Kunsel: Hello ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to another episode of Cirque De Shinra! As mentioned before, we have a special guest star here today….*looks nervously at Kay*
Kay: *motions for Kunsel to continue while eating a cookie*
Kunsel: *clears throat* Our special guest star today is…..Jenova.
*midget runs onto stage, directing two Third Class SOLDIERs pushing a tube filled with mako and Jenova's floating head*
All: *awkward silence*
Kay: Welp, there she is.
Genesis: Is…..is that all?
Cid: She looks like er rat.
Reeve: A decaying rat.
Cat Sith: And she's only got one eye lasses!
Zack: There are males here too….
Cat Sith: Ya all act like lasses.
Kadaj: MOTHER!
Loz: MOMMA!
Yazoo: *sigh*
Sephiroth: Why is it that those two are the only ones still affected by Jenova's presence?
Kay: Eh hehe, well….it's a long story.
Kunsel: Well, lets just move on to the questions eh? The first question goes to Director Lazard.
Kay: Ready sir!?
Cloud: Sir?
Kay: I think I might try my hand at being a SOLDIER.
Sephiroth: Please no.
Genesis: Gaia help us all!
Lazard: *sigh* Yes I believe I am ready.
Question: Would it bother you if turned out that Cloud was your half brother? Signed, MarsRules.
Lazard: Well, given how quiet and cooperative the little trooper is, I wouldn't be bothered at all. In fact I would probably welcome it. Because in comparison to my younger half-brother Rufus, Cloud is an angel.
Rufus: Bite me you SOLDIER boy.
Lazard: I would, but your TURKs might feel their job privileges aren't so exclusive any more.
Tseng: Biting my employer is not a job privilege.
Reno: It's a chore yo.
Kunsel: How ya holding up over there Cloud?
Cloud:…..I'm…can we just move on please?
Kunsel: I couldn't agree more. Next question is….well this is just better said.
Question: I would like each characters to list one negative and one positive thing you like about the person beside them following in this order: Aerith Angeal Barrett Cid Cloud Elena Genesis Hojo Kadaj Lazard Loz Nero Red XIII Reno Rude Rufus Sephiroth Tifa Tseng Vincent Weiss Yazoo Yuffie Zack Aerith Signed, lapaxlove.
Kay: There was a bit of confusion with this question, so they all tried to answer it to the best of their abilities. Bear with us alright?
Aerith: Well, Angeal is very a honorable man and also very kind. He is considerate and is always available to help. And to be honest…. I can't quite think of anything negative. Except for the fact he sometimes sleepwalks and destroys electronics.
Angeal: I do?
All: Yes.
Angeal:…..well, Barrett is very responsible when it comes to handling his adoptive daughter Marlene. However, he has a tendency to fling his arms around when he speaks. Being smacked in the head with a mechanical arm is nothing to laugh about.
Barrett: THAT'S NOT MY PROBLEM FOOL! AND CID IS A DAMN GOOD PILOT, HE JUST DON'T KNOW HOW TO KEEP HIS MOUTH SHUT DURING MOVIES!
Cid: Shut yer damn mouth, Barrett. I can't help it that all those damn actors are idiots. And which Cloud er we talkin' bout?
Kunsel: The one sitting next to you.
Cid: The twerp? He's a lot less broody than the one I'm used to.
Kay: What about the negative thing?
Cid: He still looks like a girl before puberty.
Zack: DON'T LISTEN TO HIM CLOUD! *glomps Cloud*
Cloud: Can't….breathe….
Angeal: Puppy, release.
Zack: NOOOOOO!
Kay: *Sigh* Sephiroth, could I possibly ask a favor of you?
Sephiroth: No.
Kay: Do what I'm asking or I'll leak those pictures of you at Halloween to the Silver Elite members.
Reno: You mean Genesis?
Genesis: ALL OF YOU CAN GO SUCK A-
Kay: LANGUAGE. Now, *whispers in Sephiroth's ear*
Sephiroth: *Sighs, walks over to Cloud and Zack. Grabs Cloud and flings him backward.*
Zack: CLOOOUUUDDDD!
Kay: That was not gently. Cloud why not just continue the question?
Cloud: Okay…..Elena is a very caring person despite what her job entitles her to do. But once a month she becomes evil and threatens to shave my head if I don't say hi to her in the morning.
Genesis: He doesn't know does he?
Kay: Preserve his innocence! None shall tell him! Elena your turn!
Elena: I'm sorry Cloud…..Now Genesis is…very…..umm…..interesting?
Genesis: And what is that supposed to mean?!
Sephiroth: Please stop throwing tantrums Genesis. It is positively annoying.
Genesis: OH SHUT UP YOU POSTER CHILD!
Rufus: He must be tired.
Zack: Why do you say that?
Rufus: That was the best insult he could come up with.
Elena: And something negative is he is far too dramatic.
Genesis: Ugh, I HATE YOU ALL! THERE IS NOTHING POSITIVE ABOUT HOJO!
Kay: Genesis….
Genesis: *grumbles* He makes an excellent punching bag.
Hojo: How I wish the degradation process would start up again…and I suppose the only redeeming thing about the annoying little remnant is that through him my prized son was brought back.
Tifa: And then killed again.
Cloud: By who?
Reno: You see blondie, way in the future- *snowball smacks Reno in the face*
Kay: Move on.
Hojo: And something negative is that he still continues to exist.
Kadaj: MOTHER! Why do you let them insult me like this….
Cid: Because she's a floatin' head.
Kadaj: Lazard is a lot more cooperative than his idiotic brother.
Rufus: Who survived Geostigma and Sephiroth's insanity? Me. Who couldn't even outrun a Geostigma infected Cloud? You.
Kay: MOVE ON!
Kadaj: But I don't like his glasses.
All:….
Kadaj: What!?
Reno: That's it?
Kunsel and Kay: MOVE ON ALREADY!
Lazard: Loz is an exceptionally strong young man; however he tends to let his emotions get the better of him.
Loz: Uh, Nero is very…strong. And I like his wings. But he won't ever let me use them!
Nero: *Sigh* Red is very wise, but he still acts like a….canine.
Reno: Meaning?
Nero: He licks himself.
Red: *Growls* Reno isn't as dumb as he likes to make himself appear. However he is exactly as aggravating as he seems.
Reno: Geez, I feel so hurt. A dog insulted me yo. Rude is my buddy. And he's damn good to have next to you in a fight. I just wish he wouldn't try to motorboat on me when he's drunk yo.
Genesis: I could have gone my whole life without hearing that.
Rude: Rufus is an excellent employer but-
Rufus: *Begins polishing shotgun* But what Rude?
Rude: Nothing.
Genesis: I'll say it! He's a spoiled brat who's constantly PMSing!
Rufus: I've had enough of his bottle-dyed-
Kay: THERE WILL BE NO KILLING!
Rufus: *grumbles* Sephiroth was an excellent General. Unfortunately, he went insane and tried to destroy the world.
Sephiroth: What a typical answer. Tifa is just a nuisance. Plain and simple. There is nothing good about her.
Tifa: Because you're all sunshine and unicorns right? Tseng is a hard worker and very intelligent. But he works for Shinra!
Kay: Technically, so do you.
Tifa: What do you mean?
Kay: This show is called Cirque De Shinra. It's hosted in the Shinra Tower. And funded somewhat by Shinra.
Tifa:….oh my goddess…...
Rufus: And here I almost thought you were smart.
Tseng: Mr. Valentine is a very worthy opponent. However he does work for Avalanche.
Vincent: Weiss was….interesting to fight. However, he was Hojo reincarnated.
Weiss: I didn't ask for that, just so you all know. And I have no opinion on Yazoo. I do not know him well enough.
Yazoo: Thankfully. I don't feel like he is someone I would get along with too well.
Zack: Why?
Kay: Because he's a knock off version of Sephiroth.
All: *stares*
Yazoo: No, because he's a terrible shot. Yuffie is the Wutainian princess, but she is a horribly agitating thief.
Yuffie: YUFFIE IS THE BEST NINJA IN WUTAI!
Tifa: Why is Yuffie referring to herself in third person?
Yuffie:…..DON'T QUESTION ME! And Zack is awesome! There isn't anything bad about Zack that I can think of!
Zack: Thanks ninja princess! And Aerith is one of the closest people to my heart. She's just like the little sister I never had, and I can only wish the best for her. However, she can be a bit too trusting.
Aerith: It's true.
Kunsel: Alright, now to move on. The next question goes to-
*Loud fizzing noise begins coming from the mako tube holding Jenova's head.*
Kadaj: I've got you Mother! *Holding Jenova's head*
Yazoo: Not again.
Kadaj: *pushes head into his chest, turns into One-Winged Sephiroth*
Sephiroth: Well, this is wonderful. Now there's two of me for Genesis to stalk.
One-Winged Sephiroth: The black materia! I-
Kay: Tseng may I see your tranquilizer gun?
Tseng: *wearily hands over gun*
Kay: Thank you. *Aims at One-Winged Sephiroth before jumping on his back and smacking him on the head* Kunsel do the sign off thingy!
Kunsel: Uh, join us again next time?
Author's Note: Lights, Camera, Circus is now up! And sorry for not updating sooner, but Finals are coming up and I've been stressfully studying. Anyway, here ya go! Thanks for reading! Sincerely Kay.