CHAPTER 6: UNMUFFINS!

This is Meg! And I am hiding behind some boxes in the back storage room of the Electric Diner because SOMEONE fed UNMUFFINS to EVERYONE IN THE DINER! Well, except for Maureen and Tessa who managed to lock the front doors and hide in the back room which we are now occupying.

"Maureen, can you, um, please sit behind a different box?" Tessa is asking now. (I think she doesn't like Mo.)

"Take me baby!" Maureen whisper-sang, "Or leeeeaaavvvveeee me!"

"Hush!" Taylor hissed.

"What's the plan?" Brandi is now asking, "And why is everyone acting so strange out there?"

"They're called unmuffins!" Tessa explains, "When you eat then you become the opposite of what you are, the UN-VERSION!"

"That is so weird," Maureen said.

"It's cool!" Tessa declared.

"Also, scary," I am pointing out, because I just glanced through the window on the door. Summer had figured out that we are in here and is attempting to blow up the door using a blender, two bananas and and some birthday candles. IS SHE INSANE? SHE SHOULD NOT BE INSANE IF SHE IS UN-SUMMER!

SHE SHOULD BE VERY VERY VERY SANE!

"Hey," Daisy just whispered, "Do you hear voices outside?"

She pointed to the back door, where, indeed, voices seemed to be come from the other side of the door.

"See Rose," some guy was saying in a northern English accent, "This place has the best banana smoothies and chips but they seem to be locked in."

I am now hyperventilating.

"So you're gonna sonic the back door now, yeah?" a girl with a British accent now says.

"That's right! Just a little jiggery-pokery!" Northern accent says.

"Are you guys going to stop fliting and open the door?" an American accent says.

"WE WERE NOT FLIRTING, JACK!" Northern accent says.

"Yeah yeah yeah," American guy says.

Then the door popped open.

"Oh!" Rose Tyler- the British girl- says, seeing us, "Brandi! Meg! What are you doing?"

"Hiding," Brandi tells them bluntly, "because everyone in the diner ate unmuffins."

"So they are the opposite of themselves," Tessa adds, "We could use your help fixing them."

"Meg," Taylor is now saying, "Stop hyperventilating and typing super fast."

"What are you doing here?" the Doctor (his ninth self, the one that wears leather and has big ears) said.

"What do you mean what are we doing here?" Brandi asked.

"Well, we just saw you," Rose said, "In 1775, Boston, Massachusetts. It was just Brandi and Meg though."

"WHAT?!" I yelled.

Maureen stood up and swaggered over to Captain Jack Harkness, "Hi," she said sticking her hand out to him, "I'm Maureen Johnson, and you are?"

"J-J-Jack Harkness, I mean, Captain Jack Harkness, and that's my line," he said.

"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you."

"Wanna make out?"

"JACK!" the Doctor and Rose yelled.

"I can prove we know you," Rose said, "the password is 'Coconut-cupcakes.'"

"That's what you told us to tell you," Jack added, "Next time we saw you."

"That sounds like something you'd say," Taylor said.

"But you said you saw them in 1775 Boston, how's that possible?" Daisy called from her spot by the door.

"Time doesn't always go in a strait line," the Doctor explained, "It can be all tangled."

"Wibily-wobly, timey-wimey," I grinned.

"So we've met you," Brandi deduced, "In your past, our future?"

"Yep," Rose nodded.

"So what happened?" Taylor asked.

"They can't tell us! It's cause a paradox!" I cried.

The Doctor nodded, "Right, now what's the problem?"

"They ate UNMUFFINS!" Tessa all but yelled, "Now they are the opposite OF WHAT THEY NORMALLY ARE!"

She paused before adding, "It's kinda awesome."

"Alien tech, Doctor?" Jack asked, glancing into the other room, "Maybe some sort of mid altering substance?"

"Yeah," Daisy rolled her eyes, "Some one put crack in their muffins."

"Jack has got the right idea, those muffins probably have some unearthly substance in them," the Doctor said, "I'll need to take a sample back to the TARDIS to test it and come up with an antidote."

"An antidote is easy," Tessa declared, "all you need to do is get them to eat another muffin, then they'll be the un-un-version of themselves."

"Hey, guys?" Daisy said.

"It's a double negative," I nodded, "And they'll be normal again."

"Fantastic!"

"Guys...?" Daisy said again.

"Buuutttt..." Tessa said, drawing out the word.

"But?" Taylor asked.

"But they won't eat them, they'll try to get us to eat the unmuffins so we get un-ifide too."

"GUYS!" Daisy yelled.

"What?"

"Un-Summer broke a hole in the door and is trying to get through!" Daisy cried.

OMG. IT'S SO TRUE! UN-SUMMER MANAGED TO BREAK A HOLE IN THE LOWER CONER OF THE DOOR WITH ONLY A TUBE OF LIPSTICK, A PEAR, AND A TOASTER!

Hey. She figured out what a toaster is!

"Get out of there!" Brandi gasped.

"She's got my shirt! I can't move! She's really strong!"

"Well, yeah," Taylor nodded.

"Everyone plug your ears!" the Doctor exclaimed, pulling his sonic screw driver out and aiming at Un-Summer. We plugged our ears as the Doctor made the sonic emit a loud, piercing sound. Un-Summer let go of Daisy in order to cover her ears. She- and everyone else in the diner- cried out.

"Now!" the Doctor put the screw driver away and rubbed his hands together, "Let's go talk to them!"

"Is he crazy?" Taylor asked Rose.

"No! He... He's brilliant," Rose whispered, "But don't tell him that or his ego will never deflate."

"Rosie like likes him," Jack whispered, looping one arm around Rose, the other about Taylor's shoulders. Taylor ducked out of his embrace as Rose cried, "I DO NOT!"

"Rose! I need you over here!" the Doctor demanded.

Rose shot a glare at Jack before moving to help the Doctor with... who knows what.

"So..." Jack said to Brandi, "Parallel universe right? How'd you get here?"

"We got lost in the Bermuda triangle," Brandi said, "I think that's when it happened."

"Turns out Amelia Earhart lived there, in the Triangle," Taylor added.

"Good old Amelia!" the Doctor called from his place by the door, "How's she doing?"

"Quite well!" Daisy said, "Married Luke Skywalker!"

"No! Really? They exist?" Rose gasped.

"Well, you do," I said.

"Right! I remember you saying that last time we saw you! In the universe you guys are from, we are just a TV show! Imagine that!" Jack laughed.

"I said it before and I'll say it again," the Doctor grumbled, "Travel between universes is impossible, or it should be. Logically, you should not be here!"

"I will talk to you later," I mumbled.

"Got the door!" Rose cried happily.

"Okay, now, when we go in there DO NOT eat any thing!" the Doctor warmed, sternly.

"Don't have to tell me twice," Tessa said, pushing past him.

WE WALKED INTO THE DINER FILLED WITH UN-PEOPLE.

"Taylor..." Un-Summer purred, touching her arm, "Have a muffin, they are sooo good!"

"Um, no thanks, I'm good," Taylor pulled away but Un-Summer grabbed hold of her arm, and, twisting her around, pushed her back into a chair.

"EAT IT!" she cried.

"Let go of her!" Rose shouted.

"Carl! Get her!" Un-Summer called to her un-husband. Taylor took this distraction to put both feet on Un-Summer's shoulders and push her back- hard- them roll backwards, back onto her feet.

"Tony! Tony! What happened to you?!" Brandi was demanding of her boyfriend, shaking him slightly.

"I ate me a muffin," he said, his Irish accent had changed to Scottish, "It was, like, the best thing that happened to me. EVA. You have GOT to try one, yo."

"WHAT DID IT DO TO YOU? NOOOOOOO!" Brandi cried, rather climatically.

"Have muffin Tessa, Have a muffin Tessa," Un-Jessica and Un-Keith chanted, walking slowly and very zombie-ish-ly towards her.

"Whoa," she whispered, "Awesome and yet terrifying."

BUT THE UN-PEOPLE ARE TOO MUCH FOR US! THEY ARE EVERYWHERE AND VERY STRONG! OH NO! THEY'VE GOT DAISY! AND BRANDI!

THEY ARE TIEING EVERY ONE TO CHAIRS! AAAHHHHH!

TAYLOR IS FIGHTING UN-SUMMER THROUGH DANCE! TAYLOR! YOU WONT WIN! YOU MAY BE MORE FLEXIBLE, BUT SUMMER IS MORE EXPERIENCED AND TECHNIQUE AND STUFF!

THE'VE GOT THE DOCTOR! AND JACK!

AND TESSA! Wait. Tessa's talking to them... here, listen. ...Er, you know what I mean. Read.

"If the muffins are so good, why don't you eat one?" Tessa says, "or are you afraid?"

"I'm not afraid of any muffin!" Un-Jessica declares, "Are you afraid Lisa?"

"No! Of Course not! Are you afraid Hector?"

And around and around the circle it goes. Apparently, no one is afraid of muffins. (This is good)

"Well, then eat one, everybody all at once!" Tessa cries, and gives us non-un-people a little nod.

Now everyone is eating a muffin! Except us non-un-people and the people tied to chairs, for obvious reasons.

EVERY ONE IS BACK TO NORMAL!

"Whoa, I feel funny," Now-not-un-but-NORMAL-Summer said, sitting down.

"Me thinks we thath been fooled but some blackard!" Prince Tony cried after kissing Brandi.

"You're back to normal!" Brandi yelled and started kissing him again.

"What were those things?" Carl asked.

"Un-Muffins," Tessa said.

"They smell kinda good," Jack mused, sniffing one.

"Who are you?" Summer asked, "Or do I know and just don't remember?"

"Oh I think you'd remember if we'd met before," Jack said smoothly, "Captain Jack Harkness, and you are?"

"Even if we have met before I don't think I'd remember, I have amnesia," Summer said, the flirting going strait over her head. Carl's head though, it did not miss. He put a protective (READ: Possessive) arm around Summer.

"I'm the Doctor and this is Rose Tyler," the Doctor said, extending his hand to Carl.

"Sorry about Jack," Rose added, "He doesn't always behave."

"Who brought in these muffins?" the Doctor then asked, getting right down to business.

"It was FRANCINE!" Buddy yelled.

"Yeah, Francine came in and gave us these muffins!" Lisa and Hector agreed.

"Pranksters!" Jessica growled, like it was a swear word.

"Anyone for a banana smoothie?" Shock asked.

TRANSCRIPT OF OUR SUPER-SECRET MEETING IN THE BACK CLOSET:

Tessa: okay. Here's the plan, Brandi and I came up with it earlier.

Taylor: Wait, plan for what?

Brandi: To get Keith-and-Jessica, Hector-and-Lisa, and Carl-and-Summer together!

Meg: and the Doctor and Rose.

Brandi: Right. Them too.

Daisy: what's the plan again?

Jack: She hasn't told us yet.

Daisy: Right.

Maureen: Too bad Summer's so nice, 'cause Carl is such a cutie.

Everyone: MAUREEN!

Jack: He is.

Everyone: JACK!

Tessa: ANYWAY. The plan is that when I give the single, Shock will dim the lights and Jack will sit down at the keyboard-

Brandi: What? When'd this happen? I thought we were using a CD.

Tessa: Turns out Jack can play the piano-

Jack: and I really want to see if we can get the Doc and Rosie to suck face.

Taylor: What?

Tessa: AND THEN, he'll start playing "Kiss the Girl"-

Taylor: That makes more sense.

Tessa: and him and Maureen will start singing so that way everyone falls in love!

Daisy: Do you think it will work?

Taylor: No.

Meg: Taylor! I think it's a get plan!

Jack: Okay guys, ready!

Brandi: Yep!

Maureen: Let's go play some matchmaker!

BUDDY HERE. And the super-secret awesome plan didn't work. Well. It kinda worked. Keith asked Jessica out and Hector kissed Lisa on the cheek to get Maureeny to leave them alone.

BUT MEATCAKES! It didn't work with Carl-and-Summer or Rose-and-the-Doctor! That really fries!

Although, Jack Harkness plays a mean meat. I mean, piano. I even harmonized with him and Maureen a little bit. Want to hear?

Shalalalala
My oh myyyyy
Looks like the boy's too shy
Ain't gonna eat the meat!

Shalalalala
Ain't that sad
it's such a shame
Too bad, you're gonna miss that meat!

Lovely, isn't it? Yes, yes, thank you, thank you!

Right now Daisy is trying to decode the notebook she found in DARTH LIZARD'S bag that has all the secrets of the Purple Knife.

The Doctor, Rose and Jack went back to the TARDIS, but Meg made them PROMISE PROMISE PROMISE that they'd be back in the morning for another banana smoothie.

Taylor, Meg, and Brandi are sitting with Daisy drinking non-meat-or-banana smoothies and talking about tv shows and stuff.

The boys left to go play football or basketball or something with Hector, Keith, and Marty Farms.

Summer and Carl are sharing a smoothie and- AAAAAWWWWWW, aren't they cute? Cuter than puppies and piggies and baby meats!

That's all for now- wait a second! Wait a meat sniffin' second! Daisy's saying something!

"Hey! I did it! I translated half of the journal! Come look!"

OOOOOOH. What will the journal say? Does it hole the secrets of the universe? Does it tell us how Sherlock survived? Does it explain how to divide by zero? Does it tell the Doctor's real name? Or what happened in Budapest? Maybe is give the function of a rubber duck! WHAT DO YOU THINK IT SAYS? Review now and tell me! :) Also, review for food! It's Pies today!
P.S. I don't own The Electric Company, Doctor Who, or RENT... I wish I did.