Ok I really don't have an excuse for why this chapter is so late. I just hope you guys can forgive me for this long overdue chapter.
Enjoy.
Summary: Byakuya honors his dead wife; Renji pays him a visit.
Chapter 8: Anniversary
Byakuya slowly opened his eyes. He was in his private quarters back in his manor. He glanced at his sliding door; it was still dark, the sun had barely peaked over the horizon. After a moment, Byakuya directed his gaze to the unoccupied side of his king sized bed. Renji did not stay over last night as he had done previous nights. They had a small argument and Renji decided it would be best if he slept in his own apartment. Byakuya closed his eyes as last night's argument replayed in his mind.
"I just think that keeping our relationship a secret is the best course of action for us." Byakuya told his redheaded lover that night.
"But why?" Renji asked.
Byakuya sighed.
"Renji, we have only been seeing each other for a few months. It would not be wise to disclose our relationship to our colleagues."
"Does that include Rukia?"
Byakuya's eyes widened slightly at the mention of his sister's name.
"Rukia has nothing to do with this." He said after some time.
Renji rolled his eyes.
"Really? Rukia is your sister. I think she has a right to know that her brother is seeing someone again after being alone for over fifty years. I don't know about you, but I don't like lying to my best friend."
"I do not want to involve Rukia in this. I will tell her about our relationship at a more opportune time.
Renji narrowed his eyes.
"And when will that be? You know, if I didn't know any better, I'd say that you are embarrassed of our relationship."
Byakuya turned to give his lover a sharp glare.
"Renji, you know that isn't true."
"Well, what else am I supposed to think? You won't even tell your sister about us, so of course I'm gonna think that you're embarrassed of me. I mean really, look at you and look at me. You're the head of the Kuchiki Clan, one of the Four Great Noble Houses. And me? I'm just a Rukongai dog. We come from two different worlds. Guys like you don't date guys like me. So excuse me for feeling the way I do."
Byakuya massaged his temples. This argument was giving him a headache.
"Renji, I am not embarrassed of you. I just don't want to say anything to anyone until I know that this is going to last."
Renji frowned at Byakuya's statement.
"What do you mean by that?" he questioned.
I do not want to inform anyone of our relationship until I know that it will last for the long term."
"So basically, you're saying that you don't think we are going to last very long, am I right?"
"I did not say—"
"You know what? I'm just gonna go home before this gets any worse. I'll see you tomorrow."
Before Byakuya could say anything, Renji turned and shunpoed away, leaving Byakuya alone in their shared office.
Byakuya sighed quietly. That had happened at the end of the workday and he had not seen Renji since. He could understand why the redhead was frustrated but this was for the best. He was doing this to protect Renji, not hurt him. If anyone found out that they were seeing each other, the backlash would be disastrous for them both.
Oh Hisana, why must everything be so difficult?
Byakuya rarely thought about his deceased wife. It brought back too many unpleasant memories. But every now and then he allowed his mind to indulge in thoughts of his wife. Especially on a day like today. Today was the anniversary of his wife's death. On this day fifty years ago, his beautiful wife died. It still left a hole in his heart. She was his first love. For a long time she was his only love until Renji came along and wormed his way into Byakuya's heart.
Byakuya's lips curved upward at the thought of his fiery lover. Renji was so different from Hisana; the complete opposite actually. Where Hisana was frail and soft spoken, Renji is the exact opposite. He is strong and wild and defiant, everything that Hisana was not. Rukia is the same way. Byakuya will be the first to admit that he only accepted Rukia into his family out of respect for his dead wife, not because he truly wanted her to be his sister. He is ashamed of it, yes, but as time went on he truly began to see Rukia as his dear little sister. He loves Rukia with all his heart and he would gladly give up his life for her. He wonders why he is drawn to such strong-willed people.
I guess I am drawn to people who can freely voice their opinions and not have to worry about the repercussions.
Despite how soft-spoken she was, Hisana was not afraid to voice her true feelings. It is something that Byakuya can never do; from the day he could speak, the importance of appearances has been drilled into his mind. To a noble like him, appearances are everything. Everyone had to see him as a powerful enforcer of the law; he had to be graceful and strong, not clumsy and weak. He could never be himself. No, the true him had to be buried under an unbreakable mask. Even in his own home he had to keep that mask in place.
I should be used to it by now. I just wish that I didn't have to hide behind a mask. I have built up so many walls that being myself has become nearly impossible. I cannot even show affection for those that I love. I just wish that—
Byakuya's mental ramblings were interrupted by a knock on his door. Byakuya contemplated leaving his bed to put on some more appropriate clothing but decided against it. He didn't care about being presentable now.
"Come in." Byakuya spoke softly, but loud enough for the person behind the door to hear.
Rukia slowly opened the door and walked in. She blinked at the sight of her brother still in bed. She cleared her throat and began to speak.
"Nii-sama, why are you still in bed? If you don't get ready now then you are going to be late when you arrive at the barracks." Rukia hated sounding like a nagging wife, but this was unusual. Her brother never slept in this late and she was honestly worried about him.
Even last night he seemed…off. He didn't eat much at dinner and immediately went to his quarters afterward. What if he's sick?
That last thought sent Rukia into a worried frenzy. Without thinking, she rushed to her brother's side and placed her hand on his forehead.
"Nii-sama, are you feeling unwell?" Rukia asked, worry evident in her tone.
Byakuya stared at his sister dumbly. She thought he was sick? Where did she get that idea from?
"Rukia, I am not ill. Where would you even get such an idea from?"
Rukia pulled her hand away with a blush. She overreacted again.
"I am sorry Nii-sama. It's just that…last night you seem bothered by something. You hardly ate and you immediately went to your quarters afterward. You always gaze up at the moon after dinner so I thought that something was wrong." Rukia knew she was overreacting, but her brother meant so much to her. He took her in and made her a part of his family and she will be eternally grateful for that. She knew she worried too much but Byakuya never asked for help and he never told anyone how he felt; his pride never allowed him to do so. Rukia knew that her brother carried a tremendous amount of weight on his shoulders and she feared that one day his perfect mask would crumble away and he would collapse under all that pressure. She wouldn't be able to bear it if that happened. She hated seeing Byakuya in pain; just the mere thought of him hurting made her heart clench painfully in her chest.
Byakuya was surprised by his sister's words. He had never meant to worry her. Yes, he was upset last night but he didn't realize that he had been so obvious about it. And now his sister was standing in front of him, her face twisted into a worried frown. Byakuya's eyes softened a bit; Rukia always worried about him, no matter how many times he told her not to. Before he could truly think about his actions, Byakuya reached out and patted Rukia's head. Rukia stared at her brother with wide eyes.
"Rukia I am fine, there is no need for you to worry. But I will not be heading to the barracks today."
Rukia's brow furrowed in confusion and she was about to ask why before she realized what today was. Today is the day the Nii-sama's wife, my sister, died. No wonder he has been acing strange. Why must I worry so much? Nii-sama can take care of himself; I really shouldn't worry so much.
"Today is the anniversary of Onee-sama's death, ne?"
Rukia was still getting used to the idea of having an older sister. A part of her resented her sister for abandoning her in one of the worse districts in the Rukongai, but she understood why. Being able to take care of yourself in Inuzuri was a challenge in and of itself, but to care for a child? It would be nearly impossible. But that didn't stop Rukia from feeling the stinging pain of abandonment. A part of Rukia will always feel a touch of sadness for not getting to know her sister, but she had Byakuya now and he was all she needed.
Byakuya, who had been lost in thought, finally broke the silence.
"Yes, and so I would prefer staying home for the day."
"I can stay with Nii-sama if he doesn't mind." Rukia suggested. Byakuya silently declined with a brief shake of his head.
"No, you are needed at your division. I will be fine Rukia, so do not worry. You should get going if you do not wish to be late."
Rukia nodded and bowed briefly before turning on her heel and heading for the door.
"Rukia." Byakuya called out to her. Rukia turned around to face him.
"Yes, Nii-sama?"
Byakuya's eyes softened and his lips curved upwards in a small smile.
"Thank you." He whispered.
Rukia stiffened in shock. She had never seen her brother with such and expression. He looked… younger and less fatigued. Rukia sent Byakuya a smile in return.
"You're welcome, Nii-sama." She bowed once again before heading out of the room.
She walked out of the Kuchiki manor with a broad grin plastered on her face.
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Renji arrived at the sixth division barracks in a foul mood. He knew his reiatsu was flowing out of him like water from a fountain but he couldn't care less. He was not looking forward to seeing Byakuya today, not after their argument last night. Although he had calmed down a bit, he was still upset with the man.
I love Byakuya but he really knows how to get under my skin. Ugh, today is gonna be a long day. Renji quickly made his way to his and Byakuya's shared office. People were staring at him and it was only making his mood worsen. The quicker he got into the office, the quicker he could get away from the stares.
Renji reached the office and walked inside, only to find that Byakuya wasn't even there. He frowned at the sight.
That's odd. He's always on time. For him to be late… something's up. Unless he doesn't want to see me after what happened last night. Yeah, that must be it. Renji was lying to himself and he knew it. Byakuya wouldn't just skip work for such a petty reason. Even if he truly didn't want to see Renji, he'd come in anyway just to make things even more uncomfortable.
Maybe he'd do it just to spite me. I wouldn't put it past him. Whatever, he's probably at some clan meeting or something. He'll probably show up later.
With that thought, Renji sat down at his desk and began working.
As the day went on, Renji's earlier nonchalance at Byakuya's absence slowly turned into worry. Renji has worked with the man for years and not once has Byakuya ever taken a day off. Ever. So for him to suddenly take a day off without telling anyone was unsettling. The man was the definition of a workaholic so if he was taking a day off then something must be very wrong. Renji bit his bottom lip nervously.
What if he's sick? But, he would tell me if he's feeling lousy, right? Renji snorted. Hmph that would never happen. He's Byakuya Kuchiki. That man is just a book of secrets; he never tells anyone anything, not even me. But, even if he's sick he would still come in. Unless… shit, what if this is something serious? What if he's too weak to even leave his bed? Crap, what if he thinks that I'm still mad at him? Damn, I need to go see him!
Renji stared at the setting sun. Night was about to fall. Surely he could leave the office by now. Most of the division members had already left. So without wasting anymore time, Renji stood up and shunpoed towards the Kuchiki manor.
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Renji nervously walked towards the front gates of the Kuchiki Manor. He had never been through the front doors before; Byakuya always snuck him in through the back door. Renji stepped up to the door and knocked once. He hoped that a servant opened the door; that way he could just make up some bullshit excuse as to why he was here at such a late hour. So when the door did open, he was surprised to see Rukia standing on the other side of it. She seemed surprised to see him as well.
"Renji? What are you doing here?"
Renji wanted to curse his luck.
No point in lying now; Rukia will just see through it anyway.
"I came to see Kuchiki Taicho. He didn't come to the barracks today and I just want to make sure that he's alright." Renji explained.
Rukia's eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
"You came to see Nii-sama?"
Renji rolled his eyes.
"Yes, I want to see him. Is there something wrong with that?"
Rukia shook her head.
"No, I'm just confused. You've never done this before."
"Well, Taicho has never missed a day of work before. So are you gonna tell me where he is or not?"
Rukia frowned a little at Renji's tone. He was being short with her. She wanted to ask him why he wanted to see her brother so badly but decided against it. He already seemed to be in a foul mood, she didn't want to make it worse.
"He's in the gardens." She told him.
Renji nodded.
"Thanks." He was about to walk away from her when he realized that he had no idea where the gardens were.
"Um, and where are the gardens?"
Rukia smiled slightly.
"Just walk straight down and make a right." She told him. Renji thanked her again before heading for the gardens. Rukia watched him go with a thoughtful look on her face.
Something weird is going on. I don't know what's going on between Nii-sama and Renji but I will find out.
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Renji slowly approached the Kuchiki gardens. He heard that they were absolutely stunning but he's never seen them for himself. Byakuya always had his full attention; he hardly cared about anything else. When he reached the gardens, he had to stop and regain his bearings. The gardens were beautiful, that much was true, but it wasn't the gardens that had him enraptured. Byakuya was only a few feet ahead of him, sitting on one of the many benches in his gardens. He was dressed in a rather simple black kimono with a gold obi sash. His long ebony locks were free of his kenseikan and cascaded gently passed his shoulders. The moonlight shone right above him, enveloping his lithe form in a heavenly glow. Renji was at a loss.
He's beautiful. I've always known that, but he truly is stunning.
"How long do you intend to stare, Renji?" Byakuya's calm, deep baritone disrupted Renji's thoughts.
Renji smiled sheepishly.
"Sorry, I just couldn't help myself. I know I say this a lot, but you truly are beautiful Byakuya."
Byakuya's lips curved upwards in a tiny smile.
"Thank you." He whispered. Renji frowned a little. Something was wrong. He approached Byakuya and carefully sat down next to him.
"What's wrong?" He asked softly. Byakuya gazed at the koi pond in front of him.
"You are aware that I had a wife, correct?" Renji's brow furrowed in confusion but he nodded anyway.
"Yeah, she was Rukia's older sister right? What was her name again?"
"Hisana." Byakuya answered.
"Yeah that. But why are you bringing her up now?" Renji asked. Byakuya sighed softly and gently leaned against the redhead. His gaze never left the koi pond.
"Today is the day that she died." Byakuya whispered. Renji glanced at his lover, his eyes widened in shock.
"What?"
"On this day, fifty years ago, my wife died."
Renji went quiet. Then, without warning, he wrapped his arms around Byakuya and pulled him into a tight embrace.
"Byakuya, I'm so—"
"There is no need to feel sorry for me, Renji. I have come to terms with her death a long time ago."
"Even so, she was your wife. Is that why you didn't come to work today?"
Byakuya nodded. The couple fell silent after that. Renji didn't know what to say and Byakuya wasn't in the mood to talk. At some point the silence became unbearable for Renji.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled. Byakuya stared at him oddly.
"What are you apologizing for?"
"I'm apologizing for our argument yesterday. I shouldn't have blown up at you like that. I was angry and I'm sorry."
Byakuya sighed.
"Renji, you do not have to apologize. I should be apologizing to you. I know that you do not like the fact that our relationship must be hidden; you only deal with it because I keep insisting. But you have to understand, I am only doing this to protect you. If we were to reveal our relationship now, the backlash would be immense. I do not want to put you through that. I care about you too much."
Renji nodded.
"I understand Byakuya. And I love you for it. But no matter what happens, I will always stay by your side, not only as your lieutenant, but as your lover as well."
Byakuya smiled at Renji's words.
"What did I do to deserve someone like you as my lover?"
Renji grinned.
"It doesn't matter what you do, you will always deserve my love." He whispered and kissed Byakuya's forehead. Byakuya leaned into the touch.
"Thank you." He murmured. Renji blinked and gazed down at the dark haired noble.
"For what?"
"For loving me. No lover of mine has ever loved me like you."
"But what about—"
"Hisana never loved me." Byakuya's quiet voice silenced Renji. No one said anything for a while.
"Do not misunderstand," Byakuya spoke after a moment. "Hisana cared for me very much, but she never truly loved me."
Renji was at a loss. How could this be true? Did Hisana really not love Byakuya? Even after everything that he did for her? Suddenly Renji was angry. How could she not love her own husband? The person that she promised to love till the end of her days, no matter what happened? Renji understood better than anyone else that Byakuya wasn't the warmest of people. But he didn't doubt that Byakuya loved his wife with everything he had. From what he had been told, Byakuya was devastated by her death. He even went so far as to adopt his dead wife's sister just to honor her dying wish. If that wasn't love and devotion for someone, then Renji didn't know what was. In Renji's honest opinion, Byakuya was the best thing that ever happened to Hisana and the fact that she didn't even love him made his blood boil.
Byakuya could sense that his lover was quite enraged. Renji's reiatsu told Byakuya everything he needed to know about what his lover was feeling.
"Renji, I suggest that you control your reiatsu before you draw unwanted attention." Byakuya told him. Renji didn't show any signs that he heard Byakuya, but the noble could tell by his reiatsu that the redhead had calmed down somewhat.
"I'm sorry Byakuya, but I just can't understand why Hisana didn't love you after everything that you did for her."
Byakuya sighed.
"Listen Renji. Hisana carried and tremendous amount of guilt over abandoning Rukia in the Rukongai. She always felt that she didn't deserve the life she had when her sister was struggling to survive in Inuzuri. Hisana never forgave herself for what she did. She told me that she could never fully commit herself to me, not until she atoned for her sins and made things right with Rukia. She felt as though she did not deserve my love, or anyone else's love, for that matter. Her own guilt and despair lead to her death. Every day she would go out and search for Rukia until she was too weak to do so. She had always been a bit sickly, but the constant trips to and from the Rukongai made her ailment worse. She spent her last days blaming herself for everything that went wrong. She died with a heavy heart, Renji. Even I could do nothing for her. The only way to assuage her sorrow was to fulfill her dying wish of finding Rukia. And I know that she is resting peacefully now that I have fulfilled that wish. But Renji, please do not get upset over this. I have come to grips with what happened. There is no reason for you to be angry at something that no longer affects me."
Renji listened to Byakuya's words carefully. Growing up in Inuzuri, he knew firsthand how hard it was to survive there. He's had to sacrifice a lot of things just to survive. He could understand why Hisana abandoned Rukia. In all honesty, Rukia would have just been a burden. It doesn't mean that Renji condones Hisana's actions (he could never forgive someone for leaving a defenseless child alone in one of the most dangerous districts in the Rukongai), but he could understand why she would make the choice. It must have not been easy for her, but it was something that needed to be done. Renji honestly feels sorry for Hisana; the women had suffered so much in her life and the only time she found peace was on her deathbed.
She must have been a strong woman to be able to go through so much.
"Why did you love her?" Renji whispered as a strong wind blew, making it nearly impossible for Byakuya to hear him. Needless to say, Byakuya was shocked by the question. He turned fully to see Renji's expression, only to notice that it was unreadable. Byakuya turned his gaze back to the night sky. He hummed a bit as he contemplated Renji's question.
"I do not know exactly why I fell in love with her," Byakuya started, his voice barely audible. "She always had a certain allure, in my opinion. I knew from the moment I saw her that she had caught me. Back then I was young and arrogant and naïve. I didn't fully understand that my actions had consequences. When I first saw Hisana I arrogantly believed that I could make her mine without too much effort." Byakuya snorted. "How wrong I was. Before I could even ask for her name, Hisana brandished a dagger and threatened to slit my throat if I came any closer."
"Really? I heard that she was gentle and practically harmless." Renji said.
"That is true, but she was so much more than that. She was intelligent and honest. She had no qualms about voicing her opinions. I can remember several occasions in which she told me exactly how she felt. It was actually quite amusing; a woman about half my size scolded me and called me an idiot when it was necessary. I was glad that she did it though. She was the first person that didn't put me on a pedestal. I didn't feel as alone when I was with her. She made my life better. She made me happier. Just from one glance I knew that Hisana would change my life in many ways. Just like you, Renji."
"Me?" Renji questioned.
Byakuya nodded.
"Yes, you. Did you honestly think that I didn't notice you on that fateful day? I could tell by your reiatsu that you were not just some regular academy student. You were different. From that day forward, I made sure to pay special attention to you. I knew that one day you were going to end up in my division, but I didn't think that you would get kicked out of two other divisions before that happened."
"Hey! I wasn't kicked out, I was transferred. And if you wanted me so badly, then why didn't you just have me join your squad in the first place?"
"I wanted to see if you truly were something special. And I had to make sure that you wouldn't stab me in the back at the first opportunity. You had such an unhealthy obsession with me, I was slightly perturbed. I didn't want my own subordinate to assassinate me."
"Assassinate you? C'mon Byakuya, you know I would never do that. I'm loyal to a fault. Heck, until Ichigo showed up and changed everything I still hated your guts. And even after you nearly killed me with your bankai, I still stuck by you. If I didn't want to kill you then I sure as hell don't want to kill you now. Face it Byakuya, you're stuck with me no matter what. Now more than ever."
Byakuya smiled slightly.
"Yes, it would seem that I cannot get rid of you. Such a shame."
"What the hell do you mean by that? If you want to get rid of me so badly then just say so! I'll gladly leave!" Renji threatened.
"Oh please. We both know that you would never leave me. My charm has caused you to fall head over heels in love. Tell me Renji, is there anyone else that can capture your attention but me?"
"Oh God no." Renji denied. "You're the only one for me, Byakuya." Renji leaned down and placed a chaste kiss against Byakuya's lips. He pulled away with a smile.
"What are you smiling about?" Byakuya asked.
"I'm just really happy right now." Renji admitted.
Byakuya raised a brow.
"And why is that?"
"I'm dating the sexiest captain in the entire Gotei 13. And it's not one-sided, he actually likes me too."
Byakuya rolled his eyes.
"You are a strange one, Renji Abarai. Anyways, let us be going. The night is only going to get colder and I would rather not catch a cold. Are you staying or going?"
Renji stood up and stretched until he heard a satisfying pop from his joints.
"Do you even have to ask? Of course I'm gonna stay. I can't wait to get into bed with you. I've missed that body of yours."
"Well, we're going to have to refrain from anything intimate. Rukia is home and she doesn't need to hear any unwanted noises. I don't want to scar her."
Renji chuckled.
"Ok, no sex. But is cuddling allowed?"
Byakuya nodded once. "Cuddling is allowed."
Renji grinned.
"Well, let's get to it then."
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Ok, that was longer than I thought it would be. Anyways, if Byakuya seemed out of character, I apologize. I wanted to humanize him a bit in this chapter. Everyone is used to him being stoic and indifferent and I wanted to change that perception a little. I honestly don't know when I'll post the new chapter, but hopefully it will be sometime soon.
Don't forget to review, follow and favorite this story.
Until next time.