I loved all of your strong reviews for the last chapter. The next one (after this) is already done, I'm just editing it now so it should be up soon. Thanks to everyone who's been reading and reviewing!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Hunger Games or any characters. These belong to Suzanne Collins.
It's dark outside when we hear the front door open. Neither Gale nor I have bothered to let go of one another to turn the kitchen light on. I should let go now. There's no reason why anyone should see this but, again, my arms refuse it. The crying has stopped. So have the mumbling confessions. I finally caught what he was saying. It was just one thing over and over. I'm sorry. I guess he didn't really need to say anything else. A blanket I'm sorry for everything that happened. I'm surprised at how sufficient this actually feels. I'm glad he didn't say the other thing. The thing we both know he is thinking. There's only one reason you look at someone that way. Only one reason you clutch onto someone the way he is clutching to me. He loves me and it's written all over his actions. So why am I clutching to him the same way?
"Katniss?" Peeta asks into the dark kitchen. The light goes on and there we are. We had slumped to the floor and I managed to make it onto his lap. My arms are wrapped so tightly around his shoulders that I wonder how he's even been able to breathe. His face is lost in my hair, deep in the crook of my neck. "Katniss?" Peeta asks again. I can't even look at him. How horrible for him to see this.
Gale pulls away from me and I reluctantly let go of his shoulders. He gets me off of his lap but I refuse to get off the floor. I push my forehead to my bent knees and close my eyes. I can't stand to see Peeta's reaction to this.
Gale is standing now and I can only imagine he is facing Peeta. I wait for them to exchange words. Instead silence envelops the moment. Then there are footsteps and the front door opens and shuts again.
I resign myself to see who is left standing.
Peeta crouches next to me. He wipes newly formed tears from my cheeks. He doesn't look upset. He actually looks sympathetic. Of course, he doesn't want me to be in pain. His eyes are an ocean of blue, calm and understanding. Unwavering. They jolt me back to reality. I reach for him and he secures me in his abyss of protection.
"Let's go to bed, Katniss," he finally says. We find our way up the stairs and into the guest room. Once we are under the sheets and in the darkness he starts to try to understand.
"Are you okay?" he asks.
"I don't know," I say.
"Did you figure out what the feeling was? You said it wasn't pain, that it was something else," he says recalling our conversation before he left with my mom.
"Yeah, I did," I reply.
"What was it?" he asks. The question hangs in the air before I finally admit it.
"Nostalgia."
The memories inundate my mind.
We sat in front of my fireplace. Mom and Prim had gone to bed. It was late for him to be over but my mom hardly cared.
"You should get going. We have school in the morning," I reminded him.
"Pshh. School. Who needs school when you have a fire and Katniss Everdeen," Gale joked, putting his arm around my shoulder. I leaned into him as I so often did.
I didn't try to fight him because really I didn't want him to leave. The house always felt safer when he was over. We didn't have anything to talk about. We weren't in the middle of any important conversation. We just sat together, finding comfort in each other's company.
"Fine, I'll go," he says after a few minutes.
I refuse to move my leaning body on his so he can get up. "No. Stay," I tell him.
He settles back down next to me and sighs deeply like he's more relaxed now then he has been all day. I feel the same way.
"What do I get if I beat you?" he asks, examining the tree before us.
"You don't have to worry about that," I tell him, with a smile. "Because you're going to lose."
"What makes you so sure?" he asks, moving forward until our chests are touching and my back is up against the bark.
"I'm better than you, Gale," I tease him. "At everything."
"Well, what do you get if you beat me?" he asks. His hands press up against the tree, trapping me inside the armor of his warm body.
"Anything I want," I tell him, leaning up so my eyes are as close to square with his as I can manage. He body slinks down to help me.
"You can't do that," he says, shaking his head in disapproval.
"Yes, I can."
"You don't make the rules," he counters.
"Fine," I allow. "If I win you have to carry my books to and from school for the rest of the week."
A mischievous grin breaks across the face. He's trying not to laugh. I can't help but let out a tiny snicker myself. "That's deplorable," he finally says, with mock disgust.
"And Prim's," I add.
"You're a monster," he says, his forehead resting on mine. It's cold out and his body close to mine is warm and reassuring. "If I win," he continues, "you have to make me dinner."
"You're whole family?" I object. "That's not even close to the same thing!"
"Fine. Just me," he clarifies. His arms find their way around my waist but I push him away before they can embrace me.
"You're on," I agree. I see a flicker of defeat in his eyes when I turn my back to him. But hadn't I agreed to what he wanted?
"On your mark," he says. We both face the tree, our hands out in front of us. "Get set." When he says go I shove him as hard as I can. He almost falls over and I grab onto the tree and am up it before he's even had a chance to recover from my unfair play.
"I win!" I yell down to him. He doesn't argue. His smile only grows wider.
I sit through history class counting the minutes until I can leave this miserable building. I want to be outside. I want to feel fresh air in my lungs. I sit next to the window so I can watch the trees move with the wind. The leaves are changing color. Our favorite time of year. He's waiting for me after class. We lay in the woods together. My head rests on his lap while I stare up at the different colors. I don't know what he thinks about. Whatever it is he seems peaceful. When I close my eyes for long periods of time I can feel him staring at me. I wonder what's so interesting about me when there's so much else to see. When I catch him he quickly turns away and I laugh. I can feel his fingers threaded in my hair and it feels good. I don't want to be anywhere else in the world then in this moment with Gale.
I see Posy's head bouncing through the crowd. Far higher than any of the other heads. I call out her name but she can't hear me. I push myself through so I am right behind her then I see him. She's straddled on his shoulders. Her dark hair bouncing up and down with her brother's pace. I wrap my arm around his waist and fall in stride with them. I look up at them both and smile.
"Where are we going?" I ask.
"We're going to the Hob," Gale says. He tries to reach down and kiss my head but the toddler on his shoulders prevents it. I shrug my shoulders at his effort.
"Give her to me," I tell him, reaching my hands up for her. She falls into my arms comfortably and I kiss her cold cheeks. She's a bundle of warmth. Gale puts his arm around my shoulders. "What are you going for?" I ask.
"No reason," he says. "Just going for a walk. Where are you going?"
"Looking for you," I tell him, rubbing my nose against Posy's. She laughs.
"What for?" he asks.
"No reason," I say, mimicking his nonchalant style.
"You are so stubborn!" Gale yells. I go further into the woods toward the stream. "I'm not going to follow you around all day!" I ignore him and keep up my pace. He most certainly will follow me, I think. "Katniss!"
Then I have to stop because he called me Katniss. Which means he's really irritated. I turn around and face him. His cheeks are red. I don't know if that's from anger or because he's cold. Either way, I laugh. And this makes him angrier. "Why are you so cranky today?" I ask.
"Don't play cute with me. Can I have my snare please?" He holds out his hand impatiently.
"Oh, I'm sorry. Did I accidently take your bag?" I feel around my waist for the different sacks hanging off my belt. "They all the look the same you know."
"You're not funny," he huffs. I purse my lips together, using all the strength I have not to laugh in his face.
"If I give you your bag will you come with me?"
"I told you, I promised I'd be home early today. You're going to get me in trouble. We don't need to fish, we have plenty of game."
"No, we don't need to fish. But I want to!" I whine. "Come on." I grab his hand and pull him but he plants his feet and doesn't move.
Now I'm getting irritated. Like he'd really get in trouble with Hazelle. "Fine. Go back," I tell him, handing his bag over. I turn around and stomp through the brush toward the stream.
It takes a while but eventually I hear his footsteps. He's too quiet naturally to be that loud. He wants me to know he's behind me.
His breath tickles my neck and I squirm away from him. "Back off," I yell, laughing.
"This is the only way," he presses. My back is pushed up against his chest while my arms reach around the tree trunk. I couldn't swat him away even if I wanted to.
"There are other branches, Gale," I tell him.
"We have to keep warm," he says. He learns further into my back.
"Knock it off!" I yell.
"You're going to scare all of the animals away," he says. I can tell he's trying not to laugh. I'm trapped between his body and the branch I clutch to. It is cold though so I guess I can't really complain.
"Look," he whispers after several minutes of silence. "A rabbit."
He tries to get his bow from his back but the case falls. It hits a branch on the way down and scares the rabbit away. He groans in failure.
"You've got to be kidding me. I'm really glad we spent the afternoon in this tree just so you could fail," I tease him.
"Shut up, Catnip," he says. I can feel his lips in my hair. I jerk my head back and reverse head butt him. "Ow!" he yells.
"Shhh! You're going to scare the animals away," I repeat his words, not even trying to contain my laugh.
"What would you do?" I ask him. We are nuzzled deep in the woods far from prying ears.
"Lots of stuff," Gale says. He sits across from me. He doesn't have to; there are plenty of other places to sit but this has become a favorite position of ours. Our faces less than a foot from each other, we watch each other's backs. Even if we are far from anyone in 12 we keep our voices to a whisper. "What would you do?"
"I'd make a feast for Prim and my mom every night," I say. If our lives were different, if we weren't stuck in this district, left to starve that's what I'd do. Eat.
Gale laughs. "Don't forget me," he says.
I roll my eyes. "Well, obviously. You're turn," I tell him.
His eyes focus on a clump of dirt beside him. His features strain with whatever he's thinking. "I'd do this," he finally says.
"What?" I ask.
"This," he motions to our surroundings before placing his hands on either side of my face. "What we're doing right now."
I smile. "Me too."
Lunchtime at school is a tedious task. There's too much time allotted for the meager amount of food I have to eat so I eat slowly. And alone. I don't notice the other kids talking with each other, laughing, eating. I think about what I will do when I get home. Wonder what kind of mood my mom will be in. When I take the last bite of my stale piece of bread I dread having to swallow it. I'm still hungry. Just as I'm getting ready to stand up someone bumps into me from behind. I turn to yell at whoever it is but am met with empty air. His hand slams down on my tray and I jump with the sound. When I turn back toward it I only catch the backside of Gale's moving body. I'm met with a ripe red apple. He turns just in time to see my smile
Our bodies twist to connect further, deeper. His hands reveal scars from our former lives. They are as strong as ever and a thousand memories of the way he used them to feed me flash through my mind. His lips feel right on mine. They are warm, fiery with the passion that he has held for me for so long. I find my fingers in his dark hair while his grey eyes, so much like mine, solidify the moment. It's overwhelming how right he feels. Finally connected as one – not just in mind but in body too.
"Gale…" I whisper his name. "Don't leave me again," I beg before my body tremors with the pleasures he is creating.
"Katniss," I hear Peeta's voice but I want nothing to do with it. "Katniss," he says again louder this time.
My eyes snap open and I see him over me. My breathing is sparse, my heart pounding in my chest.
A dream. Just a dream.
"Are you okay?" he asks me. He's holding my wrists down. I must have been thrashing in my sleep.
"I'm fine," I tell him with a shaky voice. "Go back to sleep." He lips brush against my forehead and it feels like razors scraping across my skin.
Wrong lips, I think blearily as I close my eyes and try to fall back into my dream.
I'm sixteen years old again in a cave and the world is watching. Expecting. Expecting me to be in love with Peeta. While all I think about is Gale.