*Lights go up to reveal the set has been decorated in pink velvet arm chairs, tiny cupids flying everywhere accompanied by small red hearts, red coffee mugs sat atop pink stained glass coffee tables, and red, white, and pink streamers all around the room. Seated in the middle of the room, on a large plush chair with a heart shaped backrest, is Kunsel who wears a cupid costume complete with a diaper and wings.*
Kunsel: Hello everyone, welcome to the…ehm….Valentine's day special. As always, I'm your host, Kunsel.
Rufus: This is ridiculous. It looks like Cupid threw up on the Shinra Tower.
Genesis: I think it looks perfect.
Sephiroth: You would.
Genesis: Don't get all huffy because Kay dyed your black leather coat pink.
Reno: I like this holiday yo.
All: ….
Reno: Free booze yo.
Genesis: Where are you getting free alcohol?
Reno: Fans yo. Fans.
Kunsel: First question….to Reno.
Reno: What'd I get?
Question: How often do you watch Cissnei in the shower? Signed, Aloha.
Cissnei: He used to. I put an end to that.
Reno: She electrocuted my balls…..love hurts yo.
Reeve: Is that any different than Genesis watching-
Genesis: I will end you. Right here. Right now.
Sephiroth: We all know he was going to say me anyway.
Genesis: NOT TRUE! I HAVEN'T WATCHED YOU FOR AT LEAST A MONTH NOW!
Zack: Why stop all of a sudden?
Genesis: Kay said that all of my stalking made Sephiroth go a little crazy.
Cloud: How did she figure that out?
Tseng: Sephiroth impaled several interns on his sword. And she forced him to see the newly appointed Shinra psychologist.
Reno: I didn't know we had a Shinra psychologist yo.
Kay: *Pops up from behind Sephiroth's chair* Indeed, for all intents and purposes you may refer to her as Bon Bon. She is also my personal assistant, technical support manager, and working with me to understand all things SOLDIER related.
Zack: You said he impaled interns on his sword. Why not just say Masamune?
Tseng: Because I was not referring to Masamune
Kunsel: All rapeyness aside, we should probably move on to the next question. This is for…Tseng! You ready Tseng?
Tseng: I…suppose.
Question: Tseng, I want you to kiss Elena as though your life depend on it. Signed, Rufus Shinra.
Tseng:…..what?
Elena: S-Sir?
Rufus: It is Valentine's Day. So get to it. That is an order.
Yuffie: Ooh, I smell romance!
Cloud: No that's just Zack. He sprayed about thirty different types of cologne on himself before the show.
Zack: I smell gooooood.
Genesis: You smell like a cheap hooker.
Sephiroth: You would know wouldn't you?
Tseng: *kisses Elena gently*
Rufus: That was not as if your life depended on it.
Tseng: Just because I didn't suck her face off does not mean that is not a life saving kiss.
Kay: EWWWW KISSING AND ROMANCE! *Dives behind Kunsel's chair*
Cat Sith: Uh, what just happened to the lass?
Bon Bon: *Appears in center of set* Kay still believes in cooties. *Disappears*
Reno: You gotta be kidding.
Kay: BOYS HAVE COOTIES!
Weiss: No. We do not.
Kay: You don't count. You're a strange creature that doesn't know what a shirt is.
Nero: Brother may I…?
Kay: No. You may not. Kay has spoken.
Bon Bon: Kay has spoken. *Disappears again*
Rufus: Is she going to keep doing that?
Kay: Yes. Next question time!
Kunsel: Ah, all right. This question goes to Rosso.
Qusestion: How do you fight in heels? Signed, Angel.
Rosso: Training, dear. I don't think an angel would understand.
Tifa: You don't even understand how much I dislike you.
Rosso: I don't care is what you fail to see.
Kunsel: NO NOT AGAIN! YOU WILL NOT START ANOTHER CAT FIGHT THAT DESTROYS THE SET AND MAKES ME COME IN ON A SUNDAY TO FIX IT AND LISTEN!
Angeal: Kunsel enjoys his Sundays off.
Kunsel: I enjoy my day away from the fighting schoolgirls.
Lazard:….You're referring to Genesis, Sephiroth, and Rufus aren't you?
Kunsel: How did you know?
Lazard: It's become a mutual agreement between the sane members of this show that those three are not to be taken seriously when sat in this chairs.
Rufus: I will fire both of you.
Kay: *somewhere off set* NO YOU WON'T!
Kunsel: There you have it. Next question goes to Tifa and Genesis….what? That's just a recipe for disaster already.
Genesis: Just read the damn question already.
Question: I think I hadn't laughed like this in a long time. Anyway, if I had to do a question it would be: what do Genesis and Tifa think of fanfictions which put them as pairing? There are even videos in which they're kissing *cough, cough* Signed, raxii.
Sephiroth: It's wonderful to know that you find our emotional exhaustion humorous.
Genesis: THIS ISN'T EVEN YOUR QUESTION WHY ARE YOU SPEAKING!?
Sephiroth: Because I have the ability to. A privilege you abuse.
Tifa: Look at him. Look at him right now.
Genesis: *Standing in front of Sephiroth flailing his arms around like a fish dropped on the fishing deck*
Tifa: Why would I ever be with him? Why would I ever kiss him? Why would I even think about it?
Genesis: I am irresistible.
Sephiroth: You are a nuisance.
Kunsel: Next question goes to Rufus and Tifa.
Tifa: Leave me alone already.
Rufus: Oh my you're popular for one episode and it's suddenly too much to bear.
Kunsel: AND HERE IS THE QUESTION!
Question: Rufus, who would you ever allow to cuddle you and give you a hug in here, and why?Also, Tifa I want you to make out with all the male in here, with the exception of Hojo...*shivers* and tell me who is the best kisser (and the answer can't be Cloud ;) *smirks* Signed, Lulu bell
Rufus:…I do not know what leads all of you obsessive fans to believe that I have the desire to be "cuddled" by anyone in this room, but please keep your perversions to yourself.
Tifa: I honestly don't think Zack would let me kiss Cloud anyway…*death glares at Zack*
Zack: Sticks and stones can break my bones but my SOLDIER strength could break your face.
Cloud: I'm leaving.
Kay: NOOOOO! *drags Cloud back to his seat* You must stay and be here for the amusement. And Tifa can't kiss Kunsel either.
Reno:….Why?
Kunsel: Yeah, why?
Kay: Because you…..would have to take off your helmet!
Tifa: Whatever, lets just get this over with. *kisses all the males in the room*
Kunsel: Well?
Tifa: *mumbles a name*
Bon Bon: The microphone couldn't hear that.
Tifa: SEPHIROTH!
Genesis: BY THE GODDES I AM A BETTER KISSER THAN HE IS!
Sephiroth: Obviously not. *smirks*
Rufus: Are we all just ignoring the fact that Kay might have possibly just bee jealous?
Kay: Jealous of what?
Rufus: Kunsel kissing Tifa of course, what else would you be jealous of?
Kay: The amount of chocolates you all got sent here today.
Reno: Wait everyone else got chocolate?
Zack: I got skinny jeans from one person…
Angeal: I got sword polish.
Sephiroth: Shampoo. A lot of shampoo.
Kadaj:…Mother plushies mostly.
Elena: Reno got booze remember. Oh, and I got a bunch of stuffed animals and teddy bears.
Reno: Expensive booze.
Kay: My point.
Kunsel:…Can we move on?
Kay: Yep.
Kunsel: This question goes to Sephiroth.
Question: Sephiroth: What kind of products do you use on your hair to make it so AWESOME! Signed, HaruhiandHikaru.
Genesis: WHY ARE YOU ALL OBSESSED WITH HIS HAIR!? MY HAIR IS JUST AS AWESOME!
Sephiroth: Shinra issued Shampoo.
Zack:…wait. What? That's all you use?
Sephiroth: Yes.
Zack: Okay everyone listen I know from experience there is nothing special about that shampoo. It out right sucks.
Sephiroth: It obviously does not.
Kunsel: Sephiroth's hair aside, time for the next question. This one is addressed to all of us.
Question: What is the one thing you hate most in the whole of Gaia? Signed, HaruhiandHikaru.
Sephiroth: Hojo.
Vincent: Hojo.
Tseng: When the Shinra Tower runs out of coffee.
Rufus: My father.
Zack: Arcade games that swallow my quarters.
Angeal: Hojo and Hollander.
Genesis: Hojo.
Tifa: Shinra.
Rufus: The door is right there. You're free to leave anytime.
Kay: No.
Kadaj: Sephiroth.
Sephiroth: Not surprising.
Yazoo: When Cloud destroys my Velvet Nightmare.
Cloud: When did I do that?
Yazoo: Oops.
Kay: Yazoo dreams about you.
Reeve: Is that supposed to make him feel better?
Kay: No.
Cloud: I hate when people talk about me like I'm not here.
Reeve: Taxes.
Cat Sith: Kadaj.
Rosso: Vincent Valentine.
Weiss: Hojo.
Nero: Shelke.
Kay: THANK YOU!
Shelke:…
Kay: I'm not sorry.
Shelke: Lucrecia.
Azul: Everything.
Loz: When my brothers leave in the middle of the mall.
Kay: It's okay Loz, we leave them in the mall too.
Yuffie: When someone finds something I'm going to steal before I steal it.
Aerith: Mako Reactors.
Rufus: How dare my Mako Reactors provide electricity to the entire population of Gaia! I should shut them all down so that her pretty flowers may grow everywhere.
Lazard: When Rufus throws tantrums.
Reno: When Rude replaces my vodka with water.
Rude: When Reno gets so drunk he starts calling Sephiroth Rebecca and I have to haul his ass away before the General rapes him.
Sephiroth: How many times must I say I am not gay?
Gensis: That's right you're asexual.
Zack: I hate stairs.
Angeal: When Zack refuses to do his stair training.
Zack: The reason I hate stairs has been revealed.
Elena: Fanboys.
Cissnei: Reno, most of the time.
Kunsel: Having to dress up as Cupid on Valentine's day.
Kay: Don't be like that.
Kunsel: Well, I guess that's all the time we have for today. Tune in next week for-
*Loud crashes sound from outside the set*
Reno: Wha?
Elena: That doesn't sound good…
Genesis: Thank you captain obvious.
Bon Bon: *Dashes through set* CUPID IS PISSED!
Kay: Uh oh.
Sephiroth: What do you know about this?
Kay: I couldn't find a cupid costume that would fit Kunsel so…
*A muscular naked man with white wings and a quiver of arrows and a bow flies onto the set with a flash of glittering hearts explode around him*
Cupid: WHICH ONE OF YOU STOLE MY….*Sees Kunsel*
Kunsel: THIS IS NOT WHAT YOU THINK!
Cupid: I'LL SHOW YOU WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU MESS WITH THE GOD OF LOVE! *Draws arrow and fires it at toward Kunsel*
Kay: AHHHH NOOOO! *Grabs Kunsel's SOLDIER sword and swings it at the arrow* GET OUTTA HERE CUPID! *Chases Cupid through set*
Cupid: OH MY GOSH I'M SORRY JUST PUT DOWN THE SWORD!
Rufus:…Does he realize he has wings and she's only 5'6 with a sword?
Zack:….she is really scary sometimes.
Bon Bon: Hell hath no fury like a protective Kay. Tune in next time!
*Somewhere off set*
Cupid: DON'T STAB ME THERE!
Author's Note: I apologize, my muse left me for the longest time. Well, I hope you enjoyed this holiday special! Sincerely, Kay.