What Would I Give

When I came to, I was lying on my back on Charlie's couch, but I didn't remember how I got there. My entire left side was stinging and there was a throbbing knot on the side of my head. I shifted slightly and a stabbing pain shot through my skull and radiated down to the base of my neck. Ow. Bad idea, Bella. New life plan, lie completely still with my eyes shut for the rest of my existence.

The floorboards creaked as a man entered the room and walked across to where I lay. He leaned over me and Edward's delicious scent drifted over me, easing the ache in my head. He gently pressed a damp cloth along the stinging scrapes on my arm, the cool soothing offset by the fire of his bare fingertips brushing against my skin. He hesitated when he reached my waist. Gingerly, he lifted my shirt up on one side and let out a muffled groan. I had really hurtled down into the sidewalk, there was probably already a gruesome bruise or worse. Edward murmured something too low for me to hear and I felt the washcloth ghosting over the scrapes on my hip. He put a bandage over my side, his long fingers sliding exquisitely over the curve of my waist as he pressed down the edge of the bandage. An involuntary gasp escaped me at the sensation. He dropped the edge of my shirt instantly and quickly backed away a few steps. No, wait, come back. Let's play doctor.

I opened my eyes a slit and peered through my lashes. Edward was staring down at me as though his heart would break. There were dark circles under his eyes and anguish shone from his beautiful green eyes. "Edward," I croaked, forcing my eyes open, "Hey, what's wrong?"

He took two halting steps toward the sofa and slowly sank to his knees. His arms reached out as though to embrace me, but paused halfway there and he pulled them back to his side.

"Oh God Bella," he rasped, his voice deep with emotion and his jaw clenching, "I thought you were dead."

"Oh, hey, it was just a little accident. Don't look so worried. I'm so sorry I gave you a fright, it's nothing really." I reassured him.

Edward let out a half laugh with an edge of madness in it. "Not the fall Bella. The disappearance. You were . . . gone. Just gone. We searched everywhere, and finally Alice got that message that you were going home. But you weren't there."

I opened my mouth to argue, but then I realized what he meant.

"You always said you were from Phoenix, Bella, and that you lived with your mother. But you weren't there. I'd almost given up on finding you, I thought surely you were kidnapped, dead or worse. No one had any idea where or who your father was, but I had to keep looking so I got the registrars office to release his information and I called him and asked for you. He said you were at school. I drove here anyways because I didn't know what else to do. I thought maybe I could find a clue along the road. Some trace of you."

"But how did you get here so fast? I drove straight here."

"Bella. It's been two weeks," He gripped my shoulders almost painfully in his large hands, his wild eyes piercing my soul with their intensity. "I thought I would never see you again. Have you no idea how I feel about you? What you have done to me?" His voice shook.

I narrowed my eyes. "I do know how you feel about me. You've told me how you feel about me." Twice. "You want me to stay away from you."

"How I wish that is what I wanted. If I had any decency, that is what I would want," he muttered, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"What do you want?" I asked breathlessly, my heart in my throat.

He stood and paced the room, tugging at his untamed hair.

"I want you, Bella. I want everything about you. I want to hold you in my arms and make you mine. I want to protect you. I want to spend every minute with you and I don't want to let you out of my sight because everything went empty when you disappeared. I want to know everything about you and I want to make you happy. I want you to feel the same way."

My jaw dropped. Hope thrilled through me. The pain disappeared in a wave of euphoria. He wanted me.

"Edward," I said softly. He turned toward me, his face a mask of guilt and hurt. "Can you help me get up?"

He swiftly crossed the room and wrapped his strong arms around my body to lift me to my feet. Instead of cooperating, I grasped his hair and pulled his face to mine. I stared into his green eyes, his vulnerability as enthralling as his erstwhile confidence. "It's always been you Edward." I whispered. His eyes lit with triumph and he smiled his signature crooked grin. He caressed my face as though it were the most precious and fragile thing in the world. He leaned slowly toward me, a look of concentration on his face. He paused his lips just before they touched mine, hesitating. Unable to control myself, I swiftly closed the gap and pressed my mouth to his.

The moment our lips brushed I moaned and Edward responded instantly by gripping me tighter, pushing me back flat against the couch, pressing my soft breasts to his lean, hard chest. I slipped my fingers through his hair, lightly scraping the nape of his neck with my nails and he let out a low groan. I could feel his heart hammering against his chest as his kisses became more urgent. His talented fingers were caressing slowly up my hips to my waist, and finally moved to expertly massage my breasts, flickering over my nipples in a tantalizing manner which shot waves of desire between my legs and banished coherent thought. This was no 107-year-old virgin. He knew exactly what he was doing to me. He trailed his hands back down my torso, pausing when he reached the bandage on my side. He stilled against me, inhaling deeply against my neck, his chest still heaving, and regretfully pulled his lips from my skin to rest his forehead against mine.

The phone rang, and Edward was off of me in a flash, retrieving the portable phone from the kitchen and handing it to me with a smile before politely stepping into the kitchen. Charlie. FML, what was I going to do about Edward? There was a way to explain it to Charlie, although he wouldn't be happy, but there really wasn't a way to explain it to Edward. What would I say? By the way, your name really is Edward Cullen, you used to live here, you broke my heart, oh, and by the way you were a vampire.

"Hey Dad."

"Bells, glad you're there. How would you like to go to dinner tonight at the lodge? I could make reservations."

What would Edward do while I was gone? Every second he was in Forks held disaster. Everyone would remember Edward Cullen. We needed to get out of here.

"Uh, Dad, could we meet for lunch? I know I've just gotten here, but Alice called me and there's an important test I need to get back for, so I was thinking of turning right around." I really was getting better at lying.

I prepared myself to meet my dad to say goodbye, although I couldn't tell him it was goodbye. If I'm with Edward, and there is no if, I can never come back here. He might as well have changed me. But I can't to tell him the truth; the way he looked when he confessed his suspicions about his past, I never want to see that haunted look in his eyes again. I'd rather eat glass. He thought it might scare me that he may have killed someone. I could never tell him that I already knew he had. After years of falling into the black oblivion of his capacity to hurt me, now I had to be so careful not to hurt him. I couldn't let his past destroy him. I loved him.