Thanks for the reviews! A couple more chapters on this one...
I slowly exhaled. I'd been holding my breath for some time. His hand squeezed mine. For some reason eye contact was impossible. I knew what he was going to say, but that didn't lessen the blow. One, two, three. Out. One, two, three. Deep breathing seemed to calm me—
"Sara, sweetie. Please look at me."
One, two, three. Out. I met his eyes.
"It's what you have to do. I know you. You don't let things go easily. He is the missing piece. Once you talk to him you'll feel better. I can promise you that.
Another tear fell, but I swiped it away.
"And I know you don't want to hear this, but I think it'll make a difference. Gil...he was the father. Like I know you, I know him. So do you. If he ever found out what you suffered, and never told him? He'd be devastated. He'd never forgive himself, just as you have yet to do. You do know it wasn't your fault? You can't think otherwise. Gil won't blame you. You can be there for each other; comfort one another. I know I was there with you, but it's not up to me. You two are connected. I'm just a friend."
By this point my hand made its way to my side. Nick is right.
"I know...You're right. Everything you said is true. Except I blame myself and I will always blame myself. I don't think anyone could change my mind." He sighed and I could see the sorrow in his eyes. I held up a hand to stop him from interrupting. "Neither you nor Gil has that connection, that power to help me forgive myself. I could say that I forgive myself, but I wouldn't mean it. I don't think this feeling will ever go away. But...I need to tell him. He deserves to know."
Nick said his goodbyes and that's when I settled back on the couch. The phone was in my hand. I dialed his number. I was surprisingly calm...until he answered. Words didn't seem to come. My heart was pounding out of my chest. I could feel the pulsating in my head.
"Sara? Are you there?"
One, two, three. Out.
"Uh, I'm here."
"You sound off. What's wrong?"
I couldn't tell him over the phone. I never planned to. I don't think I could considering I could barely get an "I'm here" out. "I-I—" I could hear his breathing become ragged.
"Honey?"
"I have something to tell you, but not like this. I need you here." There I said it.
"What's going on? Are you ok? Did something happen?"
"I'm fine. Not in harm's way or anything," I coughed to clear my throat and suppress the tears. "It's just...how soon can you get to Vegas?" I had to hold my phone with both hands; it was threatening to slip from sweat.
"I can be there in a few hours. I've been in San Francisco at a seminar." He paused. "Honey...is someone there with you? Until I get there?"
"No and I only need you."