Hello hello hello… long time no see! *Inserts excuses about exams and my birthday, which are all in fact true, but equally uncared about by just about everyone*. So I've been wanting to explore this topic for a while, but it's a little bit of a sensitive subject, so it's taken me a little longer to get around to writing it. On that note, if you're at all triggered by mentions of body image or eating disorders, then you might not want to read on. If not, read away, and enjoy (don't worry, still plenty of Haleb fluff in this one)!

Perfectly Imperfect

Hanna huffed as she threw her favourite black dress down onto her bed in disgust. Well, it used to be her favourite. She was supposed to be going to a really fancy dinner tonight with some really fancy 'fashion people', but she couldn't find anything to wear that made her look the way she wanted. Trying to get into an industry where everyone looked perfect pretty much one hundred percent of the time, she thought she'd learnt to live with the pressure that unchangeably came with her field of interest, but days like this sent her right back to feeling like the vulnerable fifteen-year-old that she once was.

"I swear to God, look good on me or I'll sue you." Hanna wiped her forehead with the back of her hand as she stood staring at the maroon miniskirt that she'd just picked up, "And now apparently I'm going so insane that I'm talking to my clothes. Great."

After pulling the skirt on against her now slightly sweaty skin, she yanked the zipper up and turned to look at herself in the full length mirror on the wall opposite. Her left hand slowly came to land on her lower stomach, skimming tentatively across the flat expanse of soft material. It didn't feel soft to her though – in her mind the leather was sticking to all the wrong places, and all she could focus on was the sickly feeling in her stomach as she tried to erase the overwhelmingly negative thoughts that filled her mind.

She could see that there was nothing there; her belly was perfectly flat, just as it had been for the last four years or so. Logically, there was nothing to be upset about. But there she was, heavy tears running down her cheeks, as she silently convinced herself that she looked fat. More than fat – in her head she looked huge, disgusting, unlovable. Why would anyone want to be around her?

Before Hanna could realise just how far she'd spiralled, she felt a gigantic sob wrack her body as her legs gave way and she fell against the foot of her bed, down onto the hard wooden floor beneath her feet. She didn't even bother to take note of how long she'd been sitting there, thinking these things, before something snapped inside of her and she found herself mindlessly walking towards the kitchen.

Neither her nor Caleb were big on cooking; they usually resorted to ordering in or eating out, so most of the time, the only food that could be found in the kitchen was junk food. Chips, chocolate, cookies – just what Hanna needed.

Her body seemed to override her mind for half an hour, and she wasn't even fully aware of what she was doing until she looked at the carnage around her. She'd bitten into just one cookie to start with, to soothe the pain of being so vile. One cookie had turned to two as the tears fell faster and faster, and before long the entire packet was gone, along with four packets of chips, and six candy bars, and who knows what else.

The tears had stopped falling, and Hanna sat at the kitchen island expressionless, staring into space, the sound of her own laboured breathing the only thing breaking the otherwise peaceful silence in the room. She didn't know how long she'd been slumped there like that when she heard the front door slam; it sounded like it was a million miles away, and she couldn't even bring herself to move to greet the person that she knew would be coming through it. This is it, she thought to herself. This is it. He's gonna see me for the mess I am and break up with me. This is it.

And then she heard a footstep. Two more. The faint sound of someone calling her name. Ten more footsteps. Nothing. Still nothing. She was pretty sure that he'd gone by now. Then, just as her last sliver of hope fell away, she felt a warm pair of arms wrap around her waist, a soft pair of lips on her cheek, a strong chest pressed up against her back. And in that moment, she knew it would all be okay.

Caleb's eyes scanned around the room as his head came to rest on Hanna's left shoulder – empty food packets littered the countertops, and a few shards of what looked like a broken plate were dispersed throughout them. He tried to control his breathing for the sake of the girl sitting in front of him, but knowing that his favourite person in the world had to go through this made him furious.

Before they'd moved to New York together, Caleb had only heard Hanna speak of instances like this, about how she used to binge eat when she was upset and throw up to make herself feel better, and about how she was all better now. Somehow he knew that she wasn't totally telling the truth, that these things never completely went away, and when they eventually moved in together he was unfortunately proven right.

It wasn't like it happened everyday - only a couple of times had he seen her like this before now, but every time he did it felt like his whole world came crashing down around him. The usually bright, happy face of his girlfriend was stoic, and so sad that he could practically feel her pain radiating out towards him. He wanted nothing more in the entire world than to take that pain away from her, and it killed him that he couldn't.

Hanna hadn't moved an inch since he'd wrapped her up in his arms almost ten minutes ago, and Caleb had to think very carefully about what to say as he gathered up the courage to speak. He pressed another gentle kiss against her cheek, before gently brushing her shoulder-length hair to one side of her neck so that he could whisper in her ear. "It's gonna be okay baby. I promise."

And that's when Hanna really broke down.

A heart-wrenching sob filled the room as her small body fell back into his sturdy one, Caleb having to straighten up and tighten his grip on the girl in his arms just to keep her upright. He felt his lip quiver as her heavy sobs continued, and mentally scolded himself for even thinking of showing any kind of sign that he was upset. He needed to be there for Hanna, and right now, the best he could do was hold her as she wept.

But holding Hanna became increasingly difficult as her cries turned almost hysterical. Her face was sodden with tears and sweat and burning red, her hair stuck to her forehead in clumps and her nose streaming with snot. Caleb knew he had to calm her down before she passed out, so he tentatively unwrapped one arm from around her waist and used his fingers to push the sticky tendrils of hair from Hanna's face. He pulled his sleeve over his hand and attempted to wipe her cheeks dry, but the flurry of new tears that came pouring from her eyes every second meant that his effort was almost futile.

"Han baby, please breathe," He was getting seriously worried now, "Please, you're going to pass out."

His hand moved to cup her cheek as his thumb stroked her still smooth skin and caught her falling tears. A small whimpered noise escaped Hanna's lips amidst her cries, which to Caleb's surprise, were beginning to lessen after his previous suggestion. He decided not to push her to say anything, so he just stood there, waiting, until he heard the same noise again.

"Huh?" He asked gently, barely a whisper against the top of her head.

Hanna tried to clear her throat and spluttered as she did so, which sent a fresh batch of tears streaming down her sore cheeks. Caleb could physically see her take a deep, albeit very shaky breath in.

"I have to go."

Her voice way so tiny and strained that Caleb's brow furrowed in distress. He hated seeing her like this so much. "Go where Han?"

He felt her begin to pull away slightly and so reluctantly loosened his grip around her, but at her next words he immediately brought her into him so that her back was flush against his chest.

"I need to get rid of it all."

She started struggling more once he'd pulled her back to him – the voices in her head were telling her one thing while Caleb was telling her another, and though she definitely trusted Caleb more, the voices were somehow coming out on top. "Let me go!" She spat out, "I need to go!"

Caleb's heart began to beat faster until it felt like it was going to force its way right out of his chest. His eyes filled with tears of desperation as he did everything that he could to protect his girl. "Han, baby, please listen to me."

"No!"

"You don't need to do this okay, I-"

"I do!"

"Please just listen to me!"

"Caleb, let me go!"

"HANNA."

Caleb's voice was stern, his tone so final that both of them froze as he spoke Hanna's name. The room was completely silent for a second, before the sound of heavy breathing forced it's way back into the air around them. Caleb sighed, heavily. "I'm sorry. I-"

"No," There was that tiny voice again – it didn't get any easier to hear with time, "I'm sorry."

Caleb's response was immediate, "I don't ever wanna hear you say that again. Do you hear me?" He finally allowed a tear to run down his cheek as his voice cracked slightly, "Never."

Caleb moved his hands to rest on the stool either side of Hanna, and gently turned the seat so that they were facing each other for the first time that afternoon. Hanna instinctively placed her face into her hands, embarrassed for anyone, even Caleb, to see her like this. Gently placing one hand onto each of her thighs, he crouched down so that his he was at eyelevel with her. "Please look at me."

His voice was so calm, and so kind, that Hanna didn't have to think twice before she peeled her palms away from her eyes, and tilted her head up so that her gaze met his. She could instantly tell from his pained facial expression that he had been badly affected by seeing her in such distress, and it made her want to run away from the apartment and never come back. She never felt guiltier than when she put Caleb through this.

But Caleb knew exactly what was going through her mind too. Despite the fact that he was fully aware of how awful she would be feeling, he couldn't help the sorrow that flooded his eyes as he came face to face with the person that normally made him feel such joy. He had seen just how red, and damp, and sore her skin had looked from his position behind her earlier on, but now he could really notice the tiredness that adorned her eyes, and the small bleeding scratches from where her teeth had been digging into her lips, and the sheer look of terror that graced her delicate features.

Caleb reached his hand out once again to cup Hanna's cheek, but unlike last time, she leaned into his touch and closed her eyes, letting out a long overdue sigh. The pad of his thumb ran gently over her reddened skin and made her feel almost cathartic, which wasn't hard given how exhausted she was.

Caleb allowed himself a very small smile for the first time that evening, "You're okay."

He felt Hanna's response, barely a whisper, against the inside of his wrist, "I know."

As Caleb slowly slid his hand down Hanna's face to her neck, she opened her eyes questioningly before realising what he was doing. One of his arms found its way around her waist again, while the other ran under her legs as he lifted her up and off of the seat, so that he was cradling her against his body. He walked the short distance from their kitchen to their living area – if you could call it that – and turned to sit down on the couch, manoeuvring Hanna's legs so that one was either side of his body with her front facing towards him.

Hanna slowly reached out and placed her hands on either side of Caleb's neck, pushing herself forwards on his lap until her forehead met his. His hands snaked around her back, and started drawing small patterns on her still burning skin, her breathing evening out gradually as he did so.

When she finally spoke, Hanna's voice came out as a heartfelt whisper, "You're my hero, you know that?"

Her eyelids peacefully fluttered open, and she was greeted with the sight of her favourite deep brown eyes gazing back at her. She couldn't actually see him smile because she couldn't bring herself to break away from the safety of his gaze, but she felt his cheeks move up against hers and his forehead crinkle as if he was trying not to cry. Was he really trying not to cry?

Before Hanna could find out the answer to her question, a pair of warm, soft lips had touched upon hers. After the initial comfort that flooded her body at the familiar feeling, she instinctively flinched away.

Caleb was left confused as he watched Hanna's head sink down until she was left staring at her lap, "Han, what's wrong?"

As she looked up and her gaze met his again, he noticed that, for the umpteenth time that afternoon, her eyes were welling with tears. "I don't deserve you."

Caleb had to try really hard not to roll his eyes at that one, because he knew that in her mind it was the truth. But in reality, it was far from it, and he needed to show her that.

With a gentle sigh and a brush of his thumb against her cheek, he asked her a question that he was pretty sure he already knew the answer to, "What could possibly make you think that?"

The tears that had been welling in Hanna's eyes slowly began to trickle down her face as she spoke, "I'm fat. I'm disgusting. I'll never be good enough for you. And I put you through all of this. You deserve to have someone who makes you happy."

Caleb waited for Hanna to stop snivelling before he spoke, slowly, "You know, only one of the things that you said then was true."

Hanna raised her eyebrows, "Which one?" She enquired, unsure and a little afraid of what his response would be.

"That I deserve to have someone who makes me happy. Because I do. And that's exactly why I'm spending my life with you."

A sad smile graced Hanna's face as more silent tears fell from her eyes, which were now an almost fluorescent blue under the film of salty water that covered them, "But I can't-"

"Shh," Caleb interrupted her, pressing a finger softly against her lips, "Let me speak?"

Hanna nodded her head slowly, carefully, and he took it as his cue to continue.

"All you seem to see is what others do for you. You're always looking for the best in people, noticing how kind, and beautiful, and generous others are, without even taking a look at yourself. Three years ago I had nothing, absolutely nothing. I had no family, no friends, no home. I was completely alone, and I felt completely worthless. Then I met you, beautiful, amazing, wonderful you. I want you to understand how much you've helped me Hanna, how much you help me every single day that I spend with you. You taught me how to be happy, how to love someone more than you could ever imagine loving yourself, how to enjoy even the tiniest things in life when you're with somebody that makes it all seem worthwhile. Hanna Marin, you are my friend, my family, and my home, and I wouldn't have it any other way. You deserve the world."

The sad smile on Hanna's face stretched into a wide grin as tears continued to fall from her eyes – they were no longer tears of sadness, but ones of gratitude and unconditional love for the man whose lap she was sitting on. She buried her face in the crook of his neck and threw her arms around him, pressing soft kisses against his skin. Hanna couldn't quite find the words to convey her emotions yet, so she brought her lips to his, and kept them there in a long, languid kiss, cradling his jaw in her hands.

"You're my home too."

After Hanna had eventually calmed, it was only five minutes before Caleb looked down to find her sound asleep against his chest. He stroked her hair languidly and scanned her delicate features, feelings of both sadness and relief flooding his mind as he felt his eyelids begin to droop, the heaviness of his day finally beginning to take its toll...

Three hours later and Caleb awoke with a start, his eyes flicking around the room for a second before they landed upon the sleeping girl in his arms, and it all came flooding back to him.

"Seven fifteen, crap," He muttered to himself, looking at his watch before adjusting Hanna slightly so that her head was resting more comfortably against his chest. He had completely slept through the rest of the afternoon, during which time he was supposed to call an important client - one who had been an associate of the company for years. Oh well.

Hanna stirred at the sound of her boyfriend's voice, "Mmm, seven fifteen what now?" She mumbled against his shirt.

Caleb couldn't help but chuckle – she looked and sounded adorable. "It's seven fifteen Han, we've been asleep for hours."

Just then, something clicked in Hanna's mind and her eyes flew open as she sat bolt upright, "Shit!"

"What?!" Caleb asked, brow furrowed in confusion.

"That, um, the dinner thing," She tried to get out, "I have to be at the dinner in forty-five minutes Caleb!"

Caleb sighed as he placed his hands on her shoulders, bringing Hanna back down to him as she tried to stand up. "Han, do you really have to go to that thing tonight?"

Hanna nodded fiercely in response, "Yes. It's important. And I still don't have anything to wear."

Caleb could tell that she was getting worked up again, so before things could go any further, he decided to do something to amend the situation. With one hand on either side of her waist, he lifted Hanna up and off of his lap and placed her down on the sofa beside him.

"Wait here," He instructed, a mischievous smile on his face as he ran in the direction of their bedroom.

Hanna furrowed her brow in confusion, and the confusion certainly didn't lift when she saw Caleb come back into the room, now dressed in tracksuit pants and a t-shirt.

"I'm coming with you to the dinner now," He started, "I'm wearing this, and you're wearing these."

Hanna broke into a fit of giggles as Caleb threw one of his old shirts – the one that he knew was her favourite – and her skimpy pyjama shorts in her direction.

Her nose crinkled in amusement as she looked up at his hopeful face, "Caleb, we can't. It's black tie. And a bunch of my college professors will be there."

"So?"

"So, I'll get-"

"Expelled from college? Han, they're not gonna do that."

Hanna returned Caleb's smirk, "I guess not."

"Sooooo?" He probed, hopefully.

"So, I'm still not going to a dinner dressed in pyjamas. I have some pride."

Caleb put on his best 'sad puppy' face and flopped down onto the couch in mock defeat, "Well I think we could've looked great."

Hanna chuckled and pulled his face towards hers, whispering against his lips before she pecked them gently, "You always look great."

Laughing in return, Caleb wrapped an arm around her and pulled her tight against his side as he stroked her arm. "You want me to find something for you to wear?" He asked gently, only half joking, "I'm great at picking out clothes you know."

Hanna scoffed at that, "Yeah right, if I let you do that I'd be going dressed as I am now."

Caleb took a second to look down at his girlfriend's body, clad only in her matching black lace bra and panties, "I really don't see a problem with that."

He got a slap on the arm for that one, but the airy giggle that accompanied it definitely made it worthwhile.

"Not a chance," She shot back, moving to straddle his lap once again, "This is an outfit reserved for your eyes only I'm afraid."

Caleb raised his eyebrows and nodded his head in approval, "Not gonna argue with that."

Hanna smiled as she pulled him towards her and captured his lips between hers, not letting the grin on her face fade at all despite the fact that the kiss lasted for a good five minutes. Eventually, she pulled away and sat back to look at the face in front of her; she was clearly mulling something over, but Caleb couldn't quite figure out what. He was just about to ask, when she finally broke the silence in the room.

"You know what, screw it."

"Screw what?"

"The dinner. I don't need to go to that stupid thing anyway," She confirmed to herself, "I'd much rather spend my night here with you."

Caleb smiled wide at her words, the grin plastered across his face a tell-tale sign that he was more than happy with her decision. "In your underwear?"

Hanna tilted her head to the side and raised an eyebrow at his comment, "Only if you're in yours."

Three seconds later and Caleb's shirt was up over his head, and thrown in a crumpled heap on the floor across the other side of the room.

"That is not a problem."

Well there we go, I hope I kinda did the subject justice – feel free to let me know (both the good and the bad, I welcome all)! I'm so excited for season seven to premiere in less than two weeks as I feel Haleb will be making a sneaky comeback, though probably not straight away. Maybe episode seven or eight, based on Ashley's snapchats? Anyway, I'm hoping that if we do get Haleb back, it'll give me some more motivation and more ideas of what to write about. Oooh, and while I'm on the topic of ideas, thank you to the guest who suggested that I write a chapter like this. And if anyone else has any ideas, suggestions or requests, feel free to let me know in a review! Thank you as always for reading, and thank you for all your lovely reviews on the last chapter – they are always very much appreciated x