Daniel and Walter ascended the stairs to the kitchen. Walter hoped he hadn't shattered his kneecaps as pain radiated from his lower legs. He hadn't felt a thing when he passed out. Then, he hoped he had shattered his kneecaps in payment for potentially breaking Daniel's nose. His gut wrung itself in knots. Thoughts burgeoned and spread through his mind like tumors, cramming in and trying to crowd out each other in a battle for validity. What the hell did he just do? Had he really just cried like a baby? Had he really just cried like a baby in front of Daniel? He should not be here. He should not have come here. He should not have come back. But he was here in the Owl's Nest. He should leave now. But, then he would be running away from his problems. Has worked before. Need no companion. Fine alone. Have no food. Daniel offers food. Need no food. Can do fine on my own. Ruined Daniel's face. Owe him tolerance. Owe him nothing. Owe him tolerance. Owe him nothing. Owe him friendship. Legitimizing sinful relationship. Sinful? Desire to linger in the company of a man. Desire to linger in the company of an innocent man? Sinful? Desire to linger in the company of an innocent man to take advantage. Desire. Sinful. Cannot have friendship? Desire. Sinful. Whoreson. Cannot deny natural inclinations. What?!
Walter jumped when the sound of a filled ceramic bowl went "thunk" in front of him. He snapped out of his inner argument to realize he had been sitting dazed at Daniel's kitchen table long enough for Daniel to open a tin of beans and place it before him. Dan patted him on the shoulder before turning to raid his icebox. He rummaged around in the old white Frigidaire until he was satisfied with some ice cubes wrapped in a damp towel. He flopped heavily into the chair across from Rorschach, leaned back with a heavy sigh and nestled the ice onto his face as he folded his glasses onto the table.
Walter began to eat his beans quietly. He did feel better now but a familiar twinge still flickered in the back of his mind that maybe he had made a mistake. It would have made him stand at attention and march right out of the house were it not drowning in the waves of guilt Walter felt for being served a meal while his host tended to wounds that Walter had given him. The coffee pot softly spat in the background as it began to percolate. The rich smell of coffee drifted about the room and the clock on the far wall ticked a muted rhythm. Daniel sighed deeply again and ran a free hand through his hair in cathartic habit. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back with the ice pack. Even though his face was starting to ache and he wasn't sure he could fix that coupling that no doubt had been damaged further, he no longer felt like he was losing his best friend. They had gotten through the worst of it. Now he was even sitting across from Dan in his kitchen, just like old times. Dan was just going to enjoy this moment for as long as it would last.
Walter watched his friend leaning in the chair with ice in hand. He never felt remorse for the fingers, noses, and ribs that he shattered on a daily basis, but he never thought that one day they might be Daniel's. He heard Daniel's sighs and he knew that Daniel was in pain and it would take days to heal. Did he break his nose? That might need setting. Daniel would have to go to a doctor for that. Walter cringed. He had eaten a few spoons full of beans but now rested the spoon next to the bowl. The food lodged in his throat along with his regret. He stared at Daniel from across the table and contemplated fretfully how to fix his transgression.
There were no more sounds of a spoon clinking on a bowl and Dan opened a tired eye. A reticent figure stared back at him, arms on the table nervously rubbing their gloved fingers together. It amused Dan that he was more familiar with Rorschach's body language than his face or expressions. Rorschach's mouth opened as he started to say something but stopped. He cleared his throat and tried again.
"I . . . I'm sorry I did that."
Dan looked back at him for the longest time, not quite believing his ears. He shook his head a little and gestured with his free hand something that could be interpreted as no worries.
"I just want things the way they were before." said Dan as Rorschach began to eat again.
The red head gave Dan a cynical look.
"Yeah, I know." said Dan "You can never go home. I just don't know how everything got so complicated. We were the good guys. Now all the sudden we're even pitted against the people we try to protect." Dan's broad lament became more focused as he set the damp ice pack down on the table and carefully slipped on his glasses. He inspected his friend more closely. "I can't account for a lot of events that have happened around me but I'd like to know what happened to you."
Rorschach grew still as Daniel continued. "You've been different over the past few months. You look like you've lost a lot of weight and you've never had excess weight to begin with." And you smell worse than usual, Dan wanted to add but didn't have the heart to say it. "I, uh, know why now, but . . . I thought you had a job?"
Walter's shoulders drew up like he was being interrogated. His instinct was to raise hackles.
"You don't have to explain if you don't want to." Daniel said but Walter took it as a challenge.
"Been consuming less calories." he spoke gruffly.
Daniel snorted, "Yeah, I can see that." Dan continued to wait for elaboration.
Walter stared at him sourly but grudgingly said, "Lost my job and then my flat. Use resources as they come." He started shoveling beans in again.
Daniel was dumbfounded and exasperated, "Why didn't you come to me? I've got more than enough to share! We're brothers in arms! We're supposed to help each other out!"
Walter grimaced as he scraped the remnants of bean liquid from the bowl.
"Listen, I know you're proud but I really mean it!" said Dan.
"Streets aren't so bad. Get better leads that way at any rate. Faster access too. Right on the pulse of the city."
Depressing as hell, immersing yourself in the worst of society day in and day out with no reprieve. Dan thought. Starts to rub off.
"Did you lose your job because of this?" Dan asked making a random looking gesture meant to encompass the idea of their vigilante lifestyle.
Walter shrugged, "Maybe."
Dan tried to think back to when things began to tumble out of control. Something seemed off the night Rorschach showed up months ago in the Owl's Nest smelling of wet dog and creosote. Dan had tried to ask him what happened but Rorschach refused to talk about it. Dan had to piece together events for himself through newspapers and a television news report of a fire that same night. Rorschach had a darker demeanor ever since. Dan thought he'd work through it himself but he was wrong. I should have done this a long time ago. He thought as he sat across from his partner.
"Was it the Roche case?"
Rorschach sat staring at the table. He began to imperceptibly grind his jaw.
"You know that no one could have done any better with that situation, right?"
Rorschach's head snapped up and the old steel in his eyes flared up.
"I'm serious. Sometimes things we just can't control-"
"Could've done better. Missed something somewhere. Could've been more vigilant."
"If you're going to go about with that mentality, you might as well sign up for tutorials with Jon because there's no way you can wrap your arms around the world. Even though we want to, we can't save everyone on earth."
Rorschach's jaw ground visibly now and he hissed through his teeth, "She wasn't supposed to die. Didn't deserve-" and couldn't finish the sentence as his eyes began to fill.
"I know." Dan said quietly. "But you know, destroying yourself day by day isn't going to bring her back."
Rorschach glared at him.
Dan changed his tactic. "It's not going to help you save anymore Blaire Roche's either. She's not the only child out there at risk." Dan remembered how funny Rorschach got around cases involving children. He was relentless at times. "You won't be much use in tracking them down if you pass out of exhaustion in the street." Dan rose and pulled the bowl away from Rorschach and began to open another tin of processed food.
Walter blinked. Daniel thought he passed out from low blood sugar. Good.
Dan was positive Vienna sausages were not exactly the healthiest choice of food but Rorschach tended to readily consume anything that could be popped out of a can. As he placed the bowl down again in front of his friend he noticed how dirty his bright hair actually was. He considered his new knowledge of his partner's circumstance and pondered a way to get Rorschach to let him help. He busied himself making coffee as Rorschach munched contentedly. He'd rather Rorschach have water to counter all that sodium but his friend had an aversion to the tap due to its handling by the municipal system. Instead he preferred to have a little coffee with copious amounts of sugar. How he didn't have an ulcer or diabetes Dan would never know. The thought then occurred to Dan that he possibly might and Dan still would never know. Dealing with his friend was surprisingly similar to practicing veterinary medicine. It was a real possibility to lose a finger trying to administer to Rorschach. He served Rorschach his saccharine beverage and seated himself again across the table. His face really was starting to ache despite the ice and he was going to have to get some painkillers soon. Dan cleared his throat. He had to spin this right.
"So, uh, listen, man. Why don't you let me launder your clothes and you can use my shower? Have a good night's rest here and tomorrow you'll notice a world of difference in your performance. Trust me."
Still chewing, Rorschach placed the spoon down in the bowl and pushed it away. "Thank you for the food, Daniel." he rose and turned to the doorway in the back hall when Dan caught his sleeve.
"But I'm serious, though." Dan's purple battered face could not quell his ever-concerned eyes.
Rorschach felt pinned but not by Daniel's insistence. Deep down he did want to stay but he had made too many concessions already. Walter had caused irreparable damage that Rorschach wasn't sure he could fix. He needed to leave, get some fresh air, get his bearings, and try to smother the life out of the man that he thought had died with Roche. Why was it those brown eyes always seemed to be able to bend his actions to their will, even if one was bloodshot from a shiner? Oh, Jesus.
Rorschach dropped his eyes and nodded a curt affirmation that he would stay. Daniel's eyes widened for a brief moment in triumphant shock. He quickly hid his surprise and delighted in finally being able to be a host to his company.
"Okay, well good. You're going to feel much better. I swear. Here, leave your coat and gloves on the chair in the kitchen. Let's get some extra towels out of the linen closet." and Daniel began to ascend the carpeted stairs to the bathroom upstairs, Rorschach close behind.