*Lights go up to reveal the cast*
Kunsel: Hello there, and welcome another episode of Cirque De Shinra! I'm your host Kunsel here ready to ask another round of questions to Gaia's most sought after people!
Rufus: That was unbelievably cheesy.
Kunsel: Kay said I couldn't start the show with "And now another episode of Hell" anymore.
Genesis: Attention people of Gaia; whoever it was that grabbed my ass today at the unveiling of the Midgar mall I will find you. And I will kill you. No one grabs my ass without my permission.
Reno: Except for Sephiroth yo.
Genesis: FUCK OFF RENO!
Sephiroth: I don't understand why you believe I wish to grab his…lower region…in the first place.
Genesis: You can't even say ass? Hojo what did you do break him?
Hojo: I have nothing to do with the way he speaks now.
Sephiroth: Because the years of being locked inside a laboratory supply closet did everything to help me soar socially.
Rufus: Who introduced you to sarcasm?
Tifa: The same person who introduced him to butt sex. *points at Genesis*
Reno: We all know who bottoms in that relationship yo.
Genesis: ALL OF YOU CAN GO TO HELL I DO NOT HAVE FEELINGS FOR THAT OVERLY PROPER MAMA'S BOY!
Zack: I don't think they were talking about Kadaj.
Kunsel: So it begins….ALRIGHT ladies and gentlemen time for our first question. This is addressed to everyone's favorite Avalanche girl Tifa!
Rufus: Again with the cheesy lines.
Kunsel: Please just shut up and let me say the damn question.
Question: Dear, Tifa.Your fashion changed the most in the series. First a cowgirl outfit, then a crop top with suspenders, finally a full black outfit.Are you still looking for your comfortable skin? Will you wear fur next time? Or will you trade your wardrobe with Aerith? Signed, AeroShylph.
Tifa: Well, I guess everyone knows that I live a very fast paced life. I usually just change my appearance when I see fit. So maybe next time I'll wear fur or imitate Aerith's amazing style. How she manages to make such simple things look amazing is beyond me though.
Aerith: Thanks so much Tifa! I could actually help you next time if you needed it.
Elena: Could I go shopping with you guys? The only girls ever around the Shinra Tower are myself and Cissnei. Minus the secretaries but they're too busy drooling over the SOLDIERs.
Cissnei: Oh my Gaia yes, that is the most annoying thing ever! One time-
Genesis: *Mimicking a girl's voice* And like oh my Goddess did you see Becky's hair? It was like, totally out of style.
Reno: *Also mimicking a girl* And like Renee is just a total slut did you see her panties sticking out of her booty shorts? That was totally a thong!
Sephiroth: Since when did this show get renamed "Menstrual Monthly?"
Zack: You know the girls are gonna kill all of you right?
Reeve: Zackary I just caught you this morning trying to peep in on a locker room.
Cloud: YOU WHAT!?
Zack: IT WAS THE CADET LOCKER ROOM AND YOU WERE THE ONLY ONE THERE!
Angeal: ZACKARY FAIR!
Zack: ANGEAL IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!
Kunsel: SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME ASK THE NEXT QUESTION! *takes a deep breath* Okay, so this question goes out to…General Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: Oh joy.
Genesis: Quit bitching.
Cat Sith: Like yer one to talk lad.
Reno: You were just told by a cat.
Kunsel: THE QUESTION IS!
Question: Sephiroth, if you have to choose a girl in here, who would it be, and why?You must choose or I'll shave your head during your sleep! Signed, Lucretia.
Sephiroth:….Aren't you supposed to be frozen in crystal?
Vincent: What kind of joke is this?
Hojo: *cackling madly* Oh so you've woken have you? Still as violent as ever I see.
Kay: Oh my gosh just answer the question please we can contemplate the meaning of the universe later alright?
Sephiroth: If I was forced to choose, perhaps it would be…Cissnei. And the why is because she is able to hold her own without completely irritating me. Most of the time.
Kunsel: *Sigh* Alright this next question is for….me?
Rufus: Who cares about you exactly?
Kay: *pops up and smacks Rufus with a frying pan* Quite a lot of our fanbase. So shut it blondie.
Bon Bon: Shut it blondie.
Tseng: She's back as well I see…
Kay: Duh. Okay question time.
Question: This question is for Kunsel, were you disappointed to not have kissed Tifa? And are you actually bald underneath the helmet? Signed, Anonymous
Kunsel: Well, I mean of course I was sorta disappointed. Tifa is very beautiful.
Tifa: Thank you
Rufus: Kiss ass.
Kunsel: And no. I am not bald. My hair is actually something like a redish blonde. Thank you for your question Anon.Alright the next question is for Cissnei.
Reno: None for me yet yo?
Genesis: Obviously not.
Weiss: Idiot.
Reno: Poser.
Weiss: Human.
Reno: Dead Hojo reincarnated.
Genesis: The Turk wins.
Question: Cissinei, did you used Reno's EMR to electrocute him?Signed, Anonymous.
Cissnei: Yes, with the assistance of a lightening materia. I find it works better than just the EMR alone. Higher voltage.
Rosso: Such a sadistic little girl.
Kadaj: Such an annoying accent.
Sephiroth: That might've been the smartest thing you've ever said.
Kadaj: SHUT UP! MOTHER SHOULD'VE CHOSEN ME!
Yuffie: You still woulda lost.
Kadaj: I SAID SHUT UP! *draws sword*
Genesis: Shh! Listen!
All: *pauses and listen*
Rufus: What?
Genesis: Kay hasn't threatened to castrate anyone yet for violence.
Bon Bon: *appears in middle of set* Kay has fainted.
Cloud: What!?
Aerith: Why!? What happened!?
Bon Bon: It happened shortly after Kunsel answered his question. It was her coping mechanism.
Kunsel: Coping with what!?
Genesis: You are an idiot.
Kunsel: I AM NOT! This concludes this episode of Cirque De Shinra join us again next time! *runs off set*
All:…
Sephiroth: He is an idiot.
Angeal: They…actually agreed on something?
Rufus: THE WHOLE WORLD IS ABOUT TO END OH GAIA WHAT ARE WE GOING TO DO!?
Reno: If I'm dyin' today I'm goin' out drunk off my ass yo. *walks off of set*
Cissnei: That really wasn't surprising.
Elena: I think my bra is riding up my back again.
Rufus: And meanwhile in my head Turk's pants…
Genesis: TSENG HAS A BONER!
Zack: That's all it takes?
Cloud: I'm going to train.
Zack: SPIKY STOP I'M SERIOUS I WAS ONLY PEEKING AT YOOOOU! *hanging on Cloud's legs*
Vincent:…the cameras are still rolling.
*Rufus suddenly shoots the camera*
Author's Note: Attention! There is a partner story for Cirque De Shinra called Lights, Camera, Circus! So check it out! Also, when sending in dares please understand that they will only be used in the next dare episode, probably episode 20. Thanks for reading! Sincerely, Kay.