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Chapter 4

Perry craned his neck over to the side to catch a glimpse of Doof's mom and tried to hide back his amusing smile. His mom was quite the opposite of him. She was short, which wasn't really a difference after all, and her hair was a graying brown. She wore huge glasses in front of her eyes and like her son she too wore a white lab coat over her shirt, which was a bright hot pink. Doof's eyes were wide in shock as he stammered, "M-Mother? What are you doing here?"

"What does it look like I'm doing I'm seeing how well my son is doing as an evil scientist for crying out loud!" The older woman let herself in, looking left and right at the lab. Doof didn't bother closing the door as he rushed over to stand in front of his mom. "Mother you can't just barge in here without even giving me an explanation as to why you are here!"

"I'm your mother and I can come in whenever I want," she said matter of factly, placing her hands on her hips. She looked over him again and smacked her hand against his arm. "And stop slouching!"

Doof didn't straighten his posture and stared as she walked around, looking at some of his inventions. Perry watched her, wondering how alike the mother was to the son. How far did the apple fall from the tree?

"What are these heaps of junk did you get them from a garbage pile?" Doof's mom kicked one of the inators and it gave a low moan.

Yeah pretty far apparently. Perry watched as she looked over a couple more before catching the eyes of Perry the Platypus. She advanced upon him. "Who is this?" she asked, a familiar German accent similar to her son's. She got close enough to him and leaned down so their faces were a few inches apart. "Is thees a platypus?"

"Oh yes that's my nemesis Perry the Platypus. You see we're busy," Doof hurried forward. "We're in the middle of something see? I still need to show my new inator to him. So if you could please leave us alone?"

She didn't seem to hear his question to leave. Instead she said, "Why would you show any of them to him? They're all completely worthless."

Doof glowered at her, "Mother would you please leave? Perry the Platypus and I would like to commence with our dueling."

She straightened up and turned to look at him. "May I watch?"

He stared at her. "'Watch?'"

"Yes. Watch," she said curtly. "I'd like to see you two fight. I'd like to see how good my little Heinz is."

Doof obviously looked angered. He wasn't very keen on impressing his mother of his new machine he had built. "If you don't mind, Mother, I'd rather do it alone with Perry the Platypus. We have a thing going on here," he tried to explain to her how this worked. She wasn't getting it.

"I do mind actually Heinz. Don't mind me. Go on where you started when I got here."

Doof glared at her and he stormed past her to face Perry the Platypus. He bowed down so he was face to face with him and glared in his eyes. A message seemed to pass between them and Perry felt his eyes widen slightly when he easily understood what Doof wanted him to do.

Break out of the ice trap and beat me so she can leave, Perry read in his nemesis' eyes. He gave the curtest of nods and wiggled slightly as Doof stood up, going in to the act. "And now Perry the Platypus! Prepare to face the wrath of-"

But Perry had already broken out. He flipped over on to his back and slid from the ice cube, rocketing at Doof and knocking down Doof so he collapsed on to the floor. Then Perry got up on his slick feet and ran to the first inator he saw, taking it out with a wrench placed next to the invention. He crushed the control panel and swung away with Doof calling out after him, "Curse you Perry the Platypus!"

Satisfied that it was over quickly Doof turned back to his mom. "Dang it he got away!" he said. Then he shrugged. "Oh well show's over for today nice of you to come over bye." Doof grabbed his mom's shoulders and started to push her towards the door but she kept where she stood and turned to face him.

"Here's one question. Why doesn't he take you in?"

Doof paused. "What do you mean?"

"If he's your nemesis, why doesn't he take you in to the agency?"

Doof honestly had no idea what the answer to that was. "Uh, I don't know. Are they supposed to? I thought he just has to defeat me then leave so he can come back and destroy another of my inators. Ah . . . Are they really supposed to take you to jail?" Doof raised an eyebrow.

Her eyes grew huge. "What? Seriously? What kind of evil scientist are you? Of course he's supposed to take you in that's the whole idea of the agency! Stop evil and bring them to jail! Ugh you dumkof. I couldn't have asked for a more idiotic son!"

She threw up her arms in exasperation and walked away from him for a few feet. Then she placed both hands on her hips. "Okay then. I've decided."

He stared at her, his fingers twining together. "Decided on what?"

"You need help. With your nemesis. I've had a few in my day, and I've now decided to take it upon myself to help you really defeat your nemesis."

His jaw dropped.

"No need to thank me," she added. "It's what every mother should do for their sons."

No! Doof stared at her, unmoving. No no no no no no no! No she can't stay here! She can't!

But she gave him that smile that showed she had made up her mind. Doofenshmirtz sat down on the couch behind him and placed a hand on his head. Yes. Yes she can.

Bathilda Doofenshmirtz was her name. She was cynical, sarcastic and overall not a very nice person. A person Heinz despised. He hated her. He didn't know how he could hate his own mother but he did. He told her multiple times during the next hour that he wanted her to leave, and she just told him that it was okay and her helping him was no trouble to her.

"Okay," she said as she finished organizing the apartment. "I fixed everything so it's in order." Doofensmirtz sat slumped in a chair watching her silently, wishing her to leave as every moment passed. She smiled at him and sat on the couch across from him. "Let's start Heinz. We should begin on your nemesis. What did you say his name was? Percy, Peter . . ."

"It's Perry!" Heinz snapped, set off by the name Peter, reminding him instantly of his ex-nemesis Peter the Panda. "Perry the Platypus!"

"Perry the Platypus. Okay. Now then. What do you know about him?"

"Well he's blue . . . he has a brown hat, a yellow beak and flipper feet, a beaver tail and-"

"No, no, no! What do you know about him personally?" Bathilda asked.

Doof had a blank stare. "Personally?"

"Yes personally. What kind of animal is he? Is he nice, mean, aggressive, peaceful . . . ?"

"Well, he's a good nemesis."

She sighed. "And what makes him a good nemesis?"

"Well, he lets me give my little speeches or songs and he lets me explain about my new inator and plan to take over the Tri-State Area. So he's polite, nice, a good fighter, so I guess he's kind of aggressive. But he is a very good guest, except for those times when he trails mud on the carpet."

Bathilda, who held her chin with one hand and was leaning forward asks with a raised eyebrow, "He's polite?"

"Well, yes."

"What kind of nemesis is he?"

"A very good one!" Doof snaps, getting on the defensive. No one insults Perry the Platypus, not his nemesis! After the whole Peter incident, he felt horrible and more protective over the small blue platypus. He could still freshly remember the tears that had been in Perry's eyes when he had pulled his hat back on to his head, accepting Doofenshmirtz again as his nemesis.

"Well he doesn't sound like one. He sounds like a softie. He'll be fairly easy to take down. Do you know anything about his secret identity?" She reached over to pour herself a cup of tea from a kettle that had been sitting on the coffee table a few feet in front of her.

"Umm . . ." Doof trailed off as he still felt the red collar pressed up against his side inside his coat pocket. He had intended to return it to his nemesis before he had been rudely interrupted by his not-so-welcome-mother. He glanced away from her before looking back. "No. No I don't know. All I know is that he's Perry the Platypus. I don't even know if he has a secret identity."

"Oh bull-oney. All secret agents have a secret identity. It's what makes a secret agent a secret agent." She sipped her tea. "If they didn't have an identity they wouldn't be a secret agent, they'd just be an agent."

Doof felt his head spinning and he shrugged, guilt washing in him. "I have no idea."

She scoffed gently, causing Doof to grip his fists tightly for a moment before loosening them to calm himself down. "Do you know anything else about him? Does he have any friends?"

Heinz remembered their little moment together on the couch. "It's okay Perry the Platypus. I don't have any friends either."

"No. No friends."

"Okay. Do you know anything maybe useful? Does he have any old injuries? Any weaknesses? Any at all?"

"No I don't think so. . . Perry the Platypus doesn't have many weaknesses."

"Well how many does he have?"

"Well Perry the Platypus isn't weak physically but I guess he's not very weak, mentally I think it would be."

"Really?" This seemed to catch Bathilda's attention. She placed her tea down to face him. "Interesting. Like what for example?"

"Well, he hates thunderstorms. And he can't stay underwater for long. Apparently platypus's do not have gills."

Bathilda nodded seriously. "Good we can use that."

"Really?" Doof looked excited. "Wonderful!"

"Yes," Bathilda said, uncertain as she watched him. "We can start working as soon as we can. Can you go to the store for me dearie and buy some things we'll need? It's not that long of a walk, or a drive if you take the car. Do you have a car Heinz?"

"No I don't particularly like cars. They're very annoying and stressful. And it's much more fun to walk with the crowd." He stood up as she did.

She seemed to sigh. "I'll assume that means you don't know how to drive?" Before he could answer she sighed. "Agh never mind. I'll go get them myself. I'll be back in a few minutes Heinz." With an annoyed sigh she walked off and left the apartment. Doof ran to the door, waving. "Okay bye Mom! See you later then!"

He watched from the hall as she went down the elevator and left the building. Doof then spun around and did a fist pump before slamming the door shut and locking all the locks. There. Let's see her get in now.

Doof did a little happy dance around the room, even taking a few mini muffins when Norm came up holding a huge stack of them saying, "It's muffin time Sir!"

But neither of them noticed or realized that Bathilda watched from the window outside in her own jetpack. She smirked and gave a soft and evil chuckle. Then she held up her hand and uncurled her fist, revealing the gleaming red collar. Her eyes narrowed and her evil smile grew as she clicked the locket open, showing a baby platypus, and two pictures of two boys. One with a strangely triangular head with gleaming red-orange hair and the other a rectangular head boy with light green hair and a calm expression on his face.

Ah-haah. These are the platypus's owners. He must love them a lot if he's willing to carry around a picture of them all the time and not have to worry about my son picking it up. But . . . her fist closes around it again. He did. He did find the collar yet he failed to inform me. What is the relationship between these two? It doesn't matter. My son was born for achievement and I will bring it to him.

And she flew away on her jet pack, cackling as she did like an old crow. "I will defeat this Perry the Platypus!"