AN: Hey people! I've realized I semi-abandoned you recently, and I'm sorry for that. And I'm sorry that the majority of this chapter is pretty much filler. But I decided to get this out to hold you over until I have time to finish the next chapter, The Clan. Hopefully, it will be out within the next week or so, but as always it's all up to you readers. Review! It makes me happy. One of you mentioned that I hadn't included Marissa telling Alex about Mr. BAD, and I know I haven't, and to clarify it will not happen for a while. We all know how Marissa loves to wait until the last second. There is a brief explanation as to why, but hopefully you no longer think I forgot. Sooo… here it is. If you have any comments or concerns send a review, any story ideas fill free to message me. Read, Review, and Enjoy.
P.S. I totally slaughtered the funeral service… sorry. I did it to the best of my ability.
P.P.S. Just broke forty reviews! Yay me! I'm shooting for at least sixty by the time this story ends; we'll see how that ends up.
I was timid about going to the funeral. After all I had never met any of Alex's family, not to mention Alex herself wasn't even supposed to be there. It all seemed to point towards a disastrous ending. But I had to stick it through because I told her I would. I'd made a promise, and if I bailed out now she'd probably never speak to me again.
I wanted to be her rock today like she had been for me so frequently before. I wanted to be that shoulder she could cry on if she needed it. I wanted to be there for her while she was broken, even if she refused to admit she was hurting. Last night one of the reasons I wanted to go was to see the look on "that bitch's" face when she realized Alex wanted to bring ME instead of her. Last night I wanted to go for all the wrong reasons.
Today I realize that if I couldn't be there for her now, she would never trust that I would be there for her in the long run. If she couldn't trust me to be there for her now how could she ever trust me when it really mattered? This was the only chance I had to show her that I could be better than I have been. This was the only chance I had to change into someone she'd be proud to be with.
Ever since I met Alex I'd known she was strong person with thick walls around her heart. I knew she pretended things like this didn't affect her; I also knew that things like this tore her apart. Her family was a very sore subject and I didn't know how she would handle seeing them again.
Currently she was rambling about them. Alex never ranted about important things. When she went off on something it was always completely irrelevant. In fact the other day she was ranting about empathic powers. Now she was doing it either because she was extremely nervous, or because there was something she really didn't want to talk about.
"… And don't listen to anything my mother says. You take anything she does with a grain of salt and ask me about it later if you think it's important. Same thing goes for my sister. Those two are so similar it's scary. Any family dinner we ever had would be completely ruined because of those two teaming up against public enemy number one."
"I'm assuming by public enemy number one you're referring to yourself."
"I guess it's needless to say they don't like me very much then."
"You've already said that three times." I smile at her. It was cute, and I liked listening to her talk, but something was wrong, and I was going to make her tell me what it was. "What's really on your mind Lexi?"
"Nothing… it's just… nothing."
"You've been going through this cycle of utter silence then nonstop talking about your family. It has to be something." Her only response was to shake her head. "You can tell me."
"I was just thinking… there is a very real possibility that we're gonna get kicked out of this thing."
"They're NOT going to throw us out of your father's funeral Alex. Nobody is that evil and hurtful."
"You know it's been a little over a year since any one of them has tried to contact me. I know its lame that I keep track of those things but I do… and it just makes me think that if they don't want anything to do with me when things are normal, why would they want to see me when emotions are at an all-time high?"
"Maybe… maybe what the Kelly Clan really needs right now is to see you Alex. Maybe they've realized that losing someone forever isn't worth it if you have the means to get them back."
"Maybe… but I don't have a very good feeling about it either way."
Alex stopped talking shortly after we arrived in one of the rich parts of L.A. and hadn't spoken until we pulled into a seemingly nice neighborhood churchyard. She stalled for a mere moment before catching my eye and saying, "I want you to get anything you're expecting to see out of your head right now." I nod and she steps out of her jeep. She walked around and opened the door for me as she always does, and allowed me to step out of the car.
The funeral took place in a secluded part of the churchyard. It wasn't a huge spectacle but there were enough guests there to let anyone know that the deceased was a well-respected person. By the time we arrived we were late and there were no seats left, to Alex's obvious enjoyment. I'm pretty sure her plan was to stay for the funeral, possibly pay her respects, and take off as soon as possible without being seen by her family, after all, that's exactly what I would do.
I gladly posted up against a tree behind the crowd with Alex. I'd never been able to watch her unwind like this before, and not unwind in the relaxation sense, but in the 'I'm about to fucking lose it' sense. You could see the weight of everything hit her when she saw the row of people I assumed to be her family. A part of her always hoped to be welcomed back someday, and the fact that she wasn't pissed her off.
"Friends, our lives are too unpredictable and too brief to be running around with the constant weight of the 'If' questions. 'If only I had spent more time with him.' 'If only I had apologized' 'If only I had gotten to say goodbye'. It is no more healthy to blame ourselves for the choices we've made than it is to live our lives without God at our center. For when we regret death, we start to fear it, and when we fear death, we fear life itself." I feel Alex wrap her hand around mine and squeeze it like a vice grip. It hurt like hell, in fact I'm pretty sure she broke my hand, but I held on.
"A truly great man isn't afraid to die, and in essence isn't afraid to live. It seems to be that in our own time of great need the Lord needs soldiers. He takes our great men so they can have the opportunity to have a better purpose, one that suits their character. We have to believe that our brother lives on in the presence of Him, for we need to reach our purposes as well. So today we gather, as I've said before, to mourn the death of our brother; but to also celebrate the life of Alan Kelly."
"During visitations earlier I spoke with many of you that had made the same observations as I had about Alan. I'd like to share some of these at this time in order to remember his uniqueness. Alan was a very passionate man donating various amounts of everything he had to the church, animal shelters, homeless shelters, and The Wounded Warrior Foundation as well as using his spare time to volunteer. He loved his dog, Manny, a golden retriever whom he'd often taken out for runs in the park. He loved his career, willing to spend countless hours working to better not only our community but society in general. He loved his home. He loved his friends. He loved his wife of twenty years, Athena Kelly. But most of all he loved his children; Ace, Aaron, Adam and Allyson." Oh, ouch. I thought as I looked over to Alex. She actually looked like she expected something like that, and that fact was really sad.
I tuned the rest of the sermon out as to defend Alex's honor in a way, convincing myself that anybody not willing to recognize the existence of someone so amazing, didn't deserve to be listened to. I already didn't like this part of the Kelly Clan and wondered if we'd really get out of L.A. before being spotted. I had my doubts, after all, we weren't that lucky.
I'm assuming sometime during closing prayer Alex pulled me aside and we walked to a little mausoleum. We could see the crowd from our position but there was a less likely chance of us being spotted from here. Alex stays silent as she watches the crowd line up in front of the open casket one-by-one to say their final goodbyes.
She hadn't let go of my hand since we arrived although, thankfully, she'd loosened her grip. "I—" I start but am cut off by the sound of my phone ringing. She looks at me and lets me go before looking back towards her father's funeral. "I'll be right back." It was like talking to a brick wall.
I walked a little ways away and answered my phone without looking at the caller i.d. "Hello."
"Marissa, it's Mr. Daily." Great, just who I wanted to hear from. "I was calling to remind you of our dinner plans later tonight."
"I wasn't aware we made dinner plans for tonight."
"Don't tell me you've forgotten again Marissa, I told you something like this could be just… tragic."
"Can we reschedule for Saturday? I'm busy today."
"Too busy for your future?"
"I'm with my future." I mutter.
"What was that?"
"Nothing. Look, Mr. Daily, I'm aware that you're looking forward to our… engagements, but I've made previous arrangements and plans that I'd rather not break."
"Where are you?"
"I don't believe that is any of your business."
"You ARE my business Marissa. Where are you?"
"I'm in L.A." Why the hell are you so submissive? You always fold when you're talking to this bastard. DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! I could only hope that my inner screaming hadn't come out again, but I know I have a tendency to word vomit.
"Hmmmmm, fine. Saturday Marissa, or else. I'm suggesting you clear any… plans for that day, because if I, being so much busier and superior than you and your teenage stupidity, can cancel my appointments you can too." And he hung up leaving a bad taste in my mouth.
My conscience knew it was wrong that I hadn't spoken to Alex about what was really going on with Mr. BAD. My soul wanted her to know because she probably had a simple solution to the problem. And my heart hated lying to her. But I wasn't good enough a person to tell her about it just yet. I was going to wait until the last possible second. I was going to wait until everything got more complicated. I was going to wait until I hit that ultimatum 'tell her or lose her'. I was going to procrastinate. I was going to wait until I knew it would kill her either knowing or not. Because I'm Marissa Cooper, and that's just how I roll.
I turn to go back to Alex and she's gone. Panic mode ensues until I see her alone by her father's casket. An instant calm rushes over me as I saunter over. "Penny for your thoughts."
"That'd be a waste of a penny." She says staring down at her dad. He was a handsome guy with neatly trimmed brown hair and a clean shaven face. Kind eyes and a jaw that looked like it was chiseled by Michelangelo made him look like a complete politician.
"Why is that?"
"Because all I'm thinking right now, is the amount of pain that man has put me through."
"Tell him." I had had the honor of watching the forgotten daughter find her way into the world by herself. I had been able to watch as she found her place. I had fallen in love with a girl that's probably even more damaged than I am. Now I was witnessing before my very eyes Alex evolving into something better than her past.
"We never liked each other. A part of me always wanted to say that you disowning me was all because I came out, or you caught me, or whatever; but I realize now it's because I never really was your little girl. You'd always had Allyson for that. And before she was born you had the twins, before that you had Ace. I guess there was never enough of your love left over for me, but that might be my middle child syndrome talking."
"But I will never blame you for where I am today, because I love my life. And you've never had enough influence on me to change where I was going. It was all me. I worked for it, and even if you'd never approve of my lifestyle, you'd always respect that. You raised me, in that fucked up little way of yours, and for that I will be grateful. But my mourning period of the loss of my father has passed a long time ago. So I'm not going to cry over you now, because now you're just somebody that I used to know."
"In saying this I want you to know that I'm strong now, the way you'd always wanted. I know how to support myself, which is more than you can say for any of the others. I don't need to make you happy anymore, because I don't care. I have to do what's right for me, and I hope you see that. I proved all of you wrong by making it this far on my own, and that's the most important thing. I didn't come back to ask for your help once and for that I know you're proud. Because at the end of the day I'm more like you than you ever realized."
"The last words you'd ever said to me were 'have a nice time rotting in hell'. Now I'm saying that to you, because you're an asshole. Oh and by the way, I saw you with Uncle Jack that one time. Can you say 'incest' you sick son of a bitch? So yeah, I'll see you in hell dad, save me a seat."
I try to discard that last bit of information to save myself from that mental image. And as I do so I hear a voice from behind me. "Alexandria… Is that you?" We turn around and I'm bombarded with the spitting image of Alex in front of us. It can only be one person…
Alex composes herself quickly straightens up and puts on 'that' face. The face she used around my mom and all other people like Julie Cooper-Nichol. The face that said 'I know you think you're better than me, and you are sorely mistaken.' And then she spoke, in a voice of mock formalness, "Hello mother."