soothing song
Lux has nightmares, sometimes. She makes these tiny, breathy noises, like a cross between a whine and a muffled scream. Like even in her sleep, she's not allowed to be loud, not allowed to be seen. Soft, quiet, hush. Jinx listens to her breathe, feels the hitches between each lungful like a sharp, pricking thing.
When Jinx has nightmares, her limbs lock and she lies very still. Then, without any warning, her eyes fly open. She does not move in the first few seconds after, but her eyes dart everywhere, assessing, cataloging. She tries to believe that the world around her is real, not a drug induced hallucination, not a hiding place in some dark corner of her mind, but real. Tangible. Here. Not there. She left. She left. She left. She still doesn't quite believe. She doesn't sleep often.
But Lux has a different breed of nightmares. She doesn't wake the way Jinx does. She shifts and she twitches, little, slight tremors in her brow, her lips. She looks strained, as if she's trying not to move. She's trying not to want. She's trying not to be. Docile, obedient, perfect. When Lux has nightmares, she's a woman of fire, of fight, of deeply ingrained discipline. She does not wake no matter how terrible the terrors. She will not let herself run. She will not let herself break. She will not let herself go.
And yet, Jinx thinks, humming a low, soft sound. And yet, here she lies, at her side, sleeping soundly - deeply - enough to dream. She lets herself trust in Jinx, the Loose Cannon with a body count in the hundreds, the terrorist scourge of Piltover, the no good street trash from Zaun. Next to Jinx, Lux lets herself sleep. She lets herself lie prone and fragile. She does not fear anything here.
Jinx hums louder, a tune now, a half forgotten song. It is a relic from a different life, when perhaps she was happy, when perhaps she was whole. She hums it now, smoothing away the creases of Lux's brow.
"It's not gonna end well," Jinx whispers. "This. Us. Don't fool yourself, Jinx. You don't have it in you to be gentle. You don't have it in you to stay."
Lux moans and shifts in her sleep, turning to face Jinx. Her expression is relaxed, free of any strain, any ache, any concern. She sighs happily, curling into Jinx's warmth.
Jinx swallows. "But maybe for a little while. Just a little while longer. Can I? Please? Can I?"