Loki:

[Sweet Dreams: Nightmares Twist]

No.

White knuckles clutch the rim of the toilet bowl, another hand rakes at the pinkish-red fleshy abdomen that spasm under its touch.

No, no, no, no, no, no…

There's choking and loud coughing, retching and crying as the pain spikes in horrible waves. Loki can't keep his eyes open long enough to grab a towel before he screams out in pain. It echoes through the empty tower. His vision is blurry from his tears that he desperately blinks through. He gasps for air, choking on his own constricted and raw throat. More retching. More screaming. Now dry heaving. More pain spirals up the spine. Loki feels like he was in labor, pain ripping through his body in constant waves but he wasn't. There was no bump, there was no baby. Or so he though.

Beep Beep Beep Beep

The stainless steel and white made Loki's eyes hurt as he lays in the over sterilized bed. He was dressed in black sweat pants and a black t-shirt. He couldn't bother with complicated clothing when his body had flares of pain. A S.H.I.E.L.D scientist came back in and asked dryly if he wanted to inform . Loki shook his head no. He was instructed to strip down and put on the medical gown. They closed the running curtain and Loki did as told. More pain. He flinches as a flare goes into his chest; he chokes his cries down and quickly changes. More scientists come back this time. He looks at them dryly as they proceed to examine him, invade him, everything he didn't want. He always ran and hid away. Always, so why was he here? Being poked and prodded and searched. He clamped his eyes shut when they spread his legs, a familiar voice rang in the distance between white noise in Loki's ears.

Tony.

He jolted up right in bed. He wasn't in the lab anymore. He was in bed. He heard Tony down the hall calling for him to eat breakfast. He quickly replied, not wanting to arouse any suspicion. Loki slowly made his way out of bed, shifting his legs over the edge. His foot hit the carpet and pain flared up his side. The other foot followed suit and more pain flared. He grabbed a pillow to muffle his screams. He started to hear voices. Quiet whispers in the back of his head.

Whatever this was, it was slowly killing him, or so he though. The voices seemed to know.

He tried hard to hide the pain, only wincing when Tony looked away, going in for check-ups, trying to nail down what was wrong until the results came in. Loki was pregnant, with Tony Stark's child.

And that was it.

The child. The child.

That was it?

Loki looked in disbelief, how could THAT be it? He was in constant pain and agony. S.H.I.E.L.D could not explain, no one could probably explain. It was a side effect, though Loki, just something he'll have to put up with for a while. He clutched his stomach and grimaced at the onset wave of nausea. He spends a half hour in the restrooms emptying his stomach again. The voices get a little louder, more ringing in his ears. That was only the third week of pregnancy.

He was at two months and not showing but his pain flares incapacitated him during the morning. He masked it by looking like he was asleep, facing away from Tony as he got ready for work. The voices mocked him. Told him he couldn't keep this up. He hadn't told Tony. He would tell him now. No. Later. Tonight. Sometime. Anytime but now, the pain flared up to his neck and he was stiff in his curled position.

It was 8 PM and the flares calmed down. Tony had just walked in. Loki was sitting on the sofa in the dark with only a silk green robe on. Tony walked around and sat down, asking why his lover was sitting in the dark. Loki smiled, he tried to smile his best at Tony and kissed him.

"I am pregnant Tony." He says calmly. Tony cracks a smile and beams. He picks up Loki and spins him, but Loki feels nauseous again. Tony puts him down and apologizes but Loki waves it off and smiles. Tony touches Loki's flat stomach and smiles warmly. Loki can feel the onset of another flare and the voices whisper louder in his ears.

Five months and Tony is working hard on the baby's room. He built everything himself, insisting he do all the work for it. Loki did not complain as he slowly walked to the bedroom. He closed the door with a quiet click and rushed to grab a pillow to scream into. A hand rakes over his enlarged stomach but he stops. Tears roll down his eyes as he falls onto his side and curls around the pain. He felt like he was dying. He had yet to tell Tony anything about the pain. No one knew but him and…the baby…and…the voices…

Eight months and Loki is in the kitchen, clutching the counter edge with white knuckles as he screams. The voices laugh at him loudly. He screams louder to drown them out. Tony is not there, he is at work. Loki can't complete a sentence without screaming in pain at JARVIS. He can feel water run down his leg. The pain is double, no, triple in strength as he buries his face in his shoulder. JARVIS calls up Tony regardless. Tony screams and yells for Loki to respond, he can see blood slowly pooling around Loki's trembling body.

S.H.I.E.L.D doesn't make it. Tony doesn't make it. No one made it in time. Loki was still huddled in his spot, he had managed to give birth on his own, but he was unconscious with the baby wailing by itself. The chord was cut and the scientists could see Loki's skin stitch back by itself. His eyes looked dead as Tony tried to wake him while crying with his child in his arms. When Loki awoke Tony was smiling down at him with their child. Loki rolled to look away from Tony and the baby and cried. Tony didn't understand and frowned and neither did Loki but when he looked at the baby all he could feel was pain. The voices tell him things. So many things.

Loki refused to look at the child and remained curled up in the S.H.I.E.L.D hospital bed, unresponsive and depressed. They told Tony Loki was suffering from post partum depression, but when they were talking Loki could only hear static. It was never like this. Why was this so painful? Why did he not want to hold his own child? Why did it…repulse him so? Loki did not know why…maybe it was the pain. Maybe it was something else. The voices won't go away. Make them go away. Please.

The child. The child.

Tony came home late one night to the sound of singing, a soft lullaby coming from the baby's room. He quietly walked down the hall, unsure what to find because it sounded like Loki. He peeks around the door frame and his eyes grow wide and he yells out. Blood is dripping the crib. Tony looks over the bars, the baby is…

"What is going on here? What is with the yelling?"

Tony turns sharply and spots Loki who is dressed in his usual t-shirt with shorts pajama combo. Tony grabs Loki firmly by the shoulders and shakes harshly.

"WHAT DID YOU DO? WHERE IS HE?"

Loki gives Tony a shocked and annoyed look.

"What are you talking about? Unhand me Tony!"

"WHERE IS OUR SON?"

There is a pause. Loki stares at Tony confused and looks away awestruck. His lips form a thin line as he looks at Tony again wearily.

.

..

…

..

.

"Tony, I was never pregnant…"