Chapter 8: The Sorting Hat

After the family had a nice lunch, everyone returned to the living room. Victoire looked around, suspiciously.

"Vic, what do you have in your pockets?" Bill asked.

"Nothing, Daddy," Victoire said, putting on her, 'I'm guilty but I'm gonna try and be sweet, so I can get away with it,' face.

"Really?" her father said, not believing it. Then he stood up and went to his daughter and said, "Then you deserve a tickling!" he started tickling his daughter until she let go of what was in her hand. He picked it up and said, "Really, Licorice Wands, Vic! Where'd you get this?"

"I pd ugo tree sicles t gt tis," Vic mumbled.

"What?"

"I PAID HUGO THREE SICKLES TO GET IT, OKAY!" Victoire exclaimed.

"Hugo, take back the Wand and give Vic her money back," Bill said. Hugo, reluctantly gave her the money.

"Okay, enough with the family drama," Arthur said. "Ron, you read next."

"About time," Ron said. He quickly looked at the book and said, "Ugh, why do I have to get the Sorting chapter?"

"Ron, you get what you get and you don't throw a fit," Hermione mumbled in his ear.

"Don't talk to me like I'm Rose or Hugo … when they're three," Ron whisper-yelled.

"Just read!" everyone exclaimed.

"Alright," Ron said. "The Sorting Hat."
"Oh!" Roxanne exclaimed. "I wonder which House Harry's gonna be in! Hopefully, Gryffindor!"

"No, he's gonna be in Hufflepuff," her twin replied. Roxanne nodded along with her twin.

Their mom rolled their eyes at them.

The door swung open at once. A tall, black-haired witch in emerald-green robes stood there. She had a very stern face and Harry's first thought was that this was not someone to cross.

"Oh, it's Minnie!" George exclaimed.

"George, it's Professor McGonagall," Hermione said. "Or Minerva now that you are out of school."

"No, it's Minnie!" George exclaimed. They had a minute long argument, which included some of the family, before Ginny yelled, "SHUT IT!"

Everyone looked at her. "Thank you," she said sweetly.

"The firs' years, Professor McGonagall," said Hagrid.

"Thank you, Hagrid. I will take them from here."

She pulled the door wide. The entrance hall was so big you could have fit the whole of the Dursleys' house in it.

The stone walls were lit with flaming torches like the ones at Gringotts, the ceiling was too high to make out, and a magnificent marble staircase facing them led to the upper floors.

They followed Professor McGonagall across the flagged stone floor. Harry could hear the drone of hundreds of voices from a doorway to the right — the rest of the school must already be here — but Professor McGonagall showed the first years into a small, empty chamber off the hall. They crowded in, standing rather closer together than they would usually have done, peering about nervously.

"Aw!" Fred and Roxanne said at the same time.

"Was wittle Hawwy, Won, and Hermwioniee scawered of a wittle itty bitty Sworting?" Lucy finished.

She received glares not only from Harry, Ron, and Hermione, but her parents, too.

"What, I want to know!" she replied.

"Welcome to Hogwarts," said Professor McGonagall. "The start-of-term banquet will begin shortly, but before you take your seats in the Great Hall, you will be sorted into your houses. The Sorting is a very important ceremony because, while you are here, your house will be something like your family within Hogwarts.

"Well, we were all in the same house, with the exception of Fleur, Teddy, Audrey, and those who haven't been Sorted yet," Molly II said, "so we are in the same house and we are family."

"Mols," Angelina said. "I think that is the most sophisticated thing I've ever heard you say."

"Uh-oh," Molly II replied. "Did you know that family has the root of carrots," she quickly said, thinking of something really stupid. Everyone laughed and/or rolled their eyes at that lame, yet funny joke.

You will have classes with the rest of your house, sleep in your house dormitory, and spend free time in your house common room.

"The four houses are called Gryffindor,

All the people that were Sorted into Gryffindor, which was the majority of the family, yelled, "GO GRYFFINDOR!" or something along those lines.

Hufflepuff,

"Hufflepuff!" Teddy yelled. "Hufflepuff! Go Badgers!" Then he made a weird noise.

"Um, Teddy," Louis asked. "What the bloody hell was that?"

"It was a badger," Teddy replied sheepishly.

Ravenclaw,

"YEAH, RAVENS!" Audrey yelled, supporting her House.

and Slytherin.

"BOO!" James started and soon everyone joined in, until, yet again, Ginny yelled, "SHUT IT! Thank you."

Each house has its own noble history and each has produced outstanding witches and wizards. While you are at Hogwarts, your triumphs will earn your house points, while any rulebreaking will lose house points.

"Yeah, we didn't care, did we, Harry?" Ron said.

"No, we did not," Harry replied.

"Well, you should've," Hermione replied.

"Rosie," Ron said. "Have your mother and I told you the story about how in first year—"

"NO!" Hermione yelled.

"I'm telling the story!" Ron exclaimed. "So, in first year, your mother, Harry, and Neville lost, all together 150 points in one night."

"Hypocrite!" Rose yelled at her mother.

"Ron, why did you tell them that?" Hermione yelled. "They would've found out about it later, as we are reading the books!"

At the end of the year, the house with the most points is awarded the house cup, a great honor.

"What's so great about just a cup?" Dominique asked to nobody in particular.

I hope each of you will be a credit to whichever house becomes yours.

"The Sorting Ceremony will take place in a few minutes in front of the rest of the school. I suggest you all smarten yourselves up as much as you can while you are waiting."

"Why would you tidy up?" Louis asked. "We didn't have to do that when we were Sorted."

Her eyes lingered for a moment on Neville's cloak, which was fastened under his left ear, and on Ron's smudged nose.

"Oh, Dad, you still have the smudge on your nose," Hugo said, poking his dad's nose.

"Do you want me to cut away your weekly allowance?" Ron asked.

"Woah, Dad the smudge is gone. Wow, it's like magic!" Hugo said.

Harry nervously tried to flatten his hair.

"That's not gonna work," Albus said to his father, as he inherited his dad's hair and could never flatten it.

"I know," Harry said.

"I shall return when we are ready for you," said Professor McGonagall. "Please wait quietly."

She left the chamber. Harry swallowed.

"How exactly do they sort us into houses?" he asked Ron.

"How can you not know!" Dominique said.

"I didn't know much about the wizarding world and I was confused. And by the way, I was only 11!"

"Some sort of test, I think. Fred said it hurts a lot, but I think he was joking."

"Ron!" Molly exclaimed. "How many times have I told you NOT to listen to your older brothers?"

"A thousand times," Ron replied.

"And when have you listened?"

"Never," Ron replied, embarrassed.

"Uncle Ron, you've listened to Dad too many times," Roxanne said.

"Yeah, first the stupid spell, now this stupid excuse," Teddy said.

Harry's heart gave a horrible jolt. A test? In front of the whole school? But he didn't know any magic yet —what on earth would he have to do? He hadn't expected something like this the moment they arrived.

"Well, yeah, because you didn't know who you were or what Hogwarts was gonna be like," Audrey said.

He looked around anxiously and saw that everyone else looked terrified, too. No one was talking much except Hermione Granger, who was whispering very fast about all the spells she'd learned and wondering which one she'd need.

"Great, now I'm embarrassed by my mum," Hugo said.

"Do you want me to make you clean your room for a week straight, no bribing Dad or anyone else to do it for you?" Hermione said sternly.

"I mean, I am totally not embarrassed by my mother. I love you, Mummy," he said, hopefully.

Harry tried hard not to listen to her. He'd never been more nervous, never, not even when he'd had to take a school report home to the Dursleys saying that he'd somehow turned his teacher's wig blue.

"Oh, God," Ginny mumbled.

"That's so cool, Harry!" George, Charlie, and Bill said together.

"How'd that happen?" Louis asked, anxiously waiting.

"I don't know," Harry replied. "One moment, I was mad at the teacher, next thing, POOF, hair was blue."

Everyone laughed, while Fred and Roxanne mumbled mischievously.

"Fred, Roxanne, no planning of turning people's hair blue," Angelina said, sternly.

"Sorry, Mum," they said together.

"But, Angie!" George whined. "That would be so hilarious if they did!"

"I said no, George!"

He kept his eyes fixed on the door. Any second now, Professor McGonagall would come back and lead him to his doom.

"A little overdramatic, weren't you?" Percy asked.

"Guys, for the last time: I was 11, I didn't know anything about magic, and, plus, this was the most extraordinary thing I'd ever seen in my life!" Harry exclaimed.

"We got it, mate," Ron said. "No need to be all angry at us!"

Then something happened that made him jump about a foot in the air — several people behind him screamed.

"What the —?"

He gasped. So did the people around him. About twenty ghosts had just streamed through the back wall. Pearly-white and slightly transparent, they glided across the room talking to one another and hardly glancing at the first years. They seemed to be arguing.

"When are they not arguing?" Charlie asked. "They even argue about the simple things: the weather, what they are going to serve at the next feast, etc."

"That is so true," Fred said. "Even though I've been there for two years, every time I see them, they are arguing about something."

What looked like a fat little monk was saying: "Forgive and forget, I say, we ought to give him a second chance —"

"Oh, Teddy," Molly II said. "It's the Fat Friar, your House ghost. Aren't you gonna make the stupid badger noise again?"

Everyone laughed, but when they finished, Teddy said, "GO HUFFLEPUFF!" Then he did his badger noise.

"Honestly, I really didn't think he'd do that," Molly II replied. Everyone laughed again.

"My dear Friar, haven't we given Peeves all the chances he deserves? He gives us all a bad name and you know, he's not really even a ghost — I say, what are you all doing here?"

"Oh, I don't know," Victoire said. "Just hanging out, talking. Oh yeah, WAITING TO BLOODY BE SORTED!"

A ghost wearing a ruff and tights had suddenly noticed the first years.

"Oh, it's Nick," Hermione said. "I've always wondered what happened to him. I've barely saw him since his deathday party."

"Deathday?" Lily asked.

"It's when a ghost celebrates their death," James said.

Nobody answered.

"New students!" said the Fat Friar, smiling around at them. "About to be Sorted, I suppose?"

A few people nodded mutely.

"Hope to see you in Hufflepuff!" said the Friar. "My old house, you know."

"Yes, we know," Albus said. "GO BADGERS!" he exclaimed in a mocking tone. Then he tried to do the badger noise.

"No, it's like—" then Teddy did it. Soon, they were arguing over what noise was best. The continued fighting until Ginny said, "SHUT IT! Thank you."

"Move along now," said a sharp voice. "The Sorting Ceremony's about to start."

Professor McGonagall had returned. One by one, the ghosts floated away through the opposite wall.

"Now, form a line," Professor McGonagall told the first years, "and follow me."

Feeling oddly as though his legs had turned to lead, Harry got into line behind a boy with sandy hair, with Ron behind him, and they walked out of the chamber, back across the hall, and through a pair of double doors into the Great Hall.

Harry had never even imagined such a strange and splendid place.

"It really is magical," Arthur said. "When I first saw it, I almost fainted."

"Yeah," Molly replied. "Onto me! And I had to put you upright."

It was lit by thousands and thousands of candles that were floating in midair over four long tables, where the rest of the students were sitting. These tables were laid with glittering golden plates and goblets. At the top of the hall was another long table where the teachers were sitting. Professor McGonagall led the first years up here, so that they came to a halt in a line facing the other students, with the teachers behind them. The hundreds of faces staring at them looked like pale lanterns in the flickering candlelight. Dotted here and there among the students, the ghosts shone misty silver. Mainly to avoid all the staring eyes, Harry looked upward and saw a velvety black ceiling dotted with stars. He heard Hermione whisper, "Its bewitched to look like the sky outside. I read about it in Hogwarts, A History."

"Ugh, Aunt Hermione," Victoire said. "How many books have you read?"

"I know!" Albus exclaimed. "Their house is filled with books."

"Mum," Rose said. "You never let me read Hogwarts: A History, and I really want to read it! Can I read it, please!"

"Ok," Hermione replied.

"Yay!" Rose exclaimed.

"Know-it-all," Hugo mumbled.

"What?" Rose said.

"Nothing!"

It was hard to believe there was a ceiling there at all, and that the Great Hall didn't simply open on to the heavens.

Harry quickly looked down again as Professor McGonagall silently placed a four-legged stool in front of the first years. On top of the stool she put a pointed wizard's hat. This hat was patched and frayed and extremely dirty. Aunt Petunia wouldn't have let it in the house.

"No, she would not have," Harry said.

"If she did," Fred said, "she probably would've treated it like a cockroach and beaten it with a broom."

"Yeah," Roxanne continued. "Then the Sorting Hat would be like, 'You are definitely a Slytherin!'"

Maybe they had to try and get a rabbit out of it, Harry thought wildly, that seemed the sort of thing.

"Uncle Harry, that's the wrong kind of magic," Lucy said. "That's the Muggle magicians way of magic. I actually tried doing that once. Needless to say, it didn't work."

— noticing that everyone in the hall was now staring at the hat, he stared at it, too. For a few seconds, there was complete silence. Then the hat twitched. A rip near the brim opened wide like a mouth — and the hat began to sing:

"Oh, you may not think I'm pretty,

"Oh, you are definitely not," Ron said.

But don't judge on what you see,

I'll eat myself if you can find

A smarter hat than me.

Fred started talking to his cousin, James.

"Ok, what we need to do is take all of our parents' magic and then put it on a bowler hat and then—" Fred started.

"THE SORTING HAT'LL EAT ITSELF!" they finished together.

"James, we won't give you our magic," Fleur said.

"Aw, but even I want to see the Sorting Hat eat itself," Louis whined.

"I said no, Louis," his mother snapped.

You can keep your bowlers black,

"No, but if we did put it on a bowler, it would be a lime green bowler," Fred said.

Harry, Ron, and Hermione tried to keep in a laugh.

Your top hats sleek and tall,

For I'm the Hogwarts Sorting Hat

And I can cap them all.

There's nothing hidden in your head

The Sorting Hat can't see,

So try me on and I will tell you

Where you ought to be.

You might belong in Gryffindor,

Where dwell the brave at heart,

Their daring, nerve, and chivalry

Set Gryffindors apart;

"You got that right," Charlie said.

You might belong in Hufflepuff,

Where they are just and loyal,

Those patient Hufflepuffs are true

And unafraid of toil;

"That is so true," Teddy replied. He was about to do his badger noise when everyone yelled, "NO! NOT AGAIN!"

"That's just mean," Teddy said.

Or yet in wise old Ravenclaw,

if you've a ready mind,

Where those of wit and learning,

Will always find their kind;

"Yep, we are the Smarties!" Audrey yelled.

Or perhaps in Slytherin

You'll make your real friends,

Those cunning folk use any means

To achieve their ends.

"Ain't that the truth," Dominique said. "Actually, one day, this really mean Slytherin called me a dumb blond, and he forced everyone to call me that for a week straight."

"Dominique Alexandra Weasley!" Bill bellowed.

"Yes, Daddy?" Dominique replied.

"Why didn't you tell us that before?" he questioned.

"Because you and Mum and the rest of the family would use your Weasley temper and go beat him up or kill him, and I didn't want that to happen!" Dominique squeaked.

"Why, Dom?" Fred asked. "Were you in love with him?" Then he started making kissing noises. Or, at least until Dominique punched him.

"Yep, the Weasley temper definitely carried on through you," he replied, rubbing his arm.

So put me on! Don't be afraid!

And don't get in a flap!

You're in safe hands (though I have none)

For I'm a Thinking Cap!"

"Why did the Sorting Hat say 'flap'?" Lily asked. "That's kinda stupid."

"He was probably just rhyming it with 'cap,'" Harry said.

"Dad, how do you know that it's a he?" Albus asked.

"It has a boy voice," Harry replied.

"Yeah, but a lot of girls have deep voices, too," Albus replied.

"Can we please get off of this subject?" Angelina said.

The whole hall burst into applause as the hat finished its song. It bowed to each of the four tables and then became quite still again.

"And the Sorting Hat becomes still again," George said in a mock serious voice.

"Oh no! It's dead!" Roxanne said, faking being freaked out.

"So we've just got to try on the hat!" Ron whispered to Harry. "I'll kill Fred; he was going on about wrestling a troll."

"Uh-oh," Hermione said. "Fred can now see the future."

"What do you mean, Aunt 'Mione?" Lily asked.

"Wait until Halloween," the Golden Trio said together.

Harry smiled weakly. Yes, trying on the hat was a lot better than having to do a spell, but he did wish they could have tried it on without everyone watching.

All of the children stared at Harry with wide eyes.

"See, that's what I mean," Harry said, pouring at the children.

The hat seemed to be asking rather a lot; Harry didn't feel brave or quick-witted or any of it at the moment.

"Oh, so that means you belong in the No House!" Molly II exclaimed.

"THE HOUSE WHERE NO ONE BELONGS!" Molly II, Fred, and Roxanne finished together.

If only the hat had mentioned a house for people who felt a bit queasy, that would have been the one for him

"Oh, that's the Barf House," Dominique said.

Professor McGonagall now stepped forward holding a long roll of parchment.

"When I call your name, you will put on the hat and sit on the stool to be sorted," she said. "Abbott, Hannah!"

"Oh, isn't that Uncle Nev's wife?" Albus asked. Harry nodded.

A pink-faced girl with blonde pigtails stumbled out of line, put on the hat, which fell right down over her eyes, and sat down. A moments pause —

"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat.

"YEAH!" Teddy yelled. "GO—"

"SHUT IT!" all of the kids yelled.

"Tough crowd," Teddy said.

The table on the right cheered and clapped as Hannah went to sit down at the Hufflepuff table. Harry saw the ghost of the Fat Friar waving merrily at her.
"Bones, Susan!"
"HUFFLEPUFF!" shouted the hat again, and Susan scuttled off to sit next to Hannah.

"Teddy, please don't do the badger noise again, please," James said.

"Boot, Terry!"

"RAVENCLAW!"

"YEAH—" Audrey started, but was interrupted by Arthur.

"Nobody shall cheer for their House when someone gets Sorted into it," he said. Many people pouted.

The table second from the left clapped this time; several Ravenclaws stood up to shake hands with Terry as he joined them.

"Brocklehurst, Mandy" went to Ravenclaw too, but "Brown, Lavender"

Hermione literally growled. Ron put a nervous arm around her.

"You know, I don't love her, right?" he asked.

"Yeah, but I still hate her," Hermione said. All the children looked confused.

"Sixth book," Hermione said.

became the first new Gryffindor,

"The girl that caused my daughter-in-law's pain is in Gryffindor?" Molly exclaimed. "That is so not fair!"

and the table on the far left exploded with cheers; Harry could see Ron's twin brothers catcalling.

"Ooh, Dad," Fred said. "You had a crush on the girl that apparently caused Aunt 'Mione's pain. That is newsworthy!"

All the adults rolled their eyes.

"Bulstrode, Millicent" then became a Slytherin. Perhaps it was Harry's imagination, after all he'd heard about Slytherin, but he thought they looked like an unpleasant lot.

"That is not your imagination, Harry," Percy said. "They are rather unpleasant."

He was starting to feel definitely sick now. He remembered being picked for teams during gym at his old school. He had always been last to be chosen, not because he was no good, but because no one wanted Dudley to think they liked him.

"Finch-Fletchley, Justin!"

"What kind of name is that?" Louis asked.

"HUFFLEPUFF!"

Teddy opened his mouth, but everyone yelled, "NO!"

"Still a tough crowd," Teddy murmured.

Sometimes, Harry noticed, the hat shouted out the house at once, but at others it took a little while to decide. "Finnigan, Seamus,"

"Uncle Seam, who lives in Ireland, right?" James asked.

"Yep," Ron said.

the sandy-haired boy next to Harry in the line, sat on the stool for almost a whole minute before the hat declared him a Gryffindor.

"That's not too bad," Charlie said.

"Granger, Hermione!"

"Alright!" Hugo yelled. "It's Mum!"

Hermione almost ran to the stool and jammed the hat eagerly on her head.

"A little too excited?" Teddy asked.

"GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat. Ron groaned.

"Hey!" Rose exclaimed. "That little one decision made you meet your future wife!"

"I know!" Ron said, smiling at Hermione.

A horrible thought struck Harry, as horrible thoughts always do when you're very nervous. What if he wasn't chosen at all?

"Yeah, like that's gonna happen," Lucy said, sarcastically.

What if he just sat there with the hat over his eyes for ages, until Professor McGonagall jerked it off his head and said there had obviously been a mistake and he'd better get back on the train?

"Aw!" Angelina said. "That is so sad."

When Neville Longbottom, the boy who kept losing his toad, was called, he fell over on his way to the stool. The hat took a long time to decide with Neville.

"Poor Uncle Nev," Albus said.

When it finally shouted, "GRYFFINDOR," Neville ran off still wearing it, and had to jog back amid gales of laughter to give it to "MacDougal, Morag."

Everyone started laughing.

Malfoy swaggered forward when his name was called and got his wish at once: the hat had barely touched his head when it screamed, "SLYTHERIN!"

"Wow, big shocker," James said sarcastically.

Malfoy went to join his friends Crabbe and Goyle, looking pleased with himself.

There weren't many people left now. "Moon"…, "Nott"… , "Parkinson"… , then a pair of twin girls, "Patil" and "Patil"… , then "Perks, Sally-Anne"… , and then, at last —

"Potter, Harry!"

"Yay!" everyone yelled.
"Hufflepuff, Hufflepuff, Hufflepuff!" Fred and Roxanne murmured over and over. Harry rolled his eyes.

As Harry stepped forward, whispers suddenly broke out like little hissing fires all over the hall.

"Potter, did she say?"

"The Harry Potter?"

The last thing Harry saw before the hat dropped over his eyes was the hall full of people craning to get a good look at him. Next second he was looking at the black inside of the hat. He waited.

"Hmm," said a small voice in his ear. "Difficult. Very difficult.

"No it's not," Fred said. "Hufflepuff!" both of the twins finished together.

Plenty of courage, I see. Not a bad mind either. There's talent, A my goodness, yes — and a nice thirst to prove yourself, now that's interesting… So where shall I put you?"

"HUFFLEPUFF!" the twins yelled, this time Molly II and Lucy joining in.

Harry gripped the edges of the stool and thought, Not Slytherin, not Slytherin.

"Not Slytherin, eh?" said the small voice. "Are you sure? You could be great, you know, it's all here in your head, and Slytherin will help you on the way to greatness, no doubt about that — no?

"Yes, no!" Lucy said. "He has to be in Hufflepuff!"

"Mm-hm," Molly II agreed.

Well, if you're sure — better be GRYFFINDOR!"

"Yeah!" everyone yelled.

"No!" Molly II, Lucy, and the twins yelled. Their parents rolled their eyes.

Harry heard the hat shout the last word to the whole hall. He took off the hat and walked shakily toward the Gryffindor table. He was so relieved to have been chosen and not put in Slytherin, he hardly noticed that he was getting the loudest cheer yet. Percy the Prefect got up and shook his hand vigorously, while the Weasley twins yelled, "We got Potter! We got Potter!"

"WE GOT POTTER! WE GOT POTTER!" Ron and George chanted at the same time. Their wives chuckled and rolled their eyes.

Harry sat down opposite the ghost in the ruff he'd seen earlier. The ghost patted his arm, giving Harry the sudden, horrible feeling he'd just plunged it into a bucket of ice-cold water.

He could see the High Table properly now. At the end nearest him sat Hagrid, who caught his eye and gave him the thumbs up. Harry grinned back. And there, in the center of the High Table, in a large gold chair, sat Albus Dumbledore. Harry recognized him at once from the card he'd gotten out of the Chocolate Frog on the train. Dumbledore's silver hair was the only thing in the whole hall that shone as brightly as the ghosts. Harry spotted Professor Quirrell, too, the nervous young man from the Leaky Cauldron. He was looking very peculiar in a large purple turban.

And now there were only three people left to be sorted. "Thomas, Dean," a Black boy even taller than Ron, joined Harry at the Gryffindor table.

"Turpin, Lisa," became a Ravenclaw and then it was Ron's turn. He was pale green by now.

"Don't worry, Uncle Ron," Victoire said. "You will be fine!"

Harry crossed his fingers under the table and a second later the hat had shouted, "GRYFFINDOR!"

"We all saw it coming!" Louis said.

Harry clapped loudly with the rest as Ron collapsed into the chair next to him.

"Well done, Ron, excellent," said Percy Weasley pompously across Harry as "Zabini, Blaise," was made a Slytherin. Professor McGonagall rolled up her scroll and took the Sorting Hat away.

"Alright, time for food," Ron said.

Harry looked down at his empty gold plate. He had only just realized how hungry he was. The pumpkin pasties seemed ages ago.

"That was, Uncle Harry," Dominique said. "Like, right before lunch."

Albus Dumbledore had gotten to his feet. He was beaming at the students, his arms opened wide, as if nothing could have pleased him more than to see them all there.

"Welcome," he said. "Welcome to a new year at Hogwarts! Before we begin our banquet, I would like to say a few words. And here they are: Nitwit! Blubber! Oddment! Tweak!

All of the kids turned their heads to the side in confusion.
"That's Dumbledore's way," Percy said.

"Thank you!"

He sat back down. Everybody clapped and cheered. Harry didn't know whether to laugh or not.

"Is he — a bit mad?" he asked Percy uncertainly.

"Totally," all of the adults said.

"Mad?" said Percy airily. "He's a genius! Best wizard in the world! But he is a bit mad, yes. Potatoes, Harry?"

Harry's mouth fell open.

"How could you not realize that there was food in front of you?" Rose asked.

"Rose, you definitely have your father's appetite," Hermione said.

The dishes in front of him were now piled with food. He had never seen so many things he liked to eat on one table: roast beef, roast chicken, pork chops and lamb chops, sausages, bacon and steak, boiled potatoes, roast potatoes, fries, Yorkshire pudding, peas, carrots, gravy, ketchup, and, for some strange reason, peppermint humbugs.

"Oh, now I'm hungry," Hugo said.

"Hugo, you just ate," Audrey said.

"Yeah, but that was a whole 30 minutes ago," Hugo whined.

The Dursleys had never exactly starved Harry, but he'd never been allowed to eat as much as he liked. Dudley had always taken anything that Harry really wanted, even if It made him sick. Harry piled his plate with a bit of everything except the peppermints and began to eat. It was all delicious.

"That does look good," said the ghost in the ruff sadly, watching Harry cut up his steak.

"Can't you —?"

"I haven't eaten for nearly five hundred years," said the ghost. "I don't need to, of course, but one does miss it.

"See! That's what I mean!" Hugo exclaimed.

I don't think I've introduced myself? Sir Nicholas de Mimsy-Porpington at your service. Resident ghost of Gryffindor Tower."

"I know who you are!" said Ron suddenly. "My brothers told me about you — you're Nearly Headless Nick!"

"He doesn't like being called that," Charlie said.

"You're the one who told me that!" Rom exclaimed.

"I was wrong!" Charlie yelled.

"I would prefer you to call me Sir Nicholas de Mimsy —" the ghost began stiffly, but sandy-haired Seamus Finnigan interrupted.

"Nearly Headless? How can you be nearly headless?"

"Nobody should ask him that question!" Molly said. "It's disgusting!"

Sir Nicholas looked extremely miffed, as if their little chat wasn't going at all the way he wanted.

"Like this," he said irritably. He seized his left ear and pulled. His whole head swung off his neck and fell onto his shoulder as if it was on a hinge. Someone had obviously tried to behead him, but not done it properly. Looking pleased at the stunned looks on their faces,

Everyone shivered.

Nearly Headless Nick flipped his head back onto his neck, coughed, and said, "So — new Gryffindors! I hope you're going to help us win the house championship this year? Gryffindors have never gone so long without winning. Slytherins have got the cup six years in a row! The Bloody Baron's becoming almost unbearable — he's the Slytherin ghost."

Harry looked over at the Slytherin table and saw a horrible ghost sitting there, with blank staring eyes, a gaunt face, and robes stained with silver blood.

"Okay, that's disgusting," Angelina said.

He was right next to Malfoy who, Harry was pleased to see, didn't look too pleased with the seating arrangements.

"How did he get covered in blood?" asked Seamus with great interest.

"I've never asked," said Nearly Headless Nick delicately.

Harry looked away awkwardly, because he did know.

When everyone had eaten as much as they could, the remains of the food faded from the plates, leaving them sparkling clean as before. A moment later the desserts appeared. Blocks of ice cream in every flavor you could think of, apple pies, treacle tarts, chocolate éclairs and jam doughnuts, trifle, strawberries, Jell-O, rice pudding…

"Uhh!" Hugo said. "Don't read anymore of the food words or I'm going to be starving!"

As Harry helped himself to a treacle tart,

"I told you not to say that!" Hugo exclaimed.

the talk turned to their families.

"Okay, the Weasley family has too many kids and there is a riot every day. The end," George said.

"I'm half-and-half," said Seamus. "Me dad's a Muggle. Mom didn't tell him she was a witch 'til after they were married. Bit of a nasty shock for him."

"It had better be!" Audrey exclaimed.

The others laughed.

"What about you, Neville?" said Ron.

"Well, my gran brought me up and she's a witch," said Neville, "but the family thought I was all-Muggle for ages.

"Shouldn't he say Squib?" Molly said.

My Great Uncle Algie kept trying to catch me off my guard and force some magic out of me — he pushed me off the end of Blackpool pier once, I nearly drowned —

All of the girls gasped.

but nothing happened until I was eight. Great Uncle Algie came round for dinner, and he was hanging me out of an upstairs window by the ankles when my Great Auntie Enid offered him a meringue and he accidentally let go. But I bounced — all the way down the garden and into the road. They were all really pleased, Gran was crying, she was so happy.

"It would be weird if she didn't," Ginny said.

And you should have seen their faces when I got in here — they thought I might not be magic enough to come, you see. Great Uncle Algie was so pleased he bought me my toad."

"You mean the one he kept loosing?" Louis said with a smirk.

On Harry's other side, Percy Weasley and Hermione were talking about lessons

"Oh God," Hugo said.

("I do hope they start right away, there's so much to learn, I'm particularly interested in Transfiguration,

"I thought your favorite class was DADA," Rose said.

"It is," Hermione said.

"Then why did—"

"That was my second favorite," Hermione said quickly.

you know, turning something into something else, of course, it's supposed to be very difficult —"; "You'll be starting small, just matches into needles and that sort of thing — ").

Harry, who was starting to feel warm and sleepy, looked up at the High Table again. Hagrid was drinking deeply from his goblet. Professor McGonagall was talking to Professor Dumbledore. Professor Quirrell, in his absurd turban, was talking to a teacher with greasy black hair, a hooked nose, and sallow skin.

Lily and James burst out laughing.

"What's so funny?" Albus asked.

"That's your second namesake," James said.

"And he sounds ugly!" Lily exclaimed. They started laughing again and Albus blushed.

It happened very suddenly. The hook-nosed teacher looked past Quirrell's turban straight into Harry's eyes — and a sharp, hot pain shot across the scar on Harry's forehead.

"Voldemort," Harry murmured.

"Ouch!" Harry clapped a hand to his head.

"What is it?" asked Percy.

"N-nothing."

The pain had gone as quickly as it had come. Harder to shake off was the feeling Harry had gotten from the teacher's look — a feeling that he didn't like Harry at all.

"No, he did not," George said.

"Who's that teacher talking to Professor Quirrell?" he asked Percy.

"Oh, you know Quirrell already, do you? No wonder he's looking so nervous, that's Professor Snape.

"Snape, Snape, Severus Snape," Fred and Roxanne sang together.

"Where'd you hear that?" their mother asked.

"Some video a Muggle made on the, what's it called, Internet," Fred said.

He teaches Potions, but he doesn't want to — everyone knows he's after Quirrell's job. Knows an awful lot about the Dark Arts, Snape."

Harry watched Snape for a while, but Snape didn't look at him again.

At last, the desserts too disappeared, and Professor Dumbledore got to his feet again. The hall fell silent.

"Ahem — just a few more words now that we are all fed and watered. I have a few start-of-term notices to give you.

"First years should note that the forest on the grounds is forbidden to all pupils. And a few of our older students would do well to remember that as well."

Dumbledore's twinkling eyes flashed in the direction of the Weasley twins.

George smiled.

"I have also been asked by Mr. Filch, the caretaker, to remind you all that no magic should be used between classes in the corridors.

"Quidditch trials will be held in the second week of the term. Anyone interested in playing for their house teams should contact Madam Hooch.

"And finally, I must tell you that this year, the third-floor corridor on the right-hand side is out of bounds to everyone who does not wish to die a very painful death."

"Ah, very cheerful," Arthur said, sarcastically.

Harry laughed, but he was one of the few who did.

"He's not serious?"

"He kinda is, mate," Ron said.

he muttered to Percy.

"Must be," said Percy, frowning at Dumbledore. "It's odd, because he usually gives us a reason why we're not allowed to go somewhere — the forest's full of dangerous beasts, everyone knows that. I do think he might have told us prefects, at least."

"And now, before we go to bed, let us sing the school song!" cried Dumbledore. Harry noticed that the other teachers' smiles had become rather fixed.

"They don't even like it," Molly said. "No one ever did."

Dumbledore gave his wand a little flick, as if he was trying to get a fly off the end, and a long golden ribbon flew out of it, which rose high above the tables and twisted itself, snakelike, into words.

"Everyone pick their favorite tune," said Dumbledore, "and off we go!"

And the school bellowed:

"Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts,

"Hoggy Warty?" Louis asked. "What? Do hogs have warts or something?"

Teach us something please,

Whether we be old and bald

Or young with scabby knees,

Our heads could do with filling

With some interesting stuff,

For now they're bare and full of air,

Dead flies and bits of fluff,

So teach us things worth knowing,

Bring back what we've forgot,

just do your best, we'll do the rest,

And learn until our brains all rot."

Everybody finished the song at different times. At last, only the Weasley twins were left singing along to a very slow funeral march. Dumbledore conducted their last few lines with his wand and when they had finished, he was one of those who clapped loudest.

"Ah, music," he said, wiping his eyes. "A magic beyond all we do here! And now, bedtime. Off you trot!"

"We're not horses!" Fred, Roxanne, and George yelled.

The Gryffindor first years followed Percy through the chattering crowds, out of the Great Hall, and up the marble staircase. Harry's legs were like lead again, but only because he was so tired and full of food. He was too sleepy even to be surprised that the people in the portraits along the corridors whispered and pointed as they passed, or that twice Percy led them through doorways hidden behind sliding panels and hanging tapestries.

"That's gotta be confusing," Teddy said.

They climbed more staircases, yawning and dragging their feet, and Harry was just wondering how much farther they had to go when they came to a sudden halt.

A bundle of walking sticks was floating in midair ahead of them, and as Percy took a step toward them they started throwing themselves at him.

"Oh God, it's Peeves," Molly muttered.

"Peeves," Percy whispered to the first years. "A poltergeist." He raised his voice, "Peeves — show yourself."

A loud, rude sound, like the air being let out of a balloon, answered.

"Do you want me to go to the Bloody Baron?"

"Yeah, bring out the Baron!" Molly II yelled.

There was a pop, and a little man with wicked, dark eyes and a wide mouth appeared, floating cross-legged in the air, clutching the walking sticks.

"Oooooooh!" he said, with an evil cackle. "Ickle Firsties! What fun!"

He swooped suddenly at them. They all ducked.

"Go away, Peeves, or the Baron'll hear about this, I mean it!" barked Percy.

Peeves stuck out his tongue and vanished, dropping the walking sticks on Neville's head. They heard him zooming away, rattling coats of armor as he passed.

"You want to watch out for Peeves," said Percy, as they set off again. "The Bloody Baron's the only one who can control him, he won't even listen to us prefects. Here we are."

At the very end of the corridor hung a portrait of a very fat woman in a pink silk dress.

"Password?" she said.

"Caput Draconis," said Percy, and the portrait swung forward to reveal a round hole in the wall. They all scrambled through it — Neville needed a leg up — and found themselves in the Gryffindor common room, a cozy, round room full of squashy armchairs.

"Ah, the common room," Harry said. "So many memories."

"Yeah," Hermione said. "Good and bad."

Percy directed the girls through one door to their dormitory and the boys through another. At the top of a spiral staircase — they were obviously in one of the towers — they found their beds at last: five four-posters hung with deep red, velvet curtains. Their trunks had already been brought up. Too tired to talk much, they pulled on their pajamas and fell into bed.

"Great food, isn't it?" Ron muttered to Harry through the hangings. "Get off, Scabbers! He's chewing my sheets."

"Nice, Scabbers," Angelina said, sarcastically.

Harry was going to ask Ron if he'd had any of the treacle tart, but he fell asleep almost at once.

Perhaps Harry had eaten a bit too much, because he had a very strange dream. He was wearing Professor Quirrell's turban, which kept talking to him, telling him he must transfer to Slytherin at once, because it was his destiny. Harry told the turban he didn't want to be in Slytherin; it got heavier and heavier; he tried to pull it off but it tightened painfully — and there was Malfoy, laughing at him as he struggled with it — then Malfoy turned into the hook-nosed teacher, Snape, whose laugh became high and cold — there was a burst of green light and Harry woke, sweating and shaking.

"Is that like a vision of the future?" Hermione mumbled to Harry.

Harry just shrugged.

He rolled over and fell asleep again, and when he woke next day, he didn't remember the dream at all.

"And that's the end of the chapter," Ron said. "Ginny, you read next."

A/N: I just wanted to take your time thanking everyone for the wonderful reviews. Thanks everyone and keep reviewing!

Also, here's the poll again:

Who do you want to show up in later chapters?

A) Neville, Luna, and their spouses

B) Draco and Scorpius

C) Seamus and Dean