AN:HI! I'm back! This chapter came out extremely schizophrenic and choppy, and as many times as I tried to rewrite it (8 times!), it came out the same way. I guess that's what you get when you try to fight threw a major writer's block. I noticed that a lot of you liked my Alex chapter, and she is coming back soon with another whole chapter of her own, so get pumped for that. As usual read and review. I won't even consider writing the next chapter until I have two reviews on this one (I do that all the time, that's just the first time I've warned you). Until then my readers…

A wave crashing into your body, engulfing your entire being is what some say love feels like when you first know it. Others say that's what an epiphany resembles, and yet others say fear. But what is it closest to in reality? Is it cold hard relief of the truth you've been running from, shaking you to your core and waking you from the ignorant slumber you've been subdued in for days, weeks, maybe even months? Or is it simply a bucket of water literally being thrown onto you and waking you up? For me it seemed to be the latter.

After the initial shock of suddenly being soaked I open my eyes, vision cloudy from the unexpected hit of sobriety. The water was insanely cold, resulting in an instantly shivering Marissa Cooper. I blink a couple times, and then rub my eyes. I study my surroundings and realize my recent theory of being woken up was false, considering the fact that I'm standing up.

I then notice I'm in Alex's office, and that there is a very unhappy blonde badass standing in front of me holding a large bucket at her side. Her pursed lips automatically telling me that I was probably in trouble.

I probably shouldn't say anything, given my companion's current state of anger, but me being the girl I am, I suddenly feel the need to question her motives about throwing at least ten gallons of water all over me. "What the fuck?"

"Don't you dare what the fuck me Marissa." She drops the bucket angrily and crosses her arms. "Are you sober enough to yell at yet?"

"If I say yes will I be saved from another bucket of water?"

"Either way you might just get that bucket shoved up your ass!" Alex was never a good person to piss off, I'd learned that purely from observation, but when she is actually angry with you, it was an entire different ball game. Those eyes that could so easily illuminate my soul with warmth seemed to peer into the very depths of my soul, searching for the truth in my actions. Her body language begged the question that had always seemed to be asked 'What the hell is wrong with you, Marissa?' She'd never say it out loud, she didn't have to. But everyone asks it at least once in their time of knowing me. Hell, I ask that of myself constantly, but no matter how hard I try, I can never find the answer. I didn't know the single corrupted portion of my being; it all just seemed to point to the very probable fact that everything was wrong with me.

"What the hell is your problem?"

Her mouth falls open and she looks as if she's seriously shocked at my statement. "My problem? My problem? Do you have any idea what you've just done?"

"Would I really ask if I knew?"

"Please tell me you're joking!" I keep that confused look on my face and it seems to convince her that I seriously have no idea what's going on. It's pretty obvious that it's another one of those time jump things, but I had no idea how long it's been. I might have been worried had a more pressing issue not been staring me in the face. I was pretty sure there was something clinically wrong with my health, but it could wait until after I've been chewed out by my punk princess "You're not joking." She shakes her head. "Marissa a fucking inspector came into the club tonight, and you know what he got to see? A table dancing minor who had obviously been drinking more than anybody should. You know what he's going to report? That we're serving to minors now. Do you have any idea the trouble I could get in for this? I'm a seventeen year-old bartender managing a nightclub. You think that's legal? An investigation could shut this place down, and if they think I'm serving teenagers I could do time. That's my problem Marissa!"

My knees give out and I fall onto the conveniently placed couch in her office, processing exactly the damage I'd done. She'd never served anyone underage, well here at least, but she could get into trouble for it because of me. "Alex I-"

"Don't say it."

"I'm so sorry Alex, I didn't mean to. I don't even remember-"

"I told you not to say it." She sits next to me and slouches against the cushion.

"Alex, I would never do anything like that in my right mind, you know that. I know my limits; everything is just so weird lately."

"You're the only thing that's been weird lately."

"I'm sorry. I'll tell them that you had nothing to do with it. It was all me and that… god damned flask." My head's killing me all of the sudden, I'm not sure if the cause is the alcohol it seems I've consumed that night or the fact that I've been blacking out for long periods of time.

"You don't have to. All he's got right now is his words… I wouldn't let him breathalyzer you, so you're safe. I just… have to be on my best behavior until this is all over… and you have to keep out of here for now."

"I will… whatever it takes to fix it. I just can't believe I did that."

"You've been saying that a lot lately." She observes.

"I have?"

"Practically every day this week you've done something stupid. You don't remember?" She moves herself so she's kneeling on the ground studying me closely, looking worried. "Marissa what is the last thing you remember?"

"The beach after dinner with Mr. BAD."

"That was like a week and half ago! How long has this been going on?"

"Almost two months." The look she gave me was that of pure concern. She wasn't still angry about me practically ruining her job. She wasn't upset about my recklessness. She was just… scared, for me. Because she didn't want to see me hurt.

"And you haven't said anything? God! Marissa! Come with me!" She grabbed my hand and dragged my soaking wet self into her jeep, and then driving me to what I could only assume was a hospital.

(ALEX'S POV)

Nothing compares to that feeling of utter helplessness you get while sitting in a rock hard hospital chair, waiting for any news. The speed of the questions and concerns flowing through your head breaks any record speed you might have reached while driving. And you still can't do anything but wait, unless of course you feel the need to vent your frustrations on underpaid orderly's or interns.

I can't even do that with Marissa sitting there though, watching me go out of my mind shaking my leg, crossing and uncrossing my arms, banging against my thighs and chair. I probably make it a little too obvious that if anything were to happen to her I might just explode, but at this point I don't care.

"Do you think I should tell someone your about to have an aneurism?" She asks me from her seat on the hospital bed. I let her question go unanswered and just look at her. How could I have not realized something was wrong? Why didn't she tell me? Her smile fades when I put on my serious face. "Alex it's going to be okay."

"You're having fucking blackouts Marissa! And not the stupid short ones that you say Summer gets sometimes, but ones that could legitimately be side effects of something more serious! How can you know that everything is going to be okay?"

"I just… do, okay? It has to all work out fine." She better hope everything works out fine, because I swear to god if she's dying I might have to kick her ass.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me. Do you not trust me?"

"Of course I trust you."

"Then why would you keep something like this from me?"

"I guess I just didn't want to worry you."

"Well you did a great job with that didn't you?"

"Alex, come on, stop being so glum. You used to be fun."

"I just found out I might be getting fired and arrested, okay? And to top it all off I find out that… you're sick, or something. It hasn't been a very great day. I'm sorry for not being in the mood for stupid banter."

"I said I was sorry for-"

"Okay, no, Marissa. You think I care about that shit? Well newsflash, I don't when it's compared to you being hurt. I lo- You're just… really, really important to me and I do not know what I'd do if I lost you."

Her loss of words was evident after my little spiel, and I worried that I had said too much. But after a bit of an awkward silence she cracks a smile and says, "So when are you going to inform me that damage I've done this last week?"

"It hasn't been that much really, you've just been really… drunk I guess. But you said something about your mom making you apologize for not apologizing correctly the first time to Mr. BAD over another dinner. And Officer Ryan has been watching you like a hawk lately, you yelled at him for giving you shit about coming to see me earlier. You crashed someone's party. Summer may or may not be plotting to chop your head off the next time she sees you, for a reason you didn't share with me, and Seth blames you for him not getting laid in a couple weeks. Oh yeah, and you have a term paper due tomorrow morning."

"Great. I'm glad I haven't gotten into too much trouble." She rolls her eyes in that classic uptown girl way of hers and smiles. "Alex I think-" She's cut off by the door opening and the doctor walking in.

"I'm sorry for the delay ladies, I was getting a second opinion. That's why it took me so long."

"Why would you need a second opinion?" I hear myself ask.

"Just to verify what I've determined… as people usually do when they ask for a second opinion." His rather snide remark was unwelcome with the day I'd had. I deserved to be a little bit worried, and no thirty-something year old virgin was going to get sarcastic at me because of that.

"Don't they teach bedside manners in med school?"

"Didn't they tell you guys that only family is allowed in the room while waiting for results? Where are your parents?" He directs the first rhetorical question to me, but the second to Marissa.

"Yours must be waiting for you to come home so they can reheat your supper for you, you know tuck you in, kiss your forehead. The usual."

Marissa shoots me a look for my comment, but then decides to answer his question. "My dad's sailing around Hawaii somewhere and my mom is…"

"At home banging her ancient step dad." I finish.

The awkward man clears his throat and loosens his tie. "Well then, your symptoms don't look as if they point to something really serious. And the blackouts are probably due to a combination of stress and sleep deprivation."

"So what do I have to do to stop it from happening again?"

"The usual things when trying to stop something caused by stress and sleep deprivation, you know get some sleep and keep your stress levels down." He looked at her like it was the most stupid thing to ask, and my tolerance for this guy was wearing thin. "Go to yoga… or whatever you teenagers do nowadays. Just lay off from too much homework in one night and you should be fine."

"Well I really don't think that will be a problem." I suggest with a smirk that automatically receives a smack in the arm from Marissa.

"So that's it?"

"Yeah, just make sure to come back in if things get more serious, or if you have any concerns." We stood to leave when he decided to remember one more stipulation in her getting better. "Oh, and one more thing; any intake of alcohol might induce a blackout."

Damn!

(Marissa's POV)

I do the wrong thing all the time. I say the wrong thing even more often. But nobody has ever really had the heart to tell me I was a fuckup before. Not that anyone had told me I was good at anything either, until Alex that is. I guess there's a first time for everything.

"Go! Go! Go! Go!" Cheering ensued all around me, encouraging me further to do the wrong thing. I'd learned at an early age how to correctly chug through a beer bong, and in this race I was currently competing in, well… let's just say I was kicking some serious ass.

My original intentions weren't wrong at all. I was just planning on meeting Alex on the beach because I couldn't go into the club. She had been taking FOREVER when I saw some serious raging going on under the pier, it called to me. So I went to go check it out and some big and burly, meathead looking guy was completely dominating everyone there in drinking competitions, and naturally, the only thing I could do was call him out.

Long story short I was extremely intoxicated at the moment. "Done!" I slur throwing the evil thing onto the ground and raising my hands in the air. The cheers grow louder and I'm officially declared the heavy weight champion of the drinking decathlon. "Yes!"

The achievement soon loses its glamour when I turn around and look straight into the disappointed eyes of Alex Kelly.

"Congratulations, you've officially been declared best alcoholic." She turns and walks away, and I almost let her leave me behind. It would have been better for her. To leave me behind like everyone else has. But I couldn't let her walk away, not yet.

"Alex wait!"

She turns and looks at me with unadulterated pain in her eyes. And in that moment, I'd realized what I'd really been putting her through. What if the positions had been reversed? Could I watch Alex destroy herself as I was? "Wait for what? You to kill yourself Marissa? Do you really expect me to sit by and watch that?"

"I'm sorry, Alex."

"Did you not hear that doctor tell you that drinking could induce a blackout? Were you gone during that too? Are you even with me now?"

"Yes. Yes, I'm with you and yes I heard him."

"Then why the fuck would you do something as stupid as that? Are you trying to lose it? What if this was the time you didn't come back? Did you think about that?"

"What do you want me to say? That I'm stupid? That I fucked up? That I acted irresponsibly? Because I fully admit to all of those things Alex. I'm sorry." At this point we were on her front doorstep. She looked at me as she opened her door, after a hesitation she ushered me in.

She didn't speak for a while as she paced back and forth in front of me. "Why?"

"I'm just… dealing with a lot lately."

"Then tell me what's on your mind. I can help you." She kneels in front of me to get to eye level and takes my hand in hers.

"I- I- I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because… I just can't."

"Is this about that decision of a lifetime thing you were talking about awhile back?"

"I guess so. Sort of."

"You're letting something like this affect you this much?" She dropped my hand and stood, growing more irritated by the second.

"You don't understand. It's complicated. Lives could change."

"Damn it Marissa! Life isn't like that, okay?" I stand startled with her sudden jump in volume. "You want to live a certain way you do whatever you can to do it! Whatever your situation is, you take it, because otherwise you are not going to get it! Just because you choose a certain path does not mean that path is definitive! You want something you fucking take it, and it's as simple as that!" She was coming step for step closer to me, but I hadn't noticed.

I did notice however how angry I was getting with her. She didn't understand. It didn't work like that, at least not in my experience. "I never see you taking your own advice!"

"What advice? I'm just telling you the truth."

"When in your life have you ever seen what you wanted and just grabbed for it? Not caring about the consequences, just doing it. You want to tell me what I should do, then maybe you should lead by example."

"You don't want me to take what I want." She said as if she knew exactly what I was thinking. She didn't though, clearly. Because I was thinking about how hot she was when she was angry.

"I fucking dare you." Those four words were what made my life even more complicated. Any other word choice would have ended the conversation, and what happened next would not have happened. But as I should have known, Alex was never one to turn down a dare.

"Really? Fine!" And her lips were suddenly on mine in some sort of magical anger induced fit of misjudgment, her skillful hands holding my face exactly where she wanted it.

Everything that had been building inside of me for this girl was put into that kiss because I was afraid as soon as it was over she would realize that it was all a mistake, letting me into her home, letting me into her heart. So did I kiss her back without any hesitation once so ever? Hell yes.

In a not so smooth way I wrapped my arms around her and pulled Alex closer to me, hoping to god this wasn't a dream, and thanking him at the same time that I'm actually mentally present at this time. Once she figures out that I'm not going to shove her off of me she drops her hands to my hips, lightly squeezing the skin exposed.

The first taste of her tongue probably would have been the very best moment of my life if she hadn't broken the lip lock right that second. She backed away and refused to meet my confused gaze. "I'm sorry. I… I don't know what got into me."

"You don't-"

"Marissa, I think you should go."

"Alex-"

"Marissa, you really need to leave."

This was the second moment in the span of ten minutes that I made a life-changing word choice. Instead of walking away I took a step closer to Alex, forcing her into a wall. "No." I leaned in and planted soft kisses on the underside of her jawline. I receive a gasp when I suck on her pulse point. "This is what I want."

Alex says and does nothing but tries her hardest to resist my charms. She stands stick straight against the wall she's backed into, shakes her head like she cannot believe this is happening, and clasps her eyes shut. But I move on, kissing up and down all of her exposed skin, sucking in places I knew she would love.

It was only the slightest bit discouraging to know I was the only one willing to participate at this point. But I almost had her in my grasp. Alex's defenses were quivering under my fingers, and she was close to giving in, I felt it. The way she was struggling to avoid looking at me at all costs, the way she fought herself to lean into my touch, and the way she tried to smuggle her sounds of pleasure.

I finally had her when my fingers found the skin just barely hidden by the hem of her shirt. She captured my lips in a powerful kiss and the next thing I knew I was on my back in her heaven worthy bed. She was hovering over me with a dark look in her eyes. There was no sign of a smile anywhere but her tenderness and care were felt everywhere. She touched my face before she kissed me, and I didn't need any reassurance in my actions.

She felt for me, whether she wanted to admit it or not, and I loved her, like a lot. In that moment I didn't need to know what tomorrow would bring. I didn't have to worry about marriage, or evil mothers, or ex-boyfriends that just made things more complicated. It was just me and her, and it was beautiful. I knew then I could stay like that forever, and I wanted to. With this thought we settled into our simple, miserable harmony, tears of passion and all.