Author's notes: Looking at the timetable I made, I was kind of shocked that we've just witnessed a few days. It's 11 since that argue in his office, most of them were stuffed with policework (and not really described in the stories) and only 3 were those intensive ones recently spent in Cornwall. So I was thinking about an explanation why Lynley and Havers act like they know each other for years. Well, it's very simple - it is that they do know each other for years. So it's normal to skip the most of the getting to know because they already know and it's not too odd to be discussing very intimate topics. Don't know how it came to the following one, it just crossed my mind. Sorry.

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Thomas payed, helped Barbara on with her coat and with a single nod to the waiter at the entrance they left.

Outside it was pretty cold. Barbara stuffed her hands deep in her pocktes. The wind had blown away all clouds so now the stars were visible but it was also freezingly cold. Unlike Thomas she hadn't put on gloves. Thomas put his arm around Barbaras shoulder while they slowly walked up the Wharf Road, along the harbour, back to the cottage. It was high tide and due to the still blowing wind the water splashed loudly against the harbour wall to their right. For a short while they remained silent.

Gosh, I'm so happy. Barbara thought. The part of her brain that still couldn't believe all this was getting lower and didn't permanently remind her of the incredibility of the past three days anymore. But it still was somewhere in the back. She huddled closer into Thomas' side and it was not just about the temperature. Flashes of the conversation at the Kernow went through her head. He seems to take it seriously, all this. She nearly could feel the little emerald around her neck pinching her. As if he had read her mind, Thomas squeezed her shoulder.

After a few more seconds he started to talk.

"I... umm...there's something I'd like to talk about."

In an instant Barbara strained every nerve.

Thomas stopped, moved her against the railing of the harbour basin and put both hands on her hips.

"It's..." he started. "We..."

Thomas Lynley obviously couldn't find the right words and that was so cute it made Barbara forget about the fear of what might follow and she chuckled.

"We what?" she asked.

"Damn! Don't laugh! Well, normally I'm not that unthoughtful, I always... with my other... my former... oh, no, how does that sound?" He raked through his hair. "Errm... Usually I..." he deeply inhaled and then looked her straight in the eye. "Barbara, we didn't prevent." Now it was said. He himself didn't know why it wasn't easy for him to talk about that topic, he had used to speak about it openly, but somehow it was different with Barbara. He was afraid he might frighten her.

"As I said, normally I haven't been that unthoughtful, with other women I had... Oh, that still sounds awful."

"But it is that you've had other women."

"Yes, but... It's not that I've had as much as it sounds like."

Barbara looked at his chest, not looking at something in particular. Now, that depends. she thought.

"There were some, can we agree on that? I don't care." And I don't want to talk about them.

"Barbara." Thomas sighed a little despaired. "But that's not the point. I have to apologize for acting thoughtless. I think, it's..."

"It's okay." Barbara said. "I could have noticed it myself. But there's one thing why I didn't – I trust you!"

She looked him deep in his dark eyes and saw his concerns.

She said it again, more quiet, more tender. "I trust you, Thomas."

"And I trust you." he said and leant forward and he held her closer to very caressingly kiss her. When they broke she could clearly see that there was more he wanted to talk about.

"But it's not only prevention of sexual desease I didn't think about. I don't want to make you..." He stopped again and searched for words. Barbara put her hands on his chest.

"It's okay." she said. "Most likely that wouldn't have happened anyway."

Thomas looked at her without understanding.

"You know, when I was shot I had to undergo some surgeries and..."

Thomas whispered a breathless "No, Barbara!"

"Oh, it is possible, but very much unlikely."

"Oh, Barbara, I'm so sorry!" He nearly cried. A thought flashed in his mind. I'll never be a father. Thomas immediately cursed himself for being so selfish.

"I'm so sorry, Barbara!" he said again with a tearful voice. "I've never known..."

"Hush! Thomas!" Barbara put a finger gently onto his lips and reassuringly smiled. "I'm okay with it. I might be incomplete down there but I'm still a woman."

"That you are indeed, but..."

"There is no "but", Thomas. It's simply that I'm lacking some parts on one side. I have no problems with that, believe me."

"But..."

"No, Thomas! No! I've overcome that point. And yes, we'd better prevent from now on. It might be unlikely but there's still a chance to receive with the percentage of about..."

Thomas kissed her abruptly. "It's not okay. How do you really feel?"

"I am okay with that. Anyway, I've put having children off the table a very long time ago and it was a long time before I got shot."

"No..."

"To be true, I've put sex off the table a very long time ago." Barbara started to play with the ribbon on the collar of his coat. She thought it very strange to be discussing these things on a harbour railing in the middle of the night and at that time of her relationship.

"That's stupid, Havers! You are a very attractive woman." He nuzzled between her collar and her neck and kissed her there. "You are very attractive."

He breathed onto the naked skin of her neck and then he just put both arms around her and hugged her really close, looking across the water, his chin resting on her head. After a while he quietly asked if she ever wants a baby at all now that she was with him. Barbara admitted that she hadn't yet thought about that and she asked if it wasn't a bit too soon for that kind of question since they'd been together for a mere ten days.

"That's not true. It's been much longer. Truh to be said it's been for about ten years."

Barbara mockingly coughed against his chest. "Bollocks!" She stuffed her hands in his coat pockets.

"Umm, well, we've spent nearly every day together, we've travelled together to wherever they wanted us to investigate. We've spent so many nights in your flat or in my house poring over files. In fact we've shared a tiny mobile home, we've shared very intimate conversations while sitting in a car with binoculars on our noses or during other countless similar occasions. I know that you run on coffee, I know that you don't really like getting up early, I know that you hate shopping, I know how you get the ketchup out of its bottle, I know your funny pyjamas. And you've known most parts of my naked body before there even was the glimpse of a forthcoming relationship." He chuckled. "I know that you've peeped whenever and wherever possible."

"Who could blame me? You're a handsome poshy." Barbara murmured against his chest.

"I do my very best." Thomas admitted.

"You started to workout."

"Hmmm, you've recognised?"

"Yes. I've recognised your delicate bum." Barbara was glad that in the darkness he couldn't see her blushing. "And I feel very certain that your biceps hadn't always been that strong."

Thomas squeezed her and pressed a funny sound out of her.

"Stop that, you brute!"

Thomas kissed her on the top of her head.

"And I know that you know equal stuff about me. You see, we've come to know each other a very long time ago when we still were just colleagues and friends. So I really am of the opinion that a question like that is not too soon right now. So?"

"So? So what?" Barbara knew exactly what he had meant but she stalled for time. It was the truth when she said she'd given up the thought of raising a family but some days ago everything in her life had turned different. Barbara sighed and bumped her forehead onto his chest. She couldn't answer his question because she hadn't yet really dared to think about that possibility. Actually, having a baby may be a possible scenario now that she was with Thomas.

"Do you ever want a baby?" Thomas asked again.

"...don't know." Barbara murmured.

They still stood there at the harbour railing and huddled. Barbara had her hands in his coat pockets and her head against his chest, Thomas still had his arms wrapped around her and his chin laid on top of her head.

He thought about his fears when Helen was pregnant and when he had started to accept it and then even to look forward to the baby. And now everything had come the other way. He was nearly 41, a widower and still childless. He himself had tried not to think too frequently of that topic, partly because it still hurt him a bit. The loss still hurt and it wasn't the thing with having no heir but you need two persons for that and it hadn't been one of the women he had met after Helen died. Now that he had realised that Barbara indeed was this person, the baby question was on top again. He also recognised that his question indeed must have frightened Barbara. She's right. It really is no good behaviour to ask something like this at that state of our relationship.

Barbara surprised him by saying "Well, not now, but I think yes..." against his chest.

She had thought about his question. A part of her had told her of the stupidity, the differences and the impossibility that this would be a longlasting relationship with his Lordship. Another part of her had reminded her of the other impossibility, that one that rooted in the surgeries after the shot. She had tucked away her hopes, just so she won't be getting frustrated if the remaining percentage also fails. And if she pretended to have no interest in a child, there will be no need to check if it was possible at all, thus there will be no disappointment if not. But now this didn't work anymore. And besides, one part grew louder. It was the fairy part that said that this man who right at that moment was holding her in his strong arms and gently swayed her was the one with whom she actually should stay forever and ever and raise a family and now piss off with your bloody concerns about the differences. Coming to that point she had answered his question.

Thomas deeply inhaled.

"It's getting freezy, isn't it." he huskily said. "Let's go home."

.

Author's note 2: I'm still giggling about Barbara's last thought. I nearly wanted to name the chapter Piss off. Would be naughty so it's a different title - naughty we'll be next time ;-) Did I mention that I love to have them discuss serious matters and always divert into some gentle teasing?