Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN BLEACH

Summary: When Renji is having doubts about his strength, Byakuya is there to reassure him.

Chapter 6: Reassurance

Byakuya was standing outside of the infirmary when he heard raised voices. One of the voices was Renji and the other one was Ichigo. Byakuya sighed. Those two were a bunch of idiots. He turned the corner and saw that Renji held Ichigo by his collar and was spouting some nonsense about Ichigo acting like a defenseless mouse. Byakuya sighed again. Now was not the time for these two to be arguing. Not with the bounts on the loose. And they shouldn't be yelling in a place where injured people are supposed to be resting. Byakuya cleared his throat to make his presense known. Ichigo and Renji went silent.

''What is going on here?'' Byakuya asked, glaring down at the two. Renji immediately let go of Ichigo's collar.

''Hello Kuchiki Taicho.'' he greeted, his voice shaking slightly. Byakuya almost smiled at his boyfriend's nervousness. But he couldn't do that, however, not with Ichigo there. So Byakuya continued to just glare down at them.

''Have you two forgotten where you are? This is an infirmary, not a rodeo show. There are injured people here so I suggest you keep your voices down.'' Byakuya kept his voice low and his glare hardened. Renji gulped. It was like Byakuya's steel gray eyes were piercing a hole in his chest.

''I am terribly sorry Taicho. I didn't mean to upset you.'' Renji said, beads of sweat rolling down his cheek. He was sure that Byakuya was going to kill him. And from the way that Ichigo was sweating, he believed the same thing too.

Byakuya couldn't take it anymore. He had to leave before he started smiling. And he might as well take Renji with him. Byakuya waved his hand, signaling for Renji to stand up.

''Let's go, Renji. I think it's best if you two are not around each other.'' Byakuya turned and started walking away. Renji scrambled to his feet and followed him.

Ichigo just stared after them with a dumbfounded expression.

What just happened?

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Byakuya didn't stop walking until he reached the 6th squad barracks. Renji trailed behind him, looking nervous. He couldn't tell if Byakuya was really mad at him or not so he just kept quiet. Byakuya sat down at his desk.

''Close the door, Renji.'' he ordered. Renji did what he was told. From the way that Byakuya was acting it surely seemed that he was upset with him.

Renji slowly closed the door and stood there, his feet shifting slightly. Byakuya couldn't help himself. He smiled. Renji blinked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

''You're not mad?'' he asked. Byakuya shook his head.

''Of course not. I actually found it amusing.''

''Then why were you acting like that?'' Byakuya shrugged.

''Come now Renji. If Ichigo saw me smile his brain would explode. We have to keep our relationship a secret. You know that.''

''Yeah, you're right.'' Renji said and sat in front of Byakuya. Byakuya eyed him carefully. He had been meaning to talk to Renji for a while now.

''Are you alright?'' he asked. Renji blinked.

''Yeah, why are you asking?''

''I heard about what happened in the World of the Living. I just wanted to make sure that you were alright.''

''Oh, well, don't worry. I'm fine.'' Renji said, although Byakuya could tell that he was lying. He sighed.

''Renji, don't lie to me. I've known you long enough to know when something is bothering you.''

Renji sighed. It looks like nothing can get passed his captain.

''Byakuya, do you think I'm weak?'' Renji lowered his eyes, he couldn't look Byakuya in the eye. Byakuya didn't even try to hide the surprised look on his face.

''Renji, you are not weak. Why would you even think that?'' Renji shifted in his seat.

''Well, it's just that, even though I've reached bankai, I barely won my fight against that bount. And to tell you the truth, I thought I was going to die. And Zabimaru hasn't been the same since. And that just makes me wonder, did I even get stronger? Or has all my training been for naught?'' Renji whispered, his eyes still downcast.

The silence in the room was unbearable. With every second that passed, Renji's doubts about his strength only grew. And the fact that Byakuya hadn't said anything to contradict him didn't make him feel any better. In fact, it only made his feel worse. Byakuya, on the other hand, he couldn't believe what he was hearing. To think that, Renji Abarai, the man who never once had a doubt about his strength, was thinking like this, Byakuya didn't know what to say. But he knew that he had to do something. He couldn't let Renji to continue to have these thoughts. Byakuya reached out and squeezed Renji's hand. Renji looked at him, shocked.

''Renji,'' Byakuya started. He waited until he had Renji's full attention before continuing. ''You are not weak. You never have been and you never will be. You are strong, Renji. You are the strongest lieutenant I ever had. You have gotten stronger. Being one of the people who has witnessed your growth, I can say that with complete sincerity. And I want you to stop thinking like this. It isn't like you.''

''But, how can you say that? You got hurt because of me! You had to protect me from that hollow because I wasn't strong enough.'' Renji mumbled the last part. He still hadn't gotten over the fact that Byakuya had to protect him. From a hollow, of all things. Hollows were small fry. Byakuya shouldn't have to protect him from measly hollows. Renji was Byakuya's lieutenant, he should be the one protecting him.

''Renji, I am over that. Yes, I was hurt, but I have suffered worst wounds. Had it not been for the poison, you wouldn't have been foreced to take me to Urahara. So do not blame yourself for my injury. I wanted to protect you, Renji. And I do not regret it. And my injury is all healed, so why are you worrying about it?''

''It's just, seeing you like that, I couldn't help but blame myself. You told me to be careful and I completely ignored you. And you had to pay the price and for that I'm sorry. I'm your lieutenant, I should be the one protecting you, not the other way around. And you getting hurt is not the only reason why I'm doubting myself. That kid, he died because of me. His soul was sucked out by those damned insects, even though I was there.'' Renji punched the desk. ''I was there, damnit! I was there and I couldn't help him. Just like I couldn't help you.'' Renji lowered his eyes again.

Byakuya eyes softened.

''Renji, look at me.'' he commanded softly. Renji slowly lifted his eyes. He almost gaped at the gentle expression on Byakuya's face.

''Renji, that child would have died anyway, regardless of you being there or not. But you being there did give him a fighting chance. And I know you tried your hardest to protect him. And as for me, well, I chose to take the hit for you. Even though I knew that I wouldn't be able to defend myself. I did that because I love you, Renji. And you did help me. If you hadn't been there, the poison would have gotten into my bloodstream and I would have died. You saved my life too, Renji. And do not forget that.'' Byakuya released Renji's hand and gave him a small smile. ''Now, I don't want to hear anymore of this from you. You are strong. You mastered bankai, something that most soul reapers don't even accomplish in their life times. And you did it at record breaking speed. It is because of your strength and determination that you were able to master bankai. So don't let a few stumbles make you forget that.''

Renji grinned. He took Byakuya's hand in his and gently kissed it.

''Thanks, Byakuya. I really needed to hear that.''

Byakuya smiled.

''Of course.'' Byakuya stood up. ''Would you like to visit Rukia with me? I was going to go there alone, but you can come as well.''

Renji nodded and stood up. He placed a gentle kiss on Byakuya's forehead.

''I would like that. I haven't had the chance to visit Rukia yet.''

''Well then, let's not keep her waiting.''

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