CHAPTER FOUR:
THIS IS BUDDY! AND I LOVE MEAT!
But I will not write about my love of meat right now, because I have IMPORTANT INFORMATION. You know, 411, the lowdown, data, the scoop, the MEAT!
So there I was sneaking around the park, looking for the Pranksters to I could SPY ON THEM, when I saw little Gilda Flip, looking very sneaky herself. She looked around, like she was waiting for someone. Then tapper her foot impatiently and looked around again. Then this girl walked out from behind a tree. From out of nowhere. I AM NOT KIDDING. The girl just walked out from behind the tree, like it was a door.
THIS IS WHAT THE GIRL LOOKED LIKE: The girl was really pretty. She had long dark hair and was wearing a white dress that dragged on the ground. She carried a bag and a big stick. There are only two words that can describe this girl: Pretty and Evil. SHE LOOKED SO EVIL! AAAAHHHHHH!
Then the EVIL PRETTY GIRL gave the bag to Gilda Flip and said, "There are the goods you requested, I cannot believe we haven't thought of this before. We shall soon rule over this tiny world and all the worlds in-between. It will not belong now until we have gathered all the right, ehem, ingredients."
"Yes," Gilda agreed, "It won't be long now. Is there anything else you need me to do?"
"No, not just yet. Keep an eye in them. I have to return to my kingdom now, but I will return anon."
"Good-bye!"
"Good-bye."
And then EVIL PRETTY GIRL walked back behind the tree AND WAS GONE!
I MUST TELL THE OTHERS! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!
Hello. Meg here. Just checking in to say that we found Glinda and Mark! Brandi and I are done with work for today, to all us girls (Taylor, Daisy, Brandi, and I) are out thrift shopping!
Because we can't afford anything else but used clothes.
Here's what we got:
1. Five different hats, ranging from fedoras to baseball hats to top hats
2. Two skirts, one white one black
3. Two pairs of pants, one tan bell bottom, one black gaucho
4. Six pairs of gloves (not all of them matching) with color ranging from white to red to black to pink
5. A black blazer made with gauze like material (for me)
6. A pink button up shirt (for Taylor)
7. Shiny black leggings (for Daisy)
8. Two tee shirts, one black, bearing the saying "Irony, the opposite of wrinkly" and the other green while saying "How many vegetables died for your salad?"
9. A random assortment of men's clothes for the guys
All for, like, twenty dollars!
Then Taylor and I were looking at the furniture while the other tried on clothes when we heard noises coming from a wardrobe.
"Marky? I don't think Narnia is in this one. Should we try the others?"
"Yeah Glin, in a minute. I just need to…."
"Oh Maaarrrrkyyyy…"
I threw the wardrobe doors open and shrieked, "GALINDA! MARK!" at the couple making out in the cupboard.
"AAAAAAHHHH!" they both screamed.
Then Mark squinted up at me, "Meg? What are you doing here? In New York City? In the Salvation Army Store?"
"You disappeared!" I cried, not answering any of his questions, "Literally! We thought you DIED!"
"No we didn't," Taylor said.
"I DID!"
"You always think people died."
"SO? IT'S A LEGITIMATE CAUSE OF DEATH!"
"What? Dying?"
"YES!"
Glinda nodded, "Dying does cause death," she said in all seriousness.
"Mark! Glinda!" Daisy and Brandi cried, coming over, "You're here! And… what are you wearing?"
The last part was directed to Glinda who was wearing a pink tee-shirt, pink tiara, skinny jeans and pink lace-up boots. It was a very hipster-fied version of Glinda.
"I'm a hipster now!" she declared, "I had to dress like everyone else around here."
She then started singing, "IT FEELS LIKE A PERFECT NIGHT! TO DRESS UP LIKE HIPSTERS! AND MAKE FUN OF OUR EXES, UN HU UN HU!"
"What happened to you guys?" Mark asked. So that's how we ended up in a little place called the Life Café, drinking coffee and chai tea and telling our little sad story.
"Oh that's so awfulable!" Glinda said when we reached the part where Summer got amnesia, "Has Carl tried kissing her? I saw this movie where this girl ate a poison apple and the only cure was TRUE LOVES KISS!"
"Snow White?" Daisy asked.
"Yes!"
"But, Glin," Taylor said, "Summer isn't stuck sleeping, she just can't remember anything."
"True Love's Kiss cures all!" Glinda insisted.
"Okay, yeah, thanks," Brandi nodded.
"So how'd you two end up here?" I asked.
"Glinda poofed us here," Mark said, matter a factly, "One second we were on the airplane with you, then we were here."
"We stayed with Rodgy for a while," Glinda added.
"My friend Rodger Davis," Mark explained.
"Then I got a job!" Glinda exclaimed, "you won't believe where!"
"Where?" Daisy asked.
"On Broadway! I am staring in the new hit musical Wicked!"
"You're joking," I said.
"NO!"
"You're… Glinda playing Galinda…" Brandi murmured.
"Yes! And I met the nicest girl playing Elphie! Her name is Idina!"
Mark shook his head, "and she looks just like Maureen. How many of them are there?"
"And you will never guess," Glinda giggled.
"What?" Daisy asked.
"WE GOT MARRIED!" Glinda cried.
We exploded, "WHAT?!" "How come you didn't tell us right off?!" "YOU GOT MARRIED?!" "Why didn't you invite us to your wedding!" "MARRIED? LIKE A RING AND A PASTOR?!"
"Yes yes! Married!" Mark laughed.
"Maureen's here," Brandi said, "When you guys disappeared on the plane, she appeared in your place."
"Oh," Mark said.
"Yes, oh."
"It's fine! I'm COMPLETELY over Mo. I'm married to the love of my life!"
"Eeeewww, only Summer and Carl are allowed to be that mushy!" I made a face.
"OHMYOZ! I have to get to the theater!" Glinda exclaimed, "I'll see you later Marky. Bye girls! Oh and Marky? Give them our phone letters, okay?"
"Yeah, sure, Glin," once she was gone Mark wrote their phone number on a napkin and passed it to us.
"Thanks Mark, we really need to get back to the Diner now, though," Taylor said.
"Yeah, we're really messed up," I added, "We didn't want to worry Glin, but Summer was pregnant, and the Dagger stole her baby."
"No," Mark breathed.
"Yeah, Carl is distraught. And what makes things worse is she doesn't remember anything about her life," Daisy said.
"It saves her a little pain," Brandi pointed out, "But I'm not sure if it will make it all worse later."
"Bye Mark," I said.
"Bye."
"Bye"
"Bye!" and we left the Life Café.
PRANKSTER MEETING MINUTE #0823, Written and recorded by Gilda Flip, Prankster-in-Training
Francine Carruthers, President: I hear by bring this meeting of the Pranksters to order. Gilda, do you have the item?
Gilda Flip: Yes, that I do. Behold, the UNmuffin.
Annie Scrambler: What the heck is an UNmuffin?
Gilda: It's a evil muffin that makes you into the opposite of what you are. So Annie, if you were to eat an UNmuffin you'd become nice and sweet and helpful. A lot like Lisa!
Danny Rebus: Don't ever eat an UNmuffin my pet.
Francine: Danny! You are breaking one of our rules! Gilda!
Gilda: Rule number 24601: Danny and Annie shall not address one another with their mushy couples names while in Prankster meetings or if on official Prankster business.
Danny: Sorry Francine.
Francine: Apology accepted.
Manny Spamboni: Can we go feel these little beauties to the the Electric Company now?
Danny: Just a second Manny! I want to ask Francine, how did you come up with the idea for these muffins?
Francine: It came to me in a dream.
(Actually, Francine had heard Jessica retelling a dream she'd had to Hector and Keith.)
Annie: And how did you get the UNmuffins?
Francine: Why I made them of course!
(Actually, Gilda acquired them from…. A friend she had)
Francine: Well, are we going?!
Danny: This way, mi'lady?
Annie: Thank you my fine lord.
Francine: RULE TWO FOUR SIX OH OOOONNNNEEEE!
(Actually, Gilda made that specific rule that number because Danny and Annie break it so much. That way Francine unintentionally sings a line from Les Miserables all the time.)
THIS IS THE MEATENIZER! BUDDY BEAR! YES! YES!
I am sitting outside the diner typing in this doo-dad waiting for Shock to BRING OUT THE MEAT! Just kidding. I don't think he is bringing out meat. Just trash. SO SAD.
HERE COMES HECTOR, DOES HE HAVE MEAT?! NO! AAAAHHHH!
It looks like… he's going to… SIIIIING!
"She likes basketball," He breathed, looking all… breathy. WHO LIKES BASKETBALL? WHO, WHO, WHO HECTOR?
"How about that? We've got something in common to talk about! Basketball!" He sang, "Oh Lisa!"
"She likes basketball, how about that? I have some place to take her when we go out! Basketball!"
So Lisa Heffen-whatchya likes basketball. I like meat. Is there a song about that?! Buddy likes meat, who'd a known? Meeeeaaaatttt!
"Whoever would've dreamed, ever would've thought?
That my favorite girl likes my favorite sport!
Like any other kid, I would make-believe
With a ball in my hand!
I'd dribble right past,
All the others real fast,
And I'd be six-foot eight,
And my jump shot was really great!" Hector sang, rather loudly, running around the alley, pretending to be a basketball player.
"She likes basketball, isn't that wild?
It's an omen that good things are on their way
Things to share!
We share basketball, couldn't you die?
From a simple beginning like this
We may get somewhere!
It's nice to dream
Someday it might be, basketball and meeeeeeee!" he finished holding the "Me" with his arms stretched out wide.
MEEEEEEEEEEEEEAT.
I'm typing this on the subway we're taking to get from Alphabet City back to the diner. It's rather a long subway ride. Why didn't we just tell Mark and Glin that we should meet them in the Starbucks next to the thrift store? I mean, why go all the way to Alphabet City JUST to go to the Life Café.
Well, YES, it IS the LIFE CAFÉ for crying out loud. Where the infamous "La Vie Boheme" scene took place in RENT, BUT STILL. Two more subway stops in the wrong direction!
Just a second Brandi.
We bought A LOT of clothes to add to the whole thing. Like, A-
Just a second Brandi!
As I was saying-
WHAT BRANDI?
"Stop typing to angrily on your datapad! Is that DARTH LIZARD?!" Brandi said.
"WHAT?!"
"Meg, hush!" Daisy added, "Looks like she has a baby with her!"
"That's it, on the count of three we jump her," Taylor said.
"One," Brandi whispered.
"Two," I said.
"THREE!"
DUH DUH DUUUUHHHHH! LIZZIE?! Yeah. Cliff hanger….
Anyway I have a few words for Phantom/Tessa. 1) Aaaahhh! You like 500 Miles too? You just got like 50 more awesome points in my book. 2) I just saw Les Miz too! Wasn't it AWESOME? I was crying like, the whole time. So beautiful. What do you mean "Totally worth nearly breaking a rib!"? WHAT DID YOU DO? 3) NCIS, Hmmm… I think I like Abby best so far.
Taylor: When am I getting that sushi?
Lisa: Here! Sushi!
Taylor: Ooh Thanks!
JAS: Oh Glinda!
Glinda: Yes?
JAS: Would you…?
Glinda: Okay! Jedi Annie Scrambler does not own Wicked, RENT, the Electric Company 2009, Star Wars, Narnia, Doctor Who, Les Miserables, Alice in Wonderland, Peter Pan-
Brandi: Whoa whoa whoa. What does Peter Pan have anything to do with this?
Glinda: I was just reading the list. *Holds up list* She also doesn't own the song "She likes Basketball" from the play Promises Promises.
Daisy: JAS?
JAS: Haha, Spoilers! *Note the fake British accent.*