you have school work, you can magically can it.
Johanna: Apply ice to the area of burn!
Gavroche: You 18, and you don't can it neither, homie.
Erik:... Where is everybody? Aren't we supposed to have a movie night tonight?
Me: You're looking forward to it?
Erik: Not at all. I'm in it to insult the fop, and eat popcorn.
Johanna: That's why we're all here, brotha'.
Erik: His ghetto-yness is rubbing off on you!
Gavroche: Do you mind if I invited some extra people?
Gustave: Who would these people be?
(Oliver! cast walks in)
Me: (Attacks Billy Stikes) YOU KILLED NANC-
Oliver: Language!
The Artful Dodger: I like her.
(Johanna pulls me off of him)
Nancy: No, I'm okay... really.
(Everyone else piles in, covered in rain)
Beaconsfield: (In baggy khakis, tie-dye sweats, and neon green go-go boots) Sorry we're late. There was a lot of traffic, between the caridges.
The Artful Dodger: Whoa... That is creepy looking...
Me: Were you guys here last time?
Bishop B: We were giving to charities.
Johanna: Glossop, what were you actually doing?
Glossop: Clubbin'
Gustave: Gross.
Fagin: We heard there was a movie night from Gav, and we decided to come over... Is that okay?
Me:...
Gavroche: (puppy dog eyes)
Me: GAHH! Fine! But no stealing!
Fagin: Awww... This movie better be good.
Me: It is.
(Lucy walks in)
Nancy: Lucy?
Lucy: Nancy? Its been forever!
(They hug, squealing like school-girls)
Gustave: You know each other?
Nancy: We're like the same person!
Lucy: Yeah! Both of us were killed by our scummy boyfriends, in a search for a new life.
Me: Okay...
Lucy: Now what was it I was hearing about a movie?
(One hour later. Everyone has popcorn, and is cuddled up in warm blankets)
Rose: It's starting!
Fagin: What's a movie?
Johanna: It's like a moving picture, that speaks.
The Artful Dodger: Whose the old guy?
Granatire: That would be Mr. Fop over here. (pats Raoul's back)
Artful Dodger: Is this movie about him?
POTO people: Actually it's about us.
Erik: Especially me.
Rose: (in a trance) Pretty mask. (reaches for it)
Christine: Touch it, and he'll kill you.
Piagi: He killed me and a stage-hand.
Rose: Okay...(scoots away)
Little Cosette: Is thwat man going senile, mommy?
Raoul: I'M NOT SENILE!
Sweeney: That's what they all say... then I kill them.
Rose: How many murderers are actually in this room?
Me: (Counts on fingers) Well there's, the Mask Man (Erik), Twitchy the scientist-gone-Drug-Addict(Hyde), Billy Bob Joe over there (Billy Stikes), The Barber of Seville (Sweeney), The Ballerina (Meg) and The Under-taker's Wife (Mrs. Lovett). So that makes...
Rose: (pales) Nine...
Me: No...that makes 5.
Gustave: No it doesn't! It makes 3!
Johanna: You guys are all really dumb...
Me: I'm joking! I know its four.
Meg: I DIDN'T KILL ANYONE!
Me: In LND, you did!
Erik: Sequels count?
Johanna: Yes. Sequels count, no matter how crappy they are.
Rose: You guys live down here?
Me and Gustave: Pretty much...
Eponine: Look! Pretty chandelier!
(Overture plays)
Screen Carlotta: (More Opera Nonsense)
Erik: She's more tolerable in this one...
Carlotta: I am zoo good...
Me: That is a matter of opinion.
Carlotta: (Seethes)
Johanna: And there's Walrus.
Me: He's not that fat!
Piagi: (Hugs me) You're less of a demon than I had originally thought...
Me: Thank you...wait, HEY!
(Back-drop falls on Screen Carlotta's head)
Gustave: You must have a head of metal, to survive that and still scream at the directors.
Piagu: She does.
Erik: (laughs) That was fun.
Feuilly: You're a nutcase.
Me: You just figured that out now?
(Screen Christine starts to sing 'Think of Me')
Fagin: She's hot.
Me: Sicko.
Christine: I love this song so much...
Erik: Then the fop started singing, and he ruined it.
Raoul: I like the way I sound!
Javert: He's not that bad of a singer... actually.
Me: Depends on the version. But Haley Fraser is the best Raoul.
Raoul: Who's that?
Johanna: That's you.
Raoul: Ohh.
(Christine throws herself on the floor)
Valjean: We get that you're bowing, but why throw yourself on the floor?
Javert: Yeah. That sounded painful.
Christine: I tripped on my dress and fell. Man, my hands still hurt.
...
(Screen Giry yells at ballet girls)
Granatire: Are you always that strict?
Madame Giry: They caught me on a Monday. I hate Mondays.
Christine: Doesn't everyone?
Meg: For a ballet instructor, you don't do any ballet in the entire production. Does anyone else find that weird?
Buquet: Yeah...
Gavroche: That's messed up in my hizza, yo'!
Christine: She'd probably break all her brittle, old lady bones if she tried.
Madame Giry: (Hits Christine over the head with her cane)
(Little Lotte)
Glossop: Where did you get Lotte from? Her name's Christine.
Fantine: Don't get them started. We had a long discussion about Raoul's lack of creativity and sense, in creating nicknames.
Johanna: I looked up the definition of 'lotte' in the French-to-English dictionary, and it's a type of fish, with a wormy tongue and a big mouth.
Erik: *snickers*
Christine: You were calling me a fish?
Barricade Boys: (Laugh hysterically)
Raoul: No! I wasn't! Lotte is a fairy tale character that I read in a book!
Les Mis Bishop: You read fairy tales?
Everyone: (More hysterical laughter)
Screen Christine: ...No - what I love best, Lotte said,
is when I'm asleep in my bed
and the Angel of Music sings songs in my head!
Hyde: That is the most stalkerish thing I have ever heard any girl say.
Screen Raoul + Christine: The angel of music sings songs in my head!
Combeferre: Are you agreeing with her?
Courfeyrac: You haven't even met the Phantom yet!
Raoul: I wasn't taking about the Phantom! I was talking about Christine! She is my Angel of Music.
Christine: Awww... And you are my Angel of Hotness.
Johanna: How romantic...
Cosette: He's so sweet.
Me: (clutching my stomach) I think I'm gonna be sick.
...
Screen Phantom: Flattering child you shall know me-
Joly: Again, why would you trust a masked older man, who you've never seen?
Valjean: Why is your mirror so big?
Anthony: (munching on popcorn) Its like a fun-house mirror...
Erik: How else do you think I got in?
Screen Phantom: I AM YOUR ANGEL OF MUSIC! COME TO ME ANGEL OF MUUUSSSICCC!
Every female in the room: (In a trance)
Grantaire: Azelma!
Azelma: (in a trance) Angel of music, hide no longer...
Marius: Cosette... Cosette! (Snaps fingers in front of her face) Wake up!
Cosette: (Still in trance) I am your angel of music...
Anthony: Johanna, wake up! (Shakes her violently.)
Johanna: (Trance-like) The angel of music sings songs in my head...
Enjolras: Eponine! Eponine, can you hear me?
Eponine: (Doesn't respond)
Me: (Pauses movie) Aw come on!
Jehan: Its like they're all drunk!
Gustave: How come you're not in an Erik- induced coma trance thing?
Me: Because I've seen this movie many times, and I'm not a weak-minded musical character, like you guys.
Feuilly: HEY!
Raoul: (to Erik) Can you stop doing that?
Erik: (cockily) I can't help it if girls find me irresistible.
Javert: They find your voice irresistible. Not your face.
Erik: Shut up, or I sic my phangirls on you.
Phangirls: WE FIGHT FOR ERIK!
Raoul: Whatever. Just how do you snap them out of it?
Me: It's gonna cost you?
Sweeney: How much we talking?
Me: 50 bucks
Valjean: 30
Me: 51
Anthony: 35
Me: 55
Marius: 45?
Me: Done. (Gathers cash, and counts it) This was a steal.
Granatire: Whatever. Just do it!
Me: (pulls out an air-horn, singing) Wishing you were somehow here again!
Erik: She can sing?
Me: (blows air-horn)
Females: (wake up)
Enjolras: Since when could you sing? All I've heard you sing was modern trashy music.
Me: I've taken lessons since I was 10. Couldn't you hear me?
Erik: I must've done a really good job of tuning you two out.
Gustave and Me: HEY!
Azelma: (Rubbing her head) What just happened?
Granatire: You were in a trance for a little bit...
Me: How are we supposed to get to the end of the movie, if you guys keep doing this? (Mumbling) We haven't even gotten to Music of the Night yet.
Marius: We're never gonna finish this...
Me: Sure we will! All I have to do is blow an air-horn after every Erik song. But it should wear off a lot after they see his face.
Erik: HEY!
Me: You know its true.
Hyde: I'll be deaf by the end of this...
Gustave: Of course you will.
Screen Phantom: SING ONCE AGAIN WITH MEEEE-
Cosette: Why are you guys walking across the same catwalk, over and over, agai-
Me: Can it, Blondie. This is my favorite song.
Gustave: (to Erik) Did you just throw Mom into a door?
Erik: No. I did not!
Christine: Yes you did.
Little Cosette: Ohh! Pretty boat!
Leglse: How are you singing and still paddling that thing?
Erik: I'm just awesome like that.
Screen Christine: (Does her high note thing)
Men except Marius and Erik: (covering ears) GAHH! IT'S SOO HIGH!
Marius: I live with Cosette, soo...
Me:...
Screen Phantom: SILENTLY THE SENSSEEES ABANDON THEIR DEFENSESESSSS!
Me: (Pauses the movie)
Everyone: WHAT?
Me: Do you see that?
Fantine: See what?
Me: (points at the screen) Erik has a tattoo!
Christine: What?
(I roll up Erik's sleeve)
Erik: What the heck?
Granatire: Where did you get that?
Me: The actor who played him has it.
Christine: It looks... cool.
Jehan: Can we un - pause the movie now?
(Respectful silence until Screen Christine faints)
Feuilly: Is there a time when you don't faint?
Meg: There was nothing there...
Erik: Where's the Christine mannequin?
Me: They couldn't fit it on the stage.
Christine: I had the urge.
Azelma: That makes no sense at all.
Me: (blows air-horn)
Eponine, and other girls: OWWW?! WHAT WAS THAT FOR?
Me: Just making sure you're trance-free. Onward, Holmes!
Screen Phantom: (Does his whole composing thing)
(Music box plays)
Javert: That's music, in 30 years?
Cosette: What is this world coming to?
Erik: I became world- famous because of that!
Mr. Thenairdier: How did you not walk up to that loud organ playing, but wake up to a soft creepy monkey musical box?
Christine: Where did you even get that thing?
Erik: Pawn shop.
Screen Christine: (tries to rip off the Phantom's mask)
Erik: Why did you do that?
Christine: I wanted to see your face.
Glossop: How did you not notice that she was right next to you?
Johanna: Yeah dude, she gave you, like, seven hints saying "I want to take off your mask", before-hand.
Erik: (crosses arms) And when would that be?
Granatire: Like the entire Music of the Night sequence! She was staring at it an touching it, like the entire time.
Erik: But I pulled her hand away.
Jekyll: (to Christine) You really can't take a hint, can you?
Christine: At least I wasn't stupid enough to continue a hair-brained experiment that ended up killing four people, in one song sequence.
Hyde: Last time I counted, it was five.
Jekyll: Shut up!
Screen Phantom: (Over-reacts) DAMN YOU, YOU LITTLE PRYING PANDOR-
Legles: Don't you thing that was a bit melodramatic?
Erik: Nope.
Gavroche: Did he just call her a motherfu-
Me: No! He said "you little viper"
Erik: I'm not that vulgar.
Johanna: You haven't done a good job of proving that, so far.
Screen Phantom: (throws Christine onto the ground)
Joly: You seem to have a tendency to do that.
Raoul: *smirks*
Erik: I've never abandoned her, unlike the Vicomte Fop.
Raoul: No kidding, Sherlock! You were stalking her.
Erik: Watching over her. I was constantly watching over her.
Me: That basically means stalking.
Erik: Constantly watching over her. Say it with me. Con-stant-ly watch-ing ov-er her. Like a guardian angel.
Cosette: Or a stalker.
Legles: Marius stalked you, though. And you seemed quite thrilled with that.
Cosette: No, he didn't.
Joly: How did you think he knew where you lived without knowing your name?
Marius: I hired Eponine to stalk you!
Eponine: Hey. Don't be throwin' me under the bus, boy, unless you can (snap in z-formation) back-it-up!
Mme. Thenairdier: No more Jersey Shore for you...
Johanna: Let's try to be quiet.
(Munching and choking on popcorn until Prima Donna)
Javert: He dropped a backdrop on your head, woman. He doesn't want you to perform!
Screen Phantom: A disaster beyond your imagination will occur!
Gav: Were you going to unleash a pack of Bon Jovi obsessed leprechauns on the Opera Populaire?
Erik: No
Artful Dodger: Were you gonna make it hail marbles on Carlotta, when she sang?
Erik: Good idea, but no.
Me: Were you gonna launch Piagi, trapped in a rubber band ball, in a catapult to Ireland.
Erik: No?
Gustave: Were you gonna cover Carlotta in h-
Erik: Obviously, you all have very active imaginations, but no.
Fagin: Then what did you do?
Erik: I crashed the chandelier.
Artful Dodger: That isn't very creative at all.
Erik: If some managers had agreed with me, and done what I had said, maybe I wouldn't have had to improvise.
Gustave: Weak.
(Munching of chocolate bars until Poor Fool, He Makes Me Laugh)
Old Fool Carlotta is singing about: (stares at Christine's butt) Though I would gladly take her with me. (rubs hands)
Me: Perv.
Screen Christine and Raoul: LOVE ME THAT'S ALL I ASK OF YOU!
Erik: *full body spasm*
Gustave: Mom...EWWWW!
Me: True dat.
(Phantom Appears.)
Artful Dodger: You sound like a girl.
Erik: (Plays a soundtrack of him singing)
Me: It's okay, Artie D. We feel ya...
Artie D: Never call me that.
Me: I do what I want.
Eponine: Intermission. I'm gonna get some more Oreos.
Screen Ensemble: MASQUERADE! PAPER FACES ON PARADE! MASQUERADE!
Little Cosette: CLOWNS! AHHH...(runs away screaming)
Christine: It's not that bad!
Ensemble: MASQUERADE!
Christine: Never mind. We looked like we just walked out of a Cirque des Ole freak show.
Billy Stikes: Hey look! It's Henry VII's ghost!
Erik: That was me.
Oliver Cast: We all knew that.
Screen Phantom: I HAVE WRITTEN YOU AN OPERA! HERE I BRING THE FINISHED SCORE! DON JUAN TRIUMPHANT!
Lucy: So that's what that excessive organ banging was? No wonder it took you six months!
Erik: (Pulls out lasso)
Me: (Glare)
Fagin: How did you not set the stage on fire?
Erik: I'm Captain Jack Sparrow, that's why.
Madame Giry: (Dumps out contents of his popcorn bowl) No more popcorn for you!
Raoul: *snickers*
...
Gustave: Mom, when are you going to realize this guy is not your dad?
Christine: So help me, I will ground you for a mo-
Gustave: I don't live with you anymore!
Christine: Why! I outta deck yo-
Me: Ladies, ladies. You're both pretty. Now please, close the word hole.
Screen Roaul: THIS THING IS NOT YOUR FATHER!
Me: Duh.
Erik: Thing...and you wonder why I don't like you.
Screen Ensemble: HERE THE SIRE SERVE THE DAM! HERE THE MASTER TAKES HIS MEEEAAATTTTT-
Lucy: They all sound drunk.
Erik: That's the point.
Lucy: That's not what I meant.
Me: (warningly) Erik...
Billy Stikes: Hey, there's You Baldo, again!
Piagi: Ubaldo.
Screen Piagi: WHEN IT'S LATE AND MODESTY STARTS TO MEDDLE WITH THE WINE, YOU WILL CO-
Fantine: Cosette, I left my scarf in the opera house. Will you go get it for me?
Little Cosette: Fine...(runs away)
Screen Piagi: WHERE, OH, WHERE, OF COURSE! MY ROOM!
Carlotta: You are so lucky you were killed before that scene.
Me: Why?
Carlotta: 'Cause I woulda killed him anyways.
Screen Phantom covered in a black sheet: IN YOUR MIND YOU'VE ALREADY SUCCUMBED TO ME! DRO-
Christine: So your character is supposed to get my character drunk, and bed me?
Erik:...
Christine and I: That is demented.
(Phantom touches Christine's neck)
Fagin: Again with the neck!
Gustave: Mom, why do you keep letting him do that?
Christine: Oh look, a moth...
Screen Christine: IN MY MIND I'VE ALREADY IMAGINED OUR BODIES ENTWINING-
Me; (nudges Raoul) REWIND!
Raoul: (crying after I rewound it 20 times)
Me: Erik. I think you're over-reacting with this whole unmasking thing.
Everyone: True dat
(We actually see his face)
Women: Whoa!
Little Cosetta: (walks in, sees his screen face, and screams) MONSTE-
Fantine: (covers her mouth)
Erik: Oh jeez.
Gypsy Master: That child fell down a tree, and hit his face on every branch. No one deserves to see that.
Me: You're not in this version.
Gypsy Master: (disappears)
End of final lair scene...everyone is in tears...
Christine: (crying) I was so stupid.
Erik: (crying) I can't believe I actually didn't kill that half-wit.
Raoul: (teary-eyed) I can't believe you kissed him twice.
Everyone: (glare)
Me: (sobbing) Enjolras... your barricade boys are crying?
Barricade boys: We sat on Granatire's broken beer bottles.
Gustave: Sure...
Screen Phantom: (crying too) YOU ALONE COULD MAKE MY SONG TAKE FLIGHT! IT'S OVER NOW THE MUSIC OF THE NIGHT!
Me and Johanna: NOOOOO! (fall into each others arms, sobbing)
Raoul: Yay! I don't have to see his face anymore!
Me: (attacks him
This chapter took so long...uhhhhggg. Please R&R. There will be no LND chapter or drug chapter, but there will be a lot more chapters. Next movie in the marathon is Jekyll and Hyde.