Looseleaf
CLXIV. Insults, Arc III
Matt was excited. He was very excited. Not only had he drawn Mello for his Secret Santa, but apparently L had drawn the redhead's name; that was definitely something the usually lazy gamer found worth of drooling over.
"You know," Mello said flippantly, still sour from finding out that his name hadn't been chosen by L, "I'm surprised you don't have bad luck, seeing as every mirror you look into practically breaks."
In the midst of his daydreaming of the presents that he could get, Matt turned to glare at his friend. "And I'm surprised no one has given you any money yet," he shot back, "seeing as you make a point of dressing as a prost-"
"That's because there's only one being that can touch me that intimately," Mello sniffed indignantly.
"Your right hand?" Matt sniggered.
"Near."
Matt froze. "You did not just-" he shook his head in disbelief. "No! You did not just say that little twit's-"
"But I did," Mello told him smugly, feeling a swell of pride at Matt's incredulous face. "Would you like me to repeat it?"
"No!" Matt shrilled. He narrowed his eyes sharply; if Mello was allowed to torture him like this, then why shouldn't there be retaliation? "But don't hate me because I'm special," he said snidely. "Hate me because L thinks I am!"
Predictably, Mello's eyes widened. He recovered quickly. "Near and I are so happy together because opposites attract," he said. "Keeping that fact in mind, I hope you meet someone intelligent, well-groomed, and charming someday."
"You have a face only a mother can love," Matt said with a roll of his eyes. "Too bad she hated it too."
"My mother's dead, asshole!" At the sore topic, Mello shifted uncomfortably.
Matt noticed this and plowed on, "You look uncomfortable. Why don't you let me help you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma."
"All I have to do is look at your face and that would do the trick," Mello quipped. "Seriously, I've seen people like you, but I had to pay an admission fee!"
"That's too bad. You got conned," Matt said. "You'd happened to be in the cage next to me."
"So you admit that you're ugly!" Mello said triumphantly.
"Is that why you were all over my face yesterday?" Matt said sweetly.
A beat of silence.
"Honestly, you must have been missing when they were handing out intelligence," Mello grumbled despite of his blushing face. "And they must have given you a wooden carving instead."
"Are you admitting that your intelligence is not actually yours and thus your geniusness is invalid?" Matt asked.
Mello scrambled for something to retort. Matt took the pause as an opportunity to snipe another comment. "Don't let your mind wander," he said. "It's too stupid to be on its own."
"I'd really slap you," Mello said hotly, "but I fear you'd hit me with your man purse."
"We've been through this already," Matt sighed. "I borrowed that purse from you."
"Go crawl in a hole and die!" Mello shouted, before making his dramatic exit from their room.
Matt snickered as the blond left; he reached under his bed and pulled out his book, 101 Insults and Put Downs, turned to a bookmarked page, and continued where he'd left off.
Just in case Mello came back for more.
I honestly don't think that I'll be able to update anything between now and the end of December, in the least. Just putting it out there in case it does happen. :I