AN: Hey so I totally forgot to update this when I finished the new chapter so enjoy two at once. Sorry about that but I always tend to update my AO3 account first so if you want the long author's notes and the attention hit me up over there. I still post on this website but AO3 always gets the stories first since it's just an easier site for me to manage. Anyway, everything will eventually end up over here if you want to stick with . Thanks, enjoy and tell me what you thought.

The next morning found Severide seated at the kitchen island, uneaten bowl of cereal in front of him and staring determinedly away from his phone where it was lying face down next to his glass of water.

So polishing off the last of the vodka on top of the six pack of beer might not have been his best idea ever.

He was just reaching for his phone for the thousandth time that morning when the sound of echoing footsteps coming down the stairs had him pausing him in his movement. He looked around in time to catch Corinne, Shay's latest, wander down the stairs absently tugging her top down over her stomach and reaching up to fidget with her sex-and-sleep-mussed hair.

She walked over and snagged her purse where it had evidently been dumped on the counter the night before. "Have a good day," she drawled in her southern twang.

Severide sincerely doubted it but wished her the same nevertheless.

He was back to contemplating his phone as he listened to the sound of Shay and Corinne saying goodbye to each other.

All Severide could remember of last night was stumbling up the stairs and bashing his knee when he slipped and the feeling of his fingers sliding over phone keys as he dialed. The fact that he couldn't remember who it was that he called and what the conversation had entailed was the reason he was freaking out.

He knew rationally that he had probably just called Shay or his mum to babble about God knows what, but there was that little doubt niggling at the back of his mind that was keeping him from checking his call log.

Ignorance is bliss as they say.

Shay appeared out of the corner of his eye, clad only in a yellow nightdress leaving her legs pale and bare. Severide slumped over his arms as he grunted out a good morning, leaving Shay to inspect the insides of the fridge.

"Did you eat my yogurt?" Her tone was accusing and Severide didn't need to look up to know that she was glaring at him. He grunted in the negative trying to shake off the feeling that his drunk self had indulged in a midnight snack.

"How drunk did you get last night anyway?"

The groan that Severide responded with was answer enough for Shay. She hummed disapprovingly and took the seat next to him, preparing a bowl of cornflakes and milk, the sound of the spoon on ceramic like gunfire to his sensitive ears.

Casey knew that he had to talk to him. Even if it was just to work out exactly how much he knew. It just might end up to be the most awkward conversation he's ever had.

Which was how Casey found himself bright and early Monday morning a few days after the barbecue shifting restlessly outside the open door to Severide's office. He was surprised that Severide hadn't noticed his hovering for the past ten minutes but the other Lieutenant seemed pretty intent on his paperwork.

Casey took a deep breath, convinced himself to man up and stepped forward to knock on the doorframe.

Severide glanced up briefly, nodded an acknowledgment before turning back to his paperwork.

For unknown reasons Casey bristled at the clear dismissal and bit his tongue to stop himself from from commenting, which he knew would just start a fight between them.

"So I uh, needed to talk to you about something- and I don't know, I don't know exactly how you're going to feel about it, but I just thought you should know and yeah…" Casey trailed off when Severide finally set his pen down but turned to look at him like he thought he was crazy.

Truth to be told, Casey was acting weird. He never babbled, preferring to be clear, concise and succinct. Why fuck around when you can just get to the point?

But Casey thought he deserved this concession to act like a total idiot since they were probably going to get very uncomfortable soon. Deciding to go with another strategy, Casey asked, "So you got pretty drunk after the picnic huh?"

It was clear straight away that this was the wrong thing to say because Severide's eyes narrowed to slits and when he spoke it was little more than a hiss. "Look, I don't know what the fuck your problem is Casey or why you think this is any of your business-"

"You called me that night."

"Oh," Severide said, voice strangled.

"Yeah, so I just thought you'd want to know. And now that you do I'll just go…" Casey trailed off and took a step out of his quarters.

"Wait," Severide called, his voice half demanding, half pleading.

Case paused in the doorway, eyes fixed determinedly away from Severide's. "Yeah?"

"I didn't uh, did I say anything, you know weird or oddly personal or-"

"No."

"Oh good," Severide's voice was still off and he sounded too happy over such a small manner leading Casey to wonder if the Lieutenant remembered more of the phone call than he was letting on.

Still he shrugged and stepped out again, eyes remained fixed firmly over Severide's head. The man had always been able to read him too well. "Well since you called me Shay half the time I don't even think you knew you were talking to me at all." Casey forced a smile onto his face and left before Severide could speak again.

He made his way back to his own quarters, intent on busying himself with paperwork to avoid thinking about the conversation that had been on his mind since the night of the barbecue. Of course it didn't work.

Casey hadn't meant to lie but it had slipped out quickly and entirely too easily for his own liking. He hated lying, to Severide in particular but he had seen the tension building in the man's shoulders and it didn't matter if they weren't together anymore; that didn't mean he had to add to whatever was burdening Severide unnecessarily. Besides it hadn't been as bad as he knew Severide would make it out to be.

The clock was minutes away from turning over to the next day and Casey was just managing to drift off. It should have been easy; he was pleasantly tired from the barbecue earlier that day, he was warm in his own bed and Hallie was curled up against his chest. But still it had taken him hours until he was finally able to slip into a doze.

And of course because the universe hated him, his phone would choose that exact minute to go off. Casey really wanted to just leave it. But if there was an emergency and Casey actively ignored it, he would never forgive himself. Besides the loud, insistent trill of his phone was starting to wake Hallie up. He rolled her gently to the side, swiped the phone up and answered it groggily.

The drunken slur that answered him was enough to have him blink in confusion and sit up to listen better. The realisation that it was Severide's voice on the other end of the line had him on his feet and looking for shoes before he could even really think about it. After everything, Severide wouldn't call this late unless something really bad had happened.

"Matty," Severide laughed and Casey relaxed fractionally. Despite his worry over the man's apparent drunkenness, if he was laughing and using nicknames Casey could breathe a little easier.

"Kelly," he answered calmly.

Regardless of his best efforts to keep his voice low, Hallie's face emerged from the pillows, eyes squinting to catch sight of him in the darkness. "Baby? Who is it?"

Casey bit his lip. He knew it would do no good to get her worked over a call from Severide, especially this late but he was reluctant to lie to her. "No one, babe," he finally answered. "Go back to bed."

Severide chuckled into his ear again. "Ah, that would be Hallie right. I never told you this but I felt like hitting something every time she called you baby in front of me. She somehow made it less of an endearment and more like she was speaking to a child or something…"

Casey rolled his eyes and ducked out of the bedroom, moving towards the kitchen for more privacy.

"Kelly what's wrong?"

"Wrong? Why does there have to be something wrong to call my best- my- my- what are you Casey."

"Co-worker," he suggested quietly. "Acquaintance."

Severide made a noise in response, probably aiming for appropriately disatisfied but to Casey, he just sounded like a disgruntled kitten. Wisely, he kept that to himself and waited instead for Severide to explain himself.

"You're not, you're not just a fucking acquaintance, Matt. You, I don't know what you are Matty but I do know that I miss you, and I know that you hate me but-"

"I don't hate you."

The abrupt response must have startled both of them because they're quiet for a few minutes, listening to nothing but the sound of each other breathing.

"Oh," Severide finally mumbled.

And it must be the most adequate response because all Casey could say back was a murmured, "Yeah."

Severide swallowed audibly over the line. "Well regardless I just thought you should know, you know that I miss you, I miss being around you, I miss talking to you at work, I miss you're pretty blonde hair-"

Casey clenched a fist around his phone and bit back a curse and a sob because he knew deep down that Severide would never be saying any of this if he hadn't polished off whatever alcohol was in his apartment. He also knew that he definitely would never remember this in the morning and would hate himself if he did.

"What do you want Kelly," Casey said, unable to stop his voice from turning cold and harsh.

Severide broke off whatever tangent he had been on but was hardly deterred by the cold tone as he so often wasn't when he was drunk.

"It's just something that Heather said," Severide started. "And I tried to get it out of my head, I really did but it just kept echoing and echoing and echoing-"

"Kelly," Casey interrupted, voice gentler this time. He was suddenly afraid of what a grief-stricken Heather could say that would send Severide into such a tail spin that he would come to himself of all people.

"And I didn't know who to ask and I knew you would probably know best. Plus this seemed like such a great idea around the fifth beer."

"Kelly," he murmured again. "What did Heather say."

"Just you know that Andy never wanted to be a firefighter and that basically he was because I was. And so you know if that's true, it's also true that you were right all along and I really did kill my best friend. I did, didn't I? I killed Andy. I killed Andy and pushed you away and-"

By the end of it Severide's breathing was fast and loud, echoing jaggedly between each shuddering word.

"Hey," Casey said, stopping Severide's tirade from going any further. "She's wrong. I was wrong. You didn't kill Andy. No one killed Andy. Andy died in an accident, ok? And it sucks, I know but you can't go blaming yourself. Because then you might have well have died in that fire with him. You need to live Kel, live for everyday that Andy can't." Casey wasn't even sure what he was saying by the end of his own speech, just urged on by every second that Severide's breath got just a little calmer. "And you knew Andy longer than all of us. Do you really think he would have done anything just because you were. In fact he knew probably better than anyone not to do anything that you were."

That earned him a shaky chuckle from Severide and Casey breathed a sigh of relief at the averted crisis.

"I'm sorry, really sorry about this," Severide slurred, the copious amount of alcohol he consumed finally catching up with him.

"It's alright," Casey murmured back, sensing how close the other man was to dropping off to sleep.

"I just need to ask one more favour Matt and I need you to forget I asked in the morning."

Casey hummed back an assent, thinking idly that if he did remember any of this in the morning he would probably just think it a hallucination his subconscious conjured up. He tried to ignore the itch of tiredness that was burning behind his eyes and listen to Severide's final request. Just as Severide had slipped closer to sleep as had Casey and his body was fighting hard with his mind to just go to sleep there at the table.

"Will you- will you stay on the phone until I fall asleep?" The voice was small and Casey agreed before he could think better of it, slumping over right there at the table to listen to Severide's even breathing sounding much more appealing than dragging his weary body back to bed.

Casey had woken up the next morning with an imprint on his phone pressed into his cheek and a sore back but feeling more rested than he had in a month. He'd quickly shoved that thought away and focussed on Hallie who was interrogating him about the mysterious phone call over breakfast. The phone call had just been a product of Severide's drunken state and there was no point upsetting Hallie over it.

Reassured after his conversation with Casey and convinced he hadn't said anything too stupid or revealing, Severide finally pulled the now crumpled card bearing Peter's widow's number and called it. As before he was sent to the voicemail again by a pleasant woman's voice who still introduced the number as Georgie and Peter's.

"Hello Ma'am. My name is Kelly Severide and I'm a Lieutenant with the Chicago Fire Department. I'm probably the last person you want to speak to right now but I was with your husband when…" Here, Severide stumbled over his words for the first time since picking up his phone and his fingers fumbled for the religious medal around his neck, finding comfort in the worn metal. "...In his last moments and there was a message he wanted me to pass along. So if you would, please give me a call back at this number if you wanted to arrange a time to talk. Thanks."

He tucked the medal back into his work shirt, put the phone away and turned in time to find Capp and Hadley standing behind him expectantly.

"You want a smoke break?"

Jesus, it's ten in the morning, Severide thought exasperatedly. "You mean you want to bum a cigar off me?" he asked, because of course that's what they were really asking.

"If you're offering."

Severide huffed a laugh and reached for the box of cigars stashed in the top locker of his shelf. They weren't the best he owned - they were safe at home - but they were nice enough that his squad often mooched one off him. He flipped open the lid, took one for himself and wedged it between his teeth before offering the box to his two men.

"If you insist," Hadley joked as he and Capp each took one for themselves.

Severide passed the smoke break in relative silence, stuck in his own thoughts while Hadley nattered on about one thing or another. Just as he was reaching the end of the cigar clamped in his mouth when the blare of the alarms went off. A simultaneous sigh traveled through the three of them as they leaned back towards the open garage doors, listening for the order.

"Accident. 501 North Wabash. Truck 81, Ambulance 61, Squad 3."

All over the driveway and apparatus floor firefighters scrambled to put back together the trucks they'd been performing daily checks on. Pleased that his men had already finished theirs, Severide donned his protective pants, grabbed his gear from the equipment room and hopped in, the truck peeling away right on the tail of the ambo girls.

Despite their later start all three companies managed to arrive at the same time, taking in the scene with wide eyes. It was pretty clear, even from a quick glance what had happened. A window cleaning apparatus had come apart in mid air, causing part of it to slam down into the car stopped underneath it. From the way the roof of the car was crushed in, Severide had to privately wonder if anyone could be left alive in there. He and Casey moved in synchrony edging towards the unstable scene.

"Get everybody back and seal it off! I don't want anyone in there that doesn't need to be," he yelled at his men. The truck company jumped into action, pushing at the crowd hovering at the edges until they backed up far enough for the firefighters to work. Police assistance joined them, forming a barrier to prevent anyone from getting any closer.

Casey darted towards the car, eyes on the metal above him, carefully watching as it swayed gently in the wind. Severide watched as he yanked fruitlessly at the door handle while the bleeding woman in the seat mumbled nonsensically under her breath.

"Capp! Hadley! Driver's side." The two men nodded, grabbed the last of the equipment and started moving towards the car. "Start there."

Severide himself moved towards the other side to check on any passengers there. He checked the front seat first, at hearing the girl's call for her friend and his stomach twisted at the sight. The girl's head was no more than a mess of blood and hair now, with the metal beam impaled in the back of her skull.

Casey met his eyes over the top of the car, question evident in the blue. Knowing it was useless, Severide checked her pulse. He shook his head quickly and Casey grimaced as he ducked back down to calm the hysterical woman.

The creaking of the cables above him was the only warning Severide got. He looked up in time to see the platform shift dangerously and he rounded the car in three large strides grabbing the back of Casey's jacket to haul him out of the way, shouting at his own men to move. He dragged him back just quickly enough to avoid the debris as a hunk of metal smashed into the empty car behind them.

Boden pulled to a stop beside them and Mouch explained the scene while he got closer.

"That driver's door is jammed up tight," Capp said.

Boden thought for only a moment before taking charge and barking orders. "Capp and Hadley, on the k-12 and cut the top hinge. Severide, you work the jaws from the bottom edge. The moment that hinge pops and you wedge that door open, I want you out of there. Casey and Mouch, you go into to collar the girl and get her on the board."

Severide jerked the jaws from the truck shelf and ignored the scream of pain it sent through his shoulder the best he could. He crouched down to work at the seam of the door from the bottom while sparks from the k-12 fly at him. Finally he hears the tell tale pop of the hinges breaking and Capp steps in to jerk the door from the body of the car and toss it to the side. The back off to allow Casey and Mouch to take their place, quickly strapping the girl into a neck brace and sliding her onto the backboard. Out of the corner of his eye Severide sees Boden's eyes fixed firmly above him and he tears his own gaze away from Casey manipulating the girl's body onto the board to see the platform swaying dangerously, the increasing wind tossing it from side to side. It'll only a matter of time before something else falls.

"Go," Boden yells, evidently also see the pane of glass that slipped from the apparatus. The men moved at a run, Casey barely clearing the space when the pan shattered on the cement. Glass slivers showered his back but he didn't even flinch, too focussed on keeping the board steady. Severide breathed a sigh of relief and wandered back to his own truck, fighting down the violent tremors that were rocking through his shoulder and down his arm.

He was interrupted from his pain however by the shrill ring of his phone buried in the depths of his pant pocket. He hovered by the open of the truck, torn between letting it ring out and answering it despite still being on scene. A quick look around however told him that the men were still packing up the equipment and that his total concentration wasn't strictly necessary.

"Hello?"

"Is this Lieutenant Severide?"

"Yeah."

"This is Georgie Middleton. I believe you left a message for me and if you wanted to meet up, tonight if possible?"

"Yeah, sure. If that's good for you, I'll be there."

He flipped the phone shut and leant back against the truck, heaving a deep sigh at the thought of meeting the widow of Peter at the conclusion of the shift.

Casey wandered past and nodded at him. "Thanks for the save, Severide."

Severide allowed himself a nod back and hauled himself into the truck giving his men another minute before he started yelling for them to hurry up.

The memory of the late night call with Severide plagued Casey all day, the Squad Lieutenant's slurred words echoing in his head over and over until it was all he could think of. Finally he snapped and after checking his watch quickly, stood from the table in the rec room and barked at his men to get their gear.

"We're going for a ride," he commanded, already heading outside and not waiting for the inevitable discussion his decision was bound to prompt. Wisely though, his company seemed to pick up on his desire to be left alone because they got ready in relative silence, even Mills who had taken to asking a million questions every time they did something was strangely quiet. The Squad firefighter's watched on passively as they vaulted up into their truck and took off without an explanation.

Casey instructed Cruz to drive to Lakeshore and then lapsed into silence, content to listen to the quiet chatter of his men. He shouldn't have been as hung up about the call with Severide as he was; really every thought should have been going toward his job or Hallie and how he was going to win her back. Severide wasn't his boyfriend, or even a friend. He was a co worker and nothing more. Which was why Casey was going to Lakeshore to catch Hallie at the end of ehr shift.

Once they pulled up outside the parking lot he left his men behind with the usual instructions to radio him if they got a call. He approached the front doors just as he caught sight of Hallie's familiar figure leaving. She answered his smile with one of her own upon seeing him and leaned in for a quick kiss hello.

"I thought you were on shift today?" she asked, regarding his turnout pants and work polo with a confused smile.

"I am," he assured her and indicated with his head the truck in the distance.

Hallie smiled and lifted a hand in greeting, receiving a chorus of waves and calls in response.

"Just thought I'd come see you. How was your shift?"

"What do you always say to me?" she teased before adopting a monotone voice, no doubt an imitation of Casey. "Fine. Typical."

Casey ducked his head with a quiet chuckle. "I've been thinking."

Hallie's smile dimmed slightly and her eyes grew concerned. "Uh-oh."

"No. Nothing like that." He paused wondering how best to phrase what he wanted to say.

"What is it, Matt?"

"I just, we've been back living together for the last few weeks and I was wondering if you wanted to just put all the fighting aside and just be together." Casey fished the shiny engagement ring out of his pocket and held it up for her to see. He'd been carrying it around his wallet ever since Hallie had given it back, as a reminder of everything Hallie was and everything she wasn't. "I'm saying," Casey continued, when Hallie didn't say anything. "I want to be with you. Really be with you."

She took the ring from him silently and toyed with it for a few seconds before slipping it onto her finger with a small smile and a light laugh, which Casey echoed. He cupped a hand around her jaw and brought her closer for a sweet kiss, only to be interrupted a few seconds later by the long, drawn out blare of the fire truck horn, closely followed by the muffled voice of Herrmann.

"Sorry to interrupt Lieutenant but we've got a call. 68 North Michigan Avenue? Are we taking it?"

"Patch in our response. I'm on my way."

He pulled Hallie in for another quick kiss, mumbled a goodbye against her lips and jogged away, leaving Hallie to call a "please be careful" after him. He crossed the parking lot in a matter of minutes and swung up into the truck. "Let's move," he commanded, banging on the door.

While the rest of the house gathered at their regular bar for a few rounds of after shift drinks Severide headed for the factory worker, Peter's house to talk to his widow. Stomach turning over and over, Severide walked up the path and before he could think about it too much, knocked on the door.

A elderly women with graying blonde hair and a sad, lined smile answered the door and quickly invited him in once he introduced himself. They settled on the lounge after Severide turned down the offer for a drink and without any more preamble handed over the phone for Georgie to watch the video. He leant back against the lounge cushions with a weary sigh, preparing to listen to Peter's final words all over again.

"Is the blood off? I don't want her to see the blood."

Severide his own voice answer the shaky question and knew that Georgie would be watching his own hand appear in the frame to wipe away the last residue of blood from Peter's chin and forehead.

"My hair. I should have got it cut."

"Your hair looks fine. It looks fine."

"Georgie, my love."

"Oh my God," Georgie whispered, the hand holding the phone shaking as the other found her mouth in shock.

"God I wish I were better at this."

Severide shifted at the words, thinking how much they reminded him of himself. He had never been good at talking about how he felt and it was only with the people who didn't need him to say anything to understand did he have the best relationships.

"I made a lot of promises to you over the years. Some were harder to keep. I promised you a house in Provence. I'm sorry we never made it there; you worked so hard on that French. But any promise that I ever made about you, about how you were the final piece to my puzzle, those I kept until today. Every day. I know what you're thinking about Kelly here, because I thought it too. He's exactly the son I pictured for us."

Severide could feel her eyes burning into the side of his face, but he kept his gaze resolutely focussed ahead, knowing that if he dared look at her, his tightly controlled emotions would slip out of his grasp.

"And if it weren't for him," Peter continued in the video. "I wouldn't have had this chance to say goodbye. Oh, my love. Do you remember how I made you promise me that you'd let me die before you? Well, thank you, my love, because I couldn't live a day in this world without you."

Georgie finally broke into soft tears as her name was repeated one final time by her husband before the video ended, sparing her the grief of watching Peter's final breaths.

"Mon amour," she whispered back.

My love.

Because what else could she say when in this life it was the only thing that really mattered?