A/N: Hey there, fellow Skaters! I know I should give you more than this after taking so long to update, but… Well, might as well be honest: This is basically just a short fill-in chapter, to keep you hanging for a little bit before le grand finale. But hey, better than nothing, right? ;) And I know that this chapter isn't textbook-canon, with how easy it is for them to get off the island and how Kate's prepared to leave Claire, but hell, the rest of the fic isn't either, so… What the heck.

9: In Sawyer's Mind

"I've never been in love."

"You've never been in love?"

"I ain't drinking, am I?"

"Kate?"

Kate's eyes snap up when Jack approaches her. She forces a smile, and he smiles back. Because as weird as it seems from her perspective, since she's the one stuck with her own thoughts and her hatred towards the world, Jack is actually happy to see her.

Jack kneels down in front of her. Kate guesses that in med school, lowering yourself to someone's level earns their trust.

"Listen…" Jack says, his eyes flickering down. "While you were gone, we found a plane. It was hidden in the jungle, and… Well, Sayid's had to do some work on the engine, but we think it's stable enough to take us at least up in the air. And… Away from the island."

His words go into Kate's brain, but don't really get a toehold in there. She's so lost in her memories at this point that the moment with Sawyer she just thought about seems more real than Jack's furrowed brows in front of her. The events from these past couple of weeks have made her slow, and it takes her a few seconds to realize that Jack has stopped talking and waits for some kind of response from her.

"Okay," she then says softly.

Jack nods, lowers his gaze again. Even in her numb state, Kate for some reason finds that incredibly annoying.

"And we've found a pilot," he then goes on. "Lapidus, remember him? He can run the plane. We can get back home."

Kate nods. She thinks she does. Does it matter?

"Okay," she says again.

Jack clears his throat.

"Do you want to… Wait a little while? Until we've found Claire, or… Sawyer's better?"

Kate shakes her head. Still not thinking.

She really doesn't reflect at all on the fact that Claire might still be alive, and that she's the very reason she came back at all. Because Claire deserves to be with her son, and even though Kate loves him and can be a mother to him, and he can spend his whole life thinking that it's true, but it isn't, and no lack of knowledge on his part can change that.

And she doesn't think about Sawyer. Still in that house, trapped with his memories and not having anything else. Sawyer who'll spend the rest of his life with an illusion of his Juliet, not even strong enough to create a ghost.

She doesn't think about that. Why should she, when Sawyer doesn't think about her anymore?

"Claire's already dead," Kate says, with a voice that doesn't sound like her own. "I was stupid to think I'd find her here. And it's too late to save Sawyer, I told you that. He's lost it. He'll never be the same again, and he doesn't even want to go."

She doesn't hear how unlike herself she sounds, but sees it in Jack's shocked expression. But Kate feels, very clearly, that she doesn't care what he thinks.

"How soon can we leave?" she asks, trying to make it sound casual.

Jack sighs, calculates a little in his head.

"Probably tomorrow."

Kate nods.

"Then I think we should. We'll go back home. To what we used to have. If you still want to?"

Jack nods, too, and smiles in a more sincere - though surprised - way than Kate has seen him do in a long time.

"Of course. I'd love that."

Kate smiles back at him. Smiling even though her heart is breaking has always been easy for her.

xxxxxxxxxxx

The flies swarm hungrily around Sawyer's face as the sweat drips down from his scalp. He makes no effort to swat them away, but they still scurry away as he waves his arms like a madman to get through the vines that hang tangled in front of him, like they're trying to keep him from doing this, which they probably should.

Sawyer knows that this is a bad idea. Not only because there's no doubt that Kate wants nothing to do with him, but also because she has every reason not to want that. In fact, chances are good that Sawyer won't be able to look at her without remembering what he did to her.

The cuts on her arms.

All Sawyer knows is that he needs this. Needs her in a way that makes it well worth it to walk through the jungle for the whole day without food or water.

Sawyer curses inwardly when one of the vines gets caught under his chin and stops him in the middle of his violent tracks. As he halts to untangle himself, his feelings catch up with him and he realizes that no matter how badly he wants to get to Kate in time - even though he's not sure where she is - running off into unexplored jungle without any kind of equipment or even a heading, isn't the best idea.

Sawyer releases a groaning exhale and presses both his palms against the sides of his head. If things would just stop spinning…

"Every time I look at Sawyer, every time I feel something for him, I see you. And it makes me sick."

Trying to keep reality from imagination is even harder when you're dehydrated and lost.

"Should I go get a ruler?"

Sawyer whines something and closes his eyes. There's no use walking right now, because he can't look for Kate when everything he sees is her.

When his brain starts to swell, a vein throbbing next to his temple causes her to sit in front of him on the ground, on rocks next to him, in palm trees, looking down on him.

Only it's not her. She's more beautiful and more horrible. Beckons him in every direction, lures him into arms that aren't there but where he still so badly wants to be.

Sawyer whimpers, in a lot less macho way than he'd allow himself to sound if anyone else had been nearby, trying to keep his head down as he staggers on.

There's no way he's stopping now. Even though he probably should. There's no way he's staying with a bunch of hallucinated Kates when the real one is out there.

He's learned that much from the weeks they spent together.