"Hello, and welcome to the Total Drama Newbies Aftermath! I'm Jane Heartly, and this is Mark Heartly! Say hello, Mark!"
"Hello, Mark," Mark said, bored.
"Not what I meant," Jane said.
"Why did you ask me to be here to host with you?" Mark asked, annoyed.
"Shut up, Mark!" Jane said through gritted teeth and a fake smile.
"Fine, I'll host the flipping show!" Mark said.
"And also here to assist us are Charles von Ducan and Zoe!" Jane said. Charles and Zoe waved to the camera from the peanut gallery.
"Our first guest is a master ventriloquist. He loves his puppet, Tristan, and was voted off after the 'Say What?' challenge. It's Oscar!" Jane announced. Oscar walked onto the stage from behind a parchment. He was carrying Tristan.
"Hey, guys!" Oscar said.
"Oscar, how did it feel to be eliminated because of your puppet?" Mark asked.
"It sucked. I thought everyone loved me and Tristan, but I sure was wrong!" Oscar said.
"So, we're gonna do a classic Aftermath segment! Truth or Anvil!" Mark said.
"Peanut Gallery members, it's your task to ask Oscar questions!" Jane said.
"Who's on the peanut gallery? Well, we have some Total Drama Alumni! We have Trent, Cody, Harold, Justin, Beth, Sierra, Alejandro, Izzy, and Heather!" Mark announced.
"Izzy, you have first question!" Jane said.
"So, Oscar, do you like anyone on the show? Like, like like? Like, really like like?" Izzy asked.
"No," Oscar said. Nothing happened.
"Trent?" Mark said.
"So, who did you find to be the meanest person on the show?" Trent asked.
"That's easy, Ash!" Oscar said.
"Come on, Al!" Jane said. Alejandro shuddered.
"I have no question to ask," Alejandro said. The anvil fell and Oscar jumped out of the way, with Tristan, before it could hit him.
"Are you crazy?" Oscar said.
"No," Alejandro said.
"That anvil almost killed me!" Oscar shouted, glaring at Mark.
"Well, I just got a page from our legal department. We can't do Truth or Anvil, Hammer, or Electrocution," Jane said.
"Well, they didn't say anything about Truth or Mail Cart!" Mark said, pushing a mail cart at Oscar. He jumped out of the way.
"Oh, yes they did, just now," Jane said.
"Aw, well, they didn't say anything about Truth or-" Mark started.
"They said, 'You can't do 'Truth or…' anymore!'"
"Damn," Mark said.
"Well, it's time for another classic Aftermath segment! That's Gonna Leave A Mark!" Jane said.
The big screen started to show clips.
Oscar walked in the woods and was hit by a tranq ball.
Adelaide was hit by the stick from the third team-building challenge.
Ash and Dalton are both socked on the head by a park bench at the same time.
Waverly was socked in the head by a Frisbee.
"Our next guest was eliminated unfairly due to a rig in the voting method! It's Adelaide!" Jane announced. Adelaide walked out from behind a parchment. By this time, the hole created by the anvil had a board over it. She sat next to Oscar on the couch.
"Hi, guys!" Adelaide said.
"So, Adelaide, how much did it suck to be eliminated so unfairly?" Mark asked.
"I will beat the loser who rigged the votes to a pulp!" Adelaide said cheerfully.
"You seem oddly cheerful," Jane said.
"I hide my anger. I shouldn't take my anger out on those that haven't wronged me," Adelaide said.
"Wow. Well, what if I told you it was Ash?" Mark said.
"I'm gonna kick her vote-rigging backstabbing, boyfriend-stealing butt!" Adelaide said.
"Time for a classic!" Jane said.
"New!" Mark said.
"…Classically new aftermath segment!" Jane said.
"Brawl in a Bubble! Adelaide will be placed in a giant bubble with a punching bag made in the likeness of the contestant she has the biggest conflict with! We have one for each contestant, even eliminated ones!" Jane said.
"Adelaide, who do you have a conflict with?" Mark asked.
"Ash!" Adelaide said. The bag made to look like Ash was placed into a big bubble with Adelaide.
"Adelaide, you have thirty seconds to beat up the punching bag! This is supposed to help you get over it," Jane said. She started the time, and Adelaide beat up the bag. The time ended and Adelaide cheered. She was taken out of the bubble.
"Great job, Adelaide!" Jane said.
"You sure showed that bag! Soon, she'll feel the same," Mark said.
"Our next guest was eliminated first, after the Total Drama Trivia Time challenge! It's Scarletta!" Jane said. Scarletta walked onstage from behind a parchment. She sat next to Adelaide.
"Hi, Jane and Mark!" Scarletta said.
"How did it feel to be eliminated first?" Mark asked.
"It sucked. It's always cursing to be eliminated first. Look at Ezekiel," Scarletta said. The big screen showed a few clips of Ezekiel to prove her point.
"Well, we're going to bring out our final guest for the evening! Please welcome Kelvin!" Mark said. Kelvin walked out from behind a parchment. He sat next to Scarletta.
"Wait, there's one more! Please welcome Kat!" Jane said. Kat walked out and sat next to Kelvin.
"We're going to be having a challenge for these five losers!" Mark said.
"We want you guys to vote on the challenge and the prize!" Jane said.
"The challenges you can choose between are…" Mark said.
"Say What?" Zoe said.
"No Pain, No Game," Charles said.
"or Total Drama Trivia Time!" Zoe said.
"And the prizes you can choose between are…" Jane said.
"A motorbike!" Charles said.
"Sidewalk chalk!" Zoe said.
"or a video game of their choice for their choice of console!" Charles said.
"Please send in a review with your choices! For Say What, review with 'A!'" Zoe said.
"For No Pain, No Game, review with 'B!'" Charles said.
"For Total Drama Trivia Time, review with 'C!'" Jane said.
"For the motorbike, review with 'D!'" Mark said.
"For the sidewalk chalk, review with 'E!'" Zoe said.
"Or for the video game, review with 'F!'" Charles said.
"That's all we have for tonight! Review! The challenge will be on the next Aftermath! And don't forget to watch Total Drama Newbies to see how the Drama unfolds!" Jane and Mark said together.
I'm serious. And yes, I broke the fourth wall. I will have my virtual contractor rebuild the fourth wall by the next chapter.