I awoke with my head in his lap. He was looking down at me. Words could not describe how content I was in this moment. I didn't want it to end.
All I could do was smile. It was as if the events of the last year didn't happen and we were still together. I sighed and sat up. He instinctively helped me by placing a hand on my back. Suddenly remembering why he was here made me feel...vulnerable. The cat was out of the bag, but aside from reliving the horror and crying myself to sleep, nothing was said.
"Sara," he said. "I'm truly sorry for what you had to go through. I only wish I was there to ease your pain. You know I would've been there for you and," he paused, "our baby. Why did you wait? I mean…when you were first sick. I would've been there. I love you. I always have. I wouldn't have let you go through that alone, honey."
"Would you?" My voice cracked. Thoughts were reeling. "At first I thought you wouldn't want a baby. We were separated and you were happy traveling. A baby wouldn't have fit. But that got me thinking, us being apart. I thought the baby could've brought us back together." Slowly but surely the tears were coming back. "B-but I lost the baby and then I knew we had no chance," My voice wobbled.
"Hey, hey." He cupped my hands and met my eyes. "I love you. I know we were at a...crossroads, but I never stopped loving you. Anything that's part of you is part of me. I would've been there in a flash. Baby or solely you, I'm there. I'm an old man stuck in his ways. I do need to change my way of thinking. I can't leave and come back when things get strained and painful between us. I can't say how sorry I am, Sara. We will always have another chance."
The intensity of his stare. The way he never let go of my hands. The sincerity of his words...he meant every single one. I could only love him more.
"So you'll stay?"
"Yes, of course."
A few seconds passed.
"Good, because I don't think I'd be able to heal without you. The guilt; I feel it every day. It won't go away. I'm not sure that it ever will." Instinctively, I buried my head in my hands. The sobs wracked my body. I thought I cried all possible tears, but they continued to flow.
His hand barely made contact with mine, yet his warmth filled my body within seconds. My hands were removed from my face, further exposing my vulnerability. The power from his grip lessened and his thumbs stroked my fingers. "It was not your fault. As tragic as it is, sometimes there's no rhyme or reason for why things happen. You can't blame yourself, honey. We have to grieve then move on together."
Fini. What did you think?