Kunsel: Hello everyone! And welcome to another episode of Cirque De Shinra! Due to technical difficulties we were off the air longer then expected, but we're back now!
Kay: Just thought I would issue a warning, Sephiroth has just received his mako shot. So he's a bit…unstable.
Genesis: HE GRABBED MY ASS BACKSTAGE AND ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO SEE HIS "Masamune"!
Rufus: For the love of Gaia will somebody shut him up! It's too early for this!
Cloud: But it's 1:00 in the afternoon…
Zack: *clamps hand over Cloud's mouth*
Kunsel: Yes, Zack is still attempting the dare from the previous episode. Genesis failed about an hour after the show. He started insulting Sephiroth with Loveless quotes.
Genesis: There is no hate, only joy. For you are be-
Rufus: Finish that sentence and I will shove my shotgun up your ass and start shooting.
Kunsel: As you all know, this show is focused solely on pairings. So for those of you who sent in dares, I apologize but we will not be using them today. BUT! Kay has assured me that will not be the last dare episode. So those dares have been filed away for later. OK! Time for our first pairing question. This one is addressed to all of us.
Question: I'm not sure if this counts, but I'm curious. What are your opinions on OC pairings? When fans pair you with their original pairings or themselves with you? Signed, DreamerJ
Genesis: I assume you have heard of the Red Leather fan club? They all believe they belong with me. I simply choose to ignore them. It is the same with OC pairings.
Angeal: The same is true for myself. I choose simply not to respond.
Lazard: If you respond it only encourages them.
Cloud: They always make me look like I belong in therapy…
Kay: *sticks earplugs on Cloud* He has no idea about the whole Sephiroth going crazy and all of that. So he has no clue what he was like in Advent Children. Though wouldn't that make for an excellent episode….future characters meet their past selves?
Kunsel: Kay, we are in the middle of the show.
Kay: I know. Carry on. *pulls earplugs off of Cloud*
Cloud: What happened?
Reno: Well, you see there was this time when Sephiroth went c-
*baseball hits Reno in the groin*
Kay: SHUT IT RENO!
Reno: *on the floor, clutching his privates*
Rufus: OC pairings are just like stalkers…they are unnecessary and deserve to be killed.
Weiss: What is wrong with the dear Vice President today?
Tseng: The coffee pots…his father will not let him replace them.
Kunsel: Well, I hoped that answered your question. Our next question is to Tifa, Rufus, and….Sephiroth.
Elena: Oh dear Gaia…
Reno: Where is the silver head anyway yo?
Cloud: *screams and jumps out of chair*
Sephiroth: *crawls out from beneath Cloud's chair* MWHAHAHAHA! I AM THE SNEAKEST SOLDIER ON ALL OF GAIA!
Kunsel: I'm pretty sure I hold that title.
Kay: SEPHIROTH GET IN YOUR CHAIR AND ANSWER YOUR QUESTIONS! *drags Sephiroth to chair* It's like dealing with a five year old.
Question: What are your responses to the Rufus/Tifa pairing and the Sephiroth/Tifa pairing? Set aside their psychotic and or sadistic tendency, not to mention almost destroying the whole planet, who do you think makes a better partner if you must choose Tifa and why? And do you think she makes a good pairing with you two respectively? Signed, chica wowow
Tifa: Seriously? Well, considering Sephiroth burnt my hometown to the ground and killed my father, not to mention destroyed Cloud's life-
Sephiroth: I DID NOT! That was before! I'm good now!
Cloud: Uh, what are they talking about?
Zack: *pats Cloud's head*
Genesis: The idiot General doesn't even realize he's talking to a lamp does he?
Weiss: Probably not.
Tifa: and the fact that Rufus was just as much to blame for most of our problems I would rather jump into a pit of acid.
Rufus: Well, maybe if you hadn't run around blowing up mako reactors I wouldn't have had to do what I did. Do you realize how many people you killed when you blew up those reactors? And how many more had to go without power? Not to mention the first time we met you KILLED MY DOG!
Tifa: We are heroes!
Rufus: You're assholes.
Kunsel: *sigh* Next question is to Vincent Valentine!
Question: Do you think it is a possibility that you/Tifa can be a loving pairing? I think you guys look good together! And what is your comment on the you/Yuffie pairing?
Vincent: Tifa and I are good friends, my heart belongs to Lucrecia.
Genesis: He's going to start up with the angst isn't he?
Kay: SHUT UP GENESIS! Carry on Vincent.
Vincent: As being…paired…with Yuffie, it is unthinkable. For many reasons. One, I much older then she. Two, her personality is far too….Yuffie for us to be romantically involved.
Reno: Meaning you think she would steal your materia during sex yo.
Kunsel: And here is our next ques-well this more like a shout out.
Shout out: Kunsel and Kay you guys are awesome for making this show, signed Guest.
Kay: I'm glad someone else noticed as well! You are awesome for noticing!
Kunsel: It's completely exhausting and they argue like two year olds over a toy. But now on to our next question! This is to Zack, Cloud, and Tifa.
Question: I like the idea of Cloti, but what do you guys think about adding Zack in the equation? What do you think of the Zack/Cloud/Tifa threesome? Do you guys think it'll work if that was the case? You're personalities all compliment each other. Signed, Guest.
Cloud: Well, I would agree that as friends we all compliment each other, but those two *gestures to Zack and Tifa* are too dominant and possessive in their own ways to ever be able to a lover. Or share anything for that matter. So, I think it might work if it was just one or the other, but both of them? Not a chance.
Zack: Spikey would choose me!
Tifa: I'm his childhood friend! Of course he'll choose me!
Kay: I have to do this. I don't ship Cloti, I ship Rude/Tifa.
*awkward silence*
Rude:….*blush*
Reno: And apparently so does Rude yo.
Genesis: ZACK JUST FAILED THE DARE!
Zack:…damn.
Kunsel:…well. The next question goes to Rufus, Elena, and Tseng.
Question: I've seen some Rufus/Elena/Tseng too, quite unusual but interesting. Elena do you like the idea of dating both of your bosses? How do Tseng and Rufus think of Elena as a potential partner? Signed, Guest.
Rufus: Elena looks like myself when I was younger, it would be extremely awkw- DAMN IT SEPHIROTH GET AWAY FROM ME!
Sephiroth: I smell like a skittle. Smell me!
Lazard: Hojo stop giving him mako shots before the show.
Loz: Kadaj what's wrong with big brother Sephiroth?
Kadaj:…I'm not sure.
Elena: I don't think I would ever date Vice President Shinra.
Yuffie: What about Tseng!
Elena: Well…um…he…he's my boss….I um….Next question time!
Kay: NOPE! Answer Elena!
Elena: I….would not be completely against it.
Tseng:….Elena is a very intelligent woman. She would be…*clears throat* Next question please.
Cissnei: Come on Tseng! Answer!
Tseng: *slight blush* I would not be completely against it.
Kunsel:…we actually got someone to answer a question? That's a new record! Our next question goes to Aerith and Rufus!
Question: if you guys were a couple what would be a perfect date for you guys? Where will you go and do what? Signed, xo.
Aerith: Well, I'm…not too sure actually. I think maybe I would take him to the forgotten city. The stars are the most beautiful out there.
Rufus: The Plate. They have the best restaurants in all of Gaia.
Genesis: I give this relationship a month.
Kunsel: Our next question goes to Cid Highwind.
Question: By the way Cid, yes I am one of Shera's friends. So marry the woman already. Signed, Nikita.
Cid: DAMN IT SHERA! Tell 'er friends ta stop harassin' me while I'm workin'!
Genesis: Since when do you do anything besides scream at people?
Kunsel: NEXT QUESTION TIME! This one is addressed to Zack Fair.
Zack Fair: BRING IT ON!
Question: Cloud or Aerith? Signed, Nikita.
Zack: Aerith is like a little sister to me. Cloud is my little chocobo!
Cloud: *blushes* Um…well…
Aerith: I walked in on them sharing some "private time" once.
Cloud: AERITH!
Sephiroth: I want a chocobo! *goes to grab Cloud*
Zack: RAAAAARRRR *tackles Cloud and cuddles him on the carpet* MINE!
Genesis: He acts like a real puppy.
Reno: At least he doesn't mark his territory like one yo.
Kunsel: And our next question is…I guess to all of us.
Question: What does everyone think of Weiss and Nero? There's….something there. Something that creeps me out personally, but you guys might feel differently. Signed, KHGiggle.
Genesis: Oh, yes there is definitely something there.
Hojo: I was in Weiss's body; I could see some of his brother and his most intimate memories. They enjoy bubble baths together very much.
Reno: I got one of their baths on video yo, 100 gil for a copy.
Nero: Brother may I kill them, please.
Weiss: A few of-
Kay: NO KILLING ON SET! NO KILLING OFF SET! NO KILLING PERIOD! Kunsel next question!
Kunsel: Our next question goes to Rosso the Crimson.
Question: Do you have a crush on Vincent? Signed, KHGiggle.
Rosso: Who could blame me if I did love? I mean, he is very handsome.
Cloud: You remind me of a snake.
Rosso: Thank you love, because I do bite.
Kunsel: *clears throat nervously* Well…our next question is to Rufus Shinra.
Rufus: I WANT MY GODS DAMN COFFEE! DAMN MY FATHER INTO THE FARTHEST PITS OF IFRIT'S NINE HELLS!
Kadaj: PIPE DOWN AND LISTEN TO YOUR QUESTION!
Question: Ok Shinra, a serious question. You need a next generation and all I mean aren't you worried about what would happen if you drop the bucket? So who do you think of all the ladies here, a considerable marriage candidate? No coffee forever if no answer. Signed, sini.
Rufus:….Father? That's you isn't it? I knew it was you who kept letting those prostitutes into my penthouse!
Reno: Actually that was me yo.
Rufus: Kay I still get coffee if I don't answer don't I?
Kay: Not if we don't get the damned coffee pots fixed…Sephiroth what are you doing?
Sephiroth: *looks up from where he has his ear pressed to the carpet* I can hear the dust bunnies talking.
Kay:….Hojo if you give him another mako shot before a show I will kill you myself. Rufus answer the question.
Rufus: *grumbles* I don't know. Who would be best to have my offspring? I suppose….if I had to choose….it would be Cissnei. She is calm and tolerable. Or Aerith perhaps.
Cissnei: Thank you sir?
Aerith: I guess that's an honor sir.
Rufus: Whatever. NOW GIVE ME MY COFFEE!
Kay: *sigh* If anyone would like a character to make a guest appearance. Or they would like to make an appearance themselves, send in a coffee pot and I'll make it happen.
Kunsel: Next question goes to Reno…RENO WAKE UP!
Rude: *pushes Reno out of chair*
Reno: I'M UP YO!
Question: Hey Reno, whaddya think of Elena? You guys kinda look cute together, though I think she'll kick your ass before anything else. Although Tseng may be another story, what do you think of her Tseng? Signed, Guest.
Reno: She's a nice set of legs yo. But I think you might be right, she'd probably kick my ass first. Tseng….
Tseng: She is an excellent TURK.
Reno: Come on yo! ANSWER!
Tseng: Yes.
Reno: Oh you're no-wait what?
Elena: Huh?
Tseng: I would…embrace a relationship with Elena.
Zack: No way.
Genesis: Oh. My. Goddess.
Kunsel: Well, it looks like we have a new couple! And more questions! This is addressed to Cloud!
Question: Please choose from these lovely men who you would like to be in a relationship with; Sephiroth, Zack, Vincent, Genesis, Angeal, Reno, Tseng, Rufus, or Lazard. Signed, Uchiha Riddle.
Cloud: Oh w-well I…
Genesis: *slides up to Cloud* Of course you would choose me, wouldn't you?
Zack: PEDOPHILE! *grabs Cloud*
Sephiroth: TASTE THE RAINBOW! *throws different materia at people*
Reno: HE HIT ME IN THE FACE YO!
Cloud:…Zack.
Kunsel: And now a question to Zack.
Question: So, will you go out with Cloud? If no explain why. If yes, explain why and then go and make out with him. Signed, Uchiha Riddle.
Zack: OF COURSE I'LL GO OUT WITH HIM! HE IS MY LITTLE CHOCOBO! *grabs Cloud and kisses him*
Reno: ALRIGHT ELENA AND TSENG YOUR TURN!
Elena: *smacks Reno* Shut up!
Kunsel: Now its time for our last question of the show! This one is to Red XIII!
Question: Dear Red Thirteen, since your species ages a lot slower then humans and Bugenhagen said you're about 14 or 15 does that mean you're about to hit puberty if you hadn't already? P.S. You're the best ff7 character ever. Signed, loganXIII.
Genesis: Excuse me? He is the best? No no no, I believe you are mistaken. I am the best. Ask anyone you choose.
Red:….To answer your question, no. My puberty does not occur until I reach the age of 25 in human years. The reason being my body grows and changes at a much slower rate then a human.
Kunsel: Well. That concludes this episode of Cirque-
*Midget runs onto stage, whispers something into Kunsel and Kay's ears*
Kunsel: *looks at Kay*
Kay: *looks at Kunsel*
Both: *looks at Hojo*
Hojo: Is there a problem?
Kay: A tentacle monster escaped from your labs and is stealing the cadets' underwear.
Hojo: Why do you all assume every perverted tentacle being that ends up at Shinra is my doing?
Angeal: Because every tentacle monster that ends up in Shinra is your doing.
Cloud:….is it going to steal my underwear?
Genesis: Hey hey…probably.
Zack: I'LL KILL IT!
Hojo: YOU WILL DO NO SUCH THING! IT TOOK ME QUITE A WHILE TO PERFECT ITS DNA!
Cloud: *screams as a tentacle reaches into his pants* GET IT AWAY! *runs out into hall*
Kunsel: Join us again next time here on Cirque De Shinra!
Kay: HOJO CONTROL YOUR DAMN MONSTER!
Author's Note: I know some questions didn't get answered, but it's because those characters are no longer here and this was not a dare episode. Also, the next episode will be a multi-episode. The characters will be switching jobs (example: Rufus's has to give up his job as Vice President and become a kindergarten teacher) So pick your favorite character and switch their jobs! Though you should check the reviews beforehand, because if a character gets more then one request I'm going with the first one. First come first served. This will be several chapters long ok? Great! Thanks for reading, Sincerely, Kay.