Hot water droplets slid down Abbie's face as the water sprayed across her shoulders. She stared at the tile in front of her, lost in thought. The steam filled her lungs as she took in steady breaths, trying to warm her shivering body. This was not how she imagined it was going to be like. Coming back wasn't easy. Things were...different.
After her reunion with Jenny, she had immediately asked for Crane. Seeing him in the cave, unable to touch him, made her feel more anxious than anything. She needed to know that he was okay, to reassure herself that he was real.
Jenny explained that he was still in his trance back at the archives with Joe. Since his astral form needed to find its way back to his body, it would be a while until he came to. Abbie did her best to hide her disappointment. She needed something to ground her and right now, no offense to her sister, the only person who could that was him. Hell, he was her own personal – albeit invisible – Jiminy Cricket for the past ten months.
Though she'd briefly forgotten who he was, his voice had been the only thing that had kept her sane. She'd have conversations with that voice in her head assuming it was just some strange type of hallucination she'd conjured up. Those conversations had saved her from countless moments of despair. Now that her memory had returned, she wondered how she could have possibly forgotten him.
That bout of memory loss had scared the hell out of her. She'd even forgotten her own damn name. Her mind must have really been protecting her from a whole lot of hell if it went that far. Either that or she was starting down the same road mama took. It was why she was so desperate to see him. Crane was the only person in this world who could reassure her that she hadn't completely lost her mind. She needed to hear him, see him, and touch him. She needed all of him to assure herself that she was truly home.
But then Jenny suggested she eat, shower, maybe get in a nap, all things that she had been craving for the past ten months. Jenny would call Joe once she'd settled in and he'd bring Crane over when he woke up. Though she wasn't sure if she was in the right state of mind to eat or sleep, she decided to reluctantly follow her sister's insistent, verging on demanding, advice. She didn't want Jenny to worry.
After being alone for so long, she didn't know how well she would handle being treated as if she were incapable of taking care of herself. So if that meant putting on an act for the time being, then so be it. In any case, a hot shower sounded good. Maybe the gnawing uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach would fade away if she got back into her routine. At least that's what the logic in her mind led her to believe.
She couldn't have been more wrong.
She blinked out of her trance, pushing down her unease, and began washing as if on autopilot, willing her thoughts to disappear. She popped open her shampoo bottle and inhaled its flowery scent. The scent that had once calmed her nerves now stung her nostrils with its nauseating, potent aroma. She winced as she quickly lathered some of it in hair, roughly scraping her nails against her scalp hoping to feel some sort of sensation. Nothing. Washing it out, she conditioned her curls hoping the action would trigger some sort of gratification in caring for her neglected hair but it never came. The fresh scent of her bar of soap filled her nostrils as she rubbed ten months' worth of filth from her skin. She vigorously scoured her skin with the washcloth hoping the pain would faze her. Nothing again.
The bar of soap and washcloth fell from her hands. Her raw skin tingled as the water continued raining down on her head, dripping down her naked body. A violent sob unexpectedly erupted from her chest. She covered her mouth to muffle the stream of shallow breaths that followed. She leaned her forehead and palm against the shower stall as her body shook with uncontrollable sobs. The water mixed with her tears as she hunched against the dewy wall. She squeezed her eyes shut, the hot flow of tears escaping the corners of her eyes. Her mouth opened as she wailed out in silence.
This wasn't what she expected. None of it was what she expected. Everything was different. Seeing, touching, tasting, hearing – even smelling – all of it was messed up. This wasn't home. It didn't feel like home. She thought she would feel relief, a sense of peace and comfort but it was the complete opposite. She felt utterly out of place. Not even the prospect of seeing her partner could snap her out of it.
Instead, she found herself bawling against the shower stall, hyperventilating, and wishing she could disappear. She didn't expect her return to be easy but she sure as hell didn't expect it to break her.
"Abbie?"
She could hear her sister's concerned voice from the other side of the door. The last thing she wanted was Jenny to come in and catch her looking like this. She did her best to calm her erratic breaths and hold back her tears. After several tries and fails, she was finally able to open her swollen, but dry, eyes and calm her sobs to mere hiccups. She shakily replied, hoping it was enough to pacify her sister, "I'm okay."
"Are you sure? I can come in there if you–"
"No!" Abbie replied frantically. She just needed some time to compose herself. She didn't need Jenny hovering over her. She steadily explained, holding back her snivels. "No, I'm good. I'll be out...I'll be out in a few."
After a weighty pause, her sister responded hesitantly, "Alright, just…just let me know if you need anything."
Abbie shut her eyes tightly. What she needed was to be alone. She didn't want to feel like she had to put on a show for anybody. She just wanted to curl into a ball and hide in a dark corner until all these feelings passed. But hiding wasn't an option. It would only bring more attention to herself.
She heard more voices downstairs. Her heart skipped a beat. Crane. She quickly rinsed away the soap still on her body, shut off the water, and climbed out of the shower. She roughly dried herself off and paused in front of the mirror. She grimaced at the reflection staring back at her. Though the torture she had suffered had certainly taken its toll on her, there was no evidence it had even occurred. No bruises, scratches, nothing. And though she hadn't slept or eaten in nearly a year, her body remained the same. She quickly turned around. The physical signs may not exist but she knew she was broken. She didn't need to look in the mirror to remind herself of that.
She gingerly pulled on a pair of clean underwear, socks, sweats, and a t-shirt, the soft fabric momentarily bringing her comfort she hadn't felt in months. She sighed in relief. At least, her clothes still provided her with some sense of comfort. She gathered her discarded dirty clothes and shoved them in the small trash can. She didn't plan on ever wearing or seeing that outfit again, too many bad memories. She quickly finished her beauty/hygiene routine before turning toward the door and reaching out to grip the knob. Pausing, she stared at the golden sheen of it. Flashbacks threatened to escape from the edges of her fragile mind. She pushed them back. She didn't have time to break down, her family was waiting for her. She took a deep breath and opened the door.
Ichabod paced at the foot of the stairs, repeatedly glancing up at the closed bathroom door. Abbie had returned. She was safe, alive, and currently in the process of washing up. His impatience gnawed at him. He needed to see her. Now. He needed to feel her, hear her, smell her, and touch her. If he could, he would go even as far as to taste her but that would be entirely inappropriate given the circumstances. He would have to settle for satisfying all his other senses. He glanced again at the closed door. He'd never felt so anxious in his life.
"Crane, sit down. You look like a caged lion."
He furrowed his brow at Jenny but continued to pace. The energy inside him would not allow him to simply sit and wait. After seeing her in that other realm, alone and on the verge of being lost forever, he could barely withstand another moment without assuring himself of her very existence. He ached for her with all of his soul. It was nearly impossible to contain. His hands fluttered at his side.
Master Corbin stood next to Jenny, concurring with her assessment. "Yeah man, sit. Breathe. You're like on a whole other level of intense right now."
He paused and looked them. They weren't wrong. His nerves were unsettled, his heart beat as fast as a jackrabbit's being chased through the forest. He couldn't resist. After months of separation, he was about to see her again. It was a momentous occasion to say the least.
He shakily inhaled and nodded. Regardless, he must achieve some semblance of calm though his entire being burned in anticipation. He did not want to startle or frighten her with his fervor. He sat against the edge of the sofa and attempted to compose himself as best he could, impatiently awaiting her reappearance.
Jenny leaned against her forearms on the kitchen counter and eyed at him carefully. "Have you thought about what you're going to say?"
He looked at her as if at a complete loss. Of course he knew he wanted to see her, hold her, but he had not considered the words he would speak. There were far too many emotions he desired to convey. He swallowed thickly. "I…I have no idea."
Corbin smirked. "Well, that's a first."
Jenny gave Joe a look of disapproval before looking upon him once more. "Just keep it simple. She's...things are different. You know what that's like." She gave him a knowing look. "Take it slow," she warned.
Understanding her insinuation, he sharply inhaled and nodded. "Of course."
"We don't want her to close up," she further cautioned.
He indignantly looked at her. "I assure you that is most certainly not..."
Suddenly the door to the bathroom opened and a billow of steam poured out. He immediately stood and searched the top of the stairs.
Abbie hesitantly walked into view as if she were a delicate creature stepping into precarious territory. As beautiful as ever, as perfect as ever. She clutched one arm protectively in front of her as her eyes nervously darted around her until they landed on him.
"Abbie," he whispered breathlessly. His heart clenched in his chest, his breath seeped from his lungs. He'd never felt so helpless and relieved in all his life.
She blinked at him stoically until Joe walked toward the steps, cutting in front of him. She changed her focus to Joe. He smiled gently at her and tilted his head with familiarity. "Hey, Abs."
She knit her brow and smiled at him as she made her way down the steps. "Joey," she replied as they met on the steps and she pulled him into a fierce hug.
Ichabod blinked from his trance. He breathed deeply. This was certainly not the impression he wanted to give her upon their reunion, that of an inept fool solely capable of ogling her from her afar. He swallowed nervously and stood at attention hoping to appear more composed, his twitching hands betraying him.
She pulled away from Joe and rested her hand upon his cheek. He rested his hand atop of hers as they contemplated each other for a moment. She smiled tightly. He took her hand and led her down the rest of the stairs. Abbie stopped as she reached the bottom of the staircase. Joe let go of her hand and walked back to Jenny.
Abbie gazed at him. Ichabod nearly forgot to breathe.
She was beautiful. Her hair had grown and her natural curls now rested upon her shoulders. Her body showed no evidence of the months of suffering she had endured yet he knew it had taken a toll on her spirit. She did not exude the confidence or carefree attitude she once possessed. It was if the light that had once burned brightly within her had dimmed to a mere flicker. And, yet, she stood there alive, resilient, and more beautiful than the loveliest of blooms. Broken, whole, maimed, unscathed – she was divine.
She gave him a half smile as her eyes welled up in restrained emotion. He inhaled sharply and took two long strides toward her before pulling her into his arms in a tight embrace. He buried his face in her neck cradling the back of her head gently as she buried her face against his shoulder and gripped onto him tightly. He straightened his back to feel her fully against him, lifting her off the ground. He could feel her body tremble as they clung to each other, indifferent to the stares of their audience. They both squeezed their eyes tightly refusing to release months of unshed tears, daring only to revel in each other's presence. Her stockinged feet dangled off the ground, yet she continued clinging to him as if her life depended on it.
After a long moment, he reluctantly bent down to place her back on her feet. He soothingly rubbed circles on her back, coaxing her to release her grip. She eased her grip but continued to keep her hands firmly upon his arms in a refusal to let him go. They observed each other carefully as if assessing any damage.
Once her eyes had completely swept over him, she nodded firmly, satisfied with her inspection. He continued to hold her as close to him as she would allow, not thinking twice about the impropriety. She was here in his arms and she was real. He could not spare a single thought on anything else.
She gazed up at him silently yet her watery eyes told him everything he needed to know. "We made it," she said in a fragile voice.
He nodded silently, gazing upon her with a million thoughts on the tip of his tongue. Weeks of painful yearning and uncertainty had taken their toll. The words he felt in his heart seemed like too much and not enough. They failed to capture everything he needed to express to her. How could he tell her that his heart, mind, and soul had surrendered themselves to her the instant he'd laid eyes upon her once more? How could he convey to her that he was now a man entirely at her mercy?
No, he thought resolutely. He mustn't utter a single word of it. Not yet. She must remain wholly ignorant to his current plight. She deserved time to heal, time to recover from her torment without concerning herself with trivial matters such as his heart.
Thusly, he gently took her hands in his own. He peered into her large, brown eyes and managed to rasp out a single coherent word, providing his lieutenant with the reassurance she so desperately sought. "Indeed," he replied softly, momentarily quieting the love in his soul.
Hours later…
Abbie stared at the glimmering stars above her in a wonder she hadn't felt since she was a kid. She sat cross-legged on a blanket in the middle of her grassy backyard, quietly contemplating the nighttime sky. Naturally, it led to reflecting on her existence thus far.
She'd lived to see the impossible in her short years of life. She'd survived it all yet wondered if this was what her life would always be: a series of events fated to bring her pain and misery? Would she continue to reprise the reoccurring role of resigned masochist? Would she always be alone, cut off from experiencing anything that could possibly bring her long-lasting happiness?
She studied the glittering lights above her and sighed deeply. Being deprived of such quiet beauty had been just another form of torture she had endured. She had lost all hope of ever enjoying a starry night and yet here she was surrounded by it and wondering what other kind of torture was in store for her. The beauty diminishing with each passing question.
Thinking back to her last days on this earth, before disappearing into the hellish abyss, she realized how complicate her life had become because of her refusal to share herself. She'd always found it easy to blame her guardedness on the years of trauma she'd experienced but she knew it was just an excuse to avoid getting hurt. She knew she was strong but she never believed she was strong enough to withstand the pain that came with surrendering her heart to somebody.
Love, commitment, openness were things that she didn't think she was capable of sharing with another person because of the fear of what she'd get in return. Painful memories and the never-ending horror stories of love gone wrong kept her walls up and her heart closed off. She firmly believed it was what was best for her and for the man she would manage to hurt if she allowed herself to open up.
"Come now, Lieutenant. Do you truly believe such falsehoods?"
She knit her brow. She looked around suspiciously. She was completely by herself. Jenny, Joe, and Crane were still inside cleaning up from dinner. She blinked rapidly and exhaled steadily, straightening her back. Maybe it was the wind, she thought dismissively with a nod.
"How could you ever doubt your strength?"
It was that voice. The one that had kept her sane all those months. It was back. She licked her lips nervously and quietly murmured, "Go away. I don't need you anymore."
Suddenly, it changed its tone. It didn't sound like Crane anymore. It started to sound like…her?
"So what? Are you going to shut yourself off again? Pretend? Runaway? Or how about we just go rob another pharmacy and hope another knight in shining armor comes and gives you a second chance at life?"
Her eyes shifted uneasily as she swallowed thickly. If she was starting to hear voices, it would be in her best interest to make it seem like she wasn't. Though, she knew for a fact that if she ignored it, it would only get worse. So she cleared her throat and inconspicuously whispered her response, "No, of course not."
"Yeah, that's what I thought."
She rolled her eyes.
"You know that saying? That saying that goes on about doing things over and over again and expecting a different result? We've really mastered that down to a perfection, haven't we?"
She furrowed her brow in annoyance, careful to keep her voice down, "The hell are you talking about?"
"Let me ask you something, what's the point of having a heart if you never use it? What's the point of having a life if you never live it? God, Abbie! For once in your life, just let go! Stop trying to control every goddamn thing in your life!"
"I-I'm not."
"You're even trying to control this imaginary conversation."
"It's not that simple. I can't just…"
"Yes, it is! And, yes, you can! You need this. You need him. If you let this pass by, you know you'll never try again. You know that. And then you'll end up regretting it every day for the rest of your life. Trust me, I know."
"Then what do I do?"
"You know the answer to that. Live your life to the fullest. Don't accept anything less than your happiness. And stop thinking you're alone. You're not. And you never will be."
The voice faded away. The sounds of chirping crickets filled the air once again. She sighed resignedly. It was all true, everything her inner voice had said. She'd accepted the fact that she would always be alone, that her fate would be full of misery. She'd accepted that she would never be enough and that love was something she needed to avoid at all costs. But even if that were true, nothing was stopping her from enjoying the moments that made it all worth it, to live her life to the fullest.
She shut her eyes tightly. Living life to the fullest. She never understood what that meant. She'd clung to such a narrow view of the world all these years. She had never learned to live life to fullest because she didn't realize how full life could be. She never realized how fleeting it could be.
Seeing her family again, seeing Crane, it awoke something inside her. Yes, she was a Witness. Yes, she had an impossible responsibility. But she was not alone. Her life would eventually lead her to some unknown, predestined fate but it was still a life full of possibilities. She needed to fulfill those possibilities, damn her past, damn her future. It was all in front of her, ripe for the taking.
"Lieutenant?"
The solidity of the voice let her know that this time it wasn't a hallucination. She turned and saw Crane out of the corner of her eye pause at the doorway. He'd taken off his coat and unlaced the top of his shirt, his chest peeking out just the way she liked it.
He hadn't changed much either these past few months, weeks, besides a trim to his hair – something she was sure Jenny had some sort of influence on – and that he had lost a few pounds. He must have laid off the soda and jelly beans. Although, the bags under his eyes and the fact that the house looked like it had remained untouched told her everything else she needed to know. It had not been easy on him. She had felt it in the frantic hug he'd given her. He'd missed her.
She turned back around and looked down at her hands in her lap. That simple fact urged her to keep going. To realize that if there was ever a right moment for anything, this would be it.
"Are they gone?" she asked quietly.
He stepped out on the porch, his boots resounding against the wood as he closed the screen door behind him. He replied solemnly, "Yes, Miss Jenny and Joe have gone home for the evening."
She nodded silently and tilted her head back up at the stars. She could sense his apprehension even though he stood completely still.
After a moment of unnerving silence, he stuttered, "Pardon the intrusion, Lieutenant. I should have…if you need me to–"
"No, wait. Come here." She turned back to him and gave him a half-hearted smile, patting the empty space next to her.
After a few moments, she felt him quietly take his place next her on the blanket. She turned her body toward him, making room for him. He glanced at her unsurely before sitting down cross legged in front of her. He straightened his back as much as possible, his hands resting on his knees. He quietly observed her as she regarded him in the same way she had gazed at the stars.
"You saved me."
"T'was a combined effort."
"You risked your soul, Crane."
He looked down at his folded legs, pieces of his now shorter hair falling over his eyes. He raised his head, flipping his hair out of his eyes. He searched her eyes, as if he were struggling to find the right words to say to her. She felt her stomach flip flop in anticipation.
After a moment, he straightened his neck, as he informed her, hesitant at first, "In all candor, Lieutenant, whilst you were away, I spent every waking hour endeavoring to bring you home. An undertaking that required absolute dedication. So, believe me when I say, a mere journey through the different planes of reality was of no imposition to my soul."
She half-heartedly smiled. To him, it may have felt like part of his duty as her partner to sacrifice everything to find her but to her, it meant more. Hearing him say what she had already assumed only managed to confirm her suspicions. He was truly selfless when it came to her.
She took a deep breath. She needed to tell him how far she'd gone to keep him with her all those months. It was time she admitted to him how much he meant to her. She closed one eye before looking up at him uneasily, forcing herself to say the words. "You know, you were there with me the entire time. I'd talk to you. Not you you, of course, but, you know, I know what you would say and how you would say it. It kept me from losing myself. It was kind of like you were my Wilson."
He drew his eyebrows together, attempting to process her reference. She smiled tightly before somberly adding, "At least, during the first months I was there."
He wordlessly acknowledged her meaning. He had witnessed her temporary memory loss first-hand. She looked at him carefully. "Then you were gone. Like I forgot you had even existed. When you found me, I was getting ready to take my chances on finding an escape. I was preparing to die."
He closed his eyes as if in shame. "Lieutenant, I understand I should have made more of an effort to find you. I –"
"Crane, Crane. I'm not looking for an apology. You did everything you could. Jenny, Joe, you all did your best. It's all I could have asked for. What I'm trying to say is…" her voice trailed as she looked at him, searching his eyes for answers that weren't there. Her heart beat uncontrollably. Her insecurities crept in. Maybe he didn't feel the same. What if she ruined it? No, she couldn't do it. She just couldn't take that risk.
She looked at him one last time before closing her eyes tiredly. "I don't know what I'm trying to say," she muttered.
He nodded, averting his gaze. He looked defeated, disappointed even. No. This was wrong. Chickening out was not an option. She couldn't just dismiss it all before she even tried. She huffed determinedly, changing her mind. "No, yes, I do."
He looked up at her apprehensively, a flicker of hope reigniting in his eyes. She took a deep breath and looked down at her fidgeting fingers.
"I had a lot of time to think about things. To realize what's important. And I came to see that there are things missing in my life." She looked up at him warily. "It's like I've said in the past, our life as Witnesses, it leaves no room for complications. Keeping friends or relationships, it isn't easy. Our bond comes before anyone or anything else."
He looked at her questioningly, fear and uncertainty swimming in his eyes.
She continued resolutely, "But I can't be a bystander to my own life. I can't watch everything pass me by. I want complicated. I want friends. I want a relationship. Our bond, our mission, shouldn't impede that."
He looked at her as if coming to terms with what she said. He blinked tiredly and nodded, avoiding her gaze. "I understand."
She knit her brow. "You do?" Well, that was…easy, she thought uncertainly, though by the looks of it, he wasn't reacting the way she thought he would.
He nodded, avoiding eye contact. "You deserve to live your life as you wish. Our bond, mission, should not be a hindrance in your pursuit."
Furrowing her brow even deeper, she responded, doubt tinging her tone, "S'right."
He tightly smiled at her and sighed dejectedly.
She raised her eyebrows, her mouth forming a perfect 'o'. Her eyelids fluttered in disbelief. "Wow, okay. Am I getting my signals crossed or is this not what you want?" she asked defensively. She'd just opened her damn heart to him and he seemed as excited as she did when she had a giant pile of paperwork to file.
He closed his briefly. "I want…," he began despondently. He looked at her longingly before unenthusiastically resuming, "I solely desire your happiness, Lieutenant."
Wait a second. This is what somebody would say if they were getting rejected, she thought. She squeezed her eyes shut and tilted her head as she tried to process their conversation. Okay, there may have been some bits in there that could have been misinterpreted. But did Crane really think she was rejecting him?
"Wait. Are we on the same page right now?" she asked in confusion.
He looked at her and furrowed his brow when he heard the bafflement in her tone.
She widened her eyes, trying to get him to catch her drift. "I'm saying we should be together. You know, give us a chance?"
His lips parted. His mouth bobbed open and closed for a while until he managed to say, "Us?"
"Yeah, unless…"
"You mean…?" He nodded his head as if processing what she was trying to say.
She raised her eyebrows in confirmation.
"Oh," he said in realization. Once it sunk in, his eyes widened. "Oh!"
She smirked.
"Of course! You meant us. You and I. Together?"
She bit her lip and nodded. There were moments when the quick-witted, grumpy Crane gave way to this version of him. Not that she enjoyed seeing him struggle to comprehend things but she sure as hell got a kick out of seeing his eyes light up that moment that things all came together for him.
"As in a social…intimate relationship?" he asked nodding his head in confirmation, unrestrained hope exuding from his every pore, as he attempted to confirm that they were truly thinking the same thing.
She held up her curled fingers to her mouth, holding back a smile. "I don't think I've ever seen you do this. It's like watching a webpage buffer."
He smiled softly, closing his eyes at her teasing. "I am…I simply…are you certain?" He searched her eyes in restrained eagerness.
She nodded blearily, folding her hands in her lap. A smile threatened to erupt on his face but he bit his lip and forced himself to knit his brow. He reached for her hands and searched her gaze. "Is this, do you think this is perhaps a bit… sudden?"
She looked at him knowingly. "We've shared a sacred bond for years and are currently living under the same roof, Crane. I'd say we've bypassed the conventional steps of a typical relationship. Don't you?"
He smirked and nodded in agreement.
She looked up at him, still sensing his hesitancy. "Why? Do you think we're rushing into it?"
He breathed in carefully, as if preparing himself to reveal a secret. She shifted uneasily. He was hiding something from her. Nothing good came from lying to each other but she did her best to withhold judgement. He gazed at her meaningfully, holding her hands tightly in his own. She braced herself.
"There is something I must say before we…before this has had a chance to bloom. I…," he looked at her painfully. "I have kept something from you."
She looked at him silently, panic closing up her throat.
He continued, "Our lives, our very fates, have been entwined before we even met. The tablet I retrieved from my family's tomb, it decreed that the two Witnesses of God were of one soul and were preordained to eternal devotion to one another."
She knit her brow.
"I chose not to reveal this to you because I wanted you to follow your own path. I did not want it to influence any of your decisions."
She nodded in understanding. She had no idea about the tablet's prophecy but, honestly, it didn't matter. Fate or destiny, it would always have something planned for her. In the end, it didn't matter. She would continue to make the tough choices regardless of what some ancient prediction said about her. What mattered to her was what he felt. Was what they had born from a sense of duty or was it truly genuine?
She looked at him carefully wishing her profiling skills would kick in and just tell her what she needed to know. They didn't. She asked him tentatively, hoping for the answer she sought, "Has it influenced yours?"
He blinked at her in disbelief, as if he had not expected her to forgive him so easily. He searched her eyes and only found worry, concern that what they had wasn't real. He inhaled deeply and squeezed her hands, ready to remove any trace of doubt. "The tablet merely served to reignite the hope that I could one day be worthy of your devotion. It did not influence my regard for you because those affections have long been living within me, evolving with each passing day. Now, my heart beats solely when you are near. My soul seeks your peace, recognizing that it is never fully complete until it is by your side. My very being cannot seek respite from basking in your divine essence. Through all these centuries, against the impossible, I have truly found my better half. To put it simply, I...I have fallen utterly and profoundly in love with you, Grace Abigail Mills."
She looked down at their entwined hands wordlessly, heat rising up to her cheeks, tears threatening to spill. Leave it to Crane to completely erase any doubt from her mind so elegantly and thoroughly. She blinked furiously, exhaling in relief. He loved her. He loved her as much as she did him. It was a lot to process. It would take her a while to come to terms with it but it would take even more before she could say it to him. Her mind and soul were still fragile. She'd need to find her way back before she could reciprocate everything he'd laid at her feet. She gave him a small smile. "While I appreciate your enthusiasm, Crane, I need you to understand that all that time away took its toll. I'm not quite ready to give you everything. I need to find myself again. It's going to be a long road ahead. And I just need…I need slow."
He smiled and bowed his head in understanding. "Of course, as glacially slow as you desire."
She gave him an admonishing smile. They looked down at their entwined hands for a moment, getting used to the feel of each other, the new sense of togetherness. An idea popped into her head. Although she wasn't ready to break out the vows, she was ready to show him how much he meant to her. She looked up at him through her eyelashes and raised her eyebrow. "Shall we seal this accord?"
He raised his as well, uncertainty flitting across his expression. She released his hands and repositioned herself until she was sitting on her knees. She took a deep breath. Realizing her intentions, he tilted his head cautiously. "Lieutenant…"
"No, I need to do this."
He looked at her patiently, nodding once. She rose on her knees and moved closer to him. She held out her hands. He took hold of them. They were warm and strong, she gripped them tightly. She hoped the terror she was feeling wasn't showing on her face. He smiled gently up at her.
Flashes of the last time they'd been this close came to the forefront of her mind. That night in the cabin. It seemed like a lifetime ago. That moment had changed everything for them. It made her realize that she would never be satisfied with just being his partner or friend. Despite everything they'd gone through, despite the fact that she'd tried everything to extinguish it, that unexpected yearning still burned within her.
She exhaled slowly, her eyelids fluttering. She released her grip from his and rested her hands on his bearded jaw. She leaned forward until she could feel his hot breath merging with the cool night air on her lips. He tilted his head back slightly and closed his eyes in anticipation.
She lowered her gaze to his slightly parted pink lips. She gently pressed hers against his experimentally. They were soft, tender against her own, the prickling sensation of his beard tickling her top lip and chin. She closed her eyes as she applied a bit more pressure, slowly moving them against his. His breath hitched as she tilted her head further to get a better angle. She deepened the kiss, pulling his face closer to hers. He leaned forward and a moan escaped him as he rested his hands on her hips, sending a tingling sensation straight to her toes.
She could feel her heart beat wildly in her chest. Her knees wobbled beneath her weight. She was losing herself. It was too fast. She quickly pulled away, clenching her hands into fists at her side. She kept her eyes closed as she caught her breath.
After a moment, he reached toward her with one hand to cup her cheek, his thumb gently rubbing her cheekbone. "Abbie," he said softly.
She licked her lips and swallowed thickly. She could still feel him on her lips, prompting her to resist the temptation of going back for more. She'd only had one taste and she was already addicted. How?
"Lieutenant," he murmured quietly. She opened her eyes. He looked back at her adoringly. She could feel his love pour into her through his gaze. It was overwhelming and soothing all at the same time. She gasped unsteadily. This was it. This was what made it all worth it. He slowly rose to his feet, pulling her with him.
He held her small hands in his own, drawing them near his chest. He beheld her dazed eyes as if drawing strength from her to keep himself from falling to his knees. He was so completely enthralled by her just as much as she was of him. The kiss had broken down their barriers. Their emotions surged out of them like water from a broken dam. She shuddered at the intensity.
"You're chilled," he pointed out. She nodded, though fully aware that it was not the cool air making her tremble. She didn't want to break the trance. He bent down to retrieve the blanket. He looked at it with a smile before peering into her eyes. "Come," he said gently. He quietly took her hand and led her into their home, their gazes never straying far from each other for a moment.
The door creaked shut behind them. The crickets carried on chirping and the world continued on as if nothing had happened. Yet, the stars silently observed from afar the budding, reinvented, bond between God's Witnesses. They gleamed with hope.
So what did you think? I was just getting so impatient for an Ichabbie kiss and I'm the damn author! So hopefully you enjoyed it as much as I did.
I also wanted to take a moment and thank each and every one of you for reading, following, favoriting, and/or reviewing this story. Your support means the world to me. I seriously wish I could just hug and kiss the heck out of each one of you. You are all amazing! :)
As always, I look forward to reading what you have to say. I'm thinking about wrapping this story up soon. I know there are lots of loose ends to tie up so hopefully I'll remember to tie up everything that needs to be tied up (sorry, if that sounded kind of kinky). Anyway, let me know if there's anything you'd still like to see or be addressed before the ending.
Your dedicated unintentionally kinky writer,
semul