*Lights go up to reveal the cast glancing nervously at each other*
Kunsel: Hello and welcome to another episode of Cirque De Shinra…I'm your host Kunsel here with another set of questions to your favorite characters.
Rufus: I won't do it. Just so ALL of you know, I will. Not. Do. It.
Genesis: Oh no, if I'm going to be forced into an arena to play a bunch of idiotic sports you have to as well Mr. Priss!
Rufus: Let me start by saying if anyone here is a priss it would be you! On your last mission you refused to enter the Midgar slums for fear of getting your boots scuffed, not to mention we have to steam clean everything in the Shinra Tower everyday because you're a grade A germaphobe!
Genesis: You almost cut SOLDIER funding to replace the coffee machines that your interns destroyed!
Kay: As they argue it out, let me explain. You see after this episode and the next episode, which will be a dare episode by the way, to celebrate coming to the end of season one; for our 21st episode we'll be doing….A PORN EPISODE! That's right! Send in your most perverse questions or dares! Don't be shy and don't hold back!
Bon Bon: Because Kay finds their discomfort to be unbelievably amusing.
Kay: Exactly. Now if I'm not mistaken, we have a ton of questions to get answered. So Kunsel let's get this going!
Kunsel: Right…our first question goes to all of us.
Question: Who would you choose to replace Rufus as President and why? And no you can't pick Reeve or yourself. Signed, KO.
Rufus: Everybody stop…just…stop. Who said I was going to be replaced? Who said I would let anyone even try to replace me? And why do I get the feeling that this question came from a certain Director of Urban Development… *glaring at Reeve*
Reeve: It wasn't me! I want as little to do with this show as possible!
Rufus: Any one of you even attempts to answer this question and I will view it as treason. I will execute you myself, right here, right now.
Tseng: Sir I hardly think anyone is trying to replace you.
Rufus: No! I worked and waited far too hard and far too long for this position!
Sephiroth: It is only a question.
Rufus: NO!
Reno: Aw c'mon boss man I know everyone loves-
Rufus: KUNSEL YOU WILL READ THE NEXT QUESTION OR SO HELP ME I WILL SEND YOU DOWN TO BE HOJO'S PLAYTHING!
Cloud: What's wrong with him today?
Elena: There was an assassination attempt, he's been a bit jumpy since then.
Kunsel: Because Mr. President here has decided to throw a tantrum I supposed we'll have to move on…But just so you know I would've picked Commander Hewley. Anyway, the next question goes to all us guys.
Question: To all the guys, describe your perfect date and who out of the girls would you have liked to receive chocolates from? Signed, Anonymous.
Sephiroth: I do not have a perfect date, because I do not date. As for the chocolates, no one.
Rufus: We would go some place calm, where there weren't cameras or people trying to kill me. And she wouldn't be annoying or overbearing, we would just be able to relax and breathe. As for the chocolates, why do I feel I have answered this question a thousand times? If I had to pick I would say Aerith.
Kadaj: We would locate Mother together while burning through this wretched world! And I don't like chocolate ever since Rufus tried to poison me with them…
Rufus: I regret nothing.
Yazoo: We would be as far away from this city, this show, and my brothers as possible. About the chocolates? I don't eat sweets.
Loz: Uh, we would just….play together. Maybe at the Chocobo Ranch or downtown Midgar. And….if any girl sent me chocolates I would want it to be….Marlene. In a friendship thing though!
Barrett: YOU GO NEAR MY DAUGHTER I'LL CRACK YOUR SKULL OPEN!
Rufus: You do realize he already kidnapped her once right?
Barrett: MY PERFECT DATE WOULD BE TAKING DOWN SHINRA ONCE AND FOR ALL! AS FOR THE CHOCOLATES I WOULD WANT TIFA TO SEND EHM YA NOSY BASTARDS!
Zack: We would go to the biggest amusement park in all of Gaia and ride every single ride until we threw up then we would head out and beat up a bunch of monsters and whoever killed the most got to do whatever they wanted to do to the loser!
Genesis: You aren't supposed to simply repeat the traumatizing experience of the little blonde.
Zack: But that was my perfect date! And Cloud looked so sexy in all that leather…
Cloud: ZACK SHUT YOUR MOUTH!
Zack: It's no more embarrassing than when we saw Yuffie and that assistant girl going at it in the break room!
Yuffie: THE GREAT NINJA YUFFIE IS NOT ASHAMED OF HER BISEXUALITY!
Tifa: Yuffie we've talked about this, please stop referring to yourself in the third person perspective.
Zack: It was right on the giant glass table and everything. One of their bras hit me in the face!
Cloud: It had to have been the other girl because it was too big to be Yuffie's.
Yuffie: MY BOOBS ARE BIG!
Cloud: For a mouse. Anyway, I don't really have a perfect date in mind. I would be happy just spending time with the person I love.
Zack: AWWWW~ *Squeezes Cloud*
Genesis: We would go and see Loveless. After the performance we would recite the play to each other before whisking away to my apartment where we spend the rest of the night wrapped in each other's embraces.
Reno: That's a lot of fancy words to say we would fuck yo.
Genesis: THAT IS NOT WHAT I MEANT AT ALL!
Angeal: I guess…hm…I would take her back to Banora and we would walk through the apple orchards just before twilight. And I would choose…Cissnei I think.
Kay: *giggle*
Bon Bon: You will shut up Kay. Or I will sick Hojo on you.
Weiss: A nice sparring session that would prove to be a challenge. As for the chocolates…I think the lovely little Tifa would work just fine.
Tifa: I would rather burn my eyes out with acid.
Hojo: I could help with that.
Nero: I don't think I'll ever know what a perfect date would be considering none could withstand the feeling of oblivion that is held in my darkness. But the little Cetra would certainly be interesting.
Rufus: NO!
Lazard: Well, we would go to the top of the plate and enjoy a nice romantic dinner. Just enjoying each other's company.
Reno: My perfect date yo? It would be having a hard night of nothing but clubbing and drinking and having hella fun. I would rather get booze instead of chocolates yo, and if Tifa ever wanted…
Tifa: QUIT PERVING ON ME! *punches Reno out of his chair*
Rude: *ignores Reno* I would…prefer to just relax with them. Enjoy some peace and quiet. As for the chocolates…Tifa, because she's different.
Reno: *grumbling from the ground* Why didn't ya punch him yo?
Tifa: Because he was nice about it.
Kunsel: I guess if she ever wanted to join me on a stake out, that would be my perfect date. As for the chocolates thing, I don't really know. But time for the next question.
Question: Are all the guys here virgins? And girls, who would be a possible marriage candidate? Signed, gigglesFF.
Genesis: Obviously not all the guys here are virgins. That's just a ridiculous question.
Sephiroth: Some of us have chosen not to have sex, simply because we don't desire to.
Reno: But we ain't all no virgins yo.
Tifa: A good marriage candidate? Uh, I would have to say maybe Rude? Or Barrett? Someone who would take care of their family.
Aerith: I think Rufus, if he ever settled down and got his attitude under control.
Elena: Tseng of course.
Rosso: Weiss. Naturally.
Yuffie: Uhhh, Reno! We would be an a-
Rufus: Annoying. You be an annoying pair.
Cissnei: Director Lazard.
Kay: I don't know if I count, but Bon Bon and I are gonna answer anyway. I would have to say out of everyone Kunsel for me. But that's only because he hasn't gone fully insane with my ideas yet.
Bon Bon: Angeal…
Kunsel: Well, uh, thanks?
Genesis: WHY DID NONE OF YOU CHOOSE-
Sephiroth: Maybe it has something to do with your shouting at them.
Kunsel: And our next question! Elena this is for you!
Question: Elena, why did you join the Turks? Signed, Anonymous.
Elena: Well, I never really had a family. I was born in the Midgar slums and lived like that for a while, up until the age of 10. I found my way to the Shinra Tower and Tseng sort of took me under his wing, taught me how to fight and survive and serve Shinra to the best of my abilities. The Turks have all become my family, and I want to be able to protect and help them as best as I can.
Rufus: Elena is by far one of the best Turks I have; she is a priceless asset to the company.
Tseng: I'm grateful to have her in my life.
Reno: She's like a little sister ta me yo!
Rude: *nods*
Cissnei: She's one of the only other female Turks that I like.
Elena: Thank you, thank you all so much. *covers face with hands*
Genesis: As touching as this is, I need a question for this episode.
Reeve: How can you be so rude?
Genesis: Was I speaking to you? I don't think so.
Kunsel: Alright Genesis, here's the next question.
I love this so much! If I may... Vincent, first off you are my favorite character. *wink* I would like to hear your opinion on who you think is the best yaoi paring. Nero, are you and Weiss really brothers? You look nothing alike. (You're my favorite Tsviet btw)Kay, You are brilliant and I wanted to ask how you come up with such amazing ideas?Signed, VictoriaValentine101
Ps, I like your hair Genesis. :D
Genesis: THANK YOU! Finally a person with some taste! Ms. Valentine you seem to be one of the only people on this planet with any sense whatsoever, so I applaud you for that.
Sephiroth: At least he's stopped whining.
Vincent: Thank you I suppose….my opinion on yaoi pairings? I don't necessarily have one….out of all the pairings Kay has spoken of, one of the most popular have been the SephCloud pairing, the ZackxCloud pairing, and the RenoxRufus pairing. Of course there is the pairing involving myself and Cid, but I don't think Shera would like that.
Cid: Yer damn right she wouldn't!
Nero: The only use your like of me would serve is if you decided to join DeepGround because of it. And yes, Weiss and I are brothers.
Weiss: If not for Nero I would be a rotting corpse by now.
Kay: Well thank you! Thank you for sticking with this show and trusting and sending in questions that I have fun answering! As for my amazing idea, I just thought about how many questions I had for all of these people and how I would never be able to ask them. I figured there had to be other people out there with the same questions, not to mention a lot of different ones, so I just decided to give all of us some closure by forcing these heroes and villains to answer all of our strange, endearing, and sometimes downright disturbing questions!
Sephiroth: Disturbing, disgusting, and perverted is more like it.
Bon Bon: Uh Kay, I think we have a guest star snooping around backstage…
Kay: Huh? *runs backstage and drags Advent Children Cloud onto stage* OH MY GAIA LOOK WHO I FOUND! THIS MUST BE BECAUSE I LEFT THE PORTAL OPEN!
ACC Cloud: Could you let go…*sees Sephiroth*
Genesis: Oh joy.
Zack: Spiky!
Cadet Cloud: Uh…
ACC Cloud: Don't trust him. *points at Sephiroth*
Kay: He's been rehabbed, older Spiky. Just sit down and answer some questions.
ACC Cloud: What…are you talking about?
Angeal: This is a talk show Kay there created; we answer questions people send in.
Kunsel: We actually have a question for future Cloud…huh. Alright older Cloud here's your question.
ACC Cloud: Why would I answer any question you ask?
All males of the cast: Because Kay will castrate you if you don't.
Kay:…they've gotten creepily good at that.
Question: Future Cloud,
What is one thing you would you tell your younger self? Would you change anything? I know young Cloud likes Zack, but I want to know, which one would you choose now, knowing everything you know now? Signed, surban75
(FYI, I love this concept! Keep up the great and entertaining job!)
Kay: Thank you! I'll do my best!
ACC Cloud: I would tell him…that he's never alone. Not when he has so many people that care for him. Even if he loses battles, or loses people, his friends will never hate him. They won't ever blame him. And they'll always support him.
Cadet Cloud: Thanks…
ACC Cloud: It's true. As for who I would choose, even though I know what happens in the future…*frowns deeply* It comes down to the question "Would you rather never see the one you love again, or see them love someone else." My choosing a different person won't change the way my heart feels. I would still…choose Zack. If only to cherish all the memories a lot more than I did before it all….went to hells.
Kay:…I would like to make a move to keep ACC Cloud here as a permanent member. As the fans of this show it's your job to vote him in! Send it in with your questions or dares!
Kunsel: It looks like that's all the time we have for today. Just a friendly reminder from all of us, but when you send in more than three or four questions in one review it takes a lot longer to answer. Not to mention someone who only sends in one question will probably have to wait longer to get theirs answered.
Genesis: What the idiot is trying to say is, limit the amount of questions you send in to at the most four please.
Rufus: From all of us here at Cirque De Shinra.
Bon Bon: And all of us working from your world.
Entire Cast: Goodnight everyone!
Author's Note: Cirque De Shinra is not ending on the 21st episode. The first season is ending. Vote for whether or not ACC Cloud should become a permanent member and also send in dares and your worst perverted questions for the porn episode! Thanks for reading! Sincerely, Kay.