Kunsel: Hello everyone, Kunsel here. And before we start this episode, I would like to announce that requests for our job switches are now closed. So for those of you who already sent them in, great! We'll get to them in the upcoming episodes.
Kay: I would like to add a little to this. I received some job switches that I found incredibly hilarious and I got to thinking….what if this actually happened? Like a fanfiction where the characters, for some reason or another, were forced to switch jobs? Then-
Kunsel: Kay, we're in the middle of the show here.
Kay: Shoot! You're right; I'll talk more about this idea in the author's note.
Kunsel: Now, I realize this show is about switching jobs, but we have a few questions the cast, producer, and I have agreed we would like to answer. So, our first question goes to Rude!
Question: How many pairs of sunglasses do you usually have on you? Signed, DreamerJ
Reno: He could open an entire shop yo.
Rude: *Opens jacket, at least a hundred tiny pockets can be seen on the inside, all holding sunglasses*
Zack: I want a pair!
Kunsel: AND our next question before Zack does something stupid. This is to Reno!
Question: Where/how/why did you get the tattoos under your eyes?
Reno: Great question yo, unfortunately that is-
Kay: RENO WHERE YOU GOT YOUR TATTOOS IS NOT CLASSIFED!
Cloud: *whispers* What's wrong with Kay?
Zack: *whispers back* She read a fanfic trashing her otp.
Reno:…I grew up in the slums of Midgar yo, it's normal for kids to do what they want when they want. No adult is gonna stop to worry about a twelve year old when they could die from hunger or there's a threat of the very same kid muggin' you yo. I got 'em cause I felt like gettin' 'em.
Kunsel: It's a tough world; anyway our next question is addressed to Yuffie!
Question: Will you share one of your greatest ninja-secrets with us? Signed, DreamerJ
Yuffie: Hmmmmm….are you worthy of one of my awesome secrets?
Cat Sith: Quit yer prattlin' and answer the bloody question!
Yuffie: Sometimes, when it's reeeaaaalllllly late at night and I reeeaaaalllly can't sleep, I go around to the others' rooms and film them when they dream. Reno sleep talks a lot.
Kunsel:….that's why my vent is always open! Our next question goes to Red XIII!
Question: What is with the flame on your tail? Signed, DreamerJ
Red: *swishes tail around* There's a flame on it?
All: *stares*
Red: Why are you staring at me?
Reeve: It's just….how do you not realize there is a flame on your tail.
Red: I never looked.
Genesis: I am surrounded by morons.
Kunsel: *sigh* I agree. Our next question is to…Vincent!
Question: Next time you try and kill Hojo, may I please assist you? I have a
lovely set of knives that have yet to stab something. Signed, DreamerJ
Vincent: I believe that would be violating my contract…
Kay: DAMN RIGHT IT WOULD! I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE TO BRING HIM BACK AGAIN!
Zack: Kay gets violent when she has to bring one of us back after we do something stupid. Yesterday she had to bring Genesis back because he annoyed Sephy so much he stabbed him through with Masamune.
Genesis: It was…almost worth it. The General's hair would've looked fabulous as a nice fuchsia.
Kunsel: Before Genesis gets himself killed again, lets move on to the next question. This is addressed to Cloud Strife!
Question: After giving up the Buster Sword, where did you get your new set of
swords? Oh wait. He doesn't know about Advent Children yet...ah well, let's
confuse him! Signed DreamerJ
Cloud:…huh? I never had the Buster Sword, Commander Hewley always has. And besides, if he was going to give it anyone it would probably be Zack.
Reno: Outta curiosity, why do you think Genesis, Sephiroth, and Angeal were dead in the first place yo?
Cloud: Kay said everyone she brought back was killed in battle or assassinated.
Tifa:*glares* Liar.
Kay: That all was technically true. Because they were all killed in battle if you think about it.
Kunsel: I am moving on now. This question is addressed to our General Sephiroth!
Question: Where the heck is Masamune when you're not using it? Or do you just
have to carry it around all the time? Signed, DreamerJ
Sephiroth: Do you wear your socks all of the time? However, most of the time I do carry her; not because I have to, but because I want to. She is like my good luck charm.
Genesis: He has sexualized his sword ladies and gentlemen.
Sephiroth: I've done no such thing.
Reno: You might as well have yo.
Kunsel: So help me Odin I will end up killing one of them…Our next question is to Genesis Rhapsodos!
Question: I'm honestly interested in learning what Loveless is about. Could you
give the briefest summary you can? Signed, DreamerJ
Genesis: *leaps from his seat in joy* I would be delighted to!
Zack: WHY!? *falls to the ground*
Angeal: *sighs*
Rufus: Gods damn it now some idiot had to go and get him started.
Reno: *pulling out flask*
Genesis: Loveless, my little dove, is telling of how at world's end, the Goddess will descend from the sky saving all who believe. It also tells of her Hero, that has been sent to guide us all throughout this life. And then, when the time has come, the Hero will give himself willingly over to be slaughtered on our behalf. But he returns and fulfills the promises made by the Goddess.
Kay: Honestly I have actually read the entire poem (really I have) and to me it appears to be the equivalent to any other religion. There is a prophesized savior of the world, the Hero, and the Goddess who seems to be the supreme deity. When I read it, the religion it seems the closest related to would be Christianity. The Hero, who would play the role as Christ, would be sent to the planet to be sacrificed for the good of the world only to "resurrect" I guess and when the world ends the Goddess, playing the role as God, would come down and save all of her believers. It's really just a bible summed up in 5 verses. I'll post the actual poem as a separate story if you want to read it for yourself. Just message me and let me know.
Kunsel:….well I'm confused. But on to our next question! This is addressed to Zack Fair!
Question: We all know Cloud's story of getting into SOLDIER. What's yours? Signed, DreamerJ
Cloud:….how do they know my story?
Zack: Hehe, well uh, you're a celebrity now Cloud so they probably just stalk you or something.
Rufus: Because that is so much more comforting then the truth.
Barrett: YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT THE TRUTH IS FOOL!
Zack: I'm from Gongaga, as you all probably know, so there isn't too much from the outside world that is able to make its way in. But once when I was a kid, I remember hearing a story from one of the travelers passing through the town. The story was about an organization named SOLDIER and how it was full of heroes. He talked about how they travelled all over Gaia saving people. I had always wanted to leave my hometown to explore the world, but I also wanted to make a difference. To actually do something with my life. When I heard the story of SOLDIER I knew that was where I was headed no matter what.
Kunsel: That sounds like you Zack. Our next question is to any SOLDIER.
Question: How exactly do you get a Mako injection? Is it like a shot or
what? Signed, DreamerJ
Angeal: Yes, it is a shot of sorts.
Zack: A painful shot.
Genesis: A mako injection really only begins with a shot.
Sephiroth: Once you receive it, no matter how many you have received over the course of your life, you will begin to experience symptoms.
Kunsel: You get queasy, and hallucinate. Your temperature raises and your break out in a sweat.
Zack: Also, you get massive cravings.
Angeal: You have to spend an hour at least in the labs to allow the symptoms to wear off.
Genesis: During that hour they keep track of your vital signs and give you physical exams.
Sephiroth: That is a mako injection in a nut shell.
Kunsel: And our last question goes to all of us.
Question: After watching Advent Children, I've noticed how easy it is for many
of you to jump insanely high and remain in the air for extended amounts of
time. In our world, most people can only jump about a foot high for a second.
How would you feel if your world suddenly had our laws of gravity? Signed, DreamerJ
Genesis: It wouldn't really matter to me, because I have a wing.
Reno: I would make one o' those SOLDIER boys cast death on me and just end it all yo.
Angeal: A big factor as to why we jump as high as we do is the mako in our systems and in our planet.
Lazard: Indeed. If the mako was not coursing through the Lifestream it would make our world abide by the same gravitational laws as Kay's and yourself's.
Kunsel: Now….I am going to reveal the jobs for the next episode of Cirque De Shinra. These jobs will switch again after the next episode so don't fret.
Red XIII president of Shinra
Genesis prostitute.
Angeal should be a gardener
Yuffie has to be a security guard.
Vincent has to be Santa Claus.
Hojo has to be a farmer.
Zack has to be a librarian.
Azul has to be a chef
Rufus as avalanche's new pet or servant
Reno to be a priest
Tseng to be a princess
Elena a knight in shining armor
Lazard is a pimp
Cloud is Vice President
Sephiroth hair dresser
Tifa a SOLDIER
Aerith a TURK
Rude a pornstar
Barrett a waiter
Cid a rapper
Weiss a doctor
Nero a mascot
Kadaj a ballerina
Yazoo a dog groomer
Loz a therapist
Rosso a lion tamer
Kay: Join us on the next episode!
Author's Note: CLIFF HANGER! Also for future reference, I know how fun it is to send in requests for your favorite characters but don't forget about the rest of them (like I sometimes do) and the next few chapters will not be written in the conversational form, instead they will be written like a normal fanfic because honestly it wouldn't be as funny if you couldn't see how their work day was going. And I have decided that I will try to take on that fanfic idea I had earlier in this chapter. They all have to switch jobs for some reason or another and things get crazy from there. I'm even going to make them live together! Well, thanks for reading. Oh, and for those of you following my other two stories I will have updates for them sometime this week! Sincerely, Kay.