After that night, Jim just gave up trying to get Spock to acknowledge him outside of the bridge. He no longer waited for him by the turbolift when their shift ended. He stopped dragging him to dinner he obviously didn't want to go to. He also stopped offering invitations to do anything off-duty and just hung out with Bones. Those were easier to stop then his last habit, glancing longingly at his Vulcan first officer DURING their shift. It took two weeks to break, but it eventually came to a painful stop.

~~Spock's POV

The object of Jim's affection didn't know how to take the Captain's apology. He would have been perfectly fine just staying on a professional level with Jim, but those walls had been torn down. After he left the Captain's quarters that night, it had taken almost four hours of heavy meditation in order to get his emotions in check. Despite the fact that he was using all of the Vulcan control he was able, his tears went unnoticed as they flowed down his tense face. Jim's eyes, Spock couldn't stop thinking about them. The way he could see the truth, as though it burned in his chest.

After he finally gained control over his human side, which wanted to sob, cry, and hold onto Jim and never let go, he was ready to face the Captain alone. However, the chance never came. Slowly, so slow he almost didn't see it, the Captain withdrew from Spock's life, staying with him only on the bridge and in away teams.

It wasn't as though Jim was avoiding him directly, but he was keeping his distance. The weekly invites to chess after dinner stopped, and the welcoming smile whenever they were eating in the mess. Jim even stopped dragging him to the dinners that he secretly enjoyed. All of those things had silently crept into Spock's routine, he was, dare he say it, LONGING for them now that they were gone.

Without realizing, Spock had gone straight for the mess hall right after his shift to meet the Captain for dinner. Upon entering, he scanned the room and found the Captain sitting and talking with Dr. McCoy. The doctor said something that caused the other to smile and laugh, a sound that filled the mess with a deep, almost musical ring. Instead of warming Spock's Vulcan heart as it normally did, it only brought a sharp painful feeling, one his mother described as 'dread.'

Spock could never make the Captain to laugh like that.

With an almost noticeable frown, Spock grabbed his usual selection of nutritional supplements, and walked towards the two friends. When he reached their table, the Captain looked up, but went straight back to talking with the Georgian doctor, who ignored Spock as well.

Never before had Spock felt unwelcome with the Captain, and he hadn't ever felt the need to ask permission to sit with him.

"May I be permitted to sit with you Captain?"

Without glancing in his direction, Kirk waved his hand at the chair next to him, "Yes of course Mr. Spock."

Now he knew that there was something indeed wrong with the Captain, because up until now, he had insisted that Spock call him 'Jim' when they were off duty. Spock felt a strange ache well up inside him in the vicinity where his heart lay in his side.

After a few minutes, the Captain politely excused himself and left the table with McCoy trailing behind him shouting about dangerous away missions and always having to keep an eye on him. The last comment Spock heard was, "I'm not your goddamn babysitter!"

When they had left the mess, the dejected Vulcan took in his surroundings for what seemed like the first time. At almost every table, he saw couples happily holding hands, sitting close, showing nearly unnoticeable signs of affection towards each other. He also saw friends laughing, sitting in tight circles of gossip, or just talking casually.

Running through his previous interaction with the Captain, Spock realized that it was devoid of all of the little advances Jim sent his way, friendly and romantic alike, he was purely professional.

Spock knew that he should be satisfied at the cessation of the constant nagging, but instead his heart clenched in his side at the thought of never having that feeling of acceptance ever again. Maybe, he WANTED the Captain to keep trying to get into his heart and mind...or had he already succeeded?

Catching up with his train of thought, Spock was very nearly horrified at how illogically emotional he was behaving! To quote Dr. McCoy, "Good God man!"

Straightening his back into its traditional ram-rod position, and clearing his face of the look of longing he had unconsciously slipped into, Spock felt ashamed.

"I am in need of meditation."