*Lights rise to show everyone dressed in various forms of moogle and chocobo apparel*
Kunsel: Ahem, I am supposed to inform our viewers that this episode of Cirque De Shinra is sponsered by Moogle Monthly and Chocopuffs. Moogle Monthly is your one stop place to get all of your various moogle news and Chocopuffs are the breakfast cereal that chocobos and their handlers can enjoy together…
Aerith: When did we start getting sponsors outside of Kay and Shinra?
Rufus: When this show started bringing in more views than most of primetime television combined. Not that I'm complaining.
Tifa: So you're saying you like Chocopuffs, since you like their sponsorship right?
Rufus: I'd say I liked getting my finger chopped off if it meant getting three million dollars tossed toward building an indestructible coffee pot.
Reeve:...is that where my department's funding disappeared to?
Kunsel: Anyway! Time for our first question! This is to you, General.
Sephiroth: Hm.
Question: How does Sephiroth the asexual know how to kiss the best? Signed. Lady Humzbird.
Sephiroth: It's just responding to the other person's body language and picking up on their body's cues.
Genesis: Kissing isn't supposed to have such a clinical answer!
Sephiroth: And yet it does.
Reno: Can we replace these chairs with spinning chairs yo? I think spinning chairs would be better.
Kunsel: You'd have to ask Kay….where is she?
Tseng: She wasn't here when we were preparing for the show either.
*Loud crash heard for somewhere above the set*
Cadet Cloud: Should...should someone go find her?
Weiss: No! This is perfect let us just all leave.
Vincent: She would kill you.
Kunsel: She would make me kill you.
Yuffie: *mimicking Kunsel* These next questions go to Angeal and Genesis! Our favorite and least SOLDIER elites!
Kunsel: Damn it Yuffie get out of here! And give me back that datapad!
Question: Hey! I just got off the set of the LOVELESS movie an hour ago, and I've got the part of the Goddess so... yeah Genesis, they're making a LOVELESS movie I'll get you a pass to be on set later. Anyway I have two questions and a dare if you don't mind Kay and Kunsel.
Angeal you don't get enough love on this show so... *kisses his cheek* Anyway, you've often said Zack is like a son to you. That said, who do you think would be a good mother figure for him?
Genesis... *Summing her inner LOVELESS Goddess, she grabs him by the ear like a mother would when scolding a child* WHY DID YOU NOT TELL ANGEAL AND SEPHIROTH ABOUT YOUR DEGRADATION?! ALL THREE OF YOU COULD HAVE FIGURE OUT SOMETHING TO CURE YOU AND PREVENTED SEPHIROTH FROM GOING INSANE! *calms down a bit and starts fussing over him* Sorry, Gen. I really do think you're a wonderful man and Definitely NOT a monster... Hojo and Hollander are the REAL monsters. *Kisses forehead* Lots of love from the LOVELESS movie set!
-PG17
Genesis: I WOULD BE MUCH MORE EXCITED IF YOU DIDN'T JUST SCREAM IN MY EAR! Wings of light and dark spread afar…
Angeal: She did offer you a pass to get on set Genesis and complimented you, a little bit of criticism might seem like a small price to pay I think.
Genesis: My ear hurts damn it all! But…*grumbles*
Cadet Cloud: Huh?
Genesis: *More grumbling*
Kunsel: The mic can't pick that up Genesis.
Genesis: *Throwing a coffee mug at Kunsel* I SAID THANK YOU BLOODY IDIOTS!
Angeal: Genesis please. Well…*glances at Zack, who is currently trying to style his hair into a mohawk* I think a good mother figure would have to be responsible but understanding and kind. So maybe….hmm….
ACC Cloud: *Elbows Zack and motions to the question*
Zack: Hey! I have an awesome mom as it is! I don't need another!
Genesis: It seems your son doesn't want another mommy Angeal.
Zack: SHUT UP GENESIS LOVELESS IS STUPID!
Genesis: MY SOUL CORRUPTED BY VENGEANCE!
Reno: My soul ain't drunk enough yo.
Tifa: My soul is full of anger.
Sephiroth: My soul doesn't want to be here.
Genesis: STOP MOCKING ME!
Kunsel: Here's the next question! To Sephiroth!
Sephiroth: Oh joy.
Question: If Hojo does something incredibly stupid again, would you like to borrow a pirate ship I bought so that you, Genesis, Kay and Vincent can command it to fire hundreds of cannons at him? No charge. Signed, Grov,light.
Rufus: You have enough money to buy a pirate ship…? Would you like to sponsor Cirque De Shinra? The money goes toward various good causes I assure you.
Lazard: You have poured enough money into the creation of an indestructible coffee pot, you don't need anymore.
Rufus: Tseng shoot him.
Kay: *Voice echoing through the air vents* DON'T SHOOT HIM OR I'LL SHOOT YOU!
Zack: KAY! Where are you!?
Kay: WORKING!
Vincent: I am...concerned.
Kay: NEXT QUESTION TIME!
Kunsel: Ah, alright. KAY THIS IS FOR YOU!
Kay: I'M LISTENING….GET BACK IN THAT CAGE!
ACC Cloud: Uh...what?
Kay: NOT TALKING TO ANY OF YOU! WHAT'S THE QUESTION?
Question: Kay, what's Scarlet doing here and where's Veld? Signed, Ameila-Sapphire.
Kay: VELD IS IN CHARGE OF THE CAMERA AND SECURITY ROOMS! SCARLET IS HERE-OUCH STOP BITING ME- SCARLET IS HERE BECAUSE RUFUS WANTED HER HERE.
Rufus: Scarlet has been stealing my specially brewed coffee; she's here for surveillance purposes.
Scarlet: He's such a prickly little executive ohohoho~
Yazoo:...I've got the strongest urge to shoot her….
Reno: Same yo.
Kunsel: As long as she stays over there, and quiet, I don't really care if she's here or not. Here's the next question for the Wutainian princess!
Yuffie: YES! What'd I get!? *Bouncing in excitement*
Question: Why do you keep referring yourself in third person, and how many times did ACC Cloud, Tifa and Aerith tell you to stop doing that?
PS: Thanks for taking me out on a tour around Midgar, Reno, and the other fun things we did! Signed, Zleen.
Yuffie: Well that's hardly any fun…*pouts*
Tifa: She does it all the time, like when we were shopping last weekend. The whole time then.
Aerith: And when she came to visit my flower shop this morning.
ACC Cloud: And when we were sparring last week.
Cat Sith: And when the lot of ya were playin' cards last night.
Zack: And when we got ice cream from the cafeteria.
Yuffie: LEAVE YUFFIE ALONE!
ACC Cloud: STOP DOING THAT!
Rufus: More importantly, Reno you took the helicopter out when I said not to.
Reno: Eh...ahaha, er….it was a clone yo?
Elena: Rest in pieces Reno.
Kunsel: Uh...before you kill him Rufus you might want to hear this.
Question: I brought at least 1,000 coffee machines and then-some along with a coupon for one store nearby to buy replacements if the ones I brought over end up breaking; these are for Rufus so that if one coffee machine breaks down, no one else has to waste their money on buying a new one all the time for a while.
Will this help convince him to let you take me on a tour in the helicopter, Reno? I seriously hope it does, because I wanna go explore the Gold Saucer, Gongaga, Icicle Inn, Kalm and Costa Del Sol. Signed, Savanna-Tiana.
Rufus:...You are quickly becoming less annoying than most Savanna-Tiana.
Reno: Thank Gaia….We can go out and fly whenever ya want. *falls out of his chair and sighs in relief*
Kunsel: Ah, this will be the last question. Miss Luce, Kay wanted me to say that the rest of your questions have been archived and will be used later!
Question: For Kay: *packing something into a box to send it with my message* Please let it out and take pictures of what's going to happen. And please send me those pictures then!
(It's a ...something? I kind of might have created it somehow. It looks like a cat but it growls like a lioness (it's female) and could be the cat-version of Sonic the hedgehog...at least it moves very very fast. I showed it pictures of Hojo and it ripped them into very small pieces. I also showed it pictures of Genesis...it stole them from me and now it keeps purring everytime it sees pictures of Genesis. I'd like to find out what would happen if you let it free near those two. xD) Have fun, Luce!
All:...
Nero: The little girl isn't here at least.
Tseng: I wouldn't be so sure about that….
Kay: BRING HIM BACK HERE YOU LITTLE CREATURE I DON'T WANNA HAVE TO BRING HIM BACK TO LIFE AGAIN!
*Small creature comes dashing through the set dragging an unconscious, beaten Hojo by the leg. Stops once it sees Genesis and lunges at him before grabbing the back of his jacket and dragging him off set*
Genesis: GET IT OFF ME! WINGS STRIPPED AWAY THE END IS NIGH!
ACC Cloud: I think Hojo is dead.
Sephiroth: This has been a very good day.
Kunsel: Kay! Why did you let it out!?
Kay: I didn't do it on purpose! It scratched me when I was trying to secure the cage!
Reno: This reminds me of the catgirl all over again yo...at least it ain't me this time.
Genesis: *screaming from the hallway* COME AND GET THIS THING AWAY FROM ME!
Kay: Well, ahaha. From everyone on Cirque De Shinra…
Kunsel: See you next episode! Oh, and send in questions for the next episodes special guest….Noctis from FFXV!
Author's note: I do plan on doing a Halloween episode, which will be a truth or dare episode, but in the meantime I'm still trying to find more themes for various episodes. So any themes you have in mind (such as like pirate themed, 50s movies themed, things like that)! Also, the Turks from Before Crisis will be added to the roster so send in some questions for them! Thanks for reading, sincerely Kay.