After losing the factory worker, the ride back to the station was oddly subdued, each man quiet and contemplative, getting over the loss in their own individual way.

But back at 51 Herrmann had a surprise for them, or for Shay and Dawson at least. The appearance of his four kids perked everyone up after the hard call. The companies dismounted from the trucks and wandered closer, mostly out of curiosity, but Severide found himself hanging back; watching from afar as he slowly pulled off his turnout gear.

"Dawson, Shay," Herrmann called. "Get over here. We've got something for you."

Herrmann herded his kids into a line before gesturing impatiently for them to reveal the roll of large construction paper they held between them. Severide could see the messy hand of a child spelling out the words, "Thank you for saving our Dad," accompanied by a fairly accurate drawing of a burning house, a fire truck and two stick figures who evidently were supposed to be Shay and Dawson.

Severide heard Shay's delighted gasp, slightly exaggerated for the kid's benefit and felt his lips twitch in fondness, Shay always being so much better with kids then he had ever been.

"They obviously got their artistic talent from their mother," Herrmann joked and Severide felt the smile on his face widen, if ever so slightly. "Hey, you guys, these are the ladies that saved my life. Come on, give 'em a clap."

The Herrmann kids burst into enthusiastic applause, quickly joined by the other members of the firehouse. Severide felt his mood lighten and almost stepped closer to join the conversation when Cindy came forward to embrace the paramedics, kissing them each on the cheek in thanks.

And suddenly all Severide could think about was the worker lying in the bottom of the pit and his widow who was no doubt, right at this moment being told of her loss. And of Heather who he had watched as she cried into Casey's shoulder after being told by Boden of the loss of her husband.

Severide swallowed thickly and stepped backwards instead, slipping away unnoticed. He wandered through the mostly empty hallways of the house, dodging the stray engine firefighter as he went until he found a mostly empty hallway. He collapsed back against the cold stone wall, slipping his phone from his pocket and tossing it from hand to hand.

He had gotten the number from Peter's phone before it had been taken away to give back his widow by the firefighter's sent to deliver the news, but for some reason he had been stalling. It wasn't like he had never had to talk to grieving widows and families before. Ten plus years on the job meant that he had way too much experience in the matter. But it never got any easier. Knowing that what you're going to say is going to bring their lives falling down all around them.

Georgie had already had her world brought down and he didn't know how to talk to her without making it worse.

For a moment, Severide was worried that he was about to be interrupted. The sudden cacophony of voices echoing, bounded down the previously silent hallway, jerking him from his haze of hesitance. He kept his head ducked down low, posture slouched, as to remain as unobtrusive as possible and played with the keys of his phone, trying to look busy.

At the other end of the corridor Otis was leading a group of truck boys, Casey in the midst, blathering about the crest of the truck, which everyone had been hearing about since Otis had noticed it that morning. Each time he spoke, he barely got more than a sentence out of his argument before he was being shot down, first by Casey, then by other members of the group until finally Herrmann fed him a bullshit story about the crest being a talisman to reverse an old curse, after which they finally dispersed.

Severide waited a few moments, to make sure they were gone for good, before finally pulling the crumpled paper he had scrawled the number down on and copied it into his phone, pressing call before he could think better of it.

The call connected after just one ring and Severide pushed away from the wall in surprise, scrambling to find something to say before he realised he had been sent straight to voicemail. Which apparently didn't make this any easier because as soon as he signalled to speak by the beep he choked on whatever he was going to say.

After a long moment of horrible silence he finally disconnected, shoving the phone deep into his pocket. He scrubbed a hand over his face and resolved to try again later when Boden strode past, an older man in an officer's uniform, who Severide easily identified as District Chief Walker, right beside him.

"Kelly," Boden said and continued on, without another word.

Severide followed wordlessly, hand absently drifting up to knead at his aching shoulder, sore from the climb out of the hole earlier, dreading what he knew was to come. He followed the Chief and Walker into one of the common rooms where he found his company and Casey's already there and waiting for him.

His throat went dry and despite having expecting this, for a moment he can't breathe. He can't stand the idea of sitting there and being lectured on how he could have prevented Andy's death, on what he should have done better, on whose fault it was that his best friend was dead. But then Severide did what he always did, he disassociated and survived because it was what he had been taught to do. How else could he go running into burning buildings every day if he didn't know how to remove himself from a situation and look at it as an objective third-party onlooker.

He moved further in, keeping his face perfectly blank as he took in the room; a schematic of the house had already been drawn up, initials to symbolise each of the firefighter's who had been on scene, both companies were complete, no one daring to miss the mandatory whiteboard session, even the Candidate was in attendance, no doubt there to learn but something about it rubbed Severide the wrong way.

Fighting back the urge to snap out a comment that he would later come to regret, Severide took his place at the back of the room a few feet away from Casey, who true to his nature had given up his seat for a fellow firefighter and was standing by the door. Hand still absently kneading at the muscles of his shoulder, Severide tuned back into Walker who was describing the setup of the day as if any of them needed a reminder.

"Darden was entering the attic window here," he was saying, slashing a red 'x' on the window of the diagram. "While Squad 3 was conducting first floor search and rescue here."

The more Walker talked, the sicker Severide felt and the worse his shoulder ached. He pressed at the trembling muscles more and more insistently until he was digging his thumb in with enough force to bruise.

"Fire started in the basement and spread up to the kitchen. Now, we all know fire is in a constant hunt for oxygen."

The room was getting hotter, Severide was sure and the oxygen that Walker was talking about was slowly being sapped from the air. Severide tugged at the collar of his shirt, fighting to control his rapid breathing and temper down the heat that he could feel rising in his cheeks. Severide glanced over at Casey uncertainly, convinced that he couldn't be the only being so affected but Casey looked as unruffled as ever, eyes clear and attentive on Walker, mouth pressed into a straight expressionless line. Shaking his head to clear his rising panic, Severide dropped his hand from his shoulder, clenched both hands into fists and focussed back on the front.

"No vent and the fire's coming after us. What started in the basement, is now looking for a way out. A larger vent cut in the back of the house and the fire never would have make it upstairs," and to conclude his point he drew a line across the room, slicing right through the 'D' for Darden. At long last, Casey seemed affected as he shifted minutely but Severide had hit the end of his rope.

With his shoulder now screaming in pain he moved away from the wall and walked out of the room without a word, barely hearing Boden's call through the haze of pain. As he brushed past on his way past, Casey leaned out of the way, cutting of contact before it could really begin and in some part of Severide's addled mind he found himself wishing Casey hadn't, craving contact with the icy demeanour to calm himself.

The flitting thought went as quickly as it had come and Severide hurried away. He barely remembered the trip to the locker room, didn't know how he managed his lock left-handed with his right useless as it was, but the next thing he remembered was sitting on the closed lid of a toilet, waiting with bated breath and a racing heart for the other firefighter to leave.

As soon as the door clanged shut behind the man, Severide was unzipping his kit with shaking fingers and rummaging through his belongings for the small vial of painkillers. It took him several tries but he finally managed to get the thing loaded. He spared the syringe half a glance, remembering distantly Shay promising that this would be the last one, before plunging it deep into his deltoid with practiced ease, head thunking back against the cement with a dull thud as relief slowly inched it's way along his veins.

He chewed on the cap of the syringe lazily as the medication worked it's way through his body and tried to work up the energy to be worried. It was hard when the screaming of pain in his shoulder and neck had finally been reduced to quiet, occasional whimpers. He had been living with Shay as long as he had known her and if it had taught him anything, it was that the girl was stubborn as hell. If she had said that was the last one, then that was the last one. And Severide knew he should be freaking out, wondering where he was going to get his next dose but it was just a bit too much for him right now, so he let his eyes slip closed, lips still absently working around the plastic of the cap, content for the moment to sit there peacefully before he got his ass chewed out by Boden for leaving the session early.

Severide's abrupt departure from the whiteboard session bothered Casey all night, throughout the rest of the shift and the whole way home. He had looked, outwardly, fine, maybe a little uncomfortable but that was to be expected. His face had been fixed into it's usual glower, hand cupped around his shoulder as was it's automatic resting place lately and paying semi-attention to Walker without his usual surly comments, which Casey considered a minor miracle. Which was what made his unexpected exit so surprising.

The white board session had been distressing for everyone involved; Casey doubted that anyone there had been anything close to relaxed but Walker's clinical report hadn't been enough to warrant a walk out.

Casey had been in half a mind to follow him after catching a glimpse of Severide's wide, wild eyes as he left. But it had been the expectant looks that thrown his way from too many people to identify that had ultimately held him back. It wasn't his responsibility to check up on Severide anymore. The man had made it abundantly clear on multiple occasions that he didn't appreciate Casey's concern and if he was going to be stubborn, Casey had no interest in challenging him.

Knowing there was no better way to get over his weird mood, Casey hit all his old haunts right after shift picking up some supplies for the next stage of construction on his town house. He splurged a little more than he normally would have, selecting double crown molding for the ceiling trim.

He had just made it back home and was preparing to move everything inside to put in a good hour's work before catching up on some sleep when the familiar blue car of his girlfriend pulled up.

"Double crown molding?" Hallie asked, quickly identifying his purchase. "No expenses spared, I see."

"Yeah, well, it's getting there," Casey replied calmly, knowing full well that Hallie had never fully approved of his choice to buy the place. In her eyes, their miniscule apartment was big enough for the two of them. But not for the family Casey wanted.

"You're never going to want to leave," Hallie said, goading him into a fight in her own passive way.

"Depends on what the offer is," he placated in return, knowing it was what she wanted to hear. Sure enough Hallie's demeanour relaxed and she turned the car off, settling back into the seat. There was something unsure in her eyes however, that had Casey asking her what was up.

"I said I would bring a dessert to the barbecue. I understand if you don't want me to go."

Despite their reconciliation over the phone the week before, Casey was still living at his place and Hallie at hers, only spending the occasional night with each other. There was still problems between them as much as Casey didn't want to admit it so he knew what he needed to do.

"No, you should come. We should go together."

It wouldn't be a magical cure for everything that was between them but it would get them one step closer to how it used to be.

The smile was already reappearing on Hallie's lips when she asked if he was sure and it came into full effect when he assured he was. It turned into an absolute grin when he invited her in for a drink, both weary after their respective shifts. The double crown molding and his problems with Severide could wait.

Shay was acting shifty which was never a good sign. The very sight of her twitching in her seat was setting Severide edge so he thought he should be congratulated for waiting another five minutes before he finally barked at her to "out with it."

Shay narrowed her eyes at his tone and Severide bit back a curse. It didn't seem to matter what he did these days, he was always hurting someone. Thankfully, Shay let it go without comment and settled more comfortably on her perch on the counter bench, adopting an expression that told Severide that he was in for the long haul and he probably shouldn't have asked.

He bit back another curse.

"Ok, before I begin, I need to know one thing. You know that rule that we decided upon when I first moved in?" At Severide's dubious nod, Shay continued, "Well I need a brief, 5 minute reprieve from it." She fell silent, evidently happy to wait while Severide thought it out. It was only when he inclined his head in a silent "proceed" did she start talking again.

"So I have these three best friends. And it's kind of put me into an awkward position. Now the first best friend was great. He was living here when I met him and him and his boyfriend - best friend number two by the way - graciously let me live here with them. And things were great. But then best friend numbers one and two split up and now I can't really talk to number one because I still live with number two."

"If you want to talk to Casey-"

"Casey? Who Casey? I haven't named anyone. I could be talking about anyone right now."

"It's not like you're a kid who ended up with one parent in the divorce-"

"Anyway," Shay cut across loudly. "It is what it is. I mean, yes I miss him but whatever, but this is what brings me to the awkward part. I'm pretty sure best friend number two is still interested in number one or at the very least curious-"

"I'm not-"

"And best friend number three is definitely interested in number one. And I love all my friends equally so I'm at a loss for what to do when I come across certain information-"

"Just tell Dawson because I'm sure as hell not interested in what Casey does-" Severide started turning away to focus on the lunch he was preparing for himself and Shay.

"So!" Shay half-yelled cutting across her roommate again. "I have decided to just tell both number two and three whatever I hear and they shall do with it what they will."

Silence fell between the pair of them, the only sound being Severide chopping up the vegetables for the salad, him waiting for Shay to continue, her expecting his input.

When it became clear that Shay wasn't going to continue, Severide sighed. "Well you're going to tell me anyway so you might as well get it over with."

Shay grinned devilishly behind Severide's turned back, pleased that she had managed to get him to ask for it.

"I heard Casey moved out of his and Hallie's apartment."

"Oh."

The news really shouldn't have made Severide as happy as it did. And maybe it was comment on his character but there was a part of himself that was way too happy to hear that Hallie hadn't managed to replace him completely.

"You know, she's still coming to the barbecue with him so take what I'm saying with a grain of salt." Shay took in the sight of Severide's shoulders suddenly tensing from where they'd been relaxed a moment ago without comment, quickly reverting back to their agreement of staying out of each other business. "And you don't even care, so I don't even know why I'm still talking."

Severide turned back to her and avoided eye contact as he placed the bowl of salad in front of her wordlessly. He stepped away and took a bite chewing on a slice of cucumber thoughtfully.

"So Dawson has the hots for Casey?"

Shay grinned but shook her head, blonde hair whipping from side to side. "No trading information." She slid from the counter and walked away and into the lounge room, clicking the television onto a marathon of Hoarders, her latest obsession.

Dawson liking Casey hadn't come as much of a surprise to Casey. He'd suspected for a while now and the girl wasn't exactly subtle about it. It was one of those badly kept House secrets that everyone knew about. Except Casey of course, because the guy was could be completely oblivious.

Severide doubted anything would come of it. It wasn't that he cared either way but he knew Casey and he knew how the man acted when he was interested and when he wasn't. Either Casey was playing his cards close to the chest or Dawson was going to be disappointed.

The Friends of Firemen Barbecue came around as it always did on a sunny Sunday afternoon. The long standing myth surrounding the perfect weather conditions was something that everyone knew about but never talked about. No one wanted to be the one who jinxed the perfect weather and brought about the first rained out barbecue in decades.

Normally House 51 ended up in one big group by the end of the day, pushing several tables to make one communal one but apparently the residual effects of the Casey/Severide feud had kept them apart this year and the way they were going Severide couldn't see them warming up any time soon. If anyone was going to do it, it would be Casey, who hadn't even turned up yet.

Severide knew he acting like a brooding teenager, but he wasn't really in the right mood for the barbecue, mind weighed down by too many things to have fun; the widow of the construction worker and the message that was burning in his pocket, Hallie and Casey's split, Dawson's interest in Casey and the ache in his neck. Always the ache in his neck.

So to say Severide was in a bad mood would be an understatement and by the time Casey turned up hand in hand with Hallie, Severide was ready to scrap the whole day.

"What's up with you?" Hadley asked suddenly, jerking his Lieutenant from his dark thoughts.

Severide jerked to attention, realising a beat too late that Hadley had come to the conclusion of his story, sending the rest of the table into laughter. Knowing that any attempt to act invested in the ending of the story would come across as transparent so he just shook his head and tipped his beer bottle back, taking a large swallow.

"Nothing. I'm all good," he lied, turning away slightly to survey the park and all the occupants, hoping his desire for solitude was being projected loudly enough.

Wading their way through the mess of children, firefighters, wives and girlfriends, Hallie and Casey made a beeline straight for the empty spot on Shay and Dawson's table.

"Mind if we squeeze in?"

Casey's question was met with hasty assurances and a smile from Shay. He answered it with his own easily enough. Things between them had been awkward since the split, her not sure how to act, him not wanting to make things awkward for Shay and Severide. But both had missed the other and hated the space that had suddenly been introduced into their friendship.

"This is Corinne." Shay gestured to the pretty redhead sitting across the table. "She just moved here from…"

"Alabama," Corinne supplied, a definitive accent colouring her words.

"Nice to meet you," Casey said and turned to Shay when the conversation moved on, raising his eyebrows suggestively. She nudged him subtly in the ribs, covering her smile with a hand.

They turned back to the conversation as Hallie was complimenting Dawson on her work making over the drunk patient.

"Yeah, well, Dawson got her ass squeezed by a drunken englishman," Shay said, supplying the context.

"You have got to quit flirting with your patients," Casey couldn't help but tease.

"So we prettied him up a little," Dawson's smile was accompanied by an easy shrug and a carefree smile.

"So not something you learnt in med school, I take it?" Corinne asked.

The group chuckled, most closely acquainted with the inner workings of the paramedic department.

"We're paramedics so we didn't go to fancy med school," Shay explained. She turned to Dawson with raised eyebrows, "Although…"

Not missing the look, Hallie was quick to catch on. "What?"

Dawson blushed slightly and smiled sheepishly. "I've been taking some pre-med classes."

The group broke into congratulations, this being news to most of them.

Dawson accepted the compliments graciously but shook her head ruefully. "It's still a long way off."

"Anytime you want to walk a shift with me, say the word," Hallie offered immediately, her smile genuine.

A smile fell into place on Casey's face, feeling the most natural than it had in weeks. Dawson was an important friend to him and to see her and Hallie getting on, knowing he wouldn't lose her lifted a weight off his chest. It was the exact opposite to when he'd last been with Hallie and he had to mediate fights between her and Severide every other day.

Casey fidgeted at the memory losing track of the conversation for the moment. Since their split Casey, in an act of self-preservation had actively kept his mind away from memories of their time together and he couldn't say it was a welcome feeling to finally let that pain back in.

He pushed all that away, however when he caught sight of Heather over Hallie's shoulder, a hand on her youngest, Ben's shoulder, the other clasped around a dish, Griffin at her elbow.

"Hey, Heather's here," he said. He and Hallie excused themselves and headed over to greet them. They got her dish situated on the communal tables and sent the two boys off to play while they caught up.

None of the party were aware of the scrutinous eyes of Kelly Severide on them as they talked.

"It's just so hard on Ben and Griffin," Heather was explaining while they watched as the boys stopped just short of where a group of kids were playing with their dads. "They're afraid the kids are going to treat them differently."

Casey only hesitated a moment before handing his beer over to Hallie and walked off. He approached the kids from behind and easily swept Ben up, swinging him up into the air as he moved them closer to the other kids.

"Come on Squirt. Let's go play some football."

Small hands locked around his neck, Griffin's quiet laughter beside him an accompaniment to Ben's louder delighted shrieks and Casey had to wonder in that moment if this would be what having a family would be like.

Severide simmered with something akin to jealousy as he watched Heather smile and laugh with Casey and Hallie. Where she could barely stand to be in his presence for more than five minutes and had whisked her sons away as quickly as she could, one of whom being his godson, she had allowed Casey to comfort her. He couldn't even be really mad at Casey because they had been trying to do the exact same thing: be there for the wife of their best friend.

The anger that was bubbling deep within his stomach was momentarily put on hold as he watched Casey scoop Ben up with a laugh and a smile. He hadn't seen that smile since the day Andy had died. Granted he hadn't had much reason to but deep inside he knew he had missed it. Which immediately made him even more mad.

He blamed Casey for Andy's death, had been blamed by Casey for Andy's death. He had no right to be feeling anything towards Casey other than contempt and if he could manage it professional civility.

Feeling particularly self-destructive Severide waited until Heather broke away from Hallie and then made a beeline for her where she was standing alone at one of the drink coolers. If he couldn't deal with one issue, then he could handle another.

"Andy loved being a firefighter." It may not have been the best opening but Severide did better when he was direct and didn't allow himself to get mixed up trying to express himself. "It was our dream since we were kids," he went on when Heather's soft smile disappeared into a thin line and her eyes hardened.

"He worshipped you. You sure it wasn't just your dream?"

Heather walked away without another word, leaving Severide staring after her in her wake.

It took Severide several long minutes to close his mouth after Heather's harsh words but he got it together just in time for Heather's place to be taken by the confident Nicki.

"Wow, he protects Chicago and serves the beer?" She laughed and it didn't take a genius to work out what she was angling for.

"For right now, sure," Severide replied, dunking his hand into icy water to grab her a drink, the chill a welcome way to get him out of his head which was still turning Heather's words over and over.

"I'm Nicki," she said as way of thanks, taking the beer from him. It took all of Severide's self control not to say 'I know'. "So how long have you been a firefighter?" Nicki asked when it became clear Severide wasn't going to further the conversation.

"Since the day I was born," Severide said, partly because it was the truth and partly because he knew it would throw her off. True enough she let out a surprised giggle but didn't speak, giving Severide time to say a quick, unapologetic goodbye and take off, clinking his beer against hers as he went.

It had been clear what she'd been interested in; Severide had picked that up in the sultry smile alone and maybe a few weeks ago he would have welcomed the distraction she'd provide with open arms. Before all the drama in his life, when he'd been able to hate Casey without his pesky feelings getting in the way and Shay had been helpfully supplying his medication, Severide probably would have taken one look at her smile and asked her out to drinks in a heartbeat. But now the fun of the one night they'd spend together wasn't worth it. Despite what a good lay she might be, she wasn't worth getting pushed further into Boden's bad books for, should he get caught. She wasn't worth the drama she seemed to be immersed in. He had enough of that in his life without her help.

Severide made his way to the edge of the park, catching Boden's eye as he went. Boden nodded at him curtly, lips pressed together stoically. Severide knew Boden wouldn't be happy that he was leaving early but his chief wouldn't complain. Severide had put in an appearance as requested and had stayed the appropriate hours. Severide didn't owe him anything more than that.

Hours later, when Severide was alone in his apartment, half watching the Cubs game and well on his way to being flat out drunk, he heard a knock at his door. For a long moment he considered just acting asleep until they gave up and went away. He had come to his apartment early to be alone, get drunk and try not to think about Heather's earlier callous words. And answering the door would directly interrupt that. Still, he decided not to be an asshole and got to his feet to open the door.

And promptly wished he hadn't.

Just outside his door stood Nicki, leaning up against the wall, the jacket he'd left at the picnic in hand. The pretty sundress she'd worn to the picnic was gone, replaced by denim shorts and a tight CFD shirt that did wonders for her figure.

"You left your jacket," she said, holding it up but when Severide reached for it with a quiet "thanks" she held fast, using their joined grip to pull him closer. She leaned against the doorjamb, a provocative smile dancing across her lips. Without any further ado Nicki leaned up the rest of the way and pressed her lips firmly against his. Severide made a low sound at the back of his throat and inched closer. He might not have been looking for any more drama on his life but Severide was only human and the tiny shirt Nicki was wearing did nothing to help control his libido.

Maybe he had been wrong back at the picnic. Maybe the perfect way to forget about all the drama for a night was to invite Nicki in. She wasn't hard on the eyes and seemed smart enough and maybe what Severide needed was something to get him out of his head.

But just as he was about to draw her closer, maybe pull back to invite her in for a drink, Heather's cold words jumped to the front of his head, echoing nastily: You sure it wasn't just you?

And Severide had to pull back and not to ask her for something more. Because it didn't matter how much she wanted this he knew it wouldn't be fair to use her like this. To use her as nothing more than a faceless body in order to get out of his head. He'd been brought up better than that.

He took a step away, disgusted with himself that he might have even considered using her that way.

"Not a good time for this," he told her when she pouted playfully at him.

"Do you always do what your chief tells you to do?" Her tone was just playful and mocking enough that it would usually goad him into proving her wrong.

"Trust me, this isn't because of the chief." And it was true. Boden telling them to back off and stay that way was just part of it.

Sure, Severide didn't want to get in his Chief's bad books and life was much easier when he did what he was told. But if this had been any other night where he didn't feel so weighed down by the words still echoing in his head and the loss of his best friend and the ache in his shoulder and the fucked up mess that was his relationship - and Severide used that term extremely lightly - with Casey, then he might have invited her in for a drink and a fuck. But it wasn't and he wasn't and he just really wished she would go. Go so he could go back to his self-disgust and alcohol in peace.

"Is there somebody else in there?"

"Just the cubs."

"If you change your mind, you know where to find me." She gave him one last smile and with a flutter of her eyelashes she turned and walked away, hips swaying enticingly like she was hoping Severide would see and be overcome with need for her. But really Severide was more focussed on the six pack waiting in his fridge that was calling his name. He waited until she was out of sight before he closed the door, ready to lose himself in the sweet bliss of alcohol.

Severide managed to stumble up to bed hours later, the apartment still dark and empty without Shay there. Desire for contact burned deep inside Severide's stomach, the need to call someone - someone who had really known Andy - and reassure himself that Andy had really wanted to be a firefighter. He flopped into bed, fingers stumbling sloppily over the numbers and alcohol warming his veins. He finally finished dialing and some alcohol soaked part of his mind wondered why it had taken so long and lifted the phone to his ear, waiting for it to connect.