Chapter 15 - Two Sides of the Same Coin

"Excuse me?"

Asami's barely functioning brain watches the blur of a hand waving in front of her. The book in her lap is long forgotten, precariously close to losing its place without a marker.

"Pardon me. What?" Asami blurts out in doubt, trying to give her brain time to process what the hell's going on. Even the simple action of inhaling and exhaling to not lose consciousness is like a complex calculation.

The girl in front of her tilts her head, mystified at the apparent confusion. The afternoon sun sneaking around the girl's head eats up the opportunity to blind Asami. Even with a hand to shade her eyes from the harsh light, its fierce heat penetrates her glasses and marches onwards to incinerate her eyes. Admirable is the heat's perseverance.

But its perseverance is no match for the heat from the pretty girl that has Asami's stomach somersaulting.

"I asked if I could photograph you," the girl repeats. She lifts the camera in her hands as a gentle reminder. "For your time and cooperation, I promise I'll send you the final versions."

The haziness of Asami's mind clears. It's a simple request. It's not like they're in some secluded location. Men, women, and children occupy Republic City Park on this fine afternoon. Worst case scenario if things take a turn south, Asami can protect herself and have the support of all these eyewitness accounts.

Shadows from the tree Asami leans against blanket her and the front of the girl. The sun beats on the girl's back and loses its fight against the shadows for her anterior. The sun, however, curls around her front. For the first time since acknowledging her bisexuality and her and her parents coming to accept it, Asami has no shame in taking her in.

She's about her age, likely partial Fire Nation with how pale her skin is. Asami never thought she'd meet someone paler than her yet it contrasts perfectly with the black hair flowing down her back and floating in the breeze. And finally, Asami rakes her eyes up, mesmerized by beautiful dimmed golden eyes and a small smile.

A little voice in the back of her head breaks through. She reminds – scolds – Asami that she's being a ridiculous, hormonal teenager. She knows nothing about this girl besides how pretty she is. But as she's learned, appearances can be deceiving and a slippery slope if one only considers face value.

There's no one else near us. She can't be talking to me. Spirits, what do her eyes look like in the sunlight? Does she sparkle and radiate warmth to everyone she speaks to?

"Me?" Asami points to herself, and the girl nods confidently. "Why me?"

"It's simple. The photographer in me is keen to capture the innate beauty you possess."

And all brain functioning sputters to a screeching halt.

That's never supposed to happen for a Sato.

There's not a hint of ingenuity in her voice like she hears her friends preach while secretly planning the demise of each other for selfish gain. With Asami's brain struggling to restart, the rest of her body has to pick up the slack. It's her gut that prevails and tells her to pursue her curiosity.

"Can I ask your name first?"

The wind whistles, singing its tune for the world. The dulling grass harmonizes with the wind. The first signs of autumn surround them as the wind carries its tune around Republic City Park.

It's only seconds, but it feels like years of listening to nature's hymn before the girl responds.

"Kaori. Kaori Himura."

Asami knows that name. She doesn't know that name, that family name, but knows like many other United Republic citizens and it explains why the girl hesitated.

As if the world has listened in on their conversation, the wind sweeps Kaori's hair into her face. Those few stray strands of hair ruin the expected image she has to represent. But thankfully for her, they're concealed by the shadows, hidden from the sun burning into her back.

How her face falls, how her body slumps over is all too familiar to Asami. Once her name is spoken, she's treated differently because of its reputation from her forebearers.

"Well, it's nice to meet you Kaori," Asami says, scooting closer to Kaori. Only after Kaori looks back up does she continue. "I'm Asami. Asami Sato."

It's only fair that she offers Kaori the same courtesy. Asami imagines the emotions washing over her face are a reflection of the emotions she just went through when Kaori revealed her full name.

Once her emotions are sorted out, there's a flicker of life in those gold eyes. Despite that, they're still dull, not nearly as vibrant as Asami imagines they can be.

"Nice to meet you too." Kaori nods an acknowledgement, reciprocating the unwritten, unspoken understanding to make no big deal about their family names. "So, what do you say?"

Teenagers before anything else, they're driven by emotions they sometimes cannot explain. Though they are both beyond their years with their prestigious educations, it all boils down to the adventure that is the teenage years.

The wind continues its gentle breeze, overhearing, as they exchange small talk. Family names are not brought up or discussed again, choosing ignorance about that part of their lives yet understanding each other because of that single public commonality.

Goosebumps break out across Asami's skin. They may be from the wind's chill or they may be from Kaori. Thanks to Kinu, and her mother's insistence on oceans of photos, Asami's no stranger to photography and appealing poses.

However, her brain is still reloading. No number of insults or physical abuse by the rest of her body has her brain performing properly.

This leads to Kaori stepping in because Asami requires physical assistance for the best poses. Every little touch sets fire to her skin, makes the rest of her body dizzy and it joins her brain in being useless.

The sun descends from its highpoint in the skies and begins dipping into the horizon, filling the skies with lovely shades of orange, yellow, and pinks. The camera set aside lone ago, they just talk, letting the conversation naturally flow.

In the middle of a discussion about their respective private school's selfish, prissy girls, also known as the popular girls by teenage philosophy, she hears an intense buzz come from Kaori's pocket, dispersing the haze over them.

"I've gotta go." A stiff expression replaces the relaxed, carefree one she had only moments ago as she responds to the text, holding herself in a sharp contrast to the hues around them. "I'll send you those photos when I get the chance. It was nice meeting you, Asami."

It sounds completely innocent and is an appropriate farewell statement. But years of observing her parents and executives of Future Industries, she recognizes the change in Kaori's demeanor like a flick of switch.

The real question is if that switch's been switched on or off.

"Wait!" Asami grabs Kaori's wrist just before she leaves their little bubble. Two sets of eyes widen at this development. What am I doing? Why am I grabbing her wrist? "You're cool, and I've enjoyed being with you today. Do…do you wanna hang out again sometime?"

Those gold eyes travel up from looking at the hand on her wrist to meet Asami's eyes. Asami can't help it if her body reacts to the action again. It means absolutely nothing. She's just lucky Kaori isn't screaming bloody murder in the eternity it takes her to respond.

"When and where?"

A few days later, they found themselves in the mall. Aimlessly, they wandered the shops and purchased random items. To the other shoppers, they just looked like two teenage girls – friends, maybe best friends – living the affluent teenage lifestyle.

Asami didn't exactly tell her parents that she was attracted to her. They knew she was hanging out with Kaori Himura, and that they'd met at the park because of an impromptu photography session.

Now, they lay side by side next to the pond in Republic City Park. Asami had told Kaori the story of how her front teeth are probably somewhere on the bottom if the fish aren't fond of calcium and other minerals. That'd been a fun tale that Kaori happened to hear on their first visit here.

But now the pond is the location of a new incident.

"What did you say?" Asami whispers, lifting herself up on her elbows. She wishes the thumping in her chest was from the peaceful sight of Kaori laying on the ground with her eyes closed and her hands intertwined over her stomach. She takes a deep breath and remains silent, frustrating Asami. "Kaori, what did you say?"

"I know your secret," she replies quietly. She hums and draws another deep breath. "I suspected when I first approached you and was just going to leave it. But…I don't know. I guess our commonalities resonate with me."

This is treading into dangerous territory. Is she a tigerdillo in koala sheep clothing?

"What's my secret?"

This time, Kaori sighs like she's tired. Without even opening her eyes, she reaches out and coaxes Asami to lie down on her side. Kaori mirrors Asami, eyes still closed. Asami's certain she can feel the heat of her stare though.

"That you're not exactly straight," she says barely audible. But finally, she opens her eyes. Asami believes she sees a flash of something in them, but it's gone before she can analyze it. "I have an eye for these types of things. Try as you might, Asami, you're not very subtle, and your eyes are a dead giveaway. But if you're not looking for it, you're just an ignorant fool."

What. The. Fuck?!

Asami has two choices: keep her mouth shut or deny it. How the hell is she supposed to know which is the better choice? There isn't enough information available to make a sound decision. Is she trying to exploit me for something?

"That's a bold accusation to make, Kaori," Asami says, her own body tensing and staring daggers into almost lifeless eyes. If she looks close enough, she sees green overpowering gold. "We both know what those kinds of conclusions without any evidence or facts can do to us."

"Calm down." She has the nerve to laugh like she's heard the best joke in the world. She buries her cheek into the dirty ground, decaying grass reflecting in her eyes. Suddenly cheeky, she peeks at Asami with her eyelashes as a shield. "Would it make you feel better if I said that's another thing we have in common?"

"What?" Asami exclaims a little too loudly, causing several heads to turn their direction. Neither of them speaks, tensed at the thought of someone getting wind of their conversation. Not thinking, Asami scoots a little closer. Without thinking about the implications of her phrasing, she asks in a lowered voice, "What do you mean that's something else we have in common?"

"Not denying it?" Kaori chuckles under her breath, drawing a whimsical pattern in the ground. "So, tell it to me straight, Asami. Or really, tell me where your loyalties lie on the spectrum?"

Under the playful look of Kaori, Asami fidgets. She can't deduct whether Kaori is being truthful or not which scares the fuck out of her. There're too many variables, too many risks. Spirits, I didn't know her a week ago! I've known Mako and Bolin half of my life and haven't told them. I can't tell-

"Bisexual." Asami thanks the world there isn't a breeze today to carry her words and curses her mouth for not letting her brain finish its thoughts. "You?"

"I suspect a baby bi?" A half-smile tugs at her lips that falls just as quickly as the rest of her expression. "A big capital, bold L in the LGBTQ." She rolls over onto her back and spreads her arms out, gazing up at the fluffy clouds. "A shameful, disgraceful, sinful and closeted lesbian of the Himuras."

The Himura family, pure Fire Nation blood. They're not a family to be trifled with. Katashi Himura had served in the Fire Nation Royal Army – as did his fathers and grandfathers before him. Daitan Himura, formerly Adachi, is the daughter of an attorney and senior police detective of narcotics.

Both of them have made their mark in the political world. The Himura family is either adored or despised. They do everything in their power to have their voices and controversial opinions heard to rise up the political ladder. They're hungry, aggressive, and ruthless like they always have been.

It's not hard to conclude Kaori's problem, and why she looks defeated and refuses to look at Asami.

"Why did you approach me that day?" Asami asks, hinting at this whole situation. A silent beat passes before Kaori responds with another sigh.

"Because I'm the selfish, prissy girl at my school that takes and never gives," she answers, locking her own pitiful eyes with Asami's confused ones. "But…you gave off this aura that you weren't straight before I even saw your eyes. And, I guess, I just wanted to help you not make the same mistakes as me."

"Kaori, what're you talking about?"

"Forget it." She averts her gaze and watches a bird fly overhead, freely gliding through life with no judgement from its peers. "Asami, you're pure. You're much too good for the cruelty of this world. But, if it's just between us, maybe we can pretend that the world doesn't despise us and yearn to purge us from existence for every little infraction we make. For just existing."

Asami finally understands what the flashing in Kaori's eyes is, why her gold eyes are still faded in the most brilliant of sunrays. It's her defeat, the scared, innocent little girl desiring to break free of her closet but can't.

Being freshly "out", Asami's not qualified for any sort of same-sex relationship advice or taking the lead. But she just does what feels natural. She takes Kaori's hand and gives it a reassuring squeeze.

"Neither of us are bad people, Kaori," Asami whispers, knowing if she speaks too loudly, she may shatter the glass surrounding them. "Who we're attracted to doesn't impede our productivity, our tangible and real value to society. We're not committing any crimes. We have as much of a right to be here and live our lives how we want to just as everyone else does."

Kaori briefly smiles, and Asami watches that flash return momentarily. This time it doesn't immediately vanish as Kaori returns a squeeze.

"Do you want to catch some dinner at Kwong's together? Right now?"

"Do you know what it's like having to stand on the sidelines and listen to your parents preach to those in the community how they're the root of all evil? How they're the ones who created and summon the dark spirits on this world?" she admits on their stroll after Kwong's, shrinking in on herself. "I've just stood on the sidelines like a good little girl and let them condemn those like me."

"They have a right to their own opinion, but they're imposing radical prejudice." Saying that leaves a disgusting aftertaste in Asami mouth. As much as she wants to immediately dismiss them, she has to leave an open mind. "You're their daughter. If anyone could at least enlighten them about the other side, it's you. Then maybe you could-"

"They won't change." The venom dripping from her mouth falls to the ground, melting through concrete. Her fists clench at her sides as they abruptly stop by a streetlight. Half their bodies are pulled by the light; the other half pulled by the shadows, in a constant tug of war. "Tell me, Asami, who are you? Where are you going?"

"What?"

"Not all of us have the luxury of unconditional love from our parents," she retorts, looking off into the shadows. Hearing that and seeing Kaori's despondence breaks Asami's heart. "I'm sorry. That was uncalled for. Forget it. You don't deserve my projections."

Despite the little bump, the rest of their evening is lovely. The conversation is seemingly forgotten to them, but Asami ponders Kaori's question. Who am I? She knows who I am and where I'm going.

On a secluded strip of their walk, Kaori intertwines their fingers. Her eyes plead with Asami to not make a big deal of it, but there's also flashes in those lusterless eyes. Those flashes hold glimpses of what beauty those golden eyes could hold if their beholder was truly happy and comfortable in her own skin. Those flashes also hold envy of what Asami has and Kaori doesn't.

So long as they avoid the LGBTQ community and their parents combined, they're in the clear. Both of them can be free in a sense. Asami's one of a few who have the privilege of seeing Kaori Himura's real personality.

They go out three times. First, Kwong's, then a casual dinner and a sporting event, and finally a movie and a dinner show. Activities that can be seen as normal things friends do or budding relationships, minus the extravagant expenses.

It's only after their third outing that their lips meet. Asami never really imagined her first kiss with a girl. How different could it be than kissing a boy? Physically, there's not much difference. Emotionally, because they know each other's stories to an extent, there's fireworks blasting in her ears only to be viciously extinguished by Kaori.

Asami tries to salvage what they have building. But it's no use. The projections of Katashi and Daitan Himura bellow out at her in the confines of the vehicle.

"Get the fantasy out of your damn brain and go fuck some man!"

Asami tries to stay strong and hold her head up high, but the weight on her shoulders brings her to her knees. Even with the support of her parents, her mind's pulled into every direction, tirelessly trying to make any sense of everything. It's easier said than done.

Asami clutches her pillow tighter against her chest to absorb her unsolicited tears. She knows that those weren't Kaori's words. They were her parents'. Knowing that doesn't make them hurt any less, unfortunately.

Despite her muddled thoughts, Asami knows it in the back of her mind. She's aware of it and has acknowledged it, but has never cared to admit it. She just wishes the world wasn't so cruel to those just seeking love and happiness in the world.

We're black and white, night and day. We are two sides of the same coin.

"You know Kinu Omori?"

"She's my mom's best friend. I could pass your name along to her or give you her car-"

"No!" she exclaims, fear replacing amazement.

"No? I'm sure she wouldn't mind talking to you. She's really sweet and humble."

"No." Kaori adjusts a few settings on her camera. "Photography…isn't anything more than an activity to waste a few hours."

"Waste?" Asami raises an eyebrow. "Photography is an art for you. You command the lens like a professional."

"Just drop it, Asami." Kaori tells her in a hard tone and gets up from their spot. "I'll take some pictures of you by the fountain now."

Asami dropped it. She didn't want to ruin the afternoon with the pretty stranger over a camera of all things.

At the time, it didn't make much sense to Asami. That's how the world works. Somebody knows somebody and gets someone's name in the door. In a perfect world, it's someone's big break.

In another world, refusing any networking opportunities is a crime, setting one up for failure. Kaori never outright expressed it, but Asami knows her parents don't approve of her hobby. That's why Kaori refused the connection. Considering her parents' public opinions and the people they represent, it's not a far reach.

It's not fair to Kaori. The evidence speaks for itself. Kaori needs a camera in her hands. If Asami didn't know any better, she wouldn't suspect that they were taken by a self-taught sixteen-year-old.

After their fight – and breakup? – and no communication since then, she didn't believe she'd ever get the photos that started this story.

Kaori Himura

Re: Final Rendering

I promised these for your time and cooperation. The least I can do is honor that.

Every photo tells a story. Each story reminds Asami what was going on as it was being taken, the phantom touch of Kaori's hands guiding her into the appropriate poses. It also reminds her that when she gazed into the lens, she wished it didn't block Kaori's face.

What the? She sent these?

So far, the photos have been of only her. At one point, Asami convinced Kaori to let her have a go at photographing her and a few of them together. Asami thought she'd learnt a thing or two from Kinu over the years. She, in fact, did not.

Kaori hadn't sent any of the solo photos that Asami took of her, but did send a few of the ones of them together in addition to a few phone ones. Seeing them together, she wishes that the circumstances were different, that Kaori wasn't under the influence and control of her insufferable parents.

In the photos she's happy, she's free. Her eyes are brighter than Asami remembers ever seeing in person. Did she purposely edit them to be like that or were they like that because she was happy and her genuine self?

Receiving these photos gives Asami a little hope. Kaori had no obligation to send these photos to her. She took time out of her day and worked her magic to send them to her.

Kaori might not want to talk to her, might not want to listen to her, but Asami has to at least thank her and decides a text is less formal.

Thank you for all the photos. I know you told me to drop it, but the pic's Kinu's business card. Tell her that Asami Sato connected you. I didn't tell her anything. The ball's in your court. You have a talent. You deserve to live your truth just like me. Live how you want to live, not how your parents dictate how you should live. If you ever need to talk, about anything, I'm here for you.

She likes the man before her. But nothing more than a friend. Since adolescence, she's become quite an actress that no one suspects a thing.

"Of course, I'll marry you!"

She will live a traditional lifestyle. She will have and care for two to three kids, live in an immaculate house tended to by the help, and always stand by her husband's side.

She will continue living a lie for the sake of appearances. Though this web of lies puts on a strong front, the lies shatter any specks of hope that she'd be able to truly love a woman in a way that she deserves one day.

To have a healthy, honest relationship and live a fulfilling life together. That's who she wishes to be, where she wishes to go.

That woman has never and will never exist.

She hasn't fallen for her own line. She's aware of how deceptive she is. It's her one decent quality. But maybe if she'd fallen for her line, it'd make her life so much easier.

Time after time, she's ruined everything. She's played a bunch of innocent women. She's forced them into her own affairs for selfish reasons. They've all ended the same, being shoved away. If that wasn't bad enough, her mouth always runs itself as a final farewell. She dehumanizes them to nothing more than cattle that fill their stomachs.

She has no right to say these things. Every one of them is better, stronger than she ever will be. She will repeat the vicious cycle and allow the shadows to draw her back in fear of punishment. With a flip of the switch, the shadows masquerade her into the perfect political doll she is that advocates and symbolizes the traditional family lifestyle and values.

The tears in her eyes are ones of melancholy, masquerading as happiness, of what's to come.

But her eyes neither wanted, nor expected the sight before her, widening and realizing the deep shit she's about to be in.

All because she opened up her heart for someone dangerously close to walking the same path as her.

"Excuse us, we just wanted to offer our blessings and congratulations."

Posted: July 2, 2022

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