Thanks to: Sandra moore, dr. meow1234, MaryMary123, melissamary55, muzaklover, kelliekinz, DarkArrow62, DenisseSchmidt, Clickchick18, dazzleglo, SweetPJL, alc1002, luv2dance, KRmahal, Cockerspanmom, Yummu Dummy, Kgunter34, puss-is-in-boots, PrincessDripDrop, dowlingnana, totes. mah. gotes, KManzie, and rlwoods.

Thanks for your wonderful reviews!

Standard Disclaimer Applies.

…TEC…

"She did what?" And I thought the little girl was butch… her mother was larger than me.

"I'd just have her take a bath as soon as possible. You know for the egg and all..." The woman growled and slammed the door in my face.

"O...kay." I sighed and hurried down the steps, Bella met me on the side walk having just been to little Jared's house.

"She looked like she was going to eat you, Daddy." Ellie said from behind me her words were accompanied by small giggles.

"Alright who's next?" Bella asked ignoring Ellie and her badass friends. Two hands shot up and we sighed again taking one hand each and heading up to doorsteps.

I raised my hand to knock when the little boy next to me screamed, "Ma!" The door shot open and a statuesque woman appeared.

"What'd he do now?" She asked looking down at the little boy next to me.

"Egg and toilet paper fight. Don't be too hard on him though, it was my daughter and another little boy's idea." She pursed her lips before looking up and smiling at me.

"Where are my manners?" She tossed her long red hair over her shoulder and stuck out a hand. "Victoria Parker." I shook her hand and smiled.

"Edward Masen. Nice to meet you."

"Get in the house," she said to the kid next to me, he ducked past her and she leaned against the door frame. "Are you new to the neighborhood?"

"No, my brother lives down the street, just visiting." She looked at me head to toe. "Would you like to come in?" I squinted in confusion before a little hand grabbed the back of my shirt.

"No, sorry, we have to get all of the kids ready to head home." Bella said lightly gesturing to the crowd of seven behind us.

"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't realize..."

"Yeah, he tends to flirt when I'm not looking, it's okay." Victoria glared at me in disgust, despite the fact that my wife's tone was anything but serious.

I think.

"I wasn't flirting," I turned and gave my wife bedroom eyes, "I'm just extremely charming." I smirked at her and she rolled her eyes and turned to Victoria.

"You'll want to get your kid clean as soon as possible because of the egg." Victoria nodded before shaking her head at me once more and bidding my wife goodnight.

I snatched up Bella's hand, entwining our fingers, before kissing her ring finger.

She tossed me a fake smile, "Nice try. You aren't that charming." I smirked, grabbing her left hand in mine and pulling her across my body, holding her to my chest. I pressed a kiss to her neck and wrapped my arms around her. I put my nose to her neck right before my gag reflex was triggered.

"I was hit with the egg too, Mr. Charming." She said flatly. I wrinkled my nose at the stench emitting from her neck and shrunk away.

"I've got my eye on you, Masen." She said pulling away quickly and grabbing up the next kid, and nudging two towards me. There were so many kids in that fight, I couldn't believe they all lived on the same street.

We finished off delivering children and the egg warnings that came with them. When we finally reached the house again Emmett was crying over his lawn.

"Emmett the snow will come back." Rose comforted from her spot on the arm of the sofa next to him. Bella adjusted her legs so that it crossed over my thigh and rested between my legs. I pulled the blanket we were under, up a bit so that we could inconspicuously rest my hand on her ass, and knead it. We had been playfully working each other up since Rose dropped off our blanket.

Ellie sauntered in slowly, rubbing her eyes. "Can we leave?" Bella and I righted ourselves before Ellie draped herself over the blanket on our laps.

"Yeah, pumpkin." Bella tossed the blanket onto me and stood, swooping Ellie's sleepy form into her arms. "We'll see you guys later." I said standing as well.

Rose waved and Emmett dropped his head into her lap dramatically. I picked up Seth before breaking down his playpen. Rose saw us to the door and passed me Seth's diaper bag before leaving us with a tip.

"Seth only walks when he's naked. In case you were wondering… You guys should let his true streaker out." She winked and Seth jumped in my arms with a giggle.

"Bye, Rose." I smirked before hugging her and kissing her cheek. Emmett finally came to his senses and bid us all good-bye. Giving Ellie a terse handshake. She didn't seem to care though as she let her head lethargically fall against my side soon after. I passed Seth to Bella before hoisting Ellie into my arms.

"See you guys later." Bella waved before we left the house.

"Daddy?" Ellie whispered in my ear.

"Hmm?"

"You never brought me cookies from Chicago."

"We'll get some on the way home, okay?" She nodded and pressed a kiss to my cheek. She was asleep as soon as I buckled her in, unlike her little brother, who was still hyped up about walking for the first time. I kissed his head before laughing.

Bella turned in her seat with a big smile, her enthusiasm matching his. "Next time we're going to teach you how to walk with your clothes on, yeah?"

His head bobbed, "Yah!" Bella clapped happily and faced forward again. I smiled just happy to be with my family. I jumped into the car and took off towards the grocery store.

"Why are we here?"

"I have to get Ellie cookies." I said stepping out of the car, she nodded and laid her head on the head rest. I quickly got the cookies and was on my way to the register when I got a text from Bella.

Get pickles too, please.

I turned and got the jar of pickles before my phone buzzed once more.

And condoms ;)

"Hell yeah." I groaned before biting my lip. I fucking skipped to the next aisle, getting hard just at the thought of my sexy wife sprawled out on the bed in front of me. I half ran out to the car after making my purchase, jumping into the car and kissing the hell out of Bella.

When I pulled away she rolled her eyes, "Ew…" Seth shrieked from behind my seat, before giggling. I sped home; literally, I had to be going twenty miles over the speed limit when Bella slammed her hand onto my arm.

"Slow the fuck down!" She half screamed, her hand tightening on my bicep. I flexed… you know nonchalantly, wiggling my eyebrows at her. She glared and I let up on the petal a bit. We made it to the house in record time, of course Bella was clutching the bottom of her seat the entire time but…

Hey. We're all okay.

We both got a kid and a bag before heading inside, Riley was on the couch, flanked by both Tanya and Mike. I sighed deeply and set the bags in the kitchen before deciding to address the bombardment Riley was receiving, after putting Ellie to bed. As soon as I left Ellie's room the front of my shirt was grabbed and I was thrown into my room.

"Bella?" She pushed me farther into the room and jumped on me, wrapping her legs around my waist and fused her lips with mine.

"Expecting someone else?" She kinked an eyebrow, I rolled my eyes and carried her to the bed, forgetting Riley easily. Bella pulled her shirt over her head roughly and tossing it behind her, taking mine next. My hands trailed up her naked torso, cupping her breast as I kissed up her neck.

Bella's hands started to fumble for my belt when a crash sounded, echoing through the baby monitor.

"Oh shit." Bella flipped us so that she sat on top of me and leaned over; I smiled and leaned up taking one of her nipples in my mouth, sucking lightly on it. Her hips rolled on my abs before she pulled away.

"Stop, Baby. Something's wrong." She said before finally reaching her shirt and whipping it over her head.

"Wait. I'm sure Seth just threw a toy on the ground, or something. He can't get out of the crib- railings to high." I flipped her and lifted her leg, grinding into her core, feeling her heat against me. Her head fell back and there was another crash farther from the monitor.

Her eyes widened and she slapped at my chest before turning us again, "Edward. The baby monitor isn't in Seth's room. It's downstairs." She swung her leg off of me before standing and grabbing a gun. I stood behind her, figures something like this would fucking happen the first night their back. I grabbed my own gun and followed her out of the room.

"Bella, maybe you should go back into the room." I whispered not wanting a repeat of last week. The living room was empty, all the lights still turned on and the chair Riley had occupied was flipped onto its back.

She turned towards me and shook her head, "I'll get Seth and Ellie." She said quietly before going into our youngest's room. I crept down the steps and saw Tanya lying across the bottom step.

"The fuck? Tanya?" I lifted her gently and patted her face, but she was out like a light. I went to the front door and pulled it open. Mikes car wasn't in the driveway. I moved Tanya onto one of the couches before rushing up the steps towards Ellie's room.

Bella sat next to Ellie on her bed, rocking Seth, while whispering to her.

"Daddy?" Ellie whispered groggily, Seth sat up and muttered his own, "Dah-ey…" and reached out to me.

"I have to go." I said before kissing all of them and heading into my bedroom, I pulled a clean shirt over my head, seeing as Bella was wearing my other one. I was in the midst of pulling on my jacket and hooking a gun into my holster when Bella appeared in the doorway.

"What happened? I saw Tanya…" Her eyes filled with tears and I immediately regretted bringing her and the kids back here, while she was pregnant. While Riley was still here and in danger.

I passed her in the doorway, pressing a kiss to her lips. "I have to go, I'm sorry, Baby. I love you." I swiped a tear from her cheek and kissed her again.

"I love you too," She grabbed my arm and I stopped. "Where's Alec?"

"Bella…" I honestly didn't want to upset her. She expected girl talk, I really didn't want to ruin that by telling her her girl-talk buddy was kidnapped.

Okay, I agree.

I highly doubt she expected girl talk.

"Just answer my question." She said sternly as I went down the steps.

"I think Mike has him." She gasped.

"Fucking hell. You want me to come with you?" She asked pulling out her gun.

"No, baby, stay with the kids." She sighed and nodded, heading back towards Ellie's room.

"Be safe."

"Always am." She scoffed and disappeared. "Well…"

"Except for the Chloroform yeah, I know." She called from the hall. I smirked and shook my head before running to the car.

…TEC…

Hope you enjoyed and/or laughed.

They just can't catch a break can they… *shakes head*

Review! If we reach 690 I'll update tomorrow. 700 and I'll throw in a POV from Tanya, Mike or Alec about what happened while Edward and Bella weren't present!

Like Taylorishotterthanrob on Facebook (I'll most likely start posting teasers/pic teasers there)! Follow Thatsnotsarcasm on twitter!

But review first!