Kunsel: Welcome to the latest episode of Cirque De Shinra! And because of his popularity on the last episode of, Riku Destiny has been brought back for an encore appearance!
Riku: *Mock bows to the audience* Nice to be here again.
Genesis: He better not become a permanent member of the show, there are too many silver haired idiots here to begin with.
Sephiroth: Jealousy will get you no where Genesis.
Kunsel: Well as you all know, this episode is all about dares! But we did receive a few questions as well, so we'll start with those first. This is addressed to our guest star Riku Destiny!
Question: Riku, darling, for the love of the Keyblade, please grow your hair out again. You looked so much more amazing with the KH2 hairstyle :) signed J
Riku: Believe it or not, you aren't the first person who has told me this. But I like my hair this way, so it's gonna stay this way. Alright?
Genesis: Your hair looks shitty to begin with.
Riku: Compared to the dead animal you have on top of your head?
Kunsel: NEXT QUESTION TIME! Rufus are you ready?
Rufus: *sips coffee* Now I am.
Question: Oh Rufus, why would I harm you when samples of your blood can be obtained at the blood bank? Lazard asked me to help him. Signed, Nikita.
Rufus: I am not surprised that Lazard could not handle such a simple task without the help of a girl.
Lazard: Isn't my little brother simply adorable when he's a sexist ass?
Kunsel: *sigh* Why did I agree to this job…NEXT QUESTION! Cid Highwind this is to you!
Cid: Le' me 'ear it.
Question: Cid, the world just wants to know and Shera's dreaming of a wedding, preferably on the Highwind. Just saying. Signed, Nikita
Cid:...'re you one o' Shera's friends?
Yuffie: JUST MARRY HER ALREADY!
Cid: SHUT UP YA DAMN THIEF!
Kunsel: SO HELP ME GODDESS I WILL *touches ear piece, sighs* fine. Next question is addressed to Genesis Rhapsodos!
Question: Genesis, don't be a sexist ass. Signed, Nikita.
Genesis: It was only the truth!
Sephiroth: I am surprised you know what the truth is.
Genesis: Sephy, bite me.
Sephiroth: I would, but you would probably like that.
Kunsel: AND WE HAVE OUR NEXT QUESTION! This is to Professor Hojo!
Hojo: *sigh* Why must I deal with these idiots?
Rufus: Because you signed a contract.
Question: Hojo, aren't you supposed to be dead? I swear Vincent shot you several times. Signed, Nikita.
Hojo: You can thank Shinra's lovely new Science Department for this little miracle. In order to televise this show, Kay wanted to bring in all of the characters. To do this, she had to pull a few strings. This would explain why we all signed these damned contracts.
Kay: DON'T GO HATING ON ME FOR THIS EITHER! YOU WOULDN'T HAVE THIS T.V. SHOW IF I HADN'T DONE IT! Kunsel next question!
Kunsel: This one is to you Kay.
Question: By the way Kay, could you possibly let everyone vent out their frustrations on each other just once? Signed Nikita.
Kay: Unfortunately no. Do you know how difficult it is to bring one of them back to life without them being completely insane? I won't tell you how many tries it took to bring Sephy back without him trying to impale everything that moved.
Sephiroth: I could not control myself.
Kay: It didn't help that Genesis kept pissing him off when he was growing in the mako.
Genesis: I couldn't resist.
Angeal: And that got you stabbed through the chest.
Kunsel: And our next question goes to Vincent Valentine!
Question: Vincent, may I ask where Lucrecia is? Signed Nikita.
Vincent: She is still encased in Crystal, the last time I observed her.
Kay: My abilities only stretch so far.
Kunsel: Our next question goes to Tseng!
Question: Tseng how old are you? Signed Nikita.
Reno: NO ONE KNOWS YO!
Elena: I estimated he is about 29 or 30.
Rufus: Even I don't know. He won't tell anyone.
Tseng: That is classified information.
Hojo: The Science Department has been working on a truth serum…
Kay: DAMN IT HOJO I TOLD YOU YOU COULDN'T GO ANYWHERE NEAR THE SCIENCE DEPARTMENT!
Kunsel: Well, that was sorta answered. Let's hurry outta the questions so we can get on with the dares! Our next question goes Barrett!
Question: Hey, where are Marlene and Denzel? Signed, KHGiggle.
Barrett: THEY AT SEVENTH HEAVEN FOOL!
Tifa: Have you heard some of the questions on here? Do you think I would let them be here to listen to this?
Rufus: And Genesis might attempt to molest the boy.
Genesis: BY THE GODDESS I AM NOT A PEDOPHILE!
Kunsel: Hope that answered your question. Our next question is to Riku Destiny!
Question: Are you dating Kairi, Riku? I need to know damn it! Signed, Abhita Destiny
Riku: Kairi is like a little sister to me. So no, I am not dating her.
Kunsel: Hold up Riku, we have another question for you!
Question: Riku, When are you going to confess your love to Sora? I mean, it's
obvious how you feel about him, what with getting all jealous and such. Plus I
can tell that he likes you back since he cried rivers when he saw you, so grow
a pair and confess! Signed Uchiha Riddle
Riku: W-what? I have no idea what you're talking about. AND I DO HAVE A PAIR! *blushing*
Genesis: He can't be Sephiroth's child.
Sephiroth: Why is that Genesis?
Genesis: Because he shows emotion.
Kunsel: And that completes our questions! Now we'll move onto the dares!
All: *various groans*
Reno: *falls out of chair*
Rufus: What the hell is wrong with you?
Reno: I had one helluva night last night….
Elena: He's hungover.
Kunsel: And our first dare goes to…all of us.
Dare: Everyone break out into a musical number! Signed, J.
Riku:….what the hell are we supposed to sing?
Kay: I imagined Mary Poppins.
Zack: Who?
Kay: I could make them do a High School Musical song…
Reno: *pulls out flask filled with whiskey* Eh?
Kay: Honestly, could you see them singing anything? Reno can barely walk right now. And Rufus would probably shoot someone. Then Genesis and Sephiroth would probably start fighting and I do not have the money to deal with another jacked up set.
Kunsel:….so next dare time?
Kay: Next dare time.
Kunsel: And the next dare goes to Zack and Cloud!
Zack: YAY!
Dare: I dare Cloud and Zack to kiss...*promise not to video tape or sell footage to
fan girls* oops did I say that out loud...Mwhahaha! Signed, lilith dracul.
Cloud: *blushes like crazy* W-what!? No I-
Zack: *sweeps Cloud off of his feet and kisses him passionately*
Reno: *taking pictures* 50 gil for one yo. Or get a set of 3 for 125.
Genesis: I'll take a set of 3.
Rufus: Pervert.
Kunsel: And our next dare goes to our General Sephiroth!
Dare: *throws cat ears and tail to Sephiroth* here wear this and sing I'm a little tea pot! Signed, lilith dracul.
Sephiroth:…This is ridiculous.
Yuffie: YOU HAVE TO!
Zack: IT'S THE RULES!
Sephiroth:…*grabs Zack and Yuffie, ties them up with cat tail, and throws them through one of the fake walls* What cat tail?
Kay: Damn it…Sephiroth you're paying for that.
Rufus: Lazard control you're SOLDIERS.
Lazard: Do you have room to talk brother? You're redheaded TURK is attempting to have intercourse with a lamp.
Rufus: DAMN IT RENO QUIT MAKING SHINRA LOOK BAD ON TELEVISION!
Kunsel: TURN THE CAMERA BACK OVER HERE! Ok, the next dare goes to…Yuffie!
Kay: Someone go untie them.
*five minutes later*
Yuffie: HEY SEPHIROTH THAT WAS-
Genesis: SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO YOUR DARE!
Dare: I dare Yuffie to steal Nero's mask! That ought to be interesting. Signed, KHGiggle.
Yuffie: That's easy! *begins sneaking up on Nero*
Nero: Do not even think of it Wutai Ninja. *uses metal wing to throw Yuffie into rafters*
Yuffie: I SHALL NOT GIVE UP! *Lunges at Nero, tackles him to the floor*
*2 minutes later*
Yuffie: *unconscious in corner of studio*
Nero: The next time you wish to annoy me please-*screams when Yuffie pops up behind him and steals his mask*
Rufus: He looks like a woman!
Genesis: His lips are huge!
Nero:….I hate all of you with a burning passion.
Yuffie: I AM THE MOST AMAZINGLY AWESOME PRINCESS NINJA OF WUTAI!
Kunsel:…That was violent. Our next dare goes to our Cadet Cloud Strife and General Sephiroth!
Cloud: Why do I have a bad feeling about this…
Dare: Cloud and Sephiroth make out! Signed, Mici Angels
Cloud:…why me?
Zack: NOOOOOO! *falls out of chair*
Sephiroth: *slight smirk* Come here Cadet. *grabs Cloud and pulls him into his lap*
Cloud: EEP! *voice cut off by Sephiroth's lips*
Genesis: DO I SEE TONGUE IN THERE!?
Angeal: *restraining Zack* Genesis, be quiet.
Zack: SPIKEY!
*10 minutes later*
Kunsel: Well, how was it Cloud?
Cloud: Gfwoerincxnejed…huh? *stumbles back to seat*
Sephiroth: *smirks* Next dare Kunsel.
Genesis: He is a bloody show off.
Zack: *crying* Spikey…why?
Kunsel: The next dare goes to….it doesn't say.
Kay: Let me see it….Ok this goes to Reno.
Reno: What I get yo?
Dare: Kiss everyone in the room and then say who kisses best. Signed, Mici Angels.
Reno: I already know I kiss the best yo!
Kay: RENO DO IT OR I'LL CUT YOUR BALLS OFF!
Reno: Ugh, fine.
*several kisses later*
Reno: HE BIT ME YO! THAT BOTTLE REDHEAD BIT ME!
Genesis: *laughing hysterically*
Angeal: *sigh* Genesis…
Kunsel: Reno keep going!
Reno: *grumbles, continues to kiss, finishes by kissing Sephiroth*
Kunsel: So, who kisses the best?
Reno:….Sephiroth.
Genesis: THAT'S NOT TRUE!
Reno: DID YOU THINK I WAS GONNA SAY YOU YO!? YOU BIT ME!
Kunsel: Next dare goes to…
Kay: Just pick someone.
Kunsel: Ok, it goes to Zack. He can eat anything.
Dare: Drink Coca Cola and Mentos. Signed Mici Angels.
Zack: OK! *grabs the bottle and mentos. Drinks them down*
Cloud:…how do you feel Zack?
Zack: Not to ba-* throws up all over Sephiroth*
Sephiroth: I am going to kill-
Yuffie: *smacks Sephiroth on the head* KAY SAID NO KILLING!
Kunsel: ALRIGHT EVERYONE WE HAVE OUR NEXT DARE! This is to Genesis Rhapsodos!
Dare: Genesis read fanfiction! Signed, Mici Angels.
Genesis:…why would I want to read those horrid things? They pair me with that selfish bastard Sephiroth, or the blonde twerp Rufus.
Sephiroth: Did I ever ask your opinion of me?
Rufus: Who are you calling a twerp!? I am your superior!
Kay:…you've been getting into my yaoi haven't you Genesis?
Genesis: You have some of the most delightful favorites, my dear.
Kunsel:…ok then. Here's our next dare! To….hell its Vincent and Sephiroth.
Dare: hit Hojo with a stick or something...
Sephiroth: May I substitute a stick for my Masamune?
Vincent:…will Cerberus be sufficient?
Hojo: *nervous laugh* now now boys, I am sure Kay will not allow this, right?
Kay: Just don't kill him.
Hojo: *gets up and begins running around set, Sephiroth and Vincent chasing him. He runs off of the set, soon loud screams can be heard*
*15 minutes later, Sephiroth and Vincent return*
Reno: Have fun yo?
Cloud: Did you kill him?
Kay: I swear to Odin if I have to bring him back again…
Sephiroth: He's not dead. But he wishes he was.
Vincent: It was…good bonding time.
Kunsel: *sigh* Our next dare goes to Tifa Lockheart!
Dare: I dare you to French Kiss Sephiroth for an hour! And then force feed chocolate cherries to Rufus with your lips! Signed chica wowow
Tifa: WHAT IN MINERVA'S NAME!? WHY ARE PEOPLE SO OBSESSED WITH MAKING ME KISS THOSE DAMN IDIOTS!?
Cloud: They made me kiss Sephiroth. And Zack.
Genesis: Just kiss the idiots. So we can move on.
Tifa: *walks over to Sephiroth, kicks him in the groin*
Sephiroth: *grunts and falls over*
Kunsel: That wasn't the dare…
Tifa: Do I have to?
Kay: Yes!
Tifa: *Growls, begins kissing Sephiroth*
Sephiroth: *suddenly pushes her away* SHE PULLED MY HAIR!
Rufus: You sound like a five year old girl scout.
Kunsel: I think…we should move on to the next dare. BRING OUT THE CHOCOLATE CHERRIES!
Tifa: SERIOUSLY!
Rufus:…ugh.
*midget runs onto stage, carrying box of chocolate covered cherries*
Tifa: *smirks evilly, takes a cherry and shoves it into Rufus's hair*
Rufus: AUGH! TSENG!
Kay: TSENG DON'T MOVE!
Kunsel: NEXT DARE TIME! This one is to Elena!
Dare: Um...this is to Elena! Give Tseng a lap dance! Signed, fairy godmother.
Reno: OH YEAH NOW IT'S A PARTY YO!
Genesis: TURN ON THE MUSIC!
Elena: WHAT!? NO WAY! KAY DO SOMETHING!
Kay: *laughing and clapping*
Rufus: Music on!
Tseng: Sir…
Elena: *passes out from embarrassment*
Aerith: *runs over to Elena* Are you alright?
Elena: *still unconscious*
Kunsel:…We will have to come back to that later. Our next dare is to Rufus Shinra!
Dare: I dare Rufus to give Yuffie a piggy back ride around the room! Signed, lapaxlove.
Yuffie: I LOVE THIS DARE!
Rufus:…I can do that. *pulls Yuffie onto his back, runs her around the room*
Yuffie: Faster pony faster!
Rufus: I will drop you.
Yuffie: *pulls Rufus's hair* Giddy up!
Rufus: *drops Yuffie onto the floor*
Yuffie: MEANIE!
Rufus: *sits back down, goes to drink coffee* WHERE THE HELL IS MY COFFEE!?
Tseng: You drank it all sir.
Kunsel: NEW DARE TIME! This one is to Vincent Valentine.
Dare: I want to dare Vincent, my boy to suck Tifa's blood from the neck And prove you're a vampy! Signed, square enix.
Vincent: I am not, nor have I ever been, a vampire.
Tifa: Why suck my blood!?
Rufus: SOMEONE GO GET ME SOME COFFEE!
Genesis: SHUT UP YOU SPOILED BRAT!
Kunsel: Next dare is to our favorite chocobo haired buddy, Cloud!
Cloud: Oh no….
Dare: I dare you to kiss everyone in the room, except Hojo because that's just disgusting and I won't want to put you through that. Then, I want everyone to give a comment on how good a kisser Cloud was. Signed Uchiha Riddle
Cloud: Why me….why?
Rufus: JUST DO IT YOU LITTLE SHIT!
Angeal: Can somebody please get him some coffee?
Cloud: *whimpers*
*Several kisses later*
Kunsel: Comment time! On a scale of 1-10 I give him a…7.
Reno: 6 yo.
Zack: 20!
Genesis:…8.
Sephiroth: 5
Tifa: 8
Yuffie: He tasted like chocolate…so I give him a 10!
Tseng:…6
Vincent: 7
Rude:….6
Cissnei: 8
Aerith: 5
Angeal: 7
Lazard: 8
Elena: *still unconscious*
Weiss: 7
Nero: 4
Genesis: You only say that because he is not your precious "brother"
Nero: May I kill him?
Kay: NO KILLING ON SET!
Rosso: 6
Azul: 4
Shelke: 6
Kadaj: 10!
Rufus: 3 NOW WHERE IS MY FUCKING COFFEE!
Yuffie: Kadaj has a crush on Cloud!
Kadaj: SHUT UP YOU ANNOYING WORM!
Loz: 8….
Yazoo: 6.
Cloud: *drinking mouth wash*
Kunsel: OUR NEXT DARE GOES TO SEPHIROTH!
Dare: I dare you to...cut your hair. Like an inch. (I think the other fangirls would kill me if I made you shave it all off). Signed, WolfGirl129.
Sephiroth: By other fangirls, do you mean Genesis?
Genesis: I am not your "fangirl"!
Sephiroth: I have been in your apartment, Genesis. I have seen the posters on your walls.
Genesis: JUST DO THE DARE!
Sephiroth: So that you may keep it?
Kay: Sephiroth cut your hair already.
Sephiroth: *crosses arms* no.
Genesis: We have to do this the hard way then…GET HIM!
*Genesis, Zack, Yuffie, and Reno lunge at Sephiroth. They pin him to the ground*
Sephiroth: LET ME UP YOU INFERIOR PEONS!
*Snip snip*
Genesis: DONE! *holds up cut hair*
Kunsel:…We are going to move on before the General starts killing people. Because these two dare are…similar they will be delivered together. These are addressed to Genesis and Zack!
Dares: To Genesis: I dare you to go a whole 24 hours without reciting Loveless
To Zack: I dare you to go a whole day without talking. And I mean it. Not a peep, puppy. Signed, WolfGirl129.
Genesis: I can do that easily!
Zack: *nods vigorously*
Kunsel:…we'll let you know the result on the next episode. And now for our final dare of the show! This is to Rufus Shinra!
Dare: Well, you're violent enough without coffee so let's see how you do with this. I dare you to tell everyone your deepest, darkest secret that not even Tseng knows about.-signed WolfGirl129
Rufus:….I don't have to answer thKay: YES YOU DO RUFUS!
Rufus:….I sometimes draw a face and put a hat on my…male part…and talk to little Rufus.
Kunsel:….right. Well that concludes this episode of Cirque De-
*midget runs back onto stage, hands note to Rufus, Kunsel, and Kay.*
Rufus: GODS DAMN IT!
Kay: I am not paying for that.
Kunsel: It appears our interns have rebelled and begun smashing all coffee pots in the Shinra Tower.
Rufus:*throwing coffee mugs around the room* I WILL KILL THEM!
Sephiroth: Please don't. Good interns are so difficult to find.
Kunsel: *dodges coffee mug* This is the end of this episode of Cirque De Shinra! Join us next time!
Author's Note: Well, this was rather lengthy. Anyhow, the next episode is going to focus solely on the various "pairings." And the characters feelings on them. Send in some questions to the members of your favorite pairings! Sincerely, Kay.